The joy of love
by Spandau The Purple Sin
Summary: The joy of love takes place 19 years after the show and tells the story of Jessica Lovejoy. It tells the why of how we saw her in the season 5 episode "Bart's girlfriend", how it affected her and how she developed into her adulthood. Now 29 years old, events make her to go back to Springfield where she is forced to face her past under the most dark circumstances possible and causes
1. Chapter 1

The Purple Sin

It's late November; the last rays of red sunlight illuminate the sky of the Windy Apple as another week of productivity has come to an end.

The rays of the setting sun, illuminating the facades of the numerous skyscrapers in the midtown business district and gives these monuments of cold-hearted profits and financial success an almost warm and caring look.

Capitol City; the place to be when one wants to earn money fast in vast quantities.

The only thing one has to do is sell his or her soul to the devil and forget about the feelings which makes one human.

Leave your scruples behind; be prepared to crush numerous lesser souls and you'll be like a 'god' who reigns from one of the top floor offices.

A 'god', who can look down at the end of the day and sees how an endless stream of the lesser ones rush home in their cars with a handful of hard earned money.

The sun has set and a ribbon of red and white lights illuminate the roads and the numerous suspension bridges which are crossing the river.

People go home, home to their families where they can enjoy each others company or enjoy the other fruits of life.

With their earned money they can buy the occasional luxury: a 'new' second hand car, a new flat screen TV, or just save it so it can be spend on the annual holiday.

Not the 'gods'; the little but often so important things which add a the extra joy to the life of the lesser ones, are considered as common and futile by them.

When the 'gods' have some kind of material desire, they just get it; get it as easy as if they are taking a breath of air.

Always in reach and no joy is felt when the actual moment of the purchase is there or when the desired item is owned.

No, the 'gods' need a different kind of 'fruit'; the kind which is forbidden and hidden in the narrow alleys outside the business district.

Alleys which are not colored red by the light of the setting sun, but by the screaming neon lights of a different kind of industry.

Places with access for members only; safeguarded by the stereotypical 'gorillas' dressed up in cheap suits to look representative for the company and to cover up their low brow task in a rather pathetic way.

The 'gods' prefer to spend their easy earned money over there; spend it in vast amounts as only there they can expose the nature of the decadent beasts they really are; the places where the 'gods' become 'hogs'.

One entrepreneur in special knows very well about what the 'hogs' want and need.

Jeb Fielding is considered as a 'god' and perhaps even a 'hog' in his own branch; a self made man with a keen instinct for business when it comes to the 'forbidden fruits' of life.

People know very little about the past of him and the rumors he is 'connected' as a trusted business associate to the local mob are widespread and numerous.

Jeb owns and exploits a place called 'Le péché pourpre' or 'The purple sin'.

'The Sin', as it is called among its clientele, is a place with a notorious reputation when it comes to the offered possibilities regarding the 'forbidden fruits'.

A classy private club, but only for those who can afford…only for the 'gods'.

* * *

The purple and green neon lights of 'the Sin' illuminate the opposing facades of the buildings on the other side of the alley.

At the entrance 'the Sins gorillas' Marv and Earl are watching over who enters, checking out if people are allowed members and if needed remove unwanted 'elements' with a soft or hard hand.

A young blonde woman walks up to them and asks somewhat nervously where she can find mister Fielding.

"Whadda ya want from him?" growls one of the muscle heaps with a New Jersey accent.

Slightly intimidated the young woman replies: " I….uh….I have to start to work here tonight….as a waitress".

The face of the grumpy 'gorilla' changes in a more friendlier one: "Ah, ya must be Spike, the new kid in town; Jeb told us you were gonna start tonight".

"Spike?….No, no…my name is…" The young woman stammers as another even more intimidating clump of muscles:steps forward.

"Don't worry girl, we all have nicknames here except us: I'm Marv and this ugly fellow over here is Earl" the man replies with a friendly smile on his face.

"Not half as ugly as you are Marv; welcome to 'Freetown' Spike….c'mon, I'll bring ya to Jeb" Earl laughs.

The red rope which is there to provide some kind of a barrier for people entering too hasty is removed and Spike is let in.

After passing a small corridor, she and Earl enter the lobby and for the first time she sees the grandeur and can feel the atmosphere of 'the Sin' by night and in full working order.

The lobby; a place which is softly illuminated by a delicate mixture of white and purple lights, the walls covered with tapestry and exclusive Italian walnut paneling which form bay windows in which paintings of dancers and other kinds of burlesque scenes can be seen.

The floor covered with long pile carpet, doors and other woodwork made out of the same Italian walnut as the bay windows, leaf golden classic style ornaments and large planting create an intimate and classy atmosphere.

As the both of them pass the painting of a nude young female dancer with long black hair Spike stops.

" Oh, this one is really beautiful done in the style of Edgar Degas".

" Ed who?…..Naaah, is just 'her majesty' showin' off her gear; nothin' special" Earl replies in a somewhat indifferent manner.

" Her majesty?" Spike asks.

"Yeah, she's the leading lady of the "Parade of the damned"….the 'hogs' love her, ya know….oh yeah, they sure do" Earl chuckles.

"Parade of the damned, 'hogs'?" Spike asks somewhat awkward.

"The girls of the 'Parade of the damned' aren't just for watching kiddo; they're also for touching…but only if ya have enough hard cash on ya; especially if you have a boner for 'her majesty'".

"That girl can make a dead guy cum twice within ten minutes" Earl continues.

"And about the 'hogs', heh, ya gonna serve them as much booze as ya can sweetie….and remember, the bigger your boobs, the better the tip"

"I…I see" is the only thing Spike can bring out after this 'subtle introduction' by the heap of muscles from New Jersey.

* * *

High ranked civil servants, business men and women, lawyers, district attorneys, the higher ranks of the police force as well as local mobsters; anyone with money and influence can be seen there.

The nouveau riche, men and women, can enjoy abundantly from the 'forbidden fruits' of life offered in the shape of booze, cocaine, live music, revealingly dressed girls and sex.

They don't need to pretend any decency at 'the Sin'; no, in Jeb's realm 'discretion' is written in gold so they can forget about keeping up appearances and become decadent beasts, become 'hogs'.

As usual Jeb is in the midst of all this; standing in the main hall, overlooking if things are running smooth and chats with the clients.

A not too tall man in his forties, wearing a dark Armani suit and wearing his half long grayish hair in a tail.

From the corner of his eye he sees Earl with a young woman entering the hall.

"Jeb, here's our newest member of the family….."

"Spiky baby, good to see you girl!" he warmly welcomes his new and somewhat nervous employee.

"Good evening mister Fielding" Spike nervously replies.

"Aww, c'mon sweetie; don't be so nervous and please call me Jeb…. We're one big happy family over here."

"C'mon, let's go to my office where we can have a little talk before you actually start".

Jeb friendly puts his hand on Spike's back and together they leave the hall and go to his office at the first floor.

"Take a seat sweetie and can I offer you something to drink?"

Still nervous, Spike sits down as Jeb pours her a glass of almond liquor.

"It's OK you are a bit tensed; after all, it's a new job in quite an exotic place" Jeb tries to reassure.

"It's so different from what I saw when I was here the first time" Spike replies.

"Yes, this is 'the Sin' in full working order and now you also know what I meant when I told you that discretion is the most important thing when you want to work here".

"A lot of our clients are well known to the public and when they are here, they want to loosen up; loosen up by using and doing things the outside world wouldn't appreciate".

"You can be confident I keep quiet Jeb; I'm way to grateful you offered me this job so I can pay for my study" Spike reassures.

"You are studying art, right?" Jeb asks.

"Yeah, I have almost finished my first year and one day I hope I can make a living out of it".

Spike gets less nervous and the conversation continues involving some last details about how things are done at 'the Sin'.

"Despite the fact you will be serving the clients topless, you don't need to worry about all kinds of guys and gals start to touch you".

"I will be on the floor most of the time and Ernie, 'The Sin's one man quick intervention force' is watching over you girls all the time on his screens in the security room".

There is a knock on the door and a topless woman with long black hair and two purple locks enters.

"Earl told me you wanted to see me Jeb?" she asks.

"Ah yes; Gigi, this is Spike…. the newest member of the family….I want you to show her the ropes and make her acquainted with everything".

"Sure Jeb, no problem" Gigi friendly replies.

"OK girls, I have to go back downstairs; the 'Parade of the damned' is about to peak and I have to be there when it does".

Jeb leaves his office and Gigi pours Spike another drink.

"Hiya Spike; I'm Gigi, I will tell you a few practical things about how things are done over here and show you were everything can be found".

"Nice to meet you Gigi, I hope I won't screw up too many times". Spike replies still a bit bashful.

"Don't worry, the job isn't that difficult; basically you earn your money with the looks of your body" Gigi friendly reassures her.

"C'mon, empty your glass so I can give you your 'uniform' and show you around".

Spike empties her glass and both women leave the office.

"Wow, even upstairs things are as classy as in the club itself" Spike wonders while she watches the interior on her way to the waitresses dressing-room.

"Well, it's part of the club; the clients come here as well so it has to be representative" Gigi explains.

"Come here as well?…Is there some kind of a small hall here upstairs?"

Gigi gets a grin on her face and continues her explanation: "no sweetie, the clients come here when they want to make use of the 'extra service' which is provided by the 'queens' of 'the Parade of the damned'".

"Ah, I see….so that's what Earl meant with 'watching and touching'".

"Yep, and believe me when I tell you that you will see a lot of public faces over here".

"But don't worry about it, you won't be touched…unless you want it" Gigi continues.

The girls enter the dressing-room and Gigi lights a cigarette.

"Want one too?" She asks Spike while she opens a large closet which is filled with revealing clothing.

Spike takes the offered cigarette out of Gigi`s package and asks: " do I wear the same outfit as you?"

"Yep, you do; we all wear the same over here" Gigi smiles while her cigarette is dangling between her lips as she hands over a pair of fishnet stockings and the revealing purple and black showgirl suit which is worn by the waitresses.

Spike undresses and puts on her 'uniform'.

"Oh my, those two will definitely earn you some good money girl" Gigi remarks when she sees Spike's breasts.

Spike starts to blush and doesn't know very well what to say.

"Believe me girl, the nicer your body, the better the tips…and you have a really nice body".

"Uh…yeah…it's uh….it's OK…..I guess" the young blonde woman stammers as she puts on the black collar necklace with a little purple heart in it.

When Spike is all dressed up, Gigi sits down next to her.

"Spike, before we go back I want to tell you something which you always have to keep in mind when you are in this place."

"Always keep 'the three monkeys' in mind…..see nothing, hear nothing and talk about nothing."

"Never interfere with things going on; just do your job and mind your own business."

And with an even more serious voice she continues: "be good to Jeb Spike, so he will be good to you….you don't want to know what happens if you're not good to him…."

* * *

All dressed up and ready to start her new 'career', Spike follows Gigi out of the dressing-room.

Feeling pretty awkward, as it will be the first time she exposes her nude upper body to all kinds of strangers, she tries to find some kind of an attitude to hide her nervousness.

Suddenly a door to the right opens and a woman with long black hair steps outside her –seemingly- private dressing-room.

Dressed in a raspberry colored skirt which reaches up to her knees and ditto shirt, a lilac blouse, white stockings and open black high-heel shoes it seems like she walked straight out of Sunday school.

The lilac bow she wears in her black hair only emphasizes on this way too innocent and sweet 'miss goody two shoes' look.

"Awww, you must be a new one; I never have seen you before in here sweetie" she remarks with a sweet dark voice when she sees Spike.

"Now let me take a look at you" she continues while she bites her lower lip in an innocent but lustful way and walks around Spike while her fingers slide over the young girls naked upper body.

Spike starts to blush and has no idea what to say to this woman who seems to be some kind of sexual predator.

Again the woman walks around Spike while still touching her….

When she is behind her, she stops and puts her arms around Spike's upper body and lays her hands on her breasts and starts to play with her nipples.

"When you want some good tips sweetie, you better have some hard nipples" she whispers with a sweet voice in Spike's ear.

The poor new waitress really has no clue what is happening to her at this moment and with a helpless look in her eyes she watches Gigi, hoping she may know what to do.

"Gotta go now sweetie, the boys downstairs are waiting for me" the woman whispers with a dark sensual voice and before she lets poor Spike go, she kisses her in her neck and wanders off with an almost diabolical smile on her face.

Nailed to the ground and with a face which has become so red it almost is emitting light, Spike tries to understand what just happened to her.

"Wha…what…..what the fuck was that?" she stammers.

"Congrats girl, you just met the 'empress'" Gigi chuckles.

"'The empress?'….What do you mean?"

"She is the queen of queens, the top act of the parade and above all: very good in what she's doing".

"And what is she doing?"

"Well, some people would say just following her clitoris; but basically she does everything as long as it involves sex and money"

"I…I see" is the only thing Spike, still being somewhat in shock, can say.

"So congrats again girl; you just met Jazz."

* * *

Backstage Jazz watches how the previous act in 'The parade of the damned' is nearing its end.

While smoking a cigarette she watches Lola's and Spider's kinky lesbian act which still is in progress.

She never understood how these two were able to work together on stage.

Lola was a six foot two tall hefty woman with a big bush of curly red hair and as elegant as a dragline in a scrap yard.

Her character was more or less the same as her appearance: pretty vulgar without the slightest sense of class and refinement.

Despite her official nickname was 'Lola', she was also referred to as 'the cow' when she wasn't around.

Spider was completely different: a slender and not too tall black haired woman; a bit eccentric and a dreamer who preferred to live in her own world.

She got her nickname because of the spider tattoo on her left butt cheek as well because of the fact she was very much into kinky stuff.

It almost seemed a bit like she had two completely different personalities: at one hand she was the silent and almost sweet dreamer, while at the other hand she was this raw kinky predator.

Somewhat bored Jazz inhales the smoke of her cigarette while she watches how the two girls on stage are kissing, licking, spanking and inserting all kinds of items in each others bodies.

Blue grayish smoke fills the backstage area as she breathes out while leaning backwards in the chair she is sitting in.

Suddenly the scene on stage catches Jazz' attention as she sees how Lola's face has become quite reddish and is blurting out moans and other sounds which she normally doesn't.

With a somewhat twisted face Lola hisses several words to Spider who is taking her from behind with a pretty nasty dildo.

Jeb, who is also backstage and watches the performance, wonders out loud: "now what the fuck are those two doing!?"

"Aww, probably 'classing' up their act a bit Jebbie…..was really needed" Jazz cynically grins.

Jeb steps forward and manages to get Spider's attention while making 'cut it' signs by moving his hand in front of his throat.

Spider knows it's not a good idea to argue with the boss, so she withdraws the dildo out of Lola's 'slightly' irritated womanhood.

Professionals as they are, both girls bring their act to an end and elegantly leave the stage.

However, their level of professionalism drops rapidly when both are backstage.

"You fucking cunt!…Do you think my pussy is some kind of sewer-pipe which has to be unplugged!" Lola hisses while pushing Spider against the wall with her right hand.

"And what were you think you were doing up there huh!?" Spider hisses back while pushing Lola back.

"I told you I have a nasty skin rash on my butt and what do you do!?…You beat the shit out of me with that fucking whip of yours, you cow!"

"You didn't tell me and who's a cow!?"

"I told you my ass is covered in at least an inch of make up to cover the redness on it!"

"Ladies, ladies, ladies, let's keep things nice and easy right?….No need to start world war three right now, so quit it!" Jeb interrupts.

"Nice and easy?….My insides feel like half a platoon of Texan rednecks have been test-drilling for oil in me!" Lola hisses to Jeb.

"And how about my customers huh?…..How should I fuck the 'hogs' right now and earn some cash!?" she continues.

"You aint have no customers tonight sweetie; apparently they didn't like what the two of you pulled off on stage…even the 'hogs' can recognize bad taste and screwed up acts!" Jeb bites back.

"What!" Both girls hiss out simultaneously.

Jazz, who has watched the whole scene from her chair is now almost dieing of laughter.

Furiously, Lola takes notice of her co-worker and bites " having a good time Jazz!?…You can lick my ass, you fucking cunt!"

"No, can't do sweetie….I'm not into bestialities and if I were; you couldn't afford me" Jazz replies with a sweet voice and a devilish smile on her face.

Too much for Lola….."Y're fucking dead bitch!"

Jeb now has enough of the way this small 'labor dispute' is fought out: "No she aint and now the both of you shut up and cool down!"

Lola and Spider see their boss means business and leave while hissing all kinds of maledictions to each other.

"Nice comment Jazz ….just what we need in situations like these…. "

Jazz wipes a tear of laughter off her face wile still laughing "sorry Jebbie; I just couldn't resist".

"Yeah, sure….. now get ready and give the 'hogs' what they want" Jeb grumbles.

* * *

The band starts to play a slow blues as the soft purple and white lights in the main hall of 'the Sin' are dimmed.

Soft purple spots illuminate the catwalk where slowly from between the curtains a female figure appears.

Slowly and sensually she walks on the slow rhythm of the blues to the first pole on the catwalk.

When a muted trumpet joins in the music she grabs the pole and slowly turns around it.

The music continues and the still softly purple illuminated female figure drops to the ground, makes a twist and crawls like a cat, who is stalking its pray, to the broadened part at the end of the catwalk in the midst of the main hall.

She gabs the pole in the midst of the stage and with her back against it, she slowly rises.

The slow blues is coming to an end and the female figure slowly turns around the pole, hanging on one arm and stops when the music ends and the lights dim even further.

A short silence falls while she is still hanging on her arm.

Suddenly the raw sound of an electric guitar breaks the silence as it plays the into of 'bad to the bone'; lights surrounding the catwalk are simultaneously turned on and Jazz throws her head backwards and let go of the pole.

The drums kick in and at the same time she rips open her lilac blouse and starts a way more aggressive dance compared to what she has been doing during the into.

The blouse goes off, leaving her in her raspberry sleeveless shirt and dress.

The crowd cheers when they see the first pieces of bare yellow skin of Jazz' goddess body.

With a devilish smile and fiery eyes she parades over the catwalk to the first pole which she grabs, twists herself around it and pulls herself up.

For a few seconds she hangs still while holding herself with her thighs and feet to the pole while arching backwards till she hangs upside down.

Her long black hair touches the ground and her raspberry skirt comes up, revealing the white lingerie she's wearing.

Still in upside down position she slowly slides downwards.

On the ground she rolls over, turns around and stops right in front of a gray haired man who offers her twenty dollars.

With a hungry smile on her face Jazz accepts and puts the banknote in her stocking.

She starts to slowly unbutton her shirt in front of the guy and when it's gone, she hangs over to give him a little peek inside her white brazier.

Her shirt comes off and she moves back to the pole at the broadened part of the catwalk.

She picks up speed, grabs the pole and makes a quick turn around it while moving herself in an almost horizontal position.

Spiraling downwards, softly landing on her knee, she rolls over again and stops in front of a hand offering her another 20 bucks to take of her skirt.

The second banknote is also put in her stocking and as she is sensual moving her hips on the rhythm of the music, she lowers her dress and is now only wearing her white silk lingerie and her black pumps.

On her lower abdomen a small tattoo of a dragonfly is revealed.

The air starts to fill with increasing levels of testosterone as the lights are turned down again and the raw blues-rock comes to an end.

Soft purple lights are once illuminating the catwalk while a soft pink spot is aimed at Jazz which follows her moves.

The band starts to play 'Moments in love' by 'Art of noise' and Jazz starts to move more slowly and elegantly.

The regulars at 'the Sin' now know what is going to happen and it doesn't take long before several hands are offering banknotes of twenty and fifty dollars to make her take of her brazier while whistling and shouting all kinds of, more or less, suggestive remarks to the dancer.

Sitting on her knees with her head down and closed eyes Jazz waves her body on the rhythm of the music as is she is almost in some kind of trance.

She loosens her brazier, but doesn't take it off yet and start to collect the offered money while rolling and crawling over the catwalk.

She rises and makes several rhythmic bows which make her brazier come off; but still she isn't showing her breasts.

She spots another hand offering a fifty dollar bill and with both her arms crossed in front of her chest, she spirals down to the ground and goes flat on her belly right in front of the guy offering her the money.

She grabs his tie and let it slide through her hand as she grabs the banknote with her lips while looking the guy straight in his eyes.

She rolls on her back; the banknote still between her lips and now reveals her breasts.

The 'hogs' go wild when she reveals this first, quite developed, part of her womanhood.

Again Jazz moves up to one of the poles; the pink spot still following her.

She grabs it with both her hands, slides a bit downwards and lifts herself up and starts to slowly turn around it with her legs spread wide.

She ascends and again starts to turn around the pole, standing on one leg while her other leg is twisted around it, holding herself with one hand.

She picks up speed and now spirals free from the ground.

Elegantly she comes to a stop and places her back against the pole and starts to slowly take off her suspender-belt.

Now only wearing her white stockings and her thong, Jazz knows the time to really cash in has come.

Her experience has taught her how to recognize the 'big spenders'; the guys who are willing to offer her a hundred bucks or even more to take off her thong.

Dancing now on the more jazzy sounds of 'Entao eu vou' she parades the catwalk while swaying sensual with her hips and playing with her thong; the song is continued as long as Jazz is still wearing it.

Several fifty and twenty dollar bills are offered to her but Jazz isn't intending to show her last piece of covered womanhood for those amounts of money…..no, this requires at least a bill with three numbers.

She continues her seductive dance while still playing with the sides of her thong till she spots a hand offering the desired banknote.

"Fuck, him again" she softly whispers as she sees who is offering the hundred dollar bill.

A large fat bald and red faced man in his mid fifties is holding up the banknote.

With his tiny pig like eyes he is almost looking Jazz out of her last remainder of lingerie.

"Very little choice at the moment…." and somewhat reluctant she starts to dance in front of the 'hog'.

She drops to the ground on her knees; arches back and slowly Jazz starts to lower her thong while almost feeling how the tiny pig like eyes of the man in front of her are piercing her.

She rolls on her back, hooks her heels behind the side of the catwalk and pulls herself to the money.

With a hungry smile and a lustful look in her eyes she now sits right in front of the money; the 'hog' grins hungry back as he rises from his seat.

Jazz spreads her legs wide so her full womanhood is exposed and opens herself with her fingers.

The 'hog' has folded the hundred dollar bill over his finger; reaches out…and slowly inserts it.

She moans hungry while she throws her upper body back, rises up again and bends over to the 'hog'.

"Kiss the dragonfly sweetie" she moans while she caress the red head of the 'donator'.

Again she arches her upper body back and feels how a badly shaven chin moves up her pubic area and kisses the small tattooed dragonfly.

With the money still inside her she rolls back on her side, ascends and moves back to the pole.

She puts her back against it, squats, spreads her legs and slowly removes the banknote.

The overheated audience is cheering, shouting and whistling which makes Jazz almost feel some kind of pity for this display of primal expressions.

Once more the music has changed and now the band is playing an instrumental version of Tina Turners 'Private dancer'.

Again Jazz performs several acrobatic moves on the pole: hanging upside down, turning around it and above all spreading her legs to seduce the other 'hogs' to put money in her.

Another hundred dollar bill is spotted and she repeats the act of inserting and removing the money when back at the pole.

Several other men and even a woman are now offering her bills of fifty bucks which she collects by hanging over the edge of the catwalk while grabbing the money with her lips; allowing the 'donator' to touch her breasts.

Slowly the music comes to an end as Jazz makes her final figures on the pole.

One time she rotates upside down, moves back into horizontal position and slowly slides to the ground.

She turns herself over, rises and while bowing elegantly, she slowly moves back over the catwalk till she reaches the curtains….act finished.

* * *

Tired and sweating from her performance, Jazz sits down on a chair backstage and picks a cigarette out of her package.

"Jazzy, Jazzy, Jazzy; what an act sweetie; the 'hogs' were eating out of your hand!" Jeb enthusiastically compliments his star dancer.

"Yeah, not that bad…I only wish that bald fatso wasn't still around…he almost pressed that fucking banknote into my stomach!"

"Well Jazzy, he's going to put something different in you as well" Jeb grins.

"Aww fuck no!…Don't tell me he made a booking!" Jazz complains.

"He did sweetie, he paid the full five hundred bucks so you better give him a good time and remember Jazz, this one is important….he's a new 'big shot' at city hall".

Jazz sighs: "alright Jebbie, let 'the games' begin but first let me have a shower".

"Can't do sweetie, the fatso wants you like you have left the stage…wet and sweaty."

Jazz rises while her cigarette dangles between her lips and puts on a translucent kimono while shaking her head: "Christ, one of those….alright, lets earn some cash" …she sighs and walks to her private dressing-room where her customer is waiting for her.

The big fat guy is already sitting on her bed as she enters.

"Aww, sweetie; are you still hungry?" she smiles innocently with a sark sensual voice.

He grins back: "lemme taste that juicy pussy of yours honey, I have developed a taste for it".

Jazz kneels in front of him and strokes his crotch…"my, my, we sure are hungry, aren't we sweetie?"

"Come to Billy baby, let me show you how I can give you a good time" the bald red faced man replies over confident.

Jazz starts to open his pants and a few minutes later she is extinguishing his fiery lust with her mouth…

* * *

"How I can give you a good time; ha!….You fuck like a bag of potatoes!….. Mister 'hung like a stallion'…I've seen crawl bigger things out of a head of lettuce" Jazz cynically talks out loud to her self while sitting on the edge of her bed counting her earned money.

The banknotes are spread out on the blanket; "five hundred for working on my back….half of it for Jeb…two times a hundred bucks, five notes of fifty and seven of twenty…makes…. eight hundred and forty for me….not bad…..means over two 'grand' this week ".

For a moment Jazz watches silently in front of her; she's twenty nine and knows her career in 'the Sin' has had its longest time.

She has worked there since she was nineteen years old; first as a waitress, later as a stripper and for the last seven years as a 'queen'.

The top act of 'the Sin'; working four nights a week and earning over 2000 dollars with ease….a week.

Jazz never saw what she was doing to earn her daily bread as work; for her it's all fun and it enables her to live an easy life.

But still, despite the fact she loves what she is doing, things have changed a bit.

From time to time a certain cold and somewhat awkward wind blows through her life.

A few years ago, she always went on after work, go out in the luxury clubs in the city where she spent the most of her earned money.

Dancing half naked on a bar, the parties, the booze, the coke, the flirts, the fun…..but not anymore.

She can still act wild and extravagant, but for one reason or another the need to do so became less and most of the time is just not there anymore.

Still sitting on her bed, Jazz wonders about the fact that for the first time in all these years she felt aversion when this guy was inside of her.

Sure, there have been more guys which wouldn't have been her first choice, but what happened tonight…..was something different.

She couldn't focus on her own pleasure as well as on the money; her all time tactics to keep a distance from what she was doing.

The shower; each night after finishing her work she takes a long and elaborate shower.

Not only to wash off the sweat and other body fluids after a nights work; but over the years it has become an also more symbolic way of cleaning herself…to wash away the filth.

After a thirty minute shower Jazz is drying her long black hair with a hairdryer while still feeling puzzled about what happened to her that night.

"Perhaps I just need some time off" she wonders out loud while she puts on her tight jeans and white pullover.

She gathers the money from the bed and puts it in her purse, throws away the used condom and pulls the bed sheets straight.

Finally she looks around her dressing room to see if everything looks at least a bit decent, turns off the lights and leaves.

Downstairs she catches Jeb and gives him his fifty percent share

"Jeb, I wonder if I can take tomorrow off?"

"A day off?…Now that's a bit inconvenient sweetie; the same guy you just did has booked you for tomorrow as well" Jeb replies somewhat irritated.

"Aww Jebbie, c'mon…..it's the time of the month" Jazz lies.

"Since when do you need to take a time off when having your period; it never held you back before…can't you just strip and keep your underpants on like you always do?'

"Things are a bit more difficult 'down there' lately Jebbie" Jazz continues.

"Hmmm, Okay then…we can't have that kind of shit on the job" Jeb reluctantly replies.

"You're the best Jebbie".

"Yeah, sure…..but you better get back next week; this guy is important for the business, so you better be nice and available to him!"

Jazz nods with a smile on her face but deep inside she feels a shiver;" Sure Jebbie, don't you worry, you know I won't let you down".

"You'd better not Jazzie….now off you go!"

* * *

It's already past three AM when Jazz enters the small private parking garage of the apartment complex on Lexington Avenue she is living in.

Lexington Avenue; in the old days known for its warehouses and other storing facilities in the midst of the old industrial district of Capitol City.

In the early nineteen nineties this whole area was redeveloped; the old factories and warehouses were demolished or turned into trendy apartment buildings and now it is the place to live for the young nouveau riche.

She parks her red Corvette convertible at her own parking place, gets out and takes the elevator to the seventh floor where her small but luxurious apartment is.

When she started to work as a 'queen' at 'the Sin', now 7 years ago, it was Jeb who offered her this fancy place.

Through his 'shady' contacts, Jeb managed to rent this place as well as several others for a reduced price and provides his 'queens' with some pretty decent accommodation.

The rent of the places is deducted from the base salary each 'queen' earns.

At first glace one might consider the efforts Jeb takes regarding his staff as an act of kindness; which is at least partially the case.

On the other hand, Jeb knows that by providing his girls with a luxury apartment he is assured from their loyalty; as well a nasty stick to use when they start to develop some of their own ideas regarding the business.

Jazz enters her apartment and throws her long red leather coat on the terra cotta colored couch.

Despite the fact she is living a rather burlesque and free life, she has always took care of her own household as she just can't stand to live in a mess.

The light oak parquet is nicely polished and on the black furniture hardly any dust can be seen.

The only remark which could be made is that the white walls and ceiling look a bit brownish because of the nicotine.

After taking off her long black suede boots Jazz pours herself a drink, lights a cigarette; and sits down at her small kitchen table.

She grabs her cell phone out of her purse and checks if there are any messages left in it.

On the display of her phone she sees that there are 3 messages left on it; one by Jeb and two unknown.

Somewhat uninterested she starts to listen to the first message: "beep; Hiya Jazz, Jeb here….sorry for being a bit grumpy …was a bit of a mess over here when you asked….. enjoy your day off and see you next Wednesday…bye"….beep".

Jazz somewhat cynically grins after hearing the message "can't do without me Jebbie" she mumbles to herself.

The second message starts to play: "beep….Hello Jessica?….Jessica Lovejoy?…..This is Marge Simpson….would you please call…Homer!…Are you eating petroleum jelly again!?"

In the background a soft whining voice can be heard mumbling: "But Marge, it just tastes so good and there is nothing else in the fridge!"

"Homer, I told you that it's for the dog's skin rash and you are…" call ended…..

"Marge Simpson?…..That's Bart's mother….what does she want from me?" Jazz wonders.

The third message is played: "beep….Jessica?….This is Marge Simpson again….hmmrrrr..sorry for what just happened… would you please call me back as soon as possible on 939 555 3126….it's really urgent, your father has been admitted to the hospital and it could be something serious…..beep".


	2. Chapter 2

**Back to…..home? **

"Springfield, fifteen miles" Jessica thinks out loud while driving on the highway.

She feels awkward about the telephone call she had that morning with Marge Simpson about the fact her father, Reverend Tim Lovejoy, was admitted to Springfield General Hospital.

Earlier that year her father underwent a blood test after suffering some time from stomach complaints.

Initially the test results seemed to be very worrying; but after some additional tests it became clear he was suffering from gallstones and diabetes.

Despite the fact this problem was discovered some months ago; the gallstones still weren't surgically removed as first his diabetes needed to be stabilized.

Performing surgery without a steady level of blood sugar is something the doctors would only do when there was no other option.

Marge Simpson told Jessica that probably the gall bladder now had become infected; so despite the fact the blood sugar level of her father still wasn't optimal, surgery now had become inevitable.

Basically nothing special to worry about, but that last remark Marge made about the fact her father lost a lot of weight in a relative short amount of time was something which just didn't feel right and made Jessica decide to travel to Springfield.

For some reason she felt the need to see him despite the fact their relationship was uneasy.

While driving to her hometown, Jessica wonders about her desire to see her father; such a different person he is compared to her: the serious, decent Reverend caring about the souls of the Springfield Reformed Prebylutheranism community.

The relation between her and her father had been much worse when her parents were still married.

Seven years ago they divorced after her mother ran off with an old college friend of her father who now was the Parson of the western branch of the Reformed Prebylutheranism Church in America.

Jessica hates her mother Helen to the bone…..

She considers her as a dominant gossiping woman who always wanted to keep up the appearance of the decent Christian model family; a woman who cares more about herself or what other people are thinking and knows very little scruples when it comes to getting rid of dissident 'elements' in her life, or to gain a better position on the social ladder.

A woman who never was her mother when she needed her and after her parents divorced; Jessica broke off all contact and banned her out of her life.

Regarding her father things were different; despite their uneasy relation caused by the many unspoken issues between them, she stayed in contact with him although not very intensive and always in a rather shallow way.

Since the divorce Jessica saw how her father changed, became more silent and withdrawn when he was in private.

In his public life as a priest however, it seemed as if his involvement with the church community had become way more profound and more personal regarding the people.

In some way, Jessica sees her father as a 'victim' of her mother as well and despite the fact she never will admit it: the shared pain has kept the bond between them alive and deep inside she still loves her father.

* * *

As usual, finding a place to park at the Springfield General Hospital parking-lot is quite an ordeal.

It takes Jessica over ten minutes of driving around the car park before a free place comes available.

She spots a car leaving and puts her foot on the accelerator so she can finally park.

Quickly she turns her sports car in the empty parking spot right before Moe Szyslak, driving an old rusty Honda Civic, who also was on the prowl for that last free spot.

"Wow, wow, wow missy; I saw that spot way before you were even born!" Moe shouts in his well known bad tempered way out of the car window.

"Get that red high-speed barrel of yours out of there; I was first!"

Jessica calmly gets out of her car, deliberately not pulling her crawled up short black skirt down, walks with her most innocent smile on her face towards the old Honda, bends over to Moe's wrinkled face and kisses him straight on the mouth.

She continues by saying with a sweet voice "Aww, that's so sweet of you" and sensually walks on her high heeled long black boots in the direction of the main entrance, leaving poor Moe in an almost state of shock behind.

After pulling her skirt down and checking her fishnet stockings, Jessica enters the main hall of the hospital and heads for the information desk.

"Good afternoon, can you tell me in which room mister Timothy Lovejoy is?"

"Mister Timothy Lovejoy?….Ah, you mean Reverend Lovejoy….Yes, he's admitted to the Internal Medicine Department; second floor, room twenty two" the nurse friendly replies.

"But I'm afraid you can't see him at this moment as visiting hour is just over" she continues.

"Aww, that's too bad" Jessica friendly replies again with a sweet voice again and heads straight for the elevator to get to the second floor, leaving a flabbergasted nurse behind.

As she gets out of the elevator she immediately spots a sign 'Internal Medicine' and it doesn't take long till she reaches room twenty two.

Through the open door she sees her father sitting in the hospital bed, reading the latest issue of Model Railroader Magazine.

For a short moment she watches him and feels shocked to see the foul yellow brownish color of his skin, as well as his skinny face and arms.

She softly knocks on the door and her father looks up from his magazine: "Jessica, what are you doing here?" he reacts pleasantly surprised.

"Hello father" Jessica replies with a slight reservation in her soft voice while she enters the room.

She puts her purse on the ground, takes her coat off and grabs a chair which she puts next to her father's bed.

"How do you feel?"

"Owww, better then yesterday when Marge brought me here; the medication is doing its work" the reverend replies to his daughter while pointing at the drip on the pole attached to his bed.

"A piece of 'gravel' in my gallbladder is blocking off the ol' gall tube; that's why I've lost my normal yellow color".

"They did some additional tests this morning and probably they will take out the whole thing somewhere early next week" he continues.

"The worst thing now is that I am not allowed to eat or drink till the surgery has been done".

"But when you are not allowed to drink, won't you get dehydrated?" Jessica asks.

The reverend smiles and shakes his head while pointing once more to the drip.

"These tests, what did they do and do you already have the results?"

"No, not yet…they took some blood samples and made a CAT-scan of my abdomen; nothing to worry about, just standard procedure".

"I'll be back on my feet in no time; but tell me first how you are doing and how did you know I was in the hospital?"

"Well, when I came back from work last night I had a message on my cell phone from Marge Simpson; she asked me to call her back, which I did and she told me you were admitted here".

The reverend gets a smile on his face: "ah, Marge Simpson; such a kind woman….it was she who brought me here yesterday".

"And you Jessica, how are you doing…I haven't heard for such a long time from you; are you still working as a booking agent at the Capitol City Palace Hotel?"

"Yes…yes I still do" Jessica lies without showing any expression on her face.

A lie which she has maintained for over many years as she didn't want her parents to know how she really earns her money.

Her father continues to ask her about her life but is interrupted when Doctor Hibbert and a nurse enter the room.

"Excuse me miss, but visiting time is over and we need to speak with mister Lovejoy" the nurse remarks.

"Owww, it's OK nurse; this is my daughter Jessica…..Now you remember little Jessica don't you Julius?"

"Yes I do Tim" Doctor Hibbert shortly replies and remembers how a sixteen year old Jessica once tried to steal some heavy antidepressants from his chemistry to get high.

Jessica starts to feel awkward; not because of the fact she also remembers this incident, but because the doctor doesn't chuckle like he usually does.

The nurse is asked to shut the door and Doctor Hibbert takes a deep breath before he starts his resume.

"Tim, I've got the results from this morning's scan….we have found out there is liquid in your abdominal cavity".

"This liquid, which is probably ascites, is something which can have several causes, including an infection" he continues.

"However, it's not something which can be caused by an infected gallbladder, so we also looked at the other organs which could be seen on the scan….and when the radiologist took a look at your liver… he found several spots on and in it"

"We also have the results of the blood test…"

Jessica feels her heart pounding and sees the fear in her father's eyes when she asks what this all means.

Doctor Hibbert sighs before giving an answer: "Tim, I'm so sorry….but it seems something went wrong in you abdomen and has spread out into your liver…..the way things look now…it's almost certain you have cancer".

* * *

For the first time in more then ten years, Jessica is alone in the house of her father.

After the devastating news the both of them received that afternoon at the hospital, her father has given her the keys of the house so she could spend the night over there.

On Monday a whole new series of test would start to determine where the cancer had started and how bad the condition of her father's liver was.

There would be a colonoscopy, to see if it had started in his bowls, a scan of his lungs, they would take a look at his prostate, remove the ascites and take samples from it for further testing as well as several other CAT scans and blood tests.

For the coming Thursday procedure, called 'an endoscopic retrograde golangiopancreatography', was scheduled to remove the gallstones so he would feel better; but also to see if the cancer possibly would have started in the pancreas, stomach or duodenum.

With an empty expression on her face Jessica hangs on the couch, smoking one cigarette after another while staring to the dark screen of the television.

Her mind is numbed and she feels confused about her own feelings.

The feeling of the terrible uncertainty and fear about the possible faith of her father, but also the desire to just go back to Capitol City and leave everything behind.

On one hand she feels the need to stay with her ill father, while on the other hand she feels the old pain about the fact he was never there for her when she needed him.

Wasn't there to listen to her, holding her and love her when she was a child…and so often in desperate need of all these things.

No, he just was the 'Rev' who seemingly cared more about his church and his wife and not about his daughter.

Despite the fact she so often felt she was just some kind of ornament which was expected to be representative; he still was and is her father and she also has warm memories about him: like that time they built a battle robot and joined that 'Robot Rumble' contest…..or the time when she played soccer for a brief period of time and her father saw her playing and cheered when she made a goal.

For him she didn't need to be always the reverend's perfect daughter like her mother demanded from her.

Jessica lights another cigarette, inhales the smoke deeply and exhales it through her nose.

So many contradicting feelings, so many contradicting emotions while still feeling numbed and afloat in a dark surrealistic void.

Suddenly the doorbell rings and Jessica peaks through the window to see who's at the door.

"Marge Simpson again?" she wonders out loud and walks to the front door to open it.

"Good evening Jessica, I hope it's not an inconvenient moment?' Marge asks.

"No…no, not really, please come in" Jessica replies with a somewhat flat voice.

"I thought I might catch you over here".

"I have to say I'm really glad you came all the way from Capitol City to visit your father at the hospital; you have no idea how much this means for him" Marge continues.

"Misses Simpson; have you been at the hospital today?" Jessica asks Marge.

"Yes, I was there this morning and please call me Marge".

Jessica sits down on the couch and takes a deep breath while looking at the ground: "I was there this afternoon after visiting hours…..I was there when Doctor Hibbert told my father the results of those last tests".

"What's wrong Jessica….weren't the results good?"

"No, they weren't…..it's almost certain my father has cancer which has spread out into his liver".

Marge freezes on her chair and stammers: "oh my God…..oh my God…please tell me this is not true!"

But Jessica can do nothing else but to confirm that it's true and tells Marge what all is going to happen the next week.

"You have no idea how important it is you are here now" Marge tells Jessica.

"What do you mean?"

"For your father".

"Since when does my father need me?" Jessica replies with a cold cynical undertone in her voice.

"Jessica, how can you say this?…..Your father cares a lot about you; you are everything for him!"

"Really?…..Better late than never, I suppose" Jessica replies cold and cynical again.

Marge is shocked by the cynical and seemingly heartless respond and looks Jessica full of disbelief in the eyes.

"Your father's live is in danger; the least you can do is stay here and be there for him!"

"Yes, I could do that" Jessica replies while emphasizing on 'could'.

Marge now gets on the brink to explode: "now listen here young lady; when your mother left, it almost destroyed him, you're the only one he has left!"

"Well, duh".

Marge sighs deeply: "I have talked a lot with your father the last few years….. I know the relation between the both of you isn't the best….but know this, your father really cares about you…..and regrets the mistakes he made in the past….please don't leave him alone now….he needs you so bad".

For a while Jessica quietly stares into the dark television screen again and replies with a soft voice: "perhaps….".

Marge shakes her head while she rises up from her chair: "Well, if you don't want to do it for your father; perhaps you can find it in your heart to do it for yourself…..because when this story doesn't end well, you will be too late to put things right…I was hoping you had changed Jessica, but apparently I was wrong…..I will let myself out".

Jessica doesn't reply and just continues to stare into the dark screen as Marge leaves the house through the front door.

For more than an hour she sits motionless on the couch.

Marge's words have hit her hard and with a tired voice she hisses "always the same fucking story!"

Another cigarette is lighted and she slowly shakes her head while staring at the floor.

All kinds of feelings are going through her and again she sees the helpless and terrified eyes of her father in her mind.

The words of Marge keep echoing in her head…..what to do?

"Fuck it!" she suddenly shouts out loud while kicking the arm of the couch.

She stands up, grabs her cigarettes and her car keys, puts her boots and leather coat on… and leaves for Capitol City.

* * *

Three 'o clock in the morning; Jessica parks her red Corvette in front of her father's house.

She gets out, opens the trunk and grabs the suitcase and a few plastic bags in which she has packed a bunch of clothes and several other personal things.

"From here to Capitol City and back, including packing all that stuff, within four and a half hours; not bad…not bad at all".

When she enters her father's house through the front door and turns on the light in the hall, again this awkward feeling gets into her.

The whole house and it's atmosphere; it feels so familiar and trusted, while on the other hand she feels a certain tension, a certain coldness….the atmosphere of her childhood.

After she has taken off her coat and boots; Jessica pours herself something to drink and lights another cigarette.

Sitting at the dinner table she wonders once more how she ended up in this situation.

For so many years she has lead her own life; a brown and burlesque life, filled with all the joys money can buy.

Sometimes the memories of her childhood were there; but most of the time she was just too busy having fun…..or having sex for money.

Now, while sitting at the dinner table of her parental home, looking around the living room, her father lying in the hospital because of a life threatening disease; her old and comfortable life seems so far away.

"Two days ago everything was just fine; was just normal and now….." Jessica wonders out loud.

She grabs her suitcase as well as the plastic bags and goes upstairs to her old room; a place which she hasn't been in for over a decade.

She enters it and switches on the light….

Her heart starts to pound and her breathing speeds up; the smell, the furniture….it's just like it was twelve years ago.

It almost seems like her father deliberately has kept it in the same condition.

She puts her suitcase and plastic bags down on the ground and starts to wander at the first floor of the house.

The bathroom, the guest room and her father's bedroom….it's just the way it always has been.

The furniture, the light and again the smell…the smell of the past.

Jessica's heart still pounds and she feels the itch of adrenaline in her blood which she tries to ignore.

"Almost four AM, gotta go to bed" she mumbles to herself and heads back for her old bedroom.

In there she grabs the content of one of the plastic bags and opens her old cupboard.

Still some old clothes of her are in it and again she wonders why her father has kept it that way.

She makes some room on the top shelf when suddenly her eye is caught by a piece of bright pink cloth behind some of her old clothes.

She reaches into the cupboard and manages to pull it out while a bunch of neatly folded up shirts fall down.

Suddenly she is holding a stuffed pink diesel locomotive in her hand.

Her breathing speeds even more up while she holds the little locomotive and stammers "Ef..Ef….Effie?".

Effie; a pink and gray stuffed type F7A diesel locomotive with a friendly smile on its front, two silver buttons representing the front signals and sweet white eyes as windscreens.

Twenty two years ago her father gave her Effie the day she had to go to boarding school so she wouldn't feel lonely.

Boarding school was hell for Jessica and after a year Effie was gone; probably stolen by another kid.

So many nights in that strange place she had held Effie against her chest while softly crying, hoping her parents would get her and take her back home.

Each day Jessica had prayed to God asking the same, over and over again…..but no one ever came and the only one she had was Effie….till also Effie was gone…..as well as her faith…..and a part of who she was.

When Jessica was banned from boarding school when she was ten and had to go to another one; the old school sent the little stuffed locomotive to her parents when it was found somewhere behind a closet a few months after she had left.

Her mother had put Effie in a box on the attic till it was recovered by her father and put in Jessica's old cupboard in her bedroom.

And now, after twenty two years, Jessica is holding Effie in her hands and once more there is the distinct possibility that she would end up alone.

This is too much for her, she sees her fathers terrified and helpless eyes, she hears the voice of Doctor Hibbert saying 'cancer, cancer, cancer', the voice of Marge Simpson repeating "I hoped you had changed", the smell of her bedroom, the loneliness and all the memories of the past.

Jessica stumbles out of her bedroom while holding Effie close to her heart; her lower lip starts to tremble and her eyes are getting thick.

She stumbles down the stairs and sits down in the dark corner of the stairwell where it makes a turn to the right; a place where no one can see or hear her.

The first tear rolls down her cheek…and she starts softly crying while still holding Effie against her.

More tears appear and her soft crying becomes a violent explosion of sorrow and pain.

"Why, why, why!?" she cries and "father please don't leave me….don't leave me alone….don't leave me…I still need you so much!"

For three quarters of an hour Jessica cries violently, constantly asking "why?"….tills she calms down a bit…..

Still holding Effie to her chest; Jessica descends the stairs while still sobbing.

In the hall, in front of the front door she kneels down and while still holding Effie, she folds her hands and looks through the glass of the front door to the nightly sky.

"Heavenly father, please hear the pray of this sinner….I know I'm a bad woman….I'm…I'm nothing but a whore….in…in my life I have stolen, lied and deceived…..I have abused people for my own good…but still…would…would you please listen to me?"

"I am not asking this for me…I'm a bad woman….but again, I don't ask this for myself…. I ask this for my poor father….you know him well….he has always preached your love…..he is a good man…he never has done any one any harm…so please heavenly father…..please…..don't let him die….don't take him away".

And with a broken voice and softly sobbing Jessica continues: "I…I will better my life…I will go to your house every Sunday….I will honor my parents….I…I…." .

But her sorrow prevents her to continue and once more Jessica starts to cry: "what the fuck am I thinking!….What the fuck does it matter!….This shit never! Ever! Has done any fucking good for anybody!"

Still sitting on her knees in the hall, Jessica once more presses Effie to her chest and cries; cries violently like she only has done when she was a little girl.

Eventually she calms down and exhausted she walks back to the living room where she pours herself one more drink and lights one more cigarette before she goes to bed.

That remainder of the night, for the first time in twelve years, Jessica sleeps in her old bed in her old bedroom.

The teenager has returned as a grown woman….but still holds her beloved Effie close to her heart…..like when she was a child.

* * *

Sunday afternoon, two 'o clock…..a pale sun shines through the gray clouds.

It's a cold awakening for Jessica and despite she needs to go to the lavatory, she just stays in her old bed, lying on her back while staring at the ceiling.

Somehow it seems like she woke up in the middle of a bad dream.

Back at home, the place which gave her such mixed feelings, the return of Effie with all the memories involved….and her father probably suffering from cancer.

Her full bladder eventually forces her to leave her warm bed and to go downstairs.

After making herself a cup of tea Jessica is sitting at the dinner table, wearing her translucent kimono and lighting her first cigarette of the day.

Despite the fact she is just awake, she wonders about the fierce emotional reaction she had that night.

Deep inside she knows she still has warm feelings for her father but she never expected that his current condition would affect her in such a violent way.

For a time she just sits at the dinner table staring to the wall, sometimes shaking her head while feeling empty and confused.

Eventually she gets up from her chair to take a shower, get dressed and to make herself some toast with strawberry marmalade.

It's already past half past four when Jessica parks her Corvette at the hospital car park.

After a short walk she enters the main hall and heads straight for the elevator to get to her father's room at the second floor.

Despite the fact she ignored the visiting hours, it seems this time it has just started as when she approaches her father's room she can hear several voices coming from it.

Her father is sitting in his bed and is surrounded by several visitors, all people from the congregation or the church government.

Jessica enters the room and suddenly all conversation ends….

"You all remember my daughter Jessica I suppose?" her father somewhat awkwardly responds to the sudden silence.

And yes, all people remember Jessica….as the rebellious and slutty girl who caused a lot of sorrow to her parents.

With a diabolical sweet grin on her face Jessica greets every one; sits down on a plastic folding seat in the corner of the room and takes a better look at all the other visitors.

After all these years she doesn't know the majority of them, but a few look familiar and slightly amused in a cynical way she discovers that Lindsay Naegle apparently has seen 'the light' in her life and now is a member of the church government .

The conversation starts up again and Jessica sees how her father is almost buried under encouraging religious words.

As usual he acts as the wise Reverend with endless trust in his faith and the goodness of the Lord and even manages to speak encouraging words to his congregation.

"Just like the old days" Jessica thinks while she sees how he basically pays attention to every one except her and she starts to feel a vague sense of disillusion and bitterness.

The congregation continues to overload their 'shepherd' with encouraging words about how the Lord will take care of him and how advanced medical science nowadays is.

That everything will be alright and despite the fact it will be a long and difficult road; eventually he will make it.

Luckily the visiting hour is coming already at its end and it doesn't take long before a nurse asks all the visitors to leave as the patient needs his rest.

Jessica however ignores this and remains on her seat, waiting till she is alone with her father.

"When do you ever start not to be a priest and become just a human?"

"Jessica, I have to be there for those people; it's my position in this community" her father replies with a somewhat over empathic voice.

"Yes…your position in the community; I suppose you're right…..You have to be there for the congregation; as usual"

"You should do what you think is best father" she continues with a flat voice.

Her father sighs while shaking his head: "why this coldness?"

Jessica gets up from her chair, grabs her coat and walks in the direction of the door.

"It runs in the family father….."

"Jessica, wait…please don't go yet"

Jessica stops and turns around and now sees the frightened man once more.

"I cannot show myself to all these other people, I cannot have doubts and be afraid when they are around" he almost whispers.

"Marge told me about you having doubts of staying in Springfield…but you did it anyway…..Know what this means to me Jessica, please know it."

"Yes, I am afraid and I do know what may happen…..I need my daughter …...you're the only one I have left".

And now it's the daughter who sighs and shakes her head while saying: "why the coldness father….why?"

With wet eyes she turns around once more and looks at her father: "I will stay in Springfield…for the time being….."

Her father just can nod and watch how his daughter leaves his room.

* * *

Outside the hospital Jessica takes a deep breath of fresh air and lights another cigarette.

Again she feels terrible, confused about all the things that happened at the hospital.

Anger, bitterness, disappointment, but also love, doubt and sorrow; just too many contradicting emotions.

"Well, well, well, miss Jessica Lovejoy….you've got a lot of guts showing your face in here young lady."

"Trying to secure your inheritance in case things don't end well?….Or just trying to make things up to your father before it's too late?"

Jessica calmly inhales the smoke of her cigarette before turning around to see who spoke these words.

"Aww, miss Naegle; now what a pity to see time hasn't been kind to you" she replies with a sweet voice.

"I suppose you have turned to God when you discovered that you weren't any longer capable of settling business on your back with your legs spread wide?"

Lindsay Neagle friendly smiles back: "just the little cheap whore you always were; did your pimp told you to go after your father's money or were you capable of figuring that out all by yourself?"

"Oh, but of course you were…..a little leach like you knows exactly when there is something to get; it's your instinct".

Jessica calmly inhales the smoke again and blows it straight in to Lindsay Naegle's face.

"Miss Naegle, miss Naegle, you are so wrong….I'm not a cheap whore; I'm an expensive one…..Regarding that you have been always such a good example; only a pity you lacked class and did it for free".

"Now having a deep love affair with a crucifix shaped vibrator Lindsay?…..My God, time has really been cruel to you".

Still friendly smiling, Jessica throws her cigarette on the ground right in front of Lindsay Neagle's shoe and smothers it with the sole of her boot while stepping deliberately on the older woman's toes.

"Bitch!" the older woman hisses.

"Likewise" Jessica smiles back and calmly walks away to her car while giving Lindsay 'the finger'.

* * *

Back at her father's house, after finishing a rather poor meal she bought at the Krusty Burger, Jessica sits once more on the couch and puzzles about the current situation.

Slightly amused about how she dealt with Lindsay Naegle that afternoon; she thinks back about the times when she was a young and notorious teenager.

Only during the holiday seasons and the weekends at home as she had to spend the rest of the time at boarding school.

Again this empty feeling befalls her…..yes, those were wild times already filled with booze, dope and sex.

But still; there was always missing something…..warmth.

Warmth; something which she never was able to find with her mother and only occasionally with her father.

She remembers when she was a little girl and played with her father's trains; sitting on his lap, pressing the buttons which operated the signals and switches, or just driving the trains.

'Effie green, Jeepie blue, Big E red, Esdie black'; Jessica remembers how she gave all of her fathers model locomotives a name.

But also when her father turned out the lights in the basement and all the little houses were illuminated, the colored lights of the signals and the trains itself with their illuminated carriages riding around.

During these moments it was almost like Christmas; only without the burden of the cross.

She wonders how it would have been if her father wouldn't have been a priest but just a regular blue collar worker.

Just a normal family without the pressure of the habit and the cross; without the need to keep up the appearance of the decent and devout family at all time.

Jessica again sees the image of her father in her mind during the moment when Doctor Hibbert told them he probably had cancer.

But also how he looked this afternoon when they were alone.

For the first time in her life she had seen her father as just a helpless and frightened man in his early sixties while on the other hand, there was again the well known display of the wise, calm and courageous reverend this afternoon.

The reverend who was there for the congregation; for all these people….but not for his little girl.

Now his little girl has to be there for him and again Jessica wonders, about why she is doing all this.

Would this be the opportunity for her and her father to become more close?

But wouldn't it be too late?

"Metastasized cancer in the liver said Hibbert; what would be the prognosis of this?" Jessica wonders.

She asked this at the hospital but Doctor Hibbert told her that it was way too early to say something about it.

"Damn doctors, never telling what they really think or what it really means" Jessica grumbles.

She gets up and walks to the computer which is at a small desk in the corner of the living room.

It doesn't take long before she is searching on the internet about liver cancer.

"Primary liver cancer…not what I'm looking for …what have we here?"

Jessica starts to read about what it is and what the possibilities are regarding treatment: symptoms, diagnostics, possible treatments…and the prognosis.

"Several spots on his liver….not one, but several" she thinks.

The more she reads about it, the more she starts to realize that in her father's case things aren't looking good.

"They would have to cut up almost all of his liver….and even when it could be done; where did it start?"

"Metastasized…..it has already spread out….and Hibbert said the spots could be seen all over his liver".

Jessica closes her eyes and feels how all the energy flows out of her body while her heart starts to pound in her chest.

The only thing she can hear in the house is an ear deafening silence.

Almost feeling paralyzed, she stares at the screen and a feeling of dark surrealism is getting over her.

"He…he…he is going to die?" Jessica stammers to herself.

"No, no….this can't be….there is still hope….not all the tests have been done yet" she tries to rationalize.

But still somewhere deep in her heart she feels that this story isn't going to end well; she cannot explain it….. she just feels it.

"Keep yourself together, you don't know it….they could be wrong, wait for the test results…only general information on the net….it's different for every one" she continues to prevent herself from cracking up completely.

She gets up from the seat behind the desk and light another cigarette, hoping it will calm her down a bit.

That it will bring her back from the dark void where she is afloat in at that moment.

For some time she paces up and down the living room while smoking one cigarette after another.

Desperately trying to see things in perspective and avoiding to only think of the most grim scenario.

Suddenly she hears the sound of her cell phone coming from her purse.

"The hospital; something's wrong" she instantaneously thinks.

While she rushes herself to her purse to answer the phone; her breathing becomes faster and the adrenaline in her blood reaches tremendous levels.

Without watching on the display who's calling she answers the phone.

"Jazz, where are you!?" Jeb Fielding shouts at the other side of the line.

"Fuck!…..I had to work this evening!" Jessica realizes herself.

"I'm…I'm in Springfield Jeb…" she stammers.

"In Springfield?….What the hell are you doing in that 'crud bucket'?"

"I need you here on stage and I need you now; you are booked as well for this evening by your biggest fan!…So get in your car and get your ass over here, you need to do this guy!" Jeb shouts angry.

For an instant Jessica doesn't know what to say "….Jeb….my…my….".

"Your what!" Jeb replies angry and impatiently.

Jessica starts to cry softly "Jeb, my father has cancer…it's all over his liver….started somewhere else in his body….."

"Since when do you care about the padre?" Jeb asks with a cynical tone is his voice.

"I don't…..I do…I…I…fuck it!…I don't know!" Jessica shouts back.

For an instant it gets quiet on the other side of the line.

"What did the doctors said about it?" Jeb asks now with a more normal voice.

"That there are several tumors all over his liver….it has started somewhere else but they don't know where yet" Jessica sobs.

"And it is already certain it's that bad?"

"They think it is….."

"So nothing is certain?" Jeb concludes.

"Almost certain…"

"Now Jazz, listen to Jebbie; you're making yourself way too upset….it can be all kinds of things".

"Jeb, the oncologist told me….it's not like I've heard it from a cleaner at the hospital; next week there will be a whole series of tests to find out what is wrong and where it has started".

"Girl, you are making yourself crazy; you don't know anything".

"Try to get some distraction and I think the best distraction for you is when you just are at work".

"It won't help you, as well as your old man if you are just sitting there in Springfield crying your heart out" Jeb continues.

"No…no, work is the last thing which I am thinking about right now".

"Jazz, I need you here….need you bad…..that big shot from city hall keeps asking about you and I need that guy to get me through some legal stuff for 'the Sin'".

Jessica freezes for an instant and feels a tremendous rage coming up in her: "Goddamned Jeb!….Don't you have a heart!?….My father is dying and you can only think about money and your club!?"

"I won't come….I won't come as long as I need to be here!…Don't know when I will be fucking back!"

Jeb realizes that his 'star' means business and is in no condition to work.

"Alright; take some time off….I'll work something out over here…but don't stay away too long Jazzy' Jeb reluctantly replies.

"In all those ten years, did I ever let you down Jeb?"

"No, you didn't….but remember Jazz; be good to Jeb".

"Yeah, I know" Jessica replies with a cold voice and presses the red button on her cell phone to end the conversation.

Again the silence is there and Jessica has withdrawn herself into the dark corner of the stairwell where she is holding Effie against her chest while softly crying.

No one can see her, no one can hear her, no one can or will understand her…and perhaps the most cold thing Jessica is realizing herself, is that no one will comfort her.

* * *

Monday December second; a cold wind blows through the streets of Springfield.

By way of exception Jessica has gone up early so she can pay her father a visit in the morning.

This afternoon the first of a series of tests will be conducted and she wants to see her father before the whole thing starts.

Deliberately ignoring the visiting hours, Jessica enters the hospital and heads straight for the elevator which takes her to the second floor where the room of her father is.

"Jessica, what are you doing here so early?" her father reacts surprised.

"I Just wanted to see you before things starting…..how do you feel?"

"Oww, the good Lord will take care of me; I'm quite confident everything will run smoothly".

Jessica sighs and shakes her head while grabbing a chair which she puts next to he father's bed.

"Father, you can take off the habit; I'm not the congregation who needs reassurance that the 'good shepherd' will take care of things being all right".

"And why shouldn't I have faith in the Lord?" the reverend asks.

For some time Jessica watches her father in the eyes without saying a thing.

"Tell me Jessica, why shouldn't I have trust in my faith?….Or why I shouldn't have trust in all those prayers from all those people?"

Jessica starts to feel aggravated about the fact that her father once more behaves himself more like a reverend instead of just a human being and a father.

She decides not to let things come to a boiling point and calmly replies: "if you think that's the best way for you to deal with it….."

But her father won't take that for an answer and with an annoyed undertone in his voice he asks: "you're aggravated, aren't you ?"

"Yes I am…but this isn't the time to start discussing what is aggravating me" Jessica replies with a flat voice.

"And why not?"

"Because there are other things more important; like that colonoscopy you'll have to undergo this afternoon, not to mention all these other tests which are planned for this week!"

The reverend takes a deep sigh: "why do you always have to be cynical about this matter…"

"Why do you always want to keep up appearances father!"

"Alright, do you want to see me cry, do you want to see how frightened I really am Jessica!?"

"Do you want to know how I cried last night or do you want to know about the fact that I'm very well aware of that probably my liver is full of cancer!?" he continues.

"Why don't you understand that this is my way of dealing with it girl!"

"And why don't you want to share it with me father!" Jessica bytes back with wet eyes.

"Why can you never lay off that mask of yours!"

A silence falls fills the room…..

Now with a soft and fragile voice the reverend continues: "Jessica, I have to hold on to something…..and there aren't many things left where I can hold myself on to".

"Father, why can't you just be yourself with me….not the reverend….but my father" Jessica whispers back with a broken voice.

"It…it's just the way I am….it's just the way I am expected to be" her father replies softly again.

"Jessica, I am afraid…..especially for when they are going to remove these gallstones next Thursday".

"Can you be in here when they do this?…..Can you stay with me that day?"

"Yes, I will be here" Jessica replies softly while drying her tears with a paper handkerchief.

"Jessica, when all this is over….I think we should have a real sit down and talk".

With still wet eyes Jessica looks at her father and nods "yeah, we need to have such a talk".

"Are you afraid of all the other tests?"

"No, not the tests….but for what they may find" her father replies.

"You have to keep faith father, don't expect the worst….and if so, there are so many possibilities nowadays".

The reverend laughs softly "you now sound like everybody else in the congregation".

"Don't compare me with the congregation…" Jessica replies aggravated again.

"What is you have against those people?"

"Like you don't know!"

"No I don't!"

"Just like old times" Jessica sighs and an awkward silence falls again.

After some time the silence is broken by her father: "I think it's better we don't see each other till Thursday…this is going all the wrong way….as usual".

Jessica looks at the rather flat expression on her father's face for a while …."Yes father, I think that's the best".

"I will call you after the tests have been done" she continues with her well know sweet 'nothing's happened' voice as she grabs her coat and leaves.

* * *

Back at her father's place, once more Jessica sits on the couch and stares at the dark screen of the television.

Sometimes a tear rolls down her face which shows no expression while she just smokes one cigarette after another.

But under this seemingly silent face, a volcano is about to erupt as her eyes are becoming more wide.

Her heart starts to pound faster and faster and she can feel the tingling sensation of an increasing level of adrenalin in her blood.

She starts to breath faster and the edges in her field of vision become blurry.

It doesn't take long till she starts to shake all over her body while her face becomes more twisted and pale.

Suddenly, in almost a split second, she jumps off the couch, grabs the stone ashtray which is on the coffee table in front of her and smashes it with all her strength on the floor.

"You fucking bastard!…You goddamn mother fucking piece of shit!" she voice breaking screams.

"Each time!….Each fucking time!…..Over and over again!…..Always the goddamn mother fucking same!" she continues while knocking over the chairs at the dinner table.

"And why!?….Tell me fucking why!….Why!?" while kicking the seat of one of the chairs and pulling off the table cloth from the dinner table.

The small porcelain vase which is on it falls to the ground and shatters into pieces.

Out of breath from her violent outburst Jessica looks around the 'battlefield' in which the living room has turned in.

The adrenalin level in her blood decreases; her heart is still pounding in her throat and a feeling of hazy numbness is kicking in.

An overwhelming fatigue becomes master of her as she stumbles back to the couch; still catching her breath as she plumps down on it.

"Why?…Why?" she whispers while looking at the floor and slowly shaking her head.

She closes her eyes and it doesn't take long before she falls asleep.

It's already past 7 'o clock in the evening when she awakes; feeling stiff and cold from the uncomfortable 'nap' she took on the couch.

With sad eyes she watches into dark living room and sees the testimony of her rage attack in the silhouettes of the chairs she has thrown over.

She turns on some lights and lights a cigarette while just sitting there; wondering about the rage she has felt that morning.

"What is happening to me?" is the pivotal question she keeps asking herself.

Again, Jessica feels puzzled about her feelings; normally she would have never reacted in such a violent way.

Always the controlled and somewhat cold woman and now; it seems like she is loosing control of everything: the crying, the rage, the fear and sorrow…..it's just not her.

But perhaps the thing which surprises her the most is how her father still can hurt her feelings so deeply and again she wonders about her decision to stay in Springfield.

"I could have been just fine back home, working and having fun….nothing to worry about, just doin' the 'hogs' and minding my own business".

The clock in the living room strikes half past seven; Jessica grabs the telephone and dials the number of her father in the hospital.

"Reverend Lovejoy's room, Lindsay Naegle speaking."

"Fuck, that bitch is taking things over down there"

But Jessica manages to control herself: "Aww, miss Neagle; so 'good' to hear your voice again; can I speak to my father please?"

"I'm afraid you can't dear, your father is busy right now" Lindsay Naegle replies with an almost sardonic grin on her face.

But before Jessica can launch a vile counterattack, she hears her father in the background saying "oww, it's alright Lindsay, please give me the horn".

Immediately Jessica can hear in her father's voice there are visitors again in his room.

"Father, how are you, how was the colonoscopy?"

"Well, it wasn't too bad; not something I would recommend to undergo each morning after breakfast but it was quite bearable".

"Did they tell you anything about what could be seen?"

"Yes, they did….there could be seen nothing unusual in the old tunneling system".

"That's at least something…and what is the next thing they are going to do?" Jessica asks.

"Tomorrow they will remove the fluid in my abdomen so I will feel better and send some samples of it to the lab for research".

"Are you nervous for it?"

"Not really, Julius told me I will just feel a slight sting when they put the needle in it".

Jessica shivers by the thought of a needle being put straight in the abdominal cavity.

"It will be done tomorrow morning and tomorrow afternoon they will take a look at my prostate" her father continues.

"It's all quite bearable Jessica, don't worry too much about it" he tries to reassure his daughter.

"I'll do my best father….perhaps I should leave you now as you have company".

"Yes, there are several people over here…..perhaps you can give me a call after half past eight; people will be gone by then".

"I will call you around that time tomorrow father" Jessica replies with a flat voice.

The conversation is ended and she feels even more puzzled.

"Do I have to make an appointment to speak to my father?…Or does he just want to speak with me when there is no one around?….Or doesn't he just want to talk to me?"

She decides not to think too much about it and starts to clean up the mess she has made earlier that day; as there is very little she else can do at the moment.

* * *

Several scans, additional blood tests, almost a third of a gallon of ascites removed from her father's abdominal cavity and the examination of his prostate.

The results from the blood tests and the ascites weren't there yet, but all the other tests were negative; no abnormalities could be seen or felt.

Jessica spent the last two days at her father's house; cleaning a bit, doing groceries and a lot of sleeping and puzzling about her own feelings.

Also she read a lot about secondary liver cancer on the internet, medical descriptions, prognosis and stories of surviving dependants.

These two days passed in some kind of a haze; on one hand she felt very well aware what was going on, while on the other hand it seemed like she was afloat in some kind of dark surrealistic void, in which death was always on the background.

Every evening she called her father at the hospital around half past eight to ask how he was doing, how the tests went and if there were any results or other kind of news regarding his situation.

The conversations they had on the telephone were rather business like, somewhat cold and almost mandatory.

Both parties seemed deliberately trying to avoid to talk about subjects which could easily spiral out of control in an emotional way; just an exchange of information and nothing more.

But despite the fact the awkward silence has returned in the relationship with her father; it also feels almost safe and comfortable.

Just interact without showing real emotions or to speak out what is really on ones mind; like it has always been.

It's Thursday; the day of the ERCP and Jessica isn't quite looking forward to spend a large part of the day with her father at the hospital, but has very little choice as she told him she would be there.

Driving through Springfield, on her way to her father, she sees the signs 'Capitol City' at the intersections and she feels once more the temptation of taking these turns and leave this whole dark world behind her.

Just head for home, forget everything and continue with her own life….but she can't.

Despite all the pain, sorrow, rage and the temptation to just leave; she just has to be there, be there for her father.

For some reason she refuses to take the easy road like her parents did with her and dumped her on boarding school when things weren't going the way they liked.

The parking area at Springfield General Hospital is empty as Jessica arrives and she is able to park her Corvette close to the entrance.

On her way to her father's room she sees how the main lobby is decorated with all kinds Christmas decorations.

The sight of the little coloured lights, the Christmas trees with their colourful decorations and the friendly smiling Santas causes Jessica to feel even worse.

"The whole world is about to celebrate the feast of light and the only thing I feel is surreal darkness" she sighs.

Quickly she walks to the elevator which will bring her to the second floor.

When she reaches the room of her father she stops for a moment and looks through the door.

She sees how the reverend is just lying on his back while staring at the ceiling with sad empty eyes.

Jessica feels the pain in her heart when she watches her father being like this but manages to keep control of her emotions.

"Good morning father" she greets him with a soft voice.

"Jessica…Jessica, I'm so glad to see you".

"How are you feeling?"

"Nervous" her father replies.

Jessica nods silently while taking off her coat.

"I'm with you now".

"I want to go home Jessica, I don't want to be here anymore….I want to be in my own trusted environment" the reverend speaks with a soft and somewhat desperate voice.

"I talked to Julius about it; it can be done when there is some one at home…the few tests I still have to undergo doesn't require me to be admitted to this horrible place" he continues.

"Did you see those people standing next to that room at the beginning of the hall?…..They are there because in that room some one is dying of cancer".

"At night I can hear the poor soul moan and hear their voices trying to comfort him…"

"Take me home Jessica, please take me home".

Jessica feels slightly knocked off her feet by this emotional outburst of her father.

"I…I'm not a nurse….I can't care for you the right way" she stammers.

"You don't need to take care of me….there will be a private practitioner who can take care of that when needed; you only have to look a bit after me".

Jessica doesn't know what to say and feels terribly confused by the sight of this old sick man on one side; while knowing the cold and more distant side of that same man as well.

"I…I…have to give this some thoughts father" she replies and wonders at the same time if she isn't being manipulated by her father's behavior.

"I understand Jessica, but would you please take this in consideration?"

"I….I will father….but can you excuse me…I have to go outside…..need a cigarette".

"Go and have a smoke my child" her father smiles.

Outside, standing next to the main entrance, Jessica inhales deeply the smoke of her Laramie cigarette.

She feels dreadfully cut up by the sight and words of her father; in her entire life she has never seen him like this.

But what to do?

She also knows the other side of him; the side she has seen and felt so clear in the last few days again and caused her to have a tremendous rage attack.

But wouldn't be this the time to step over all these things from the past and show that she can do good as well?

Or should she 'bail out' and leave her father at the hospital and head for home; away from all the misery?

He would get the best care in there but on the other hand, she saw his utter desperation.

"Is this an act of manipulation?….Wouldn't be the first time" she thinks to herself.

Suddenly her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a loud belch.

"Hellloooo!…Can you tellll me where the bar izz nurrrzzz?

Jessica sees how a totally drunk Barney Gumble addresses a member of the hospital's cleaning department.

"A bar?….We don't have a bar in here sir" the young man awkwardly replies.

"Mmmmoe!…Hey Mmmmoe, this nurrrzzz says they haven't gottt beer in hhhere!….We're at the wwwrrrong hozzpital….thissss aint the Duffff Memorial Hozzpital Mmmmoe!…Mmmmoe!?"

Moe Szyslak, who reluctantly agreed to escort his best customer to his appointment with the liver specialist, quickly runs up to the scene.

"Aw Jeez, Uh…hehehehe…don't worry, he isn't dangerous" Moe apologizes to he cleaner.

"Mmmmoe!….We're at the wrrrong place!" Barney blurts out once more.

"No we aint, now get moving!"

"Buttttt Mmmmoe, they have no bbbbeer in hhhere!"

Moe sighs: "look Barney, when a mosquito stings you he will have an instant delirium; there are so many holes in your liver you need a tour guide not to get lost in it…..you had enough beer for the rest of your life and the first millennium to come".

"Rrreally!?"

"Yes really, now get inside before we're late!" Moe replies with his usual annoyed raspy voice.

"Oooooh, look overrrthere!…..Beeeerrr!"

"Barney no! That's the place where they clean bedpans and these bottles you can take a piss in!"

But it's already too late and Jessica sees how the town's boozehound storms into the place while loud belching and shouting: "beeeeerrr….yelllllowww cold swwweeet beeeeerrr!"

* * *

Despite the somewhat awkward nature of the situation she just witnessed; it basically provides Jessica with a break from her own difficult feelings.

She sighs deeply and throws away her cigarette as she heads back to her father's room.

As she leaves the elevator she hears Doctor Hibbert's chuckling coming from the nurses office.

"Doctor Hibbert?….Have you got a minute for me?"

The doctor chuckles: "well yes Jessica, I do".

Jessica enters the office and closes the door behind her.

"My father told me that he can leave the hospital after this ERCP procedure is done".

"Not immediately, he has to stay for another day so if there are any complications or infections caused by it, we can be right at it; but yes, he basically can; provided there is some one at home to look a bit after him" the doctor explains.

"Next week he is scheduled to have a liver puncture and another lung scan, but for these things there is no need to be admitted here" he continues.

Jessica takes a deep breath: "I can be the one who looks after him…..he's desperate to get home".

Doctor Hibbert looks at Jessica while frowning his eyebrows.

"Basically it shouldn't be a problem regarding the medical care, but I'm not so sure about if you are the right person to look after him".

"You're referring to my reputation Doctor?" Jessica asks cynically.

"It's not only your reputation but also the fact I know you a little".

"What do you mean ?"

Doctor Hibbert chuckles again: "well, you aren't quite known for your strong empathic feelings when it comes about your parents".

"No, I'm not….and perhaps I had my reasons for it; ever wondered about that Doctor?" Jessica replies with a cold voice.

"And perhaps I now do have my reasons to take care of my father….in case you haven't noticed, I'm human and not made out of stone".

"Alright Jessica; so you will look after your father when he is back home…..better do a good job girl, this is not as easy to get away with like that time when you tried to steal those antidepressants!"

Jessica's eyes start to shoot fire but she manages to control herself: 'those were different times Doctor".

"Hmmm yes, I suppose they were….".

After the conversation with doctor Hibbert, Jessica goes back to her father's room.

"You have been gone for quite a while?" Her father asks.

"Yes and sorry for that; I have spoken to Doctor Hibbert about you leaving the hospital after this procedure you have to undergo".

"You will have to stay for one more day….next Saturday, if there are no complications, I will get you and take you home".

"You….you will look after me?" her father responds with disbelieve in his voice.

"Yes I will" Jessica shortly replies.

A tear rolls down the cheek of her father: "thank you….thank you so much, you have no idea what this means to me".

"We need to talk father, we desperately need to talk…."

"We will talk Jessica, we will talk" her father whispers.

Jessica nods while looking out the window and already wonders if she has taken the right decision.

"Almost two hours now…what's going on?" Jessica wonders.

A nurse told her that an ERCP would take about thirty minutes to an hour, but now her father is already for two hours gone.

She has asked several other nurses which told her that sometimes such a procedure could take longer but they weren't able to tell her any more.

Again she picks an issue of the Model Railroader Magazine her father reads out of the small stack to kill the time and have some distraction.

"Shelf switchers" she reads out loud and somewhat bored she start to read about how to set up a small model railroad making use of an industrial theme.

"Aww, look….there's little bordello on this one" she smiles.

But her moment of amusement doesn't take long as she sees how 2 nurses are bringing her father back to his room.

She sees how he is wrapped up in blankets to keep him warm; only his face is visible.

"Father, father…how do you feel?"

"I'd rather die before I have to go through something like this" her father weakly responds.

Jessica looks at one of the nurses: "what happened?"

"It was a rather difficult procedure in mister Lovejoy's case; the gallbladder was not easy accessible and it took a long time before all the stones could be removed".

"There were also put three stents in the bile duct which runs from the gallbladder to the liver, which was also very hard to do but eventually we managed to put them in place".

"What's a stent?" Jessica asks.

"A little short tube which is placed in the bile duct and keeps it open" the nurse explains.

"The procedure was a success but quite an ordeal for mister Lovejoy I'm afraid….he will feel better though".

Jessica is stunned by the looks of her father: "this is what he will look when he is dead" flashes through her mind.

The nurses leave and Jessica sits on the chair next to her fathers bed.

"Father?…..It's done….you're through it" she softly speaks.

Her father turns his head and looks at her with half open eyes.

"The short narcosis didn't work well…..I felt it all when they were inside of me"

"I tried to pull away the arms of the surgeon but they held my arms….they just kept on going"

Jessica closes her eyes and holds her father's hand and whispers: it's done father…it's done…..the day after tomorrow you can go home".

Her father squeezes her hand and just looks at the wet eyes of his daughter.

"You're a good girl Jessica…you're a good girl…"


	3. Chapter 3

**A daughter and a father **

Saturday December seventh; it's nine `o clock in the morning and Jessica lies in her bed, still sleeping.

The cold wind blows through the streets of Springfield and from time to time the sound of hail and rain can be heard on the glass of the window.

She has buried herself deeply under her feather bed and sleeps peacefully.

As she turns herself on her side her bare shoulder can be seen which she covers with a short pull on her feather bed.

Some soft grumbling, a deep sigh as she descends back into the land of dreams while feeling the warmth of her bed on her bare skin ….but not for long.

Suddenly the doorbell rings…..

Jessica opens her eyes and almost instinctively jumps out of bed, grabs her kimono and quickly goes to the front door to see whose there.

Milhouse van Houten, who was forced to join the legion of the U.S. postal services after a rather disastrous and short career as a junior manager at the cookie factory where his father used to work, waits impatiently till some one opens the door so he can return to the warmth of his delivery van.

Finally the door opens: "Yeah reverend, I got a package for…..?"

Jessica, just wearing her translucent kimono, is not very amused as she sees who is standing in front of her while the cold wind blows straight through the cloth.

"Yes?" She asks rather emotionlessly at the mailman whose large eyebrows has started to move in all kinds of directions.

"Got….got….got…..uh…package!" he stammers.

"A package…for me?" Jessica asks in a somewhat grumpy way.

"Yeah…uh..no..no…for Reverend Lovejoy!"

"He isn't at home so are you gonna give me the damn package or not?….I'm freezing my ass off!"

"Uh…uh…yeah!….Nice ass…uh…package….please sign here!"

Jessica quickly signs the receipt, grabs the package out of the hands of the totally flabbergasted mailman and smashes the door right in his face.

"What kind of morons they hire nowadays as mailman?" Jessica wonders as she goes back upstairs to take a shower and put some clothes on.

It's only when she takes off her kimono she realizes that she treated the mailman on a pretty close up view of her almost naked body and roars with laughter.

While she is showering, she still chuckles when thinking about the face and especially the eyebrows of the flabbergasted guy.

But she also realizes herself that now she is going to take care of her father at home, it might be a pretty good idea to buy some new underwear, a few nightgowns and a less revealing dressing gown.

Her father wouldn't survive when he would see his daughter wearing nothing but a G-string and a translucent kimono.

"However…" Jessica thinks out loud while getting a diabolical grin on her face.

"Nah, better not".

* * *

It's already past ten 'o clock when Jessica sits downstairs at the dinner table having breakfast which consists out of some toast, a cup of tea and a cigarette.

She takes a better look at the package which was delivered earlier that morning and sees it comes from a company named 'Walthers' in Milwaukee.

While holding the box she starts to chuckle again as she once more has to think of the face and the enormous eyebrows of the mailman who delivered it.

After putting the package back on the cabinet, Jessica starts to clear the dinner table and unpacks the dishwasher.

She is just finished as the telephone rings.

"Jessica, it's your father…..I can come home today" the reverend deeply relieved sighs.

"That's great news father".

"Yes, it is….they are going to release me at one `o clock this afternoon; can you be at the hospital by then?"

"Of course father".

"Good, I see you this afternoon".

The phone call ends and Jessica starts to feel slightly nervous and awkward because of the businesslike tone in her father's voice.

After the short phone conversation she sits down at the dinner table and lights another cigarette.

"Was this a wise decision?" she wonders once more.

Last Thursday her father was so vulnerable, so human….and if it would have been up to her, she would have taken him straight back home.

But now; now when everything seems to get a bit back to normal….he became 'the Rev' again.

Jessica sighs deeply and stares silently downwards while slowly shaking her head.

"God, we're in for a hell of a ride…."

* * *

Picking up her father at the hospital took more time as initially expected.

She helped him to pack and needed to take care about some paperwork regarding the health insurance.

Some medication had to be collected at the hospital's pharmacy as well more additional paperwork regarding the transfer to the general practitioner who would take care of business if any medial assistance was needed at home.

At half past two, Jessica opens the front door for her father and finally the reverend is back home.

As they enter the hall suddenly her father stops and puts his hand against the wall to support himself and a few soft sobs can be heard.

"Father, what's wrong?" Jessica asks worried as she puts down his suitcase and her plastic bags with new underwear and nightgowns.

"Nothing….nothing…I…I'm fine…..just grateful to be back home…away from that horrible place" her father replies with a slightly broken voice.

Jessica puts her arm around him and with a soft voice she tries to comfort him: "hey, it's OK….you are home now and I'll take care of you…don't worry".

Her father nods while wiping away a tear from his check.

In the living room the both of them sit down on the couch and Jessica picks a cigarette out of her package.

"Have you been smoking in here?" her father asks.

"Well yes…why?"

"I don't want you to smoke inside my house" he continues with a rather flat voice.

The warm and empathic feelings she just had for her father are suddenly replaced a sense of agitation which only gets worse when she is told to smoke outside.

Jessica manages to keep control of herself and demonstratively lights a cigarette.

"You asked me to stay, which means me including my cigarettes which I won't smoke outside!" she states firmly.

"May I remark this is still my house; which means I am the one who decides what happens in it?"

"Yes" Jessica replies now with a diabolical grin on her face while slowly breathing out the smoke.

"You are not giving in are you?"

And with the same grin on her face Jessica just replies "no".

"Mmmm….alright then, but smoke under the cooker hood in the kitchen" her father grumbles as he sees his daughter is not going to make any compromises regarding her need of nicotine, nor the place where she will satisfy it.

"I'm feeling tired; I'm going to lay down for a while upstairs" he continues.

"Yes, you better do so" Jessica replies with a cold voice.

Her father leaves the living room and goes upstairs.

When she hears her father lies down on his bed Jessica's eyes start to shoot fire.

"Go on father, just keep on going this way and before you'll know it I'm back home in Capitol City" she softy hisses to herself.

Her breathing and heart rate speeds up while her eyes are getting more wide.

Filled with rage by her father's remarks, she just sits down on the couch and tries to control herself which she manages to do….but just barely.

* * *

The atmosphere in the house is tensed; Jessica and her father are not exchanging much words.

So much to talk about and so few words spoken…..

Jessica sits in the kitchen while smoking a cigarette with a switched on cooking hood.

It's Sunday afternoon and her father is lying in bed again.

His normal yellow skin color has returned but he feels tired all the time.

He managed to eat something the day before but his appetite has become less; just a few crackers for lunch and some tea.

"The 'Rev' is back in his ivory tower" Jessica sighs and once more she is torn up between her own feelings.

She had hoped her father would open up to her when he was back home; that they would talk about the things they need to talk about so desperately.

But instead, it was like it always has been…..awkwardly silent.

When she wants she just can pack her bags and leave; but she doesn't.

For some strange kind of reason Jessica feels that this whole story is not going to end well.

Some kind of sub conscious awareness tells her that she doesn't has a lot of time left with her father.

"Bullshit!" She talks to herself while pushing away these strange ominous feelings and pours herself a glass of diet coke.

As she puts the bottle back in to the fridge the doorbell rings.

Jessica opens the front door and sees almost the whole church government standing in front of her.

"Yes?" She asks with a cold voice.

"We wonder if we could see Reverend Lovejoy?" A young priest asks.

"Allow me to introduce myself; I'm Rod Flanders and I'm the substitute priest for the time your poor father is not able to lead the herd".

"How nice" Jessica replies coldly again.

"Uh, can we see him?"

"No, he's resting right now".

"Oww, now that shouldn't be such a problem Jessica" she suddenly hears her father saying.

Jessica looks behind her and sees him on the lowest step of the stairs.

"Do come in Rodney and good to see you as well Lindsay…Jessica, can you take their coats?"

Jessica freezes on the spot and looks at her father who is warmly welcoming all these people.

As all of them enter the living room and sit down around the coffee table, Jessica deliberately vanishes into the kitchen using the excuse she is going to make coffee and tea.

The rather emotionless expression on her face changes into a sad and empty one as she sits down at the kitchen table.

Again she wonders about the fact how her father is paying this warm attention to all these strangers while being so remote to her.

She hears how he talks with Rod Flanders about the subject of the preach he held that morning and with Lindsay Naegle about how things are going in the church in general.

Again she lights a cigarette and starts to make coffee and tea.

For a moment she is tempted to put the ash of her cigarette in Lindsay Naegle's cup but decides not to stir things up.

Instead of rebelling she decides to take a different approach.

When the tea and coffee are ready she fills the cups, puts them on a tray and friendly starts to serve the people in the living room.

"Take the easy approach and fuck 'em all" she thinks to herself while asking who wants milk or sugar.

Luckily the visitors just stay for an hour and as they have left, Jessica starts to clean off the coffee table.

"Very thoughtful of you to ask if they wanted a cup of coffee or tea Jessica" her father compliments her.

"Well, we don't want that people start to think they are not welcome at the house of their reverend?"

"People are always welcome here" her father replies with a warm smile on his face.

"Yes, I suppose they are…." Jessica sighs.

"Do I hear some sarcasm in your voice?"

"That's for you to decide father…"

"You still haven't opened the package which was delivered yesterday; aren't you curious what's in it?" she deliberately changes the subject to see if her father will continue on his remark.

"Ah yes, the parcel…I totally forgot about it!"

Jessica sighs and once more she shakes her head.

"Yes, it's from Walthers!" her father enthusiastically shouts.

"What's so special about it?" Jessica asks while her father starts to unpack.

"I have been waiting for so long and now it's finally there!"

Suddenly a silver and black box appears out of the Styrofoam packaging chips.

"Now look what a beauty we have here…."

Jessica watches over her father's shoulder and sees a green and black model diesel locomotive through the transparent part of the display box.

On the box she reads "U30B Burlington Northern".

"Aww, this is not an 'Effie' or 'Jeepie', this is an 'Uey green'" she smiles.

"Effies, Jeepies and Esdies….you still remember it?" he asks his daughter with a soft voice.

Jessica nods softly: "yes, I do remember them…."

Her fathers smiles "shall we go down to the basement and see if Uey green wants to play with his other little friends?"

"Will you turn off the lights?"

"Yes…yes, I will".

When they enter the basement Jessica sees that there has been a lot changed since the last time she has been there.

"Where is the large table with the layout you had in the midst?" she asks her father.

"Oww, it's gone….I started to build a new and smaller layout about ten years ago".

Her father pulls a long curtain away and a twelve foot long miniature industrial landscape becomes visible.

A switch is pressed and the layout comes alive.

"Ooooh….all these little lights…it's beautiful!"

Jessica walks alongside the sleazy model industrial district and watches the old and dirty factories with their railway connections, the little blue collar workers and their small cars and of course the locomotives and carriages.

In front of a small building she stops and starts to chuckle.

"What's wrong?" her father asks.

"I have read about that one last Thursday" and points her finger to a little building in a street behind the grain elevator which has red lanterns on its facade.

"Well, it's an industrial district" her father defends his little brothel.

"And there is nothing wrong with it; Mary Magdalene worked in that industry as well…..it's all in the good book!" he continues.

Jessica is still chuckling "I'm sorry father, but you are really the last person on earth from who I would have ever expected to build a whore house!"

"It was a lot of work!…Look at all the details!"

Jessica takes a closer look and sees how her father made tiny fishnet stockings out of very fine copper wire netting and put them on a tiny clothesline at the backside of the building.

"Aww, that's really sweet!" she smiles.

Her father in the meanwhile, has put his latest acquisition on the tracks in front of a consist of hopper cars and after pressing some buttons on the control panel the locomotive starts to move.

"It doesn't matter what profession we have Jessica; as long as we have a pure heart…whores are no exception….we're all Gods children" her father remarks while the locomotive picks up speed.

"Father, can you turn off the lights?"

The reverend smiles as he knows what his daughter means and reaches out to the light switch.

Now the cold white light of the tubular lighting is gone; the basement is softly illuminated by the little lights of the model layout.

Jessica watches how the signals change colors and how the red flashing lights of the railroad crossings start to work when a train approaches.

Her father concentrated watches the trains and the indications on his control panel.

The only thing he doesn't see is how a small tear rolls down his daughters cheek; a tear of joy…and tremendous pain, as she once more realizes how things could have been.

* * *

It's Wednesday evening and the week has progressed slowly.

Jessica is preparing a light meal for dinner; just some pasta with ham, fried tomatoes and some herbs.

Her father spends most of the time sleeping and only gets out of bed to go to the restroom or when there are some visitors.

It aggravates her to see how all these people keep visiting her father; always the same conversations, always about faith or the church and even a few managed to start to talk about their own problems.

The only exception was Marge Simpson.

Jessica started to see and experience herself Marge's loving and caring nature.

As all the other visitors deliberately ignored her, Marge always asked how she was doing and offered help.

Yesterday Jessica and her father were at the hospital again for the second lung scan and it was Marge who spontaneously offered to cook dinner for the both of them.

"So you don't have to worry about that" she said.

But Marge also gave her cell phone numbers and told her she could call her any time when she needed help or just wanted to talk.

This offer touched Jessica deeply as this woman offered her something which was never offered to her before…a bit of support and perhaps even some warmth.

Marge Simpson had enough reasons not to do this; especially after what Jessica did to her son Bart when she emptied the content of the church collection basket in her purse and didn't care about the fact that it was Bart who had to take the blame for it.

Quickly she suppresses her feelings of guilt regarding what she did back then.

But the kindness of Marge makes Jessica realize once more how much it hurts how her own father seems to have more attention for his heard instead of his daughter…..like it had always been and she craves for the moments like they had last Sunday evening….

With a sad face she silently stares at the kitchen wall while only the sound of the cooking hood can be heard together with the sound of boiling water.

Her father came out of bed and soon both are sitting at the dinner table.

"Sweet mother of mercy, how much olive oil have you used?" her father complains when he tastes the pasta dish.

"Olive oil?…..Just a small tablespoon to fry the tomatoes and the ham in" Jessica replies slightly surprised.

Her father shakes his head while pushing away his plate.

"I don't taste any olive oil in it" Jessica defends her pasta dish.

"What's wrong with it?" she continues.

"It tastes like you have used a bucket of oil…."

"I didn't…like I said: I just used a small tablespoon!"

"It tastes like olive oil" her father grumpily replies.

"Fine, then it tastes like olive oil…..what's the matter with you?"

"Oww, perhaps the fact that my digestive system is one big mess and that I may die of cancer"

"Father; there is nothing wrong with the food!"

"Why do you react in such a way, this afternoon when half the congregation was here, there were no problems at all when I served coffee and you poured the usual half gallon of cream in yours!"

"Those things are different."  
Jessica feels how she is getting more and more aggravated and tries to control her self.

"Yes, those things are different….like always…." she bitterly whispers.

"Oh no, we're not going into that one again" her father grumbles back.

"Again father!?…We never have been in that one!"

"I'm going back to bed, I don't need to listen to this!"

Her father stands up, leaving his upset daughter behind.

Jessica is too enraged to say anything and watches how her father leaves the living room.

* * *

The crockery which was used that evening had quite a lot to endure when Jessica more or less threw it into the dishwasher.

Enraged she felt; enraged about how her father once more walked away when there came something more difficult up.

Sitting on the couch, smoking one cigarette after another, she tried to calm down by watching television.

'Eye on Springfield' and a tribute show to the late Herschel Krustofski; also known as Krusty the Clown.

With a an expressionless face Jessica watches the images on the screen which don't have any effect on her.

Around ten `o clock she hears how her father is leaving his bed and comes downstairs.

He enters the living room and heads for the kitchen to get some water without saying a word.

Jessica deliberately lights another cigarette hoping to lure out her father…with success.

"I thought we had an understanding about not smoking in the living room?" the reverend grumbles.

"Really?" she sarcastically replies.

"You can smoke in the kitchen, remember?"

"Really father?"

The reverend shakes his head and takes a deep sigh.

"Why do you have to make things always so damn difficult girl!"

"Oh, but this is something different" Jessica replies with still a sarcastic tone in her voice but inside; she starts to boil.

And again her father shakes his head and heads for the stairs.

"Where are you going father!?" Jessica now asks with a more loud and angry voice.

"Do I need permission in my own house, from my own daughter to go back to bed?"

"Are things getting too difficult again father!?…..Are you just avoiding it again father!?"

"I don't need this…I'm going back to bed!"

Jessica gets up from the couch and closes the door in front of her father while hissing: "the hell you aren't!"

"Well, well, if my little girl doesn't get what she wants, my little girl gets obstinate…again!"

"No, your little girl is fed up with the fact her father is treating her most of the time like some kind of fucking accessory…again!"

"You are overreacting and watch your language young lady!"

"Overreacting!?…I see every goddamn day how you are dealing with your fucking congregation; how kind you are to them, how supportive you are to them….how wise you are to them!…Fucking strangers!…But when it comes to me; it's all gone!…..Like it has always been!" Jessica shouts voice breaking.

"I see; are we going that way now….well Jessica, may I remind you that you never were and are the kind of person who seemed to care about these things as you were always occupied with what was good for you!"

"Yeah, and you never ever wondered why I became like that!….Because you and mother were always only interested in how to keep up the appearance of a decent and devout happy little family!"

"The both of you were never concerned about what I needed!"

"You're being unfair Jessica; we only wanted the best for you!"

"The best for me!?…..You say you wanted the best for me!?" Jessica cries as she looks her father straight in the eyes.

"Is that why you dumped me at that fucking boarding school!?"

"You were such a difficult child to handle, always in trouble and always doing what you liked…you never considered what it might do to us!"

"I was only seven years old when you dumped me!….I was just a little girl who just wanted to play!"

"You have no idea how it was; you have no fucking idea how it was in that place….and you never cared about it!"

"I cried my eyes out, I prayed every fucking night to this God of yours, hoping he would make it happen that you would take me home…..but it didn't happen….." Jessica hisses bitterly.

"Noooo, I was just allowed to go home once a month and during the holidays…and when I was back here; I had to be the 'sweet and decent' daughter of the reverend!"

"A fucking 'straight A student' a decent and devout little girl….and you know what father….I really tried to be like that at first because I thought the both of you would take me back home when I would be like that…..but each and every fucking time you brought me back…..you piece of shit!"

"And when I was home, my mother the 'ice queen' didn't look after me and you only paid attention to your goddamn congregation!…..I saw you being supportive to all those other people, being kind to them…why not to me father!…..why the fuck not to me!?"

"And even now…..after so many years; nothing has changed…..not a fucking thing…you even tried once more to 'bail out' when I brought up the difficult stuff…..remember father!?….When I was ten and they finally kicked me off that school!?…Why do you think I emptied that collection basket!?…..And when I wanted to explain it to you…explain it just to you because the 'ice queen' was just too fucking hysterical as her illusion of the perfect family was gone….you put your fingers in your ears and walked away from me!….And dumped me in another even more strict hellhole…another boarding school to put me straight so you would finally get the daughter you wanted to have!"

A short silence falls in the house as Jessica stares with large bitter tear strained eyes to her father's face.

She is trembling with bitter rage, her heart throbbing in her throat while gasping for some air.

The face of her father has become flat and pale while he slowly nods his head: "I see…I see Jessica…"

"Just the little selfish and ungrateful girl you always were….always me, me, me….never thinking of anybody else…..never caring about what it meant for me and your mother!" her father hisses back.

"We always wanted the best for you; give you a good start…but the only thing you did was spat on it…spat on me and your mother!"

"I sometimes wonder if it wasn't you who caused the destruction of my marriage because your mother was no longer able to deal with all the shame!"

"How many times people made a fool out of me behind my back because you had been behaving like a wild beast….how many times I had to hear from other persons that you were found lying in the bushes with some boy of even a girl…how many times I have heard you were seen half naked being drunk or stoned when you were a teenager!"

"You were even caught stealing from a chemistry and I had to crawl through the dust to prevent Julius from stepping to the police!"

"You really have no idea how many times I had to talk to Wiggum and even bribe him to keep your police record clean!"

"How many times I was called by your school because you were caught doing things and I had to beg them not to expel you!"

"And when I or your mother wanted to talk with you about all the things you did….when we tried to understand you; we only could get a coldhearted bold answer and only if you weren't having a hangover!"

"Never ever you showed any interest in your parents, how it affected us, how much sorrow you caused…never!

"Good God, the day that you ran away from boarding school when you were seventeen was such a relief…..a relief because you started to live your own life so we wouldn't have to humiliate ourselves in front of all kinds of persons anymore and start to live our life once more in peace!"  
"Regarding that I never understood how you managed to get a good job as a booking agent in that hotel and managed to build a normal life".

"I always thought you would end up somewhere on the street earning your money with your body…."

"And now, when your old man's life is in danger….even now you are just thinking of yourself because it's you who want to bring out all the misery again instead of caring about what this possible death sentence is doing to me!"

"Are you trying to get a clean conscience Jessica!?…..Before it's too late!?….Do you just want to hear I forgive you for all the misery you have caused!?"

"Well, answer me girl!"

Jessica takes a deep breath, grabs the picture of her when she was a little girl from the cabinet and smashes it into pieces on the ground.

Overwhelmed by her bitterness and rage she hisses: "You really don't get it do you!?….You just don't get it!…You never got it!"

"You really think that those are my motives to stay and take care of you!?….You ever wondered about that I may have other feelings as well…..you ever wondered that it was you and the 'ice queen' who turned me into this!?"

"About one thing you were right daddy, I do earn my money with my body….Yes, father…your little girl is a whore!….A well paid whore!….And you bet your ass I like to spread my legs for all these strangers!….The daughter of the fucking reverend is a first class whore!….That is was you made out of me father…a fallen woman who fucks for mon… " but before Jessica can finish her line her father slaps her in the face.

His eyes filled with rage, bitterness and disgust while shaking his head; "my 'daughter'" is the only thing he is able to bring out; his voice filled with the same things which can be seen in his eyes.

"Yes father, your daughter…your selfish slutty daughter" Jessica replies bitterly.

"And you know what father?" she continues while grabbing her cigarettes from the table.

"Your daughter is leaving you now….the whore is leaving you!….I don't need anybody!…Especially not you!…Ask your fucking heard if they can take care of you; you seem to be fond of them and they seem to be fond of you!"

"Goodbye Reverend!" Jessica hisses to her father as she grabs her coat and purse…and slams the front door behind her.

* * *

On the highway to Capitol City a red Corvette speeds through the darkness.

Jessica heads home; back to her own safe place…..

The short time she has spent with her father has only caused rage, bitterness and deep sorrow.

Still upset by what happened earlier that night, Jessica puts 'the pedal to the metal'.

With sad and angry eyes she stares into the darkness and tries to focus as good as she can on the traffic.

With her lips she picks another cigarette out of her package and lights it.

The Corvette is doing almost a hundred miles an hour and after passing the exit to the Springfield stadium, Jessica's eye is caught by a set of blue and red flashing lights behind her.

"Fuck, cops!" she swears.

"Move over your car!" a rather high pitched male voice can be heard through the speaker of the patrol car when it is just behind her.

Jessica sighs and reduces speed to park her car on the emergency lane.

However for some strange reason the patrol car accelerates and passes her, suddenly hits the brakes and comes over distance of more then a hundred yards to a standstill.

"Left pedal is for breaking!" it sounds out of the speaker of the patrol car; apparently the police officer had forgotten to turn off his microphone.

Jessica watches the patrol car and sees how it speeds forward again.

"R is for backwards!" the high pitched voice blurts out again as the patrol car comes to a second standstill.

Finally the officer manages to put his car in reverse and very slowly starts to head back to the red Corvette.

"Left is for stopping!" can be heard enthusiastically through the speaker and the patrol car comes to a standstill in front of Jessica's Corvette.

In the light of her car's headlights, she sees how a rather 'round' police officer gets out of his car.

"What the…?….That guy is wearing sunglasses in the dark?"

The officer waggles in a slight way to the Corvette, hits his leg against the bumper and knocks on the side window.

Jessica lowers it and puts on her most sweet voice, hoping she can evade a ticket for speeding by doing so.

"Yes, officer…Wiggum?"

"You were speeding too fast!"

"Really officer, I honestly have no idea how fast I was going" Jessica replies innocently.

"Yes miss, you were diving almost…uh…uh" and the police man heads back to his patrol car to actually check the exceeded speed.

"One…zero…zero….that's a lot!" is blurted out through the speaker once more.

The officer waggles now in up=tempo back while hitting his leg for the second time on the bumper.

"You were really speeding way too fast miss!"

"Well, officer, what is the maximum speed allowed on this piece of highway?"

And again the officer has to head back for his patrol car.

"Daddy?…How fast can you drive on a highway?" the officer radios to the police headquarters.

Through the speaker Jessica can hear the whole conversation and starts to wonder about how on earth Ralph Wiggum ever became a police officer.

"Look Ralphie, where are you now?"

"Near the crossroads which go to the sports stadium!"

"That's good Ralphie, that's good…you can go seventy miles an hour over there".

"Seventy?….uh"

"That's a seven and a zero…and how fast did the other car go?

"She speeded one zero zero!"

"So how much too fast is that Ralphie?"

"Uh….uh…I bent my wookie"

Jessica can hear a deep sigh coming from the police radio.

"Just ask her for her drivers license and give her a warning…."

"OK daddy!" And the police officer heads back to the Corvette, only this time he manages not to hit the bumper.

"I need to see your chauffeuring license miss!"

"Well duh.."

Jessica feels inside the inner pocket of her coat but her drivers license is not there.

"I must have put it into my purse officer".

"No no no, daddy says it can be dangerous when people start to reach into their bags!"

"Well officer, how do you want me to get my drivers license out of it?"

"I will get it out your bag miss!"

"Suit yourself officer".

Ralph Wiggum starts to dig in the main compartment of Jessica's purse for her drivers license till suddenly he holds a cylindrical object between his fingers which is wrapped in a small white plastic bag.

"Can you tell me what this is miss?"

"Open the package officer and see for yourself" Jessica grins back.

Ralph opens the package and pulls out a tampon: "ooooo, a plushy on a string!"

"Yes officer, it's a plushy on a string….also called a tampon" Jessica smiles back.

"A tampon?…You mean you…it's meant for mommy discomfort?"

"Yes officer, it's meant for monthly mommy discomfort" Jessica sighs.

Totally flabbergasted by this new and rather shocking discovery Ralph gives Jessica's purse back while staring with large glazy eyes to the tampon which he still holds between his fingers.

"Uh, can I go now officer?…..Officer?…Hellooo?"

"I need to go potty…"

"Uh yes…I suppose you need to go potty; so I assume I can leave?…..Officer?"

No response and after waiting for five more minutes Jessica decides just to leave, leaving the representative of 'the strong arm of the law' with his 'plushy on a string' back on the emergency lane.

* * *

"Daddy how fast can you drive on a highway?" Jessica chuckles as she is driving through the darkness.

"Ralph Wiggum; he hasn't changed a bit" she sighs and remembers how he ate his crayons when he was a little kid.

"Still needs his daddy" she continues talking to herself while thinking of the response of Chief Wiggum through the radio.

A totally different world; a totally different father….

This father just accepted his basically retarded son and probably fixed a job at the Springfield police force for him as well.

Jessica envies Ralph for this and wishes her own father had been more like that; more caring about what she needed instead of expecting to behave as the daughter of the reverend.

"A selfish and ungrateful little girl…" she again speaks to her self, but it were perhaps the words of her father when he asked her if she wanted to get a clean conscience and forgiveness for all the misery she has caused before he might die which hurt her the most.

The fact her father's words imply that his daughter can do nothing else but to think about herself causes a cold and lonely feeling inside her.

"I can care about other people…" Jessica whispers to herself but in her heart she knows she hasn't demonstrated that ability of her that much during her life.

A tear rolls down her face as she hears the harsh words of her father echoing in her mind.

Still driving with a speed of over ninety miles an hour, Jessica starts to cry softly behind the steering wheel and as she approaches the Ogdenville exit, she leaves the highway and parks her car on a small parking lot near a highway overpass.

"I do care about other people….. I do care about you father!" she softly cries while hearing her father's words over and over again in her mind.

"I've been fucking praying for you…..I came to Springfield to take care of you…..why did you and mother turn me in to what I am?…I…I'm not evil…..please know I'm not evil" she sobs.

"Why didn't we play more with the trains father?….Why didn't we…." but her crying prevents her to continue.

A tremendous explosion of sorrow fills the passengers compartment of the Corvette as Jessica is crying violently over herself, her father, the past and the possible grim future.

After half an hour she finally calms down a bit and lights a cigarette.

With thick eyes she watches silently into the darkness outside; her mind is empty and she feels tired, very tired.

She starts her Corvette and again she stares into the darkness for a while.

A deep sigh follows and slowly she drives off the parking lot, takes a right turn, crosses the highway overpass and turns left….back to Springfield.

* * *

It's already after midnight when Jessica parks her car deliberately a few houses away from her father's.

She feels nervous; nervous about how he may react.

Would the fight continue, would they talk, or would there be the everlasting silence again?

As she approaches the house, she sees there is still light in the living room.

She decides to take the back door and silently she opens the gate which gives access to the back yard.

"Not locked…good" she thinks and heads into the dark back yard.

Through the window of the living room she sees her father sitting on the couch; his hands in front of his face and she can see how his body softly shakes.

"He…he's crying?" she softly whispers to herself and silently opens the back door.

"Who is there?…Is…is that you Marge?" her father asks while trying to sound as normal as possible when he hears the door closing with a soft sound.

No response from the kitchen and again he asks "Marge, is that you?"

A short silence follows before he gets a reply.

"No father, it's me" Jessica replies with a soft voice.

She enters the living room and sees the thick red eyes of her father as she slowly walks towards him.

"You…you came back?" her father stammers.

Jessica slowly sits down next to him on the couch and looks her father in the eyes.

She sees how his eyes get wet again and a tear rolls down his cheek.

He opens his arms and puts them around his daughter and start to cry.

"I turned my daughter into a hooker… my girl…my little girl…what have I done!" he sobs.

Jessica puts her arms around her father "It isn't your fault….it isn't your fault father" she starts to cry.

Heartbreaking tears and shattered voices; for more then fifteen minutes father and daughter cry together while holding each other tight.

The violent eruption of pain and sorrow finally calms down a bit.

"Don't leave me, please don't leave me again….I still need you so bad" Jessica softly sobs.

"I never wanted to leave you….God, where did all this go wrong? Her father whispers back with a broken voice.

"I'm not evil…I am really not evil father….please, believe me… I'm not evil.."

"I know…I know….now hush….it will be alright".

"It's all because I had to go to that boarding school…why did I had to go there father….why did I had to go to that horrible place?" Jessica whispers.

Her father takes his arms off her and stares to the ground with silent sad eyes.

"Springfield Elementary had a bad reputation back then" he sighs.

"We, or better said your mother, saw how you were becoming wilder and wilder when you were seven…..we wanted you to give the best start in life and to grow up as a decent girl with good career opportunities regarding your education".

I didn't see a problem in the way you were behaving an developing back then….but you know your mother…." her father continues.

"Back in those days I was so occupied with the congregation, occupied with Ned Flanders, God has his soul, but also started to loose interest in the whole thing".

"I started to go my own way…..I felt trapped in my existence of being a priest with all the things around it…but I couldn't just leave all those people".

"But why didn't you choose for your self father?"

The reverend silently shakes his head: "I had built a life with your mother and you here….I didn't want to waste it because of my own feelings…I didn't want to be the weak person my own father accused me always from".

A silence falls in the living room.

"Father, why didn't you step up against mother?"

Her father sighs deeply: "Helen…..I loved her so much back then….she was just too strong for me Jessica….I couldn't get up against her".

Again tears start to roll down his cheek: "and because I was so damn weak I turned you into a whore!"

"I never listened to you….yes, you were right about that…..I never listened like a father should do…"

And now it's Jessica who stares silently to the ground.

"Boarding school was hell for me father…..they didn't accept me there…..called me 'the nun', stole things from me, excluded me…..bullied me".

"I have prayed so much during the first year….praying you would get me and take me home with you…away from that horrible place…but you never came for me….and when I was home; I always had to go back".

"I started to study like hell, hoping I would please you and mother that way so I could go back home….but it didn't work…..so I started to rebel…if the both of you wouldn't get me; I had to make sure I was kicked off….kicked off so I could go back home…" Jessica continues.

"I started to do all kinds of things and I noticed the other girls started to fear me…at the end of the second year in there; each and every one of them knew that you shouldn't mess with 'the nun'"

"The teachers and staff became more and more harsh to me as I didn't wanted to fit in and tried to get expelled….so I started to make these pipe bombs…..plastic tubes filled with gunpowder from firecrackers…that's how I blew up these toilets".

"Well, you know what happened after that…..I was expelled…and finally sent home".

"And then there was this whole history with Bart Simpson….." Jessica sighs.

"Why did you put your fingers in your ears father?…why did you ignore me back then when I wanted to explain why I all did it…I would have told you the same thing like I'm telling you now…."

The reverend sees the questioning red eyes of his daughter but cannot look straight into them and again he stares to the ground.

"Jessica I…." But he stops and tries to find the right words.

"That whole situation, the ignorant mob in your bedroom, the reasons why you got expelled, all the troubles at school before you were kicked off, your mother who was hysterical about it…..it was too much for me…..instead of listening to you I thought you were trying to talk your way out of it…..".

Again a silence falls in the living room and Jessica sees how her father still looks at the ground while shaking his head.

"I felt so disappointed….I felt so helpless….I just couldn't understand how that sweet little girl of mine was capable of doing such things" he continues.

"I still saw you as that little girl who was running around in her blue dungarees, a red apple shaped patch sown on your knee to cover up the hole in it, playing in the sand or with other kids…always happy…always sweet….and then, I just could see how you had turned into a cold blooded calculating…..little monster" he continues.

"And in my anger I pushed you away while I should have hold you in my arms and listened to you….but I didn't".

"Your mother and me thought you needed to be straightened out and sent you to that other boarding school….an even more strict one".

"When we had the introductory talk with the principal there, we urged you needed a strict regime…so you would get back on the tracks".

"I screwed up….I screwed up big time…things only got worse" the reverend sighs while still staring to the floor.

Jessica nods slowly and puts her head on her father's shoulder.

"Over there….something snapped in me….I was so devastated when you dropped me off, I felt so betrayed….I was so afraid of becoming outcast again".

"Like you know it was a mixed school and that whole thing with Bart Simpson had taught me that I could get things done from the boys because of my looks…so I used them".

"Well, you know how I filled out when I became a teenager…and….and I started to use my…my body….use it as a tool to create a base of power…a base of safety…and it worked as all of the boys ate out of my hand" Jessica whispers while tears start to roll again down her cheeks.

Her father puts his arm around her and with a shivering voice she continues: "it…it was the only way for me to survive…..and the longer I did it, the easier it went…till it became a way of life for me….a life in which I was popular…in which I had friends".

"I hated you so much…I hated you so much because you had left me…and the only thing I wanted was to hurt you" Jessica cries.

"And when I ran off from that hellhole….to Capitol City….I just went on with it…because it was the only way I knew!"

With a by tears and sorrow twisted face Jessica looks her father now straight in the eyes: "why didn't you listen to me father…why, why, why!?"

Her father puts his arms around her and holds her head against his chest while softly caressing her hair.

Jessica cries violently "father don't leave me….don't leave me alone!"

And with a soft and comforting voice her father says: "Not this time my girl, not this time…..no matter who or what you are, your father won't leave you this time….."


	4. Chapter 4

**Prelude to a sentence**

Thursday morning December twelve, the day of the liver puncture.

A procedure which requires her father to be admitted for one day at the hospital, as it will be performed under a short narcosis.

Guided by ultrasound; the radiologist will take several tissue samples from the affected areas in her father's liver.

Jessica is standing behind the window of the room in which her father will stay that day.

A nurse has just taken him to the room where the procedure will be performed.

She could see the fear and helplessness in her father's face again; again the same eyes as when he was told by Doctor Hibbert he was probably suffering from cancer.

She watches the traffic on the highway and sees how a long ribbon of white and red lights are moving in opposite directions.

"All these people going to their work like they do each and every day" Jessica sighs and envies all of them.

She wonders how bizarre life can be, how all these people are just going on with their daily business while she is now standing in a hospital where they are going to stick needles in her father's liver to find out how bad the cancer is.

For some time she keeps staring out of the window and watches how life just continues.

Nicotine shortage starts to kick in and Jessica heads down to smoke a cigarette and have another cup of tea; her father won't be back for a while.

The wind is cold and some wet snow falls from the sky.

Outside Jessica is accompanied by several other people, including patients, who need to get their nicotine back to required levels.

Next to her stands a guy in his early forties with long black curly hair whose smokes smells kinda different.

"Ooooh yeah baby, come to Ottooo" he smiles with a satisfied face as he inhales the smoke.

"Heh, that doesn't smell like tobacco" Jessica remarks.

"Wha?…It partially is…but uh….can you smell it that well?….I kinda hoped by mixing it, the

smell would be camouflaged".

"Believe me, it doesn't" Jessica friendly smiles back.

"Oowww...well better say that it's pot on prescription in that case then!"

Jessica just smiles and heads back inside to get something warm to drink, but before she enters the restaurant she can hear Otto yelling :" what are you looking at, it's on prescription dude…they serve good stuff in here by the way…Zeppelin ruuuules!"

After a hot cup of tea, Jessica is back at her father's room and starts to read in some magazines which are lying on the table next to the window to kill the time.

"Too bad, no Model Railroader Magazine" she establishes somewhat disappointed and starts to read some kind of tabloid.

Suddenly the door opens and her father is brought back in.

"Already done?" Jessica askes surprised.

"They didn't do a thing, the spots on my liver are gone" her father totally flabbergasted replies.

"Gone?…What do you mean gone?"

"The radiologist couldn't see anything strange from which he could take a sample".

"Now wait a minute, I am not a doctor but I do know that metastasized cancer doesn't disappear spontaneously; so what the hell is going on in here?"

"No spots anymore…" her father replies once more flabbergasted.

A nurse enters the room with the discharging papers.

"Nurse, can you tell me what happened during the liver puncture of my father?" Jessica asks slightly aggravated.

"Yes miss I can, it's actually very simple: doctor Hibbert wanted to have samples of the affected areas in you father's liver".

"However, on the ultrasound none could be found so the radiologist simply had nothing to search for, or to take any sample from".

"But…but my father probably has metastasized cancer in his liver!?"

"I'm sorry miss, I'm not a doctor….I really can't tell you anything".

"But at least you can tell me whether this is strange or not; cancer just doesn't disappears like that!"

"Jessica please, the nurse can't tell us what we want to know" her father interrupts.

"Father, this is about your life….I mean…they can't just tell you that it's cancer and the next thing we know is that it's gone!"

"I'm really sorry miss but I can't help you" the nurse apologizes.

"I want to speak to doctor Hibbert!" Jessica demands but again the nurse can't help her.

"Miss, I realize that you feel confused, but doctor Hibbert is performing surgery right now".

"He wants to see you next Wednesday at two `o clock; then all the results of the tests your father had are known".

"That will be fine nurse, we'll discuss this matter with Doctor Hibbert next Tuesday" the reverend replies calmly and signs the paperwork regarding his discharge from the hospital.

On their way back to the car Jessica still feels aggravated: "Jesus fucking Christ, I… ow!….I'm sorry father".

"It's alright, just let your frustration out".

"How can you be so calm?…They tell you basically are going to die from cancer and when it's suddenly gone they don't give you any explanation!?"

"I just want to go home Jessica, I just want to go home….Julius will need all the other results as well before we can draw any conclusions".

"It's just not right, that's not the way you deal with people whose life's in danger!"

"Just take me home, that's the best thing you can do for me now…."

* * *

Waiting for what Julius Hibbert has to say about what's going on in Tim Lovejoy's body; waiting for six long days.

Jessica spends a lot of time on the Internet, hoping to find something which might explain the sudden disappearance of the spots on her father's liver which initially were diagnosed as metastasized cancer.

But her efforts didn't bring her any further as there was simply no new information regarding spots on a liver which she hadn't read before.

Lots of information about liver cancer and all kinds of related tumors, but nothing about spots which suddenly were gone.

In the meanwhile; the condition of her father started to deteriorate.

Since the pasta with fried tomatoes and ham incident, he hardly had been eating any solid food.

He basically lost all his appetite and when he tried to eat anything which was not liquid; he got terrible stomach pains.

Each evening Jessica asks her father what he wants to eat and goes to the Kwik-E-Mart to buy all kinds of porridge, custard and chicken –or vegetable soup as these were the only things which were still bearable for him to eat and only if they weren't too cold or too hot.

Jessica sees how her father looses more and more weight and spends most of the time in bed; only to come out for something to eat or drink and to go to the restroom.

He also has become more silent and it almost seems like he is in some state of numbness.

Short conversations about if he needs something and how he feels; "I feel best when I am just in my own bed" has become a more or less standard reply.

Things aren't going well with her father; the fact he even asked Rod Flanders, his substitute, to ask the members of the congregation and the church government not to pay him visits anymore was a disturbing sign of it.

The atmosphere in the house is unreal, like it isn't really happening…but still, it does.

Everywhere in Springfield the Christmas decorations can be seen, all those colored lights which provide people with a happy feeling in the dark days before Christmas.

On her trips to the Kwik-E-Mart Jessica can see all these people with their family at their warm homes, or already buying things for the upcoming feast of light.

While for Jessica and her father the near future only will be about dark surrealistic uncertainty which can be felt ever so strong each time when she enters the undecorated house of her father after a trip to the local supermarket.

The weekend slowly goes by as well as the Monday following.

It's Tuesday four thirty in the morning when a full bladder forces Jessica to leave her warm bed and go downstairs to the restroom.

As she heads down the stairs she sees there is light in the living room.

After emptying her bladder she peeks through the door and sees how her father is sitting sideways on a chair at the dinner table.

"Everything alright father?" she asks worried.

"Jessica, it's not alright" her father moans in pain.

She enters the living room and sees how her father is breathing fast and his face looks twisted.

"What's going on?"

"My abdomen, it hurts like hell" her father moans again in agony.

"Lay down on the couch, perhaps that will make you feel a little better".

Jessica helps her father standing up from his chair and sees that his abdomen is completely swollen.

"No, no…put me back on my chair…this hurts too much!"

Jessica quickly supports her father as he is getting back on the chair.

"You got to call a doctor…I can't bear this pain anymore" her father moans again with a twisted face.

"On these papers Julius gave you….there's the phone number of that private practitioner we could call when things were wrong".

"Father, you need to go to the hospital; this is way too serious!"

"No!…I won't go back to that place!"

"But father, they can take way better care of you and…" but her father interrupts her and means business.

"I said no!….I won't go back!….Now call that damn private practitioner girl!"

Jessica quickly grabs the papers which Doctor Hibbert gave her from a drawer in the cabinet.

"Here it is…..Doctor J. Grass….what kind of a name is that?"

"I don't care if his name is Joe-I-Drink-Straight-Out-Of-The-Can, just call him!"

Jessica makes the call and explains the whole situation.

"He's on his way" Jessica tries to reassure her father and after a quarter of an hour the doorbell rings.

Jessica opens the front door and sees a blond balding man in his late thirties grabbing his bag from his bike.

"Doctor Grass?" she asks somewhat surprised by his means of transportation.

"Yep, that's me!"

"Glad you could come…Please come in; my father is in the living room".

In the living room, Doctor grass asks extensively about the complaints and examines the painful abdomen of the reverend by some pressing, tapping and listening with his stethoscope.

"How's the pain now?" he asks.

"Seems to get a little less…"

"Hmmmm, yes….doctor Hibbert has sent me all the information about your current condition…..it seems like there has been a build up of fluid in your abdomen again".

"When there is fluid in the abdomen the bowels can get lazy; when was the last time you evacuated?"

"About four days ago" The reverend replies.

"I see….well, it's not that urgent it requires you to be transported by ambulance to the hospital, but they need to take a look at it over there".

The reverend shakes his head and states: "I'm not going back!"

"Mister Lovejoy, it is the best thing to do; at the hospital they can treat you way better than I can do at the moment".

"Forget it, I am not going back!"

"My father has made up his mind doctor…..when he has to go back to the hospital he will die from misery" Jessica supports the decision of her father with a tender voice.

"Besides, tomorrow we have an appointment with Doctor Hibbert himself…so please, it's really better for my father he can stay at home…when doctor Hibbert says he needs to be admitted it's a different story…right father?"

When Julius says it's required, there will be no other option…but now: I won't go!"

Doctor Grass nods: "I see, well it's not life threatening and as you already see Doctor Hibbert tomorrow; I can live with that.".

"But regarding the heavy suspicion of cancer I will contact him myself as well this morning so I can prescribe you the right kind of medication which helps you to evacuate as well against the pain…in these kind of cases I don't want to take any risk and Julius knows more than I do when it comes to these kind of things."

Doctor Grass starts to look in his bag and pulls out a morphine plaster.

"This will help against the pain" and puts it on the reverends chest.

"The morphine will be absorbed by the skin and goes into the bloodstream, so it will work through your whole body….the chest is the best place to put it as the skin there is relatively thin" he explains.

"You will contact us about the recipe?" Jessica asks.

"Yes, when I have spoken to Doctor Hibbert I will give you a call…will be probably after eleven `o clock this morning".

Jessica lets the doctor out and returns to her father in the living room.

"How's the pain now?"

"This is some good stuff…it's already way less" her father replies.

"Do you think it's wise not to go to the hospital father?"

"When Julius says I need to go, I will …but I am not going back to that horrible place because some young private practitioner tells me to!"

"You really hate it, don't you?" Jessica asks with a soft voice.

"To the bone!….I'm gonna die for sure over there…not from cancer or whatever may be wrong; but from pure misery…."

"I know…I know….then it will be better for you to stay here with me…..first we have to wait for that phone call".

"I will wait for it…just go back to bed and have some more sleep Jessica".

"No, I am not the one who is ill….and I want to be here when Grass calls".

"The morphine is doing a good job and I have been in bed already way too long….and you need the rest ….look at the bags under your eyes and your red ears…." her father replies while softly caressing his daughter's face.

"OK, But you have to wake me up before eleven 'o clock; I really want to be there when he calls" she urges.

"I will, now go get some sleep…" her father assures her with a soft and tender voice.

* * *

"Jessica…Jessica?"

Jessica opens her eyes and sees her father; on his face is a soft smile and in his eyes he has a tender and caring look.

"What time is it?" she asks while rubbing her eyes.

"It's after one 'o clock" her father replies with a soft caring voice as he sits down on her bed.

"Doctor Grass was here again this morning" he continues.

"But…but why didn't you wake me up?"

"No, you were just sleeping so tight and sweet….."

"What did he say?"

Her father still has the same look in his eyes and replies with a soft and caring voice: "Julius told me he received most of the test results…..Jessica….. I have bile duct cancer".

"Bile duct cancer….and…and can it be treated?"

"No".

"So…so…you are going to die?"

"Yes Jessica, I am going to die" her father once more replies with a loving and caring voice.

Jessica feels like she has been hit by a sledgehammer; the impact is there but she can't feel it yet.

She heard the words of her father but she cannot fully understand them yet; the only thing she is able to say with a flat voice is: "right….I see".

"I will go downstairs now so you can get dressed" her father responds and leaves the bedroom.

Half numbed Jessica gets out of her bed, puts her clothes on and heads downstairs.

In the living room; her father sits at the dinner table and she sits down on the chair facing him.

She immediately lights a cigarette and sees how her father watches her still with the same expression on his face.

She inhales the smoke deeply and in her numbness the only things she still can say are "yes", "right" and "I see" while repeatedly blinking her eyes.

As she has finished her cigarette, she immediately lights a second one….her eyes start to move in all directions and the speed of blinking increases…she puts her cigarette in the ashtray, her breathing speeds up, her eyes move quickly downwards to the table and back up to her father's face.

The tremendous pain caused by the impact of the 'sledgehammer' now starts to penetrate the numbness.

She slides off her chair and falls flat on her knees on the floor; her eyes wide open she takes a breath and voice breaking screams: "no…no…nooooooo!"

Sitting on her knees, she now collapses completely and starts to cry almost hysterically while falling to the floor.

Her father kneels down next to her and puts his hand on her back.

"It's alright my little girl; let the pain come out…let the pain come out…" he comforts her with a soft voice, which only adds to the surrealism of the whole thing as it almost seems like he cares more about his daughter's deep sorrow as for his own death sentence which he received just a few hours ago.

After about twenty minutes of extremely violent crying, the numbness kicks back in and Jessica calms down.

She gets back on her chair and lights another cigarette while just gazing into the distance once more.

Her father sits down on the chair facing her and watches her with loving eyes for some time.

"Jessica, I feel very tired; I'm going to bed for a while".

"Yeah…that's alright" Jessica replies with a soft expressionless voice.

As her father goes upstairs she remains at the dinner table, still staring into the distance.

After some time she becomes slightly more conscience of herself but doesn't burst into tears again.

She turns on the television and sits down on the couch, almost desperately trying to get some distraction from the grim reality she is living in at that moment.

The day passes in one big blur of dark surrealism.

Jessica just sits on the couch while gazing at the television.

Around seven 'o clock she prepares herself a simple hot meal.

She knows if she doesn't eat, she will collapse and she manages to do so handling strictly on auto pilot.

After dinner and cleaning the dishes she goes back to the couch and starts to watch television again; just trying to get away from real life by zapping from channel to channel while smoking one cigarette after another.

Around eleven 'o clock in the evening she ends up at the start of a movie called 'The yellow mile'; a story about a young woman whose parents are killed and starts to work in a nightclub which is connected to the killers of her parents.

She gets her revenge, then is caught by the police and has to die on the electric chair, but manages to avoid her faith.

The leading part in the movie is played by Greta Wolfcastle who got an Academy Award nomination for it

Jessica already had seen part of it but never saw the whole movie and despite the fact she knows how it ends; she decides to watch it anyway.

Not a very good choice regarding the deep sorrow which is portrayed in it and after the movie has finished; Jessica gets more and more overloaded with her emotions once more and starts to cry softly.

After some time she hears how her father is coming downstairs and she tries to get back some control over herself.

Her father enters the living room and sees that his daughter has been crying again.

"Are you alright?" he asks with a comforting voice.

"No…I'm not" Jessica replies with a soft but broken voice and starts to cry softly again.

Her father sits down next to her on the couch and looks at his daughter's face.

"Father…you can't die….I love you too much for that" she sobs.

"Now we are finally getting a bit more close….now everything was going to be alright between us…..you can't die father…I still need you so much…."

"I…I know I'm just a whore…I know I haven't become what you have hoped for…I..I…"

Her father puts his arm around his daughter and replies with a soft voice: "perhaps not regarding the way how you earn your money, but definitely regarding the person you are".

With thick wet eyes Jessica looks her father in the face; her face full with remorse and sorrow.

"I have been such a bad person to you…I…I only was thinking about myself" she whispers.

"Those were different times…those were different times, the last few weeks you have shown to me who you really are….my little girl…my own flesh and blood who is very much like her father" he comforts her.

"How can you say that, you were always there for all these other people…while I…I was just there for myself" she sobs.

"No, no, you're wrong….you look quite a lot like me….your beautiful long black hair, parts of your face, but perhaps even the most when it comes to your character and heart".

"My character and heart?"

"Yes, you are just as passionate as me, you care about people….more then you realize…after all, you did come to Springfield and even returned after we had that enormous fight".

"In these few short weeks you have given me so much Jessica…not because you had to, but because you wanted to".

"Don't leave me father…I'll stop dancing….I'll stop earning money with my body…I want you to be proud of me".

"I am already proud of you…I already am little girl".

Jessica starts to cry more violently while pressing her head against her father and puts her arm around his chest.

"I always have loved you…no matter how bad I was…how evil I seemed to be…deep in my heart I always have loved you" she sobs with a broken voice.

"I know, I know" her father once again replies with a soft and loving voice.

"Father, when you are gone…who will take care of me?…Who will comfort me?…Who will listen to me when I will be crying over you?

But on these questions even a reverend could not give an answer.

"Father, with a bit of luck you will go to heaven….or to another place where it's better…when you are there….and I'm feeling bad….will…will you listen to me?"

Her father nods: "yes, I will listen to you….where ever you are; where ever I may be…"

"Perhaps you will see grandmother again….your mother…or grandma Joséphine".

"Yes, perhaps I will…when that's the case, dieing is perhaps not that bad".

"Are you afraid?"

"For death?…Not really…but for the way to the end I am" her father replies with sad eyes and sighs deeply.

"Jessica, you have to promise one thing: when the cancer spreads out into my lungs…I'm terrified of suffocating…..please promise me that you won't let me suffocate".

"I won't…I promise you with all my heart I won't"

Her father looks his daughter in the eyes and just nods.

"Father, do you want to be buried or cremated?" Jessica now asks with a more calm voice.

"Buried…buried here at the Springfield cemetery".

"Christian burial I suppose?"

"Yes, but not too elaborate".

"Don't worry about your trains father…I will take good care of them…I know what they always have meant for you".

Her father smiles "yes, they have meant a lot for me….I only wish you and me could have played a little more often with them".

Jessica starts to cry softly again: "I will play with them father, I always loved to play with them….but it will be without you then!".

"I will watch you from 'above' so we will be playing with them together" he comforts his now violently crying daughter again.

"I will have you tattooed on my arm, so you will always be with me.."

"You shouldn't torture yourself so much Jessica…you shouldn't"

Father and daughter spend over an hour on the couch; the father holding his little girl and tries to comfort her….to be there for her, now when she needs him the most.

* * *

Wednesday December eighteenth, a little after two `o clock in the afternoon.

Jessica and her father are sitting in the hall next to Doctor Hibbert's consulting room.

The expression in their eyes is sad and numbed as they are waiting for the final confirmation of the reverend's death sentence.

"What will it be…..months, weeks or perhaps just days?" Jessica wonders while looking to the ground.

Living on 'auto pilot', she can hardly feel any emotions; just a sad dark surrealistic haze and again she wonders how all this could have happened.

Just a few weeks ago everything was normal, things went just fine and nothing was pointing in the direction of all these dark events.

The door of the consulting room opens and Doctor Hibbert invites them to come in.

"Tim, Jessica; please sit down" he chuckles as he is offering the both of them a chair.

"Well, I now have all the results of the tests and to be honest with you; it's kind of a mystery".

"A mystery, how do you mean a mystery….yesterday you told doctor Grass that my father has bile duct cancer" Jessica asks, but is too surprised to become angry about this completely different 'verdict'.

"Yes, the results which were yesterday at my disposal did actually conform this; but I didn't have all results".

"This morning I received the last ones and they don't really confirm my initial diagnosis".

"So it's not cancer?"

Doctor Hibbert chuckles: "I didn't say that Jessica, I just said the other results didn't fully confirm my initial thoughts".

"But if there is cancer, shouldn't it be visible on the results of the CAT scan?….I mean, there should be a tumor somewhere".

"On the CAT scan nothing unusual was discovered but that doesn't mean a thing; objects smaller than a quarter of an inch aren't visible on it" Doctor Hibbert explains.

"I...I don't know what I have to think of this anymore…spots on his liver which are suddenly gone, yesterday he was told he was going to die from bile duct cancer and now you tell me that there is something else going on…..what is wrong with my father?"

"Regarding the spots on your father's liver; those were probably accumulations of gall in the liver, which were able to drain off after those stents were put in the bile duct".

"Regarding the other results: in the fluid we removed from the abdomen we found a lot of inflammatory cells, the results of the lung scan were also negative and the blood levels were better compared to the results of the previous test results".

"The results of the ERCP showed there is also nothing wrong with the stomach, but it did show us that the bile duct is indented".

"The pattern is a bit like a string of beads and is also seen when a patient is suffering from a disease called Primary Sclerosing Cholangitis, or PSC; a progressive liver disease which scars the bile ducts and creates this bead pattern in them" Doctor Hibbert continues his explanation.

"Hang on, hang on, so my father isn't suffering from cancer but from this primary sclera…sclero...uh…this other thing".

"No, it's a possibility; but the possibility of cancer is still there as well".

"But in all the other results you can't see a thing which proves there is actually cancer!"

"The fact we can't prove it doesn't mean it's not there; remember, we can't see everything on a CAT scan".

Jessica starts to get aggravated but before she can launch an attack at the Doctor, her father who has just been listening to what was told, starts to interfere.

"And how do you intend to figure out what is wrong with me Julius?" he asks calmly.

"I want you to have another blood test and I will take another sample of the fluid which is in your abdomen; when the results of these tests are there, I will discuss your case once more during a multi-disciplinary deliberation with the radiologist and the doctor who removed your gall stones".

"And when will this fluid sample be taken?" the reverend asks.

"I will do it right now; so if you please want to lie down on the treatment table in the other room…."

The three of them head into the other room and as her father is lying down on the table, Jessica sees how Doctor Hibbert grabs a large syringe and puts a long thick needle on it.

"Now don't you worry, there are no nerves in the peritoneum so you only will feel a slight sting when I put it in the skin" he chuckles.

The reverend takes a deep breath, swallows a few times and grabs his daughter's hand.

Well-aimed and without any hesitation the needle is put in the abdomen and Jessica sees how the syringe gets filled with a bright yellow cloudy liquid.

"Jeez, it just looks like Fanta Orange" Jessica mumbles to herself.

"Already done, I told you that it wouldn't be that bad….I'll write you a form for the blood test so you can go to the lab right now on your way back home".

"When will the results be there Julius?"

"Well; it will take just a few days and the next multi-disciplinary meeting will be on December twenty fourth, so ask my assistant for an appointment on Monday December thirtieth".

"Yeah, I wonder what the next verdict will be; infected toe nails?" Jessica remarks sarcastically.

"Jessica please!" her father responds annoyed while Doctor Hibbert just chuckles as he usually does.

* * *

After making the appointment for December thirtieth and a stop at the laboratory in the hospital for the blood samples, Jessica and her father are walking back to the car.

"I really don't get this; first they tell you have metastases in your liver which is fatal and later those are gone because it were gall accumulations, next they convict you to death because they think it's bile duct cancer and now they are talking about some kind of other exotic disease…why the fuck don't they tell they just don't know what is going on!" Jessica hisses while exhaling the smoke from her cigarette.

Her father sighs deeply: "we just have to be patient Jessica…"

"Father, this is about your life…we don't have the luxury to be patient and I wonder if that quack of a Hibbert knows what he is dealing with!"

"Julius is a fine doctor, I have confidence in him" again her father replies with a tired voice.

"Perhaps we should go to the university hospital in Capitol City; there they are a bit more professional compared to this pity excuse for a hospital!"

Suddenly her father stops and looks with a friendly smile on his face to his aggravated daughter while he shakes his head.

"My little angry girl….just take your old man home, that will be the best".

"Father, they have told you that you were going to die now twice and each time they were wrong; please let me take you to a better hospital".

"No Jessica…no, I will stay here; believe me, Julius knows what he's doing".

"Yeah, he knows how to chuckle; that's a fact….."

"Now please take me home; I feel so tired and the only thing I want is to go to my own bed and sleep" her father replies.

Jessica sighs as she sees that she isn't able to change her father's thoughts.

"Please" her father adds while still friendly smiling.

"I will father….I will…."

* * *

"Eleven days…eleven long dark days" Jessica sighs.

The alarm clock on her night cabinet shows in soft green digits it's already past three 'o clock in the morning.

She can't sleep; her mind is filled with just too many thoughts about the last eleven days.

So many uncertainties, so many worries and so little information.

Again she has been searching the internet for information; information about PSC and the symptoms of it, hoping to find something which could give her hope.

Again she found a lot of things but they were all just partially related to her father's complaints.

The last eleven days were cold, harsh and miserable.

Each day she asked her father what he wanted to have for lunch or dinner and went to the Kwik-e-mart to get it.

The Kwik-e-mart; at this time of year old Apu stuffed his business full with all kinds of special things because of Christmas.

Each time when Jessica was there she saw how all people were buying all kinds of more luxurious food except her.

Mothers with their children, husbands and wives….all people who were preparing for the coming Christmas.

Not Jessica; she was just buying porridge and custard for her father as even soup started to cause problems in his digestive system.

The last time her father had a bowl of lukewarm vegetable soup it all came out again after an hour as brown-reddish goo.

Her even apologized to her for vomiting on his blankets as she changed them.

Mentally things were going downhill as well; he became more silent and withdrawn which was also caused by the morphine which seemed to dull him out and make him more sleepy; regarding the pain it did what it needed to do.

The fact he wasn't able to celebrate Christmas had hit him hard; for the first time in his entire career as a priest he hadn't been able to lead the celebrations in his church.

No lights, no Christmas tree, no Christmas story and not the warmth of the congregation which he valued so much during this time of year.

For the first time in nineteen years Jessica is spending Christmas at home; home were things were dark and desperate.

She remembers when she was a little girl, how her father decorated all the house; covered it in colored lights and there was a huge Christmas tree in the living room.

Her mother used to prepare a copious feast while her father read her the Christmas story from a children's bible.

Those were the days before her heart grew cold; the days before boarding school.

Later, Christmas at home became kind of mandatory; something which just had to be done and was always a better alternative compared to remaining at school.

In the Sin there were the Christmas celebrations as well and it was basically the only time of the year when she saw everybody dressed.

But this year; Christmas meant a microwave meal in a dark house while her father was getting sicker and sicker and nobody knew what exactly was wrong with him.

Lots of Christmas -and wishing well cards were sent to him, not to mention all the people who called.

Each time Jessica told them the same story: "they don't know what is wrong but it still may be cancer"….

A silent and lonely pain fills her heart as she realizes once more people were only asking about her father….never about how she was doing or if she needed any help.

Again there was one exception: Marge Simpson.

It was her again who came by to see if she could help out and as Jessica's father was asleep at that moment, she and Jessica had a long talk.

Marge asked about how she was handling things during these difficult weeks and offered her help; but she also put her arms around Jessica when things during their conversation became too much for her….just trying to offer some comfort and a bit of warmth during these cold days.

Something which almost no one had done at times when she needed it so desperate.

Four thirty on her alarm clock and Jessica still hasn't fallen a sleep.

Tomorrow they will have the second appointment with Doctor Hibbert and she feels aggravated about the fact he isn't saying what he is thinking.

"We don't know….the hell you don't" she silently hisses to herself.

"Eleven days of waiting because of a scheduled fucking meeting….eleven days of almost unbearable torture…." she angrily wonders about how easy a doctor convicts a patient to this terrible dark form of mental torture.

"It has to be PSC….they found no evidence of cancer…and what can't be found isn't there" she tries to reason and avoid utter desperation in this way.

But deep in her heart she fears the worst, she just feels this isn't going to end well.

"Tomorrow the final verdict?…..Or more questions and insecurity?"

She tries to push away her thoughts and empty her mind; but there are just too many questions and no answers.

* * *

"What do you mean 'we don't know'!?" Jessica hisses.

"Like I said Jessica, we just don't know…" Doctor Hibbert chuckles somewhat awkwardly back.

"Oh no; I'm not going to settle for this now: I want to know what is going on and I want to know it now!"

"Jessica please, control yourself…" her father tries to make her calm down.

"No father I won't control myself as this is going on for way to long!…..So again Julius!…What! Is! Going! On!?"

"Jessica I am trying to explain you that we found nothing which can make us prove what is going on, so we don't know." Doctor Hibbert replies calmly.

"Seems you don't know a lot doctor, now do you!?"

"Have you got any idea what we are going through, how my father is getting worse and worse all the time….. How it feels to live with the ever lasting threat of death!?"

Jessica's eyes are spitting fire and it takes a while before she gets a reply from the oncologist.

Doctor Hibbert takes a deep breath and can do nothing else than to say: "no, I don't".

"Well, tell us at least what you are thinking about what is wrong".

"There is a heavy suspicion there is cancer somewhere in the abdominal cavity but like I just said; we can't prove it."

"Here we go again…" Jessica sighs cynically.

"Please Jessica let me finish my story".

"All the current tests weren't able to provide us with a confirmation regarding our suspicions; there is however another option which will give us the evidence we are looking for".

"And about what option you are talking about Julius? The reverend asks with a tired voice.

"That we are going to take a look into your abdominal cavity by performing keyhole surgery…it's basically our last resort".

"And what if this doesn't produce somewhat useful?" Jessica asks with still a slightly cynical tone in her voice.

Doctor Hibbert chuckles: "well Jessica, in that case your father will be a medical miracle".

"When there is cancer in the abdomen we will see it and if not, we can exclude this possibility…So what do you say Tim?" he continues.

The reverend slowly nods " when it has to be done it has to be done…."

"A wise decision Tim, now you can go to the appointment desk to make an appointment with one of the surgeons to…."

"No….regarding what all has happened I think you should make this call so this procedure can take place as soon as possible…." Jessica states.

"Fair enough; you have brought yourself a good 'lawyer' Tim" the doctor chuckles once more and grabs the telephone.

"….No, this is not everybody, this is Hibbert….Hibbert…Julius Hibbert….No, heheheheh… I don't chuckle all the time…Doctor Riveira, I was wondering about when you would have time to do a keyhole procedure…A keyhole procedure….Yes, it is done with an endoscope….. Now listen Nick, it's about …What?…..Yes, an endoscope has a camera…..Like I said, it's about a patient from who I think has some serious troubles in the abdominal cavity….The cavity below the midriff…..No, that's the chest cavity…..hehehehehe….Bile duct cancer….Yes, the other tests were inconclusive and I want to ask you when you can do this…..I want you to take some tissue samples from suspected areas and take a look around to see what is going on…..Yes, this is quite serious and it should be done as soon as possible…Well, check your agenda…..Yes….No…..Skiing in Aspen?…..No, it needs to be done before you leave…..Yes, the patient is fit enough to undergo such a procedure…..How do I know?….I'm a doctor as well…..Mister Tim Lovejoy…Yes, Reverend Lovejoy….. Works in a church….Yes…..Tuesday January twelve at two 'o clock in the afternoon…..Yes, that will be fine….Yes, we'll discuss the details tomorrow….Thank you Doctor Riveira…..What?…Yes Nick, I'll bring his file".

"So, Tuesday January twelve at two o 'clock we will take a look inside of you Tim" Doctor Hibbert continues.

"Now don't you worry, Doctor Reveira looks kinda strange but he's an uh….qualified surgeon".

"Yeah….he'd better be" Jessica grumbles while shaking her head…."He'd better be…"

* * *

New Years eve in a house where darkness and surrealism reigns.

January twelve is the day to wait for as it will be the one when they probably will know what the cause is of the ongoing deteriorating situation of the reverend.

Once more Jessica is sitting on the couch and gazes at the television screen while smoking one cigarette after an other.

Her tobacco consumption has almost doubled in these last few weeks.

Her mind is empty as she knows she can't do anything but to wait; wait for the results of the keyhole surgery.

No speculations anymore what it might be, no more searching on the internet for information; just waiting.

On the television most of the channels are broadcasting some kind of special program about the upcoming turn of the year.

Humoristic movies, shows in which is looked back on the last year and above all: many happy people who are having a good time.

Jessica sees through the gray-blue smoke of her cigarette how people are laughing, eating, dinking and spending time with their family…their happy family.

It's already around eleven o'clock when suddenly her cell phone rings.

"Heeey Jazzie, ready to 'kill' the old year?" the voice of a slightly intoxicated Jeb sounds through the speaker.

"How's the padre doin' sweetie?"

"Not good" Jessica replies with a numbed and emotionless voice.

"What do you mean 'not good'…aww, he's going to be fine; mark my words….this old 'trooper of God' of yours will be fine!"

"Yeah….sure" Jessica still replies with a cold voice while she feels how she is getting more and more aggravated by the drunk happiness of her employer.

"Jazzy…I got some one who wants to talk to you sweetie…some one who has become a good friend of mine and cares a lot about you as well…be sweet to him" Jeb once more jabbers.

"Just give him to me Jeb" she sighs out loud.

"Hiya gorgeous, remember me?….It's Billy"

Jessica freezes on the spot when hearing the voice of her lasts customer and replies once more with a cold and emotionless voice: "yes, I do".

"Now baby, I have been longing for that goddess body of yours, I wanna taste that sweet pussy of yours again" he hungry grins.

"When you are back, I'm gonna ride you Jazzie, we're going to spend a lot of time together".

"Even talking to you right now gives me a hard on; can you talk dirty to me Jazzy…..I'm already on my way to the men's room you know…we can make each other happy Jazzy; I'll bet you are rubbing that little clit of yours as well now…are you already getting wet baby?"

Jessica feels how her rage is kicking in but manages to stay calm: "I'm so sorry sweetie, but now I'm really don't have the opportunity to help you out, so I'm afraid it has to be a one man party for you this time".

""Aww, c'mon gorgeous….you can go to the restroom as well and…"

"No sweetie I really can't; so have fun and can I speak to Jeb again?"

"Sure honey, but stay wet for Billy!"

Jessica hears how the phone on the other side is handed back again to Jeb.

"You wanted to speak to me a bit more Jazzy" Jeb blabs.

"You fucking piece of shit!…How can you do this, my father is dying upstairs!" She hisses with a soft but extremely angry voice.

"When I am back; you better keep that pig off my back or some nasty things are going to happen!"

"Now lighten up Jazzy, the guy adores you!"

"Fuck off Jeb, this is the last thing I need right now!"

"No Jazzy, you better hold your horses now…remember: be good to Jebbie".

Jessica sighs deeply: "Jeb I really sometimes wonder if not only your balls got shot off during the Gulf war.."

"Now don't you go there missy…I warn you; don't you fucking go there!"

"Well Jebbie, you and your friend Billy just went somewhere which you should never have been going…..I'll call you when I'm back in Capitol City!"

Before Jeb can get back at her, she presses the red button on the keypad of her cell phone and ends the conversation.

"Fucking cock sucker, you miserable piece of fucking shit!" she softly hisses to her turned off cell phone.

"Is this all I am, just a lump of meat with a hole in it?" she continues to herself and lights another cigarette.

Aggressively she blows out the smoke as she feels how rage has taken over the dark numbness in her body, but she manages to control herself as she doesn't want to explode because of her father.

Slowly she calms down a bit and with a frozen facial expression she tries to get some distraction by watching television.

A little later the clock strikes twelve.

"Happy new year Jessica" she cynically remarks and hears how the first fire-works are ignited outside.

For a brief moment she watches the colorful explosions in the nightly sky from behind the window in the living room.

Another deep sigh, as once more she is confronted with the happiness and joy of the rest of the world while her life is about nothing but dark misery.

She heads upstairs and gently opens the door of her father's bedroom.

"Are you awake father?" she asks softly.

"Yes….yes I am" he repeats with an empty and weak voice.

"Father, it's new year….."

The reverend slowly turns over and watches his alarm clock: "indeed it is…."

Jessica watches her father for a short while and whispers: "God only knows what it will bring us father…..God only knows…."

* * *

The holidays are over and people have gone back to work; back to their normal life like nothing has happened.

It's Friday and Jessica is standing in front of the window while holding a cup of hot tea in her hand.

Outside the world is covered with a white blanket of snow and she watches how some children are playing in it.

"Innocent happiness" she thinks as she sees how the boys and girls are having a snowball fight".

She turns around and slowly walks to the dinner table and sits down; a deep sigh follows and she lights another cigarette…..

The phone call she got on new years eve from Jeb and Billy has hit her hard.

Silently she watches her hands and wonders about how many times she used them to bring a man into ecstasy.

With sad and silent eyes she watches downwards to her own female curves and feels empty.

"Is this just what I am?…..A pretty face and hot body?…..Just suited for laying on my back so each paying pig can stick his dick in me?….Just shut up and spread your legs?"

Jessica starts crying softly as she realizes the only one really who cares about her is lying in his bed upstairs and is probably going to die….

"So cold…I'm so cold and empty" she whispers to herself as she wipes off her tears.

The situation of her father had deteriorated rapidly during the week; he hardly gets out of bed and eating is something which he just can't do anymore; after a short while he throws everything out as brow reddish goo.

Drinking becomes more of a problem as well; even tea he can't keep inside anymore.

Several times she had to change the bed sheets and clean his blankets because of the vomiting and sometimes she just doesn't know what to do anymore.

Just being there and asking if he needs anything, or if he isn't in too much pain are basically all the things she can do.

Utter helplessness in a dark numbed fog and again her thoughts dwindle off to what happened last new years eve and wonders about her own future….."do I want to continue with this?"

Her thinking is interrupted by some stumbling coming from upstairs; her father is coming out of his bed and heads downstairs.

Jessica gets up form her chair and goes to the stairwell and sees how her father is having trouble ascending it.

"Can you manage?" she asks worried.

"I'll manage…I'll manage" her father replies shortly.

But Jessica heads up and carefully supports her father.

An emaciated body, a swollen abdomen, thin fragile limbs, a pale face and empty hollow eyes is all what is left of him.

In the living room she helps him on a seat at the dinner table.

"Can I get you something father?"

"I'm so thirsty…can you get me a glass of lukewarm water?"

"Don't you want some cold water?"

"No, no….that won't work, it will come out".

Jessica heads to the sink, fills a glass of water and gives it to her father who slowly starts to drink.

"Not good; it's coming out!" her father moans as he feel how his stomach contracts.

Quickly Jessica heads back to the kitchen and grabs a bowl which she manages to hold under her father's face just in time.

Again a gulf of brown reddish goo is coming out.

"I probably have been laying on my stomach" her father apologizes as he is trying to catch his breath after vomiting in the bowl.

Jessica's heart breaks to see her father like this and tries to comfort him by saying that it's ok.

After a few minutes the reverend tries to drink a little more but with the same result; it all comes out again.

"Father, this is going all wrong; you can't even hold lukewarm tap water inside anymore… You require a doctor before you get dehydrated".

The reverend, still catching his breath, turns around and looks his daughter in her worrying eyes.

"Yeah, call Grass …." He shortly replies and Jessica quickly grabs the phone to call for help.

Thirty minutes later the door bell rings and Doctor Jesse Grass enters the hall.

"Not good?" he asks Jessica who shakes her head.

"My assistant told me your father is vomiting all the time, what is exactly going on?"

"No, not vomiting all the time….there isn't much to vomit…" Jessica replies with a downhearted voice.

"He can't eat anymore since a few days and now even the water he drinks comes out straight away as brown goo…."

"That aint good…..that aint good at all" Doctor Grass replies with a worried face.

The both of them enter the living room where Jessica's father is still sitting on his chair at the dinner table.

"Mister Lovejoy; your daughter just told me things aren't going that well".

The reverend just shakes his head and stares at the floor.

A short examination follows in which blood pressure, heart and lungs are checked as well as the elasticity of the skin.

"You can't keep anything down?"

Again the reverend just shakes his head.

"Nothing Doctor, not even lukewarm water" Jessica adds.

Doctor Grass sighs: "Reverend, you are suffering from the first stages of dehydration; your body needs fluids otherwise things will only get worse…"

"But as you are not able to keep any liquids down; these have to be administered intravenously which has to be done at the hospital".

"Isn't there really no other option doctor?" Jessica asks.

"I'm afraid there isn't miss Lovejoy….."

"Father, you have to go back to the hospital again…please, follow Doctor Grass' advice…"

Her father looks up and stares with hollow eyes at his daughter worried face and takes a deep breath: "I guess there is very little choice left…"


	5. Chapter 5

Endgame

"Can you be at Thursday at the hospital at eleven `o clock?….Then they will have the results" her father had asked her yesterday.

"The results" Jessica sighs while she is sitting at the kitchen table and gets ready to go to the hospital.

The whole keyhole procedure which was preformed on her father last Tuesday went fine on it's own; over one and a half gallon of acites was removed from his abdominal cavity and the surgeon took tissue samples from a number of areas which looked 'different'.

Jessica initially was stunned by the tremendous amount of fluid which was removed and irritated because again Doctor Hibbert didn't give her exclusion about these areas which looked 'different'.

"Different?…When I got a boil on my ass, the area looks different as well!" she had shouted; but fact was that she, just like Doctor Hibbert, had to wait for what the pathologist would find.

The condition of her father had become worse; most of the time he was asleep and when Jessica was sitting next to his bed at the hospital, he often dozed off….not having the strength anymore to keep awake in combination with the morphine.

Communication with her father had become a rather one way activity; most of the time Jessica was talking until she just didn't know what to say anymore.

Her father only replied in a short tedious way; no emotion whatsoever in his voice.

It almost seemed as if his mind had fallen into some kind of lethargic state.

Out of a small hole in his upper chest, there were five permanent infusion tubes sticking out which were installed during the surgery.

In this way the veins in his arms could be spared and fluids and nutrients where put straight into a large blood vessel.

Jessica visited her father each day and each time she had to face his emaciated body, hollow eyes and lethargic state of mind.

Each visit had become a helpless ordeal.

There was nothing left of him and more and more she started to accept that her father was going to die.

She just could feel it; but still, against all odds, she was hoping for some kind of a miracle.

The clock in the living room strikes half past ten and Jessica grabs her car keys and heads to the hospital.

It's just a short ride and around ten fifty she is sitting once more next to her father's bed.

"How do you feel father?" she asks with a soft voice.

"I'm OK" her father replies shortly and emotionlessly.

"Do you have any pain?"

"No".

It doesn't take long before Jessica runs out of words: "I….I'm sorry father…but …but I just don't know what to say anymore.."

"That's OK".

Again she looks at her father's hollow eyes; hollow eyes in an emaciated expressionless face which are staring into the void.

He dozes off again and Jessica just sits there on her chair, watching him and waiting till the moment is there to hear the results of the tests.

She feels a strange mix of desperation and fear on one hand; while on the other hand the wish to get it over with so at least it finally will be clear what is going on and what to expect for the near future.

She tries to read a magazine which lies on the small table in front of the window to kill the time but manages barely to do so; she's just too tensed.

Suddenly the sound of several people in the hall can be heard; Jessica's heart starts to pound in her throat and feels how anxiety is taking control of her.

Doctor Hibbert accompanied by two nurses enters the room.

"Can you shut the door please nurse?"

One of the nurses closes the door and the three of them sit down on several chairs at the end of the reverends bed.

Doctor Hibbert opens the file: "Tim, Jessica….last Tuesday Doctor Riveira has taken a look into your abdomen."

"After removing the acites he saw several areas which looked suspicious and took tissue samples of it, which were sent to the pathologist for further analysis".

"He's not chuckling" Jessica thinks to her self and feels how her heart starts to pound even faster in her throat.

Doctor Hibbert takes a deep breath: "Tim, what we saw in your abdominal cavity combined with the results presented to us by the pathologist, has shown us that you have a skin tumor on the external part of the bile duct which runs from the liver to the gallbladder….This tumor has spread out into your peritoneum and has affected large parts of it…."

"Can…can this kind of cancer be treated?" Jessica asks with a shivering voice.

"No, this kind of cancer cannot be treated….I'm sorry…."

Jessica feels how she is reduced to almost nothing and presses her eyes shut while a tear runs down her face.

"How…how much time he has left?" she asks with a broken voice and desperately tries not to burst into tears.

"That's hard to say Jessica; weeks, perhaps a few months but definitely not any longer…"

Jessica looks at her father whose face still is emotionless.

"Chemo therapy isn't an option as this kind of cancer doesn't react to it; it would only increase the suffering….treatment will focus on making your father as comfortable as possible".

"So there is really nothing you can do for him anymore?"

"No, there isn't…I'm sorry Jessica".

"Father, please say something" Jessica starts to cry.

"There is nothing to say" her father replies with an emotionless voice.

"Tim, I have to ask you this: do you want to stay here at the hospital or do you want to go home?"

"I want to die at home, in my own trusted environment".

Doctor Hibbert nods and looks at Jessica.

"You will take care of your father?"

"Yes… yes I will take care of him…to the bitter end"

"Alright, I'll make arrangements to make this happen….in about an hour the person who takes care of this will see you in here and will explain to you what will happen".

"When can my father go home Doctor Hibbert?"

"As far as I'm concerned tomorrow".

The doctor and both nurses get up from their chairs: "we will leave you alone now, I'm so sorry I couldn't bring you better news".

Again they are alone and Jessica once more starts to cry softly and grabs the hand of her father.

"You are going to die father" she sobs.

"Knew it already" her father once more replies with an emotionless voice.

"I will be there for you, I won't leave you" Jessica continues.

"I know"

For some time she sits next to her father while she caresses his hand and cries softly.

Her father just lies there on his back and watches the ceiling till he dozes off again.

When Jessica sees her father is asleep she leaves his room and heads downstairs to have a cigarette.

Outside next to the main entrance she inhales the smoke mingled with cold winter air deeply.

"So this is it….." she wonders out loud to herself and feels how the sorrow starts to get replaced by a strange kind of determination.

The determination to bring her father to the end, to care for a person she loves….to care for her dieing father, no matter what.

* * *

A hospital bed was placed in the living room in front the back window, there was a commode chair, a bedpan, a urine bottle and a couple of drinking cups with spouts.

That morning Jessica cleaned the living room and made room for the bed.

The dinner table which normally was in front of the back window was now placed in the middle of the room so her father could look into the garden from his bed.

Yesterday she arranged all these things with the transfer-nurse at the hospital and everything was delivered and installed at the end of the morning.

Sitting at the dinner table, Jessica looks at all these objects which are the messengers of death nearing.

The living room looks so different now, almost like some kind of desecration in which the 'safety' was robbed from a place which should be always safe.

She feels nervous for the things to come, for the things that may come and once again she wonders about how long she will have to live in this utter dark surrealistic world.

But perhaps the thing she fears the most at the moment is the vision of her father being carried into his own house for the last time.

And she knows that this is exactly what is going to happen this afternoon.

Her father and the house…home…so connected to each other and in her mind she sees her father in his late thirties sitting in his chair in the living room.

Like he always sat there; like is should be.

And now….her father, or better said what is left of him, will be laying in that same room waiting for his death.

The silence in the house is almost ear deafening and Jessica is about to light another cigarette when the doorbell rings.

She opens the door and sees a blonde woman in her mid thirties holding a large bag in her hand.

"Miss Lovejoy?….Hi, I am Darcy from the home care" she introduces herself.

"Oh, I was expecting you…please do come in".

A few moments later both women are sitting at the dinner table in the living room and Jessica pours Darcy a cup of tea.

"I'm so sorry about your father"

Jessica sighs deeply "it..it's unimaginable but still, it's …so true".

"You are a very brave woman miss Lovejoy; not everybody is prepared to do the thing you will do for you poor father".

"For me it's something I have to do….being prepared to do this is not a question for me…..and please call me Jessica".

"Alright Jessica, well; I am Darcy, the coordinator in this district regarding the home care for the ill and disabled".

"I will be your contact person when you have questions or remarks, as well I will nurse your father together with a colleague of mine and most likely this will be Jenny" she continues.

"We will visit you four times a day: around nine in the morning, early in the afternoon and at the end of it, as well as around nine in the evening".

"During the night there will be permanently some one there, so you can sleep".

"And what when I need one of you between these regular visits?" Jessica asks.

"Darcy reaches in the large bag and pulls out a card: "You can always call this phone number, it's headquarters which can be reached at all times".

"They will contact the nurse which is on duty in this district and she will come to your place as soon as possible".

"And when a physician is required?"

Darcy looks in her file: "let me see…it will be Doctor Jesse Grass again…seems he is already familiar with what is going on".

Again the doorbell rings and Jessica once more opens the door.

"Good afternoon miss, I am Jenny from the home care; I understood my colleague is at your place?"

"Ah, you are the other nurse who will care about my father…..I am Jessica, please come in; your colleague is in the living room".

In the living room both nurses start to unpack their bags: disposable latex gloves, a needle container, several infuse tubes and an infusion pump.

"Great, one of these new portable things….never worked with one of those before" Jenny grumbles.

"Not very familiar with these ones either" Darcy replies and both ladies start to study the instruction manual of the device.

After about ten minutes they seem to get the hang of it and start to press all kinds of buttons to see if the device does what it needs to do.

Jessica just sits at the dinner table smoking a cigarette and watches outside the front window till she suddenly sees the white hood of an ambulance stopping at the front door.

Her heart starts to pound in her throat as she sees how the paramedics open the back door of the ambulance.

Jenny rushes to the front door to open it and a few moments later Jessica sees what she has been fearing; sees how her father is coming home for the last time.

His eyes are closed and he has a grim expression on his face.

On the stretcher is also his bag with the clothes and some other things Jessica packed for him the day he was admitted to the hospital for the second time.

Her heart breaks and she has to see helplessly how other people have taken things over inside the house.

The only thing she can do is to sit at the dinner table in the middle of the living room and watch how the nurses and paramedics put her father in the bed.

Before the paramedics leave, one of them gives Darcy a plastic bags with two IV bags, several kinds of medication, as well as a bunch of recipes for the chemistry.

"Aww crap, just two IV bags and two ampoules of potassium chloride…that won't get us through the weekend" Darcy complains.

"Yeah, got the recipes for them right here" Jenny remarks while holding a bunch of papers.

While the two nurses are unpacking the medications from the bag, Jessica left the dinner table and is now sitting on her knees next to her father's bed.

"You're home father….you're not in that horrible hospital anymore".

She caresses his hair with her hand: "how are you feeling father?"

"Awful…the ride in that ambulance was hell"

"Yes, being transported in an ambulance is awful, I know" Jenny adds.

Suddenly the reverend tries to rise: "I….I..I need to throw up!"

Jenny quickly grabs one of the disposable cart board bowls which Darcy brought with her and helps the reverend to sit up by supporting his back with her arm.

A large gush of brown-reddish goo is coming out once more, and another one….and another one.

"It's alright, just let it out" Jenny comforts Jessica's father.

"People being nauseous after a ride in an ambulance is quite normal" Darcy reassures Jessica.

But Jessica only feels utter despair, seeing her father in such a state.

"Some one needs to go to the pharmacy, to get the IV bags and all the other medications…I think it's not such a bad idea that you'll do this….just to get out from all of this for a moment".

"I…I guess you're right" Jessica stammers and gets up from her knees.

"Just take it easy, we will take care of your father when you are away" Darcy reassures her once more.

Jessica nods, grabs her car keys and leaves to the pharmacy.

* * *

The house has become silent after a rather tumultuous afternoon.

Jessica is sitting on the couch watching television.

She has plugged a set of headphones in it so the sound won't disturb her father.

One of the speakers is not on her ears so she can hear if he needs anything and if things are still alright.

Her father lies on his side; sometimes his eyes are open and during these moments he just gazes into the void.

No expression on his face and he basically just lies there, nothing more.

Jessica tried to talk with him when the nurses had left but a normal conversation seemed to be impossible; just short emotionless replies.

Her father is reduced to an emaciated cocoon in body and spirit of the man he once was.

Utter helplessness, there is nothing she can do anymore; things are completely out of her hands except just to be there and wait for the inevitable end.

It's already past eight o'clock when once more the doorbell rings.

Jessica expects to see a nurse when she opens the door but to her surprise it's Doctor Jesse Grass.

"Can I come in?" he asks with a soft voice.

"Of course you can" and Jessica steps aside to let him in.

"Reverend, reverend, now what have you done this time?" he asks when he approaches the hospital bed.

"I'm sorry doctor, I can't help it" Jessica's father almost apologises himself for the fact he is dieing.

"It's alright, we will take care of you" the Doctor assures him with a soft voice.

"Are you in any pain or other physical discomfort Reverend?"

"No…no, I am fine"

Doctor grass checks the setting of the infusion pump and all the medications which are displayed on the cabinet next to the bed.

He also checks the report the nurses write each time after they have visited.

The reverend dozes off again and Doctor Grass sits down at the dinner table next to Jessica; grabs a piece of paper and a pen from his case and writes down a number.

"Can you call this number for me?"

Jessica grabs the telephone and dials the number.

The cell phone of the doctor rings….."good, that seems to work."

"The phone number which I gave you is the one of my cell phone, you can reach me on this one whenever you need".

"If anything goes wrong. call me; not the hospital…they will immediately dispatch an ambulance or tell you to come to the emergency and that's something which your father nor you wants" he continues.

"But, when it's in the middle of the night or at the weekend?" Jessica asks.

"No problem, just call…I will also come by several times a day to see how things are".

"That…that's quite a comforting thought…thank you doctor".

"That's alright Jessica and please call me Jesse…in situations like these I'd like to keep things informal".

Jessica nods and feels somewhat relieved by the fact there will be a physician on stand-by all the time.

"Jesse, before you go; can I speak to you in private please?"

"Sure, we'll talk in the hall".

When the both of them enter the hall Jessica shuts the door to the living room behind them and sits down on the stairs.

"Will his end be a violent one?" she asks.

"No, not really…..eventually his metabolism will shut down and he will sink into a coma; the body will poison itself and after some time his heart will stop".

But when things go wrong…. wrong in his lungs…..he is so afraid that he will suffocate, I had to promise him that I won't let him…..is euthanasia an option when it comes to a point when he really starts to suffer?"

"No, euthanasia is forbidden by law in this state…so I can't do that".

"No, I don't want you to end up in jail for murder….."

"But what we can do is to make him comfortable….palliative sedation….give him a large dose of morphine and soporifics so he will be asleep and feel no pain".

"Alright, that's settled then….I don't want to see him suffering; when things are getting too bad we will proceed to palliative sedation" Jessica replies almost business like.

"Before I go, there is one other thing: if there is anything you want to talk about with your father; do is now…it can be over very soon".

Again the only thing Jessica can do is just to nod and leave the doctor out.

* * *

The evening progresses in silence; at nine `o clock Jenny comes by to check out if everything is alright.

She checks the infusion pump and administers some medication to the bag of IV fluid.

Jessica is just sitting in the kitchen smoking another cigarette.

She decided not to smoke in the living room anymore because of her father.

Jenny enters the kitchen to wash her hands and after that, she sits down next to Jessica.

"And how are you doing?" she asks with a caring voice.

Jessica shrugs and shakes her head: "I really wouldn't know…everything is so overwhelming….it…it's just too much….too fast".

"I just can do what is needed….I..I can't think…I just act" she continues.

With sad helpless eyes she looks at Jenny "I…I don't know…can you tell me what I have to do?"

"In situations like the one you are in at the moment, people find a strange kind of strength, strength which will keep them going and make the right decisions…I have seen it many times".

"What you are going through right now is a nightmare, a terrible nightmare…no one is prepared for such thing" Jenny comforts her.

"Trust me, you're have done a tremendous job up till now…and you will keep doing it".

Jessica exhales the smoke of her cigarette and shakes her head again: "I don't know…I just don't know".

Jenny gets up from her chair and looks at a woman who just is uncertain and afraid: "Trust me, you will…"

She puts her hand on Jessica's shoulder and then heads for the front door.

"I have to go to the next patient".

"Will I see you tomorrow?" Jessica asks.

"Tomorrow evening I will be here again; Darcy will take care of things tomorrow morning and afternoon".

Jenny leaves and Jessica heads back to the silent living room and watches her father who is still asleep.

From time to time the silence is broken by the sound of the infusion pump and she feels utterly miserable.

She knows she has to discuss the funeral with her father tomorrow and she has no idea how to start that conversation.

To find a bit of distraction from this horrible vision, she decides to watch some television again and puts her headphones on.

Around eleven 'o clock the doorbell rings.

Jessica opens the front door and sees a middle aged woman standing in front of her.

"Hi, I am Ruth Powers, the night nurse" she introduces herself with a friendly voice.

"Poor Tim, we have spent so many nights together at the side of the beds of all these other people".

"You have worked with my father?"

Ruth nods "yes, working as a night nurse means almost always you take care of the dieing and your father and I have been there for many people in their last moments".

"I…I see" and suddenly Jessica realizes herself that her father has been part of the last days of many people as well; just like she is right now.

The both of them enter the living room and Ruth kneels down next to the bed.

"Tim, Tim, Tim…..I'm so sorry this is happening to you…"

The reverend opens his eyes and grabs her hand.

"Ruth?….Will you take care of me this night?"

"Yes Tim, I will".

A faint smile appears on the reverend's face: "then I will be in good hands".

Once more a tear rolls over Jessica's cheek as she sees these two old 'comrades in arms' together and quickly disappears in the kitchen and lights a cigarette.

After a few minutes the kitchen door opens: "I bet you need those pretty bad now".

"Yeah…I smoke like a chimney at the moment" she replies with a soft voice.

Ruth walks to the kitchen table and puts her own package of cigarettes on it.

"I know, I know…..don't worry Jessica, we will pull through this one; I'm not only here for your father".

More tears start to roll down Jessica's cheeks: "I don't know what to do Ruth…this is all so horrible…and there is nothing I can do about it".

"This has been a very difficult day for you, I've seen it so many times…..Your father's last homecoming, all these strange people taking control over your household and there is nothing you can do about it".

Jessica watches Ruth in the face and wipes off her tears.

"Just go to bed Jessica, go and get some rest…you need it; I will take care of your father tonight….just go and sleep" Ruth comforts her with a soft voice.

"I….I need to kiss father goodnight" she replies with a broken voice.

"Don't worry, he dozed off again….now go…I'll see you tomorrow morning".

* * *

Six thirty in the morning: Jessica's alarm clock goes off.

She gets out of bed, quickly freshens herself up, gets dressed and heads downstairs.

When she's descending the stairs she sees a soft light coming from the living room.

A strange and almost bizarre feeling is coming over her as she realizes herself that in that room is a strange woman and her dieing father.

"Good morning Jessica" Ruth welcomes her with a soft and friendly voice.

"Morning Ruth, how's he doing"?

"He had a calm night; managed to sleep well but he got some fever".

Jessica looks at her father who still is asleep in the bed in front of the window and sighs deeply while she shakes her head.

"I'm going to make some tea; do you want a cup as well? She asks Ruth as she heads into the kitchen.

Ruth gets up from the couch and follows her.

In the kitchen Jessica lights her first cigarette of the day and grabs a few cups.

Again a deep sigh and as she fills the water boiler, Ruth sees how she starts to shake.

"Are you alright?"

"N..n..no,….I'm not…..I…I have to talk with father about his own funeral" she stammers nervously.

Ruth takes the water boiler out of her hands: "better give me this before you burn your hands".

Jessica sits down at the kitchen table and nervously inhales the smoke of her 'Laramie extra tar' while Ruth pours the hot water in the cups.

"I know how difficult these things are; but it's better you do it when it's still possible".

Jessica nods as she puts out her cigarette and immediately lights another one.

"Here, drink your tea; it will make you calm down a bit".

Ruth heads back into the living room and starts to pack her stuff; checks the infusion pump and heads back into the kitchen.

"I have to go now; it's almost seven o'clock…my watch is over".

Again Jessica just nods and gets up from her chair.

"Thank you Ruth, thank you so much….will you be here tonight as well?"

"No, it will be Stacy, for me it's weekend now, but you'll see me next Monday again".

Jessica lets Ruth out through the front door and the silence returns in the house.

Her father has woken up from the noise and once again he just stares with an expressionless face into the void.

"Are you alright father?" Jessica asks still slighty nervous.

"Yes" he replies with a numbed voice.

"Are…are you in any pain?"

"No".

"Can I get you something?"

"No".

Jessica no longer knows what to say and sits down on the couch; she deliberately wants to wait after the morning visit of the nurse before she will try to discuss the funeral and the only thing she can do is to wait.

Short after nine 'o clock Darcy arrives and Jessica uses the opportunity to go to the Kwik-E-Mart to buy some groceries for the weekend.

When she comes back home after three quarters on an hour, Darcy has just finished her work.

"I renewed the IV bag, washed him and gave him his medication" she informs her.

"It…it's coming out again" the reverend suddenly moans and Darcy quickly helps him to sit up and grabs the bowl which still stands on the cabinet for the event such a thing like this may happen.

Again Jessica sees how several waves of brown reddish goo are coming out of the mouth of her father.

"Just like yesterday; he can't hold the pills you just gave him down anymore" she sadly concludes.

At that same time the doorbell rings and as Jessica heads to the front door to open it, she can see through the glass it's Jesse Grass.

"You're right on time; we have a bit of a situation going on in here".

"What's going on?" the doctor replies worried.

"He can't hold his medication down…he also is having fever".

Jesse enters the living room and immediately starts to examine the reverend.

"Hmmmm, the fever is not very uncommon…..I can hear some noise coming from your lungs as well" he remarks as he takes off his stethoscope.

Jessica's father just quietly undergoes the examination.

"Regarding the medication, we have to think of something else as this clearly doesn't work" Jesse continues and grabs the report to read what happened that night.

"Fever is not getting higher at this moment…that's good….medication…lemme see….Primperan….that's also available as a suppository….Dexamethason….this can be administered through the IV as well….now shouldn't be a problem".

"Alright, I'll go to the pharmacy at the hospital to get these and come back at the end of the afternoon….if the fever gets worse: call me".

Jessica nods and accompanies both the doctor and the nurse to the front door to let them out.

Back in the living room she sits down at the dinner table on the chair which is closest to her father's bed.

Once more the reverend just lies on his back and gazes expressionless into the distance.

Sitting on her chair Jessica grabs a note-book and a pen out of a drawer of the cabinet.

Still no response from her father.

She closes her eyes, takes a few deep breaths and swallows: "Father….father?"

The reverend turns his head towards his daughter.

Jessica feels nervous and devastated at the same time and once more she takes a deep breath: "We need to talk about your funeral".

Her father weakly nods and again just replies shortly with just an emotionless "OK".

A dark and rather one way conversation follows; Jessica asks how her father wants to have things be arranged.

What kind of coffin he wants, who he wants to be invited, if there should be a wake with open or closed coffin, what he wants to wear and many more things.

After ten minutes of one way conversation Jessica cracks and starts to cry violently.

"I can't do this….I just can't" she sobs.

"Then don't do it!" her father replies in an almost grumpy way.

His reply almost shocks Jessica and she manages to get control back over herself

"No, this has to be done!" she states firmly with a broken voice and continues.

"Keep it simple…you shouldn't spend too much money on it" her father remarks.

For a brief moment Jessica looks at her father.

"That's for me to decide…"

"No, you shouldn't…..use your money for yourself, for me it won't matter anymore".

"Keep it simple and cheap…it has no use….allow the people to say goodbye and that will do".

"You want the actual burial to be private?"

"Yes, that last stage of my journey I want to be just with my loved ones…with you".

Jessica again starts to cry and puts her head on her father's emaciated chest.

"Why!?…why!?….Why do you have to leave me!?"

Her father caresses her hair with his left hand: "it's just how it's decided….it's just how it's decided…."

"It's not fair!…It's so fucking unfair!" she continues crying.

Her father sighs: "I know…I know, but at least I know before I go that I got you back…my little girl…..my precious little girl".

Once more Jessica's heart breaks and cries bitter tears: "I have been so bad to you, I caused you so much pain….I became everything you didn't want me to be.."

"No…. no….in these last few weeks you have shown me who you really are…who you always have been…..that you have become all that I wanted you to be".

"Why didn't they gave us more time…why, why, why!?"

"They gave us the time we needed…..it's just the way it is….."

"It's not fair father….it's just isn't fair!"

"I know…I know" and once more he caresses his daughter's long black hair.

"Just ask Rod Flanders if he wants to take care of my memorial service….he will do fine….don't worry about it".

"I will father…I will…do you want to seem him yourself before you…..?"

"No, he knows what to do….I just want to have you by my side".

"I won't fail you father….not this time….." she sobs.

The hand on her back becomes weaker and falls aside; her father once more has dozed off….the effort to comfort his daughter has drained all of his strength.

Jessica puts his arm under the blankets and continues to write things down so when the moment is there; she knows what to do.

* * *

Sad helpless numbness on one side and determination on the other.

Jessica lies on her back in her bed and gazes into the darkness of the night.

Under her feather bed she holds Effie against her side while caressing the stuffed locomotive with her thumb.

That afternoon her father's fever only got higher and he started to get some problems to breathe.

When Jesse Grass visited them again at the end of the afternoon and examined her father, it became clear one of his lungs got infected: a pneumonia.

Doctor Hibbert was consulted by telephone as he had more experience how to deal with such problems in case of a terminal patient.

Treatment with high doses of Prednisolone for the duration of three days was advised as this was probably the only thing which would be able to deal with the inflammation.

If this wouldn't help; treatment would be stopped.

More and more Jessica is adopting her task as a Nurse: she helps her father getting on the commode chair and cleans it when he is done, tries and already manages to solve small problems with the IV pump and does all the other things so her father is made as comfortable as possible.

Despite the fact each time the nurses, as well as Jesse Grass, are telling her she is doing a great job; she feels terribly insecure and helpless.

Things which she occasionally saw on television or read about in magazines were now reality for her.

"It just happens….no matter what, it just happens" she wonders to herself and once more realizes that what ever she will do, nothing can or will stop it.

She turns on her side and sees the soft light coming from downstairs shining through the gap under her bedroom door.

In the living room her father is watched by Stacy, a long slim woman with short black hair.

She is a few years older then Jessica and dresses herself a bit in Gothic style.

Despite her appearance, Stacy is a soft and caring woman and just like Ruth, she has already several years of experience in caring during the night for the dying.

Her father didn't seem to care about this more exotic way of dressing and greeted her with a faint smile.

Initially Jessica wondered if she was dealing with some one who got a kick on being involved in death, but after a short while she saw the dedication and professionalism of this woman.

Just like Ruth, Stacy told her the nurses not only were there to take care of her father, but also to take a bit care and offer support to her.

A kindness which Jessica had never experienced in her life; when people were kind to her it always meant they expected something in return.

She touches her breast and suddenly a feeling of disgust overwhelms her as she realizes how many men and an occasional woman had touched this part of her body, squeezed in it, licked her nipples or left their sperm on it.

Her hand moves from her breast to the side of her body to feel where Effie is.

She grabs the little stuffed locomotive and presses it against her cheek.

"You never wanted something in return, you always loved me" she whispers to it.

And as always, Effie smiles back and looks at her with its friendly windscreen shaped eyes as a tear drops on its pink side.

* * *

Sunday, it's a quarter to seven in the morning as Jessica enters the living room which is just illuminated by the table lamp on the cabinet and the floor lamp next to the couch.

Stacy is sitting on the couch and puts her book away as Jessica enters and wishes her a good morning.

"Good morning Stacy, how has he been doing tonight?"

"The fever didn't go up, sometimes he has a bit difficulties breathing but in general he had a quiet night".

"Has he been able to sleep a bit?" Jessica asks as she watches her sleeping father.

"He has been awake a few times, but that's not uncommon in his situation".

Once more Jessica notices how emaciated her fathers face and body have become before silently going to the kitchen for her first cigarette and a cup if tea.

Stacy joins her and sits down at the kitchen table.

"You look tired, ; you didn't have a good night?" she asks.

"No, not really" Jessica replies shortly.

"I wonder how long this will go on…." she continues with a tired voice.

"That's hard to say, but regarding what I have seen with other patients in this phase of their disease; a few weeks is the maximum…."

"It has no use, it better be over soon" Jessica sighs.

Suddenly she turns around: "God, what am I saying?….I wish my father to die!"

"No, don't feel ashamed or guilty; it's just the truth….it has no use anymore".

Jessica just nods and silently pours some hot water in two cups.

She puts them on the kitchen table and sits down opposite Stacy.

"I don't know anymore what to think or what to feel; the last month is like I have been living in a nightmare".

"All the things from which you think they are unimaginable and would never happen to yourself or some one you love just happen….no questions asked, it just happens".

"And now….God, I only wish the end will be merciful and fast, that he doesn't have to suffer…..but I want to keep him with me as well…."

"We all do Jessica, but keep in mind that what you are thinking right now is nothing unusual….everyone thinks in such a way under these circumstances".

"Believe me, you just want to end this because you love your father".

With sad eyes Jessica looks at Stacy and nods slowly: "yeah, I love my father….I always have loved him…."

* * *

The morning continues just the same way as it did the day before: Stacy leaves and Jessica is once more alone with her father.

No conversation; just the almost obligatory questions of how he feels and if he needs anything.

She helps her father out of bed on the commode chair and cleans the bucket underneath it when he is finished and puts him back in bed.

Around ten 'o clock Darcy arrives to administer the medications and to wash him.

While Darcy is taking care of her father, Jessica takes the opportunity to take a quick shower herself as the last time she was able to do so was last Thursday evening.

The warm water feels good on her body and her by all the stress tensed sore muscles start to relax a bit.

With her hair still half wet she heads back downstairs; back to the misery.

As she opens the door to the living room she suddenly stops.

Darcy hasn't finished washing her father yet and Jessica sees how he is sitting naked on the edge of the bed; his emaciated body in a bent position while staring with dull eyes to the floor.

As he sees his daughter opening the door he looks up and their eyes meet shortly.

Jessica immediately shuts the door and sits down on the stair, not only feeling embarrassed because she never saw her own father nude; but devastated too by the fact he has been robbed from all of his dignity as well…..nothing is left of him.

After five minutes Darcy opens the door and tells Jessica she's finished.

Her father is lying on his back in the bed again and just gazes into the void.

Darcy tells Jessica that everything went fine: she changed the IV bag, added the medication to it, gave him his suppository and washed his body.

The fever is still at the same level and it seems the Prednisolone manages to keep the pneumonia under control.

After Darcy has left, Jessica heads into the kitchen, dieing for a cigarette.

As she inhales the smoke and the nicotine starts to do its work she feels herself a bit unwinding…..but not for long.

"Jessica…Jessica pull me up, I'm suffocating!" her father suddenly moans.

Immediately she rushes to her father, grabs his hands and pulls him up.

The reverend starts to cough terribly and reaches out for the bowl which is still standing on the cabinet.

Quickly Jessica grabs it and hands it over to her father who holds it under his chin and starts to cough violently while spitting out a large amount of thick green slime.

After a few minutes it stops and the reverend is trying to catch his breath.

"What…what was that?" Jessica asks with a horrified tone in her voice.

"It…it suddenly happened" her father gasps back.

She puts her right arm behind his back to support him: "Easy, easy, try to take slow deep breaths"

Still with some panic in his eyes, her father tries to breath a bit more calmly.

"That's it…that's alright, keep breathing…slooow" she comforts him with a soft voice.

After a few minutes things seems to have calmed down a bit and Jessica still supports her father's upper body with her arm as he lies down on his back again.

"I'm gonna call Grass; this aint right!"

Ten minutes later Jesse Grass is listening to the reverend's lungs.

"Mmmm yes" he mumbles and takes the reverend's temperature.

"And?" Jessica asks with a worried voice.

"Seems the infection has spread out to his other lung as well; the Prednisolone seems to have some effect but not what I hoped for".

"Despite it has spread out, it still seems to be under control…well, more or less" he continues.

"More or less, what do you mean?"

"To me it seems the severity of the inflammation hasn't become that much worse; his temperature hasn't increased a lot as well but we definitely have to keep a serious eye on it".

"And all that slime which is coming out?"

"Basically not uncommon; it can be one of the symptoms of a pneumonia".

Jessica nods: "and what are we going to do now?"

"At this moment the only thing we can do is to wait and see how this will develop; keep an eye on his temperature and call me when it gets worse".

The doctor leaves and once more father and daughter are alone.

With a sad smile on her face Jessica watches her father and asks with a soft voice: "how do you feel now?"

But her father doesn't reply to her question, he just lies on his back and gazes into the void.

It doesn't take long before he dozes off again and Jessica heads once more into the kitchen to have another cigarette.

* * *

The day continues slowly; Jessica sits most of the time on the couch watching television with her headphones on just one of her ears so she can hear her father as well.

Every few minutes she turns her head towards the hospital bed to see if everything is alright and from time to time she heads into the kitchen to smoke as fast as she can.

Most of the time her father is asleep and for the few short times he is awake, he just stares with empty eyes at the ceiling.

Again the only thing Jessica can do is ask is how he is feeling or if he needs anything.

Her father just replies with a short emotionless "I'm fine' and "no".

Early in the afternoon Darcy pays them once more a visit to check his temperature and to see if the IV bag needs to be replaced.

There is also very little she can do and after a short while, she leaves to see her next patient.

It's around four 'o clock when Jessica is smoking a cigarette in the kitchen.

With her cigarette dangling between her lips she is emptying the dishwasher and puts the 'new' dirty dishes in it.

She quickly cleans things up a bit and goes back to the living room.

"Father!" She calls out as she sees how her father is hanging out of his bed.

A puddle of at least 3 feet long and 5 inches wide of green and transparent slime lays on the floor.

"I…I couldn't hold it down…..I almost suffocated again" he almost apologizes himself.

Quickly Jessica helps her father to get back in bed and cleans his mouth and cheek.

"Can you breathe again now?" she asks and her father nods.

"I call the doctor again, this is going all the wrong way" Jessica mumbles as she heads to the telephone.

She quickly explains the situation to Jesse who promises to come by after he has finished with the patient he is visiting at the moment.

"Don't worry about the floor….it's alright…I will clean it up…don't worry about it…it will be fine" she tries to reassure her father.

Slightly disgusted Jessica starts to mop up the puddle of slime using sheets of kitchen roll towels and a mop.

Also the frame of the bed is covered with it and she is barely finished cleaning things up as the telephone rings.

She rushes to it, expecting it will be Jesse Grass but instead of hearing his voice; it's Marge Simpson who apologizes herself for the fact she is disturbing them and asks how her father is doing.

"No, please….it's alright' Jessica replies as she is glad to hear the raspy voice of the caring blue haired woman and explains to her what has been going on the last few days.

"Oh my God…Oh my God" is the only thing Marge can bring out when she hears what has happened.

"Yeah…and there is very little we can do about it" Jessica sighs.

"I called to ask if I could see your father….to say goodbye, but given the circumstances I don't think I can ask this".

"Basically my father wants to be left alone but I will ask him anyway; he is awake now".

At the other side of the line Marge hears how Jessica asks if the reverend wants to see Marge one final time.

After a few seconds Jessica is back: "Yes, he told me it's OK….can you come this evening around eight 'o clock?"

"I'll be there….and Jessica, thank you".

* * *

It already a quarter past eight as Jessica closes the front door behind Marge Simpson.

"How is he doing" Marge asks with a soft voice.

Jessica shrugs and shakes her head: "the doctor was here around five 'o clock….the pneumonia is getting worse but still seems to be under control".

"Oh my…and what is going to be done now?"

'Nothing, we just have to wait and see what happens" Jessica sighs with a sad voice.

Both women enter the living room and sit next to the bed of the reverend.

"Marge…Marge is that you?" he asks with a weak voice and a faint smile appears on his face.

Marge doesn't know what to say very well as she is pretty much knocked of her feet by the sight of the emaciated reverend and friend.

"It's so warm under these blankets Marge…it's so hot"

Marge looks at Jessica: "shall we get one of the blankets off?"

Jessica nods and quickly removes the top blanket from her father.

"I will leave the both of you alone now; if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen".

Jessica closes the door behind her to give her father and Marge Simpson some privacy.

She doesn't want to interfere in something which is between these two close friends and starts to make some coffee.

The time passes and from the living room she can hear the soft raspy voice of Marge as well as the weak voice of her father.

She can't understand what they are saying to each other and sometimes the conversation is interrupted by some soft sobbing from Marge.

Jessica shivers when she hears the pain of the kind blue haired woman and can barely hold her own tears.

After about thirty minutes Marge enters the kitchen, her eyes are thick and wet.

"There is nothing left of him…..he's just a living skeleton" she whispers with a slight broken voice.

"I have seen people dieing before but none of them looked as bad as your father does" she continues.

Jessica offers Marge a chair at the kitchen table: "here, sit down….I'll pour you a cup of coffee…I think you can use it right now"

Marge dries her tears with her handkerchief as Jessica puts a cup of hot coffee in front of her.

"Are you alright Marge?"

Marge just silently nods.

"You are so courageous Jessica, I never ever thought you would do this".

"Not much choice I'm afraid….there simply is no one else",

"You could have left him in the hospital".

"No…no, that's something I just couldn't do….no….not my father; he hates it in there".

"He wanted to die here in his own trusted environment….and I will do everything to make sure this will happen " she continues.

Marge once more nods while drinking her coffee.

Jessica stares with empty sad eyes into the kitchen: "you see Marge, people think of me that I am a cheap slut, think I am dong this because of the inheritance…..but I'm not cheap….or perhaps not anymore…I don't know; I just want to be here for my father…no one should be alone when dieing…at least that will be something good I have done in my life".

Marge grabs Jessica's hand: "whatever it may be, whenever it may be; if you need help: you can count on me".

"Why are you doing this Marge, you have all the reasons to hate me after what I did to Bart".

"Jessica, that was nineteen years ago and if there is one thing your father has taught me: it's to forgive".

"Yeah, but still…" but before Jessica can finish her line she is interrupted by her father calling her name.

She quickly heads into the living room.

"Help me on the commode chair" her father asks with a somewhat annoyed voice.

"Didn't you hear me calling?"

"I'm sorry father, I was talking with Marge" Jessica apologies herself.

"It's not the time to have a nice chitchat now" he grumbles back.

"I'm...I'm really so sorry father".

The reverend does what he needs to do and his daughter helps him back into his bed.

Jessica puts the lit on the bucket in the commode chair and heads back into the kitchen.

"I think it's better you go now Marge, he is feeling so terribly ill"

"I understand" and Marge gets up from her chair and goes for a last time to her friend.

She bends over and kisses him on the cheek and whispers something in his ear.

After that she quickly walks away while trying to hold her tears.

Jessica follows her and in the hall Marge once more tells her that she will be there when needed, no matter how or when.

The blue haired lady embraces Jessica before she leaves and then heads for her car.

The silence has returned to the house: the reverend is asleep and Jessica can do nothing else then to sit on the couch while watching TV with her headphones on.

It's around ten 'o clock when the doorbell rings and Jesse Grass is standing at the front door.

There isn't much that he can do, except checking the temperature and check the report the nurses wrote that day about what they have been doing.

"How do you feel mister Lovejoy?"

"Hot…so hot"

"Any trouble with breathing?"

"Sometimes" is once more the short and emotionless answer.

"What do you think of it?" Jessica asks.

"We just have to wait and see…at this moment it can go both directions".

"Can't you give him any medication which makes him breathe a little easier?"

"I will arrange a bottle of oxygen and a mask for tomorrow so he can use this when he doesn't get enough air".

"Yeah, that will help him to breathe".

"If it's alright with you, I am going home….there is nothing else I can do at the moment".

Jessica nods slowly and accompanies the doctor to the front door to let him out.

Her father lies on his back and has fallen back to sleep.

"Finally time to have a smoke" she mumbles to herself and heads into the kitchen to have another Laramie.

The cigarette tastes good and as soon as she has finished it, she goes back to the living room to keep an eye on her father.

But when she opens the door to the livingroom and sees him; her heart almost comes to a standstill.

He still lies on his back with his eyes closed and out of his mouth runs dark green slime.

"Father, get up or you'll suffocate!….Father?…Father!?"

She grabs her father by his arms to pull him up but he doesn't respond and as his upper body comes into a more vertical position, his head falls back to the left side.

Quickly Jessica puts him down again and taps a few times with her hand on his cheek.

"Father!…Father!" but no response.

"Oww shit…oooww shit!…This ain't happening!…Not now!"

She grabs the note with the telephone number of Jesse Grass from the cabinet and rushes towards the telephone.

A little over five minutes later the doctor arrives and quickly checks the reverend.

After a few moments he takes off his stethoscope.

"Is…is he dead?" Jessica asks with disbelieve in her voice.

"No, he is not dead…he is in a coma…the pneumonia has breached the barrier of Prednisolone and has now free rein…..it has become septicemia".

"Blood poisoning…." Jessica concludes.

"Yes, the sepsis is causing this coma…..the next step will be organ failure….it will be a matter of hours now before he will be gone".

"So this is it…so this is finally it" Jessica concludes once more.

"Yes, I'm afraid it is".

She takes a deep breath and looks Jesse straight in the eyes and announces with a determined voice: "Alright, now listen: my father should not wake up anymore….the time has come to make him 'comfortable'…I don't want him to suffer anymore".

Jesse nods: "yes, you are right…it has no use anymore…better make sure he will pass over peacefully…I'll get the required medication from the hospital chemistry…I'll be right back".

As Jessica lets Jesse out, Ruth Powers just walks up to the front door to start her shift.

"Lots of activity here, what's going on?" she asks.

"It's all wrong Ruth, my father is in a coma….the pneumonia has gone out of control and has caused blood poisoning" Jessica explains to her.

Quickly both women enter the living room and Ruth immediately starts to clean the reverends face.

"Poor Tim, what a way to leave" Ruth sighs.

"Have you seen this before?" Jessica asks.

"I've seen this way too often…in the final stages of their disease people just are too weak to deal with a complication like a pneumonia…things like this happen a lot".

"How…how will the end be Ruth?"

"His coma will get deeper and deeper, then his breathing will get irregular and eventually it stops".

"He won't feel or know anything from it….it's now a matter of hours before he leaves" Ruth continues.

"I know, Jesse already told me….he will make him 'comfortable' so we know for sure he doesn't have too suffer anymore".

Ten minutes later Jesse Grass is back and starts to add large doses of morphine and anesthetic agent to the IV bag of the reverend.

"This will do the job…he won't wake up anymore".

Jessica nods and sighs: "okay, this will be his final hours over here, I'll stay up tonight to be with him when he leaves".

Jesse nods and as he can't don anything anymore at the moment, he leaves the house.

Jessica turns herself around and watches her father with sad eyes.

"It's almost like he is just asleep…so peaceful".

Ruth puts her hand on Jessica's shoulder: "his end will be calm….."

Jessica doesn't respond and heads to the kitchen to get the ashtray.

"Won't make any difference anymore" she remarks as she puts it on the dinner table and lights a cigarette.

Ruth joins in and together they watch the dieing reverend in silence.

"It must be hard for you as well Ruth; to see someone in this condition; someone with who you have spent so much time under such dark conditions".

"Yeah….this is different; normally I can keep some kind of distance between myself and the patient".

Suddenly Ruth starts to giggle: "Oh God, you should have seen us when Ned Flanders died".

"What happened?"

"Poor Ned, he was a serious case of Alzheimer and each and every time your father said a prayer with him; five minutes later Ned already had forgotten about it and asked for exactly the same prayer again".

"Your father repeated that prayer over seventeen times and completely lost it when Ned started to ask who 'this Jesus guy' actually was….it was the only time I have heard your father swear".

"My father swearing?…Naaah, no way!"

"Yeah, it happened after he explained about who Jesus was and Ned wanted to pray for the eighteenth time; I still can hear him saying 'I have said this goddamn prayer now for seventeen times, here's the good book so you can read it as many times as you want!'"

"He really said that!?" Jessica chuckles.

"Yep" Ruth confirms her story once more and both women even manage to have a good laugh about it.

"This isn't right, my father is dieing and we are laughing…shame on both of us".

Before Ruth is able to reply, the reverend suddenly starts to make noises like a drain is unplugged and a few seconds later a large amount of thin dark green slime gushes out of his mouth.

Ruth immediately comes into action and starts to wipe off his face while Jessica runs to the kitchen to get the role of paper kitchen towels.

"What's this!?" Jessica shouts horrified.

"The pneumonia; quick, give me some clean sheets and something where I can put the used ones in!"

Quickly Jessica puts the large salad bowl, which was still standing on the cabinet, on the bed and starts to tear of sheets of kitchen towel.

For almost half an hour wave after wave of slime is gushing out of her father's mouth and when it finally stops; the role of kitchen towels is empty.

The salad bowl was way too small and all around the bed are used sheets on the ground.

"Jesus fucking Christ!….Jesus fucking Christ!" Jessica shouts horrified.

"No time to think girl, we better clean up this mess and prepare for the next wave".

"The next wave!?…What do you mean the next wave!?….Isn't he empty now?"

"Nope, this can happen several times in a row".

Both women start to clean up things, the plastic garbage can from the kitchen is put next to the hospital bed, latex gloves are put ready and a large amount of sheets of paper kitchen towel are torn of the role.

"Alright, this will do the trick" Ruth remarks when they are finished.

Jessica has plumped down on the couch and stares with large horrified eyes into the distance.

Ruth sits down next to her: "Hey, are you alright?"

But before she can answer the question suddenly her father starts to moan.

"God no!….He's is waking up!" Jessica desperately shouts.

Ruth quickly gets up and rushes to the reverend who continues to moan.

"No…no, he isn't waking up….it's just his voice which comes along when he breathes out.

Ruth heads back to Jessica and sits next to her again.

Jessica is nervously smoking one cigarette after another.

"Easy girl…easy, you're doing great…hold it together now and you'll be fine".

"I know it isn't easy, I know what you are going through now is rough…..but you're doing whatever you can do at this moment" Ruth continues to comfort her.

Jessica just nods and silently smokes her cigarette.

The night continues as dark as it begun; around three `o clock in the morning another wave of slime is coming out followed by another one an hour later.

Three reels of kitchen towels are used to collect and wipe off the dark green goo from the reverend's face.

It's around five 'o clock in the morning when his breathing becomes more irregular.

First there are several seconds between each breath, then more then ten seconds and even periods of over thirty seconds at a certain moment.

During these long pauses Jessica hopes her father will finally stop breathing and that it will be over.

But he doesn't; he just keeps on going and the only thing she and Ruth can do is to wait, wait for an end that just won't come.

Around a quarter to seven Jesse Grass arrives to see how things are.

Pretty much surprised he takes notice of the fact the reverend managed to live through the night.

"I didn't expect this, he is stronger then I thought".

"Heh, stubborn as a mule during his life and stubborn as a mule when he has to die" Jessica remarks almost cynically.

"Yeah" Ruth chuckles on the background.

"Why is he still going?" Jessica asks.

"His heart, apparently his heart is so strong that it refuses to stop".

In the meanwhile Ruth has collected her stuff and is about to go.

"Will I see you this evening again?"

"No, I'm off; it will be Stacy".

In the hall both women hug each other: "Thank you Ruth; thank you so much for what you have done for my father and me".

"It's alright…I'm glad I could have been of support to you…you have done a terrific job Jessica, really".

Jessica doesn't know very well how to handle this compliment and opens the front door for Ruth.

"What else could I have done" she sighs.

Ruth just nods and then walks to her car.

In the living room Jesse is changing the IV bag and adds the medication to keep the reverend sedated.

"How long do you think he will be able to survive?"

"It can be done every moment, It can be done in a few days….it won't take long anymore".

"That's what you said yesterday evening as well" Jessica remarks with an emotionless voice.

"I guess I just stay with him and wait till the end is there" she continues.

"No, you should get some sleep yourself as well; you won't keep this up without sleep".

"And who will take care of my father?"

"Isn't there some one who can look after him while you are asleep?"

"No, there isn't….I wouldn't know who….wait a minute, perhaps she wants to do it?"

Jessica heads to the telephone and quickly presses the buttons.

At 742 Evergreen Terrace, Homer Simpson yawns and moans at the same time as he hears the telephone.

"Maaarge, can you turn off the radio!?"

"Who may that be?" Marge replies with a sleepy voice.

"Arnie Pie in the sky and he is making an awful lot of noise, I wanna sleep!" Homer grumbles back while he buries his head in his pillow.

Marge reaches out to the telephone over her husband's head :"Gimme that!"

She takes the horn off but unfortunately the chord is too short and the whole telephone drops off the night table straight on Homer's head.

At he other side of the line Jessica can hear a loud "'d oh" and some grumbling about Arnie Pie and a radio followed by the voice of Marge who tells her husband to shut up and that it's basically his own fault as she already told him several times to buy a wireless telephone for in the bedroom.

Finally Marge is able to answer the call.

When she hears Jessica's voice she immediately knows something has gone terribly wrong.

Now sitting straight up in the bed, Marge hears what has happened that night and that Jesse Grass told Jessica to get some sleep.

Before she is able to ask if Marge perhaps wants to look after her father, the blue haired woman already told her she is on her way.

About thirty minutes later Marge is standing once more next to the bed of the reverend and sees how a little bit of dark green slime runs out of his mouth.

Jessica quickly wipes it off with a piece of paper kitchen towel and sits down on the chair next to her father's bed and lights another cigarette.

"That's how it is now Marge, sometimes a bit of slime comes out…but nothing more….".

Marge nods and sits down at one of the other chairs around the dinner table in the middle of the living room.

"And you?…How are you?"

Jessica breaths out the smoke of her cigarette and shakes her head: "I don't know how or what I am anymore…..I just am".

"I just called the undertaker, the end will be there soon….I want things to be ready when the moment is there….someone will visit me at three `o clock this afternoon" she continues with a numbed and monotonous voice.

She turns her head towards Marge and looks her with sad eyes in her face.

Marge gets up from her chair and puts her arm around Jessica who lays her head against the chest of the blue haired woman.

"Am I doing it right Marge?…..Am I doing what is needed?….Should I do other things as well?" she asks uncertain.

"I think you are doing what ever is possible and that you should get some sleep now".

Jessica turns her head towards her father and sighs: "you know Marge, when he is gone…there will nobody anymore who loves me…"

"Don't say that; there are plenty of people caring about you".

Jessica sighs once more: "Yeah, I should go get some sleep".

"Go to your bed, I will watch your father, when something happens I will wake you up ".

Jessica nods, gets up from her chair and silently heads towards her bedroom on the first floor to get some much needed sleep.

* * *

"Jessica…Jessica!….Wake up!"

It takes a while before Marge is able to wake Jessica.

Still half asleep she turns around and looks with thick half closed eyes to the worried face of the blue haired lady.

"You have to come down, he is waking up!"

Still sleepy Jessica mumbles "what do you mean?".

"He opened his eyes and starts to move, he is getting out of his coma!"

This time the words manage to get through the sleepy fog still surrounding Jessica's brain and when she realizes what is going on, she immediately gets out of her bed and heads downstairs.

When she enters the living room she sees her father sitting straight up in his bed.

"Oh my God, he wants to get out of bed" Marge shouts.

Quickly both women head towards the reverend.

"Father, please lay down…you can't get out of bed!"

But her father doesn't respond and just gazes into the distance while murmuring and moving his hand up and down over his chest.

Jessica looks her father straight in his wide opened eyes: "father?…Father?…It's me…Jessica".

Again no respond and she sees how the eyes of her father are the ones of a dead man: dull and empty…eyes without the sparkle of the living.

"God….his eyes…his eyes!" she shivers and takes a step backwards.

"Jessica, keep yourself together…. we need a doctor or a nurse and we need him now!"

Still trying to catch her breath Jessica gets control back over her self "I…I call Grass…Grass needs to come right now!"

Quickly she heads to the cabinet to grab the piece of paper where the phone number is on.

"His number…where is the number!…Where's the fucking phone number!"

"Easy, easy…let me look" Marge tries to calm her down.

"What kind of paper is it?"

Jessica throws all kinds of things on the floor while desperately searching "A small one…should be right here!….Goddamned, where is the fucking piece of paper!"

"Go to your father and keep him in bed, I will look for it!"

Jessica goes back to her father while Marge starts to search.

It doesn't take long before she has found it, grabs the telephone and dials the number.

With a calm but worried voice she explains the situation to Jesse Grass and about five minutes later he enters the living room.

As he approaches the bed and takes a look, the reverend reaches out his hand as if he wants to shake the hand of doctor.

A quick examination follows: "right, this aint no good….do you have a new IV bag for me?"

"Yes,…they….they are over there…. in the box" Jessica stammers.

Jesse grabs one and heads into the kitchen where he starts to squeeze out over half the amount of liquid.

After that he puts the half empty bag on the table and starts to open several ampoules of morphine and Dormicum.

He fills a syringe with the medications, injects them into the IV bag and replaces the old bag with the newly prepared one.

After a few minutes the reverend closes his eyes and lays down.

"What happened and what have you done?" Jessica asks while still being in shock.

Jesse sits down on a chair at the dinner table and sighs: "your father was coming out of his coma, the stage he was in is called sub-comatose….I didn't expect this to happen".

"Was….was my father aware of what happened?"

"No, probably not…the septicemia probably has already caused severe brain damage and he didn't wake up completely".

"I just gave him a quintuple dose of morphine and anesthetics…don't worry, he won't wake up anymore now".

"How can this all happen Jesse?…Why is he still alive?"

"I don't know Jessica…apparently he has got a tremendously strong heart; from a medical point of view it even shouldn't be possible he is still alive".

Jessica looks annoyed at the doctor at the other side of the table: "well, let me tell you something….this has to end soon or otherwise I'll put an end to his misery by pouring half a bottle of thinner in that IV bag!"

Jesse shakes his head: "it won't take long anymore…."

"It won't take long !?…That's what you said last night as well…and he still isn't dead!"

"Really, I promise you it won't take that long anymore…and if it does, we will think of something".

"Alright, but it better be that way!…I don't want my father to suffer any longer!"

* * *

The stench of human waste products combined with the smell of cigarettes hangs in the dimly lit living room which looks more like a war zone instead of a safe and private sanctuary.

Once more the evening has cased over the dark and surreal existence at the Lovejoy premises where two women are sitting on the couch and wait for the inevitable; the death of a father and a dear friend.

Very little has changed is his condition; the quintuple dose of anesthetics and morphine ensured the reverend wouldn't wake up anymore.

The doctor and one of the nurses just came by to check the settings of the IV pump; there was nothing else they could do.

That afternoon the undertaker paid them a visit and things were arranged in such a way that when the moment was there, one phone call would do.

Marge decided to stay with Jessica until the nurse would arrive to watch the reverend during the night; she just couldn't leave her alone under these circumstances.

Jessica: the beautiful black haired woman with such a bad reputation; now so fragile and tender, so lonely and afraid, but also with an admirable courage and determination when it comes about her father.

Marge never thought that this by the community described as slutty and evil woman could be like this and during the last few weeks her sympathy for her increased tremendously, as well as she felt a deep need to care for her.

Jessica on the other hand was experiencing feelings she had almost never experienced before.

Despite the numbed surreal darkness which was surrounding her existence, she felt the warmth of the blue haired lady, as well as the warmth in her own heart when it comes about her father.

A strange and almost somewhat awkward experience as she had denied and suppressed such feelings for almost all her life.

While wondering about her own feelings, suddenly her attention is caught by Marge who suddenly starts to chuckle.

"What?"

"I'm sorry Jessica, I just had to think about how you welcomed that undertaker this afternoon".

"Uh….what do you mean?"

"When the man entered and you told him 'take a seat, over there lies you customer, do you want to have a cup of coffee?'…the way you said it" Marge continues to chuckle.

A smile appears on Jessica's face as well: "heh, yeah….wasn't the most elegant thing to do under these circumstances".

"I know this guy from something" Jessica continues.

"Didn't you recognize him?….Wendell Borton, the kid in Bart's class who was always sick".

"Of course, the boy who always looked as pale as a bed sheet…yeah, now I remember him; he looks a lot better nowadays".

"Indeed, who would have thought he would end up in the undertaking business" Marge confirms.

Jessica nods and Marge sees how her eyes suddenly have become sad.

"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have laughed" she apologizes".

"No…no…it's not that".

"What is it Jessica?"

"Can I ask you a question Marge?"

"Of course".

Jessica takes a deep sigh: "what happened to Bart?"

"Bart…he married a girl called Nikki when he was twenty one and is a father of two children; a boy and a girl".

Marge grabs her wallet out of her purse and pulls out two pictures.

"Look; this is Sue, she is eight years old and this is Peter, her brother who is five".

"The girl doesn't look a lot like her father".

"Not when it comes about her face and red hair; but trust me, she is the same kind of little hell raiser" Marge Smiles.

"He must have got a good job to support his family".

"He works as a warehouse manager at Ogdenville Steel and Nikki has a small hobby shop….they manage quite well".

"Is it a happy marriage?"

Marge replies with a smile: "yes, my 'little special guy' has got a very happy marriage".

Jessica smiles back and nods, but deep inside she feels the cold emptiness of her own existence which seems to be getting worse every day.

By what Marge told her, she realizes once more she will be alone after all this is over, no one will be there for her, no one will wait for her when she gets home.

For her it will only mean the greedy eyes of all these horny men who just want her body and are prepared to pay a lot of money for it.

She quickly suppresses her thoughts and lights another cigarette.

"I'm glad he has a good life" she finally remarks with a neutral voice and once more Marge replies with a smile.

A few moments later the doorbell rings; it's Stacy who starts her nightshift.

In the living room Jessica tells her in a few words what happened the last twenty four hours.

There is very little Stacy can do except checking the IV pump and read the report of Jesse Grass.

"For how long is he breathing this irregular?"

"Since early this morning, although it has been worse".

"Do you mean he has trouble breathing or was his breathing even more irregular?"

"He is breathing was more irregular at the end of the night" Jessica replies shortly.

"Poor man, the end will be there soon" Stacy sighs as she puts down the report back on the cabinet.

"Join the club, you're already number three who tells me this and he's still alive!"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said this….just too many things happened in these last twenty four hours" Jessica almost immediately apologizes herself.

"It's alright, I understand, don't worry about it…you are not the only one who reacts like this when facing such terrible things"

Jessica nods and sighs: "it's just too much…I just want this to be over".

Stacy looks at Jessica's tired and empty face: "c'mon, I'll make you a cup of tea" and both women disappear into the kitchen.

After a few minutes the water starts to boil and Jessica is grabbing some cups.

"You also want tea Marge?" she shouts.

But Marge doesn't respond and Jessica asks again; still no response.

She puts the cups at the kitchen table and heads back into the living room.

Marge stands next to the reverend's bed and looks with sad eyes at her dear friend.

"Jessica….he…he isn't breathing anymore" she sobs with a soft voice.

Slowly Jessica walks to the end of the bed and grabs it with both hands: "it…it's…. over?"

Stacy checks the reverend's breathing and listens to his heart.

After a few seconds she takes off the stethoscope and replies with a comforting voice: "yes….it's over".

For a short moment everything is silent in the house; a moment which seems to last an eternity.

While just standing there at the end of her father's bed, Jessica feels a strange combination of sad tranquility, relief, as well some kind of gratitude is coming over her.

"Thank God, he finally is free" she whispers and slowly steps to the side of the bed where she straightens the feathered bed covering her father.

As she has done this she kneels down next to his face and softly kisses his forehead.

A single tear runs down her cheek as she whispers "I have always loved you father…and I always will".

Another tear follows and falls on her fathers face, the final goodbye of a daughter.

Then she rises up and covers her father's face with the feather blanket and tenderly puts her hands on his body.

She respectfully bows her head for him one last time and just whispers "farewell father…..farewell".


	6. Chapter 6

**TU QUOQUE JEBBIE?**

Behind the window of one of the fancy apartments at Lexington Avenue; a woman with long black hair is staring to the railway viaduct a few hundred yards down the road.

A mug of tea in her one hand and a cigarette between her index and middle finger of her other hand.

It's mid February at the end of the afternoon; gray skies and temperatures just above the freezing point turned the half melted snow, which fell in December and January, into a dirty vale soup of mud and dirt.

The gray sky, the foggy weather and the dirty snow lay as a depressive and heavy blanket over Capitol City.

From behind her window Jessica sees how a freight train is passing the viaduct.

Two yellow and gray locomotives and a seemingly endless stream of carriages in all kinds of shapes and colors.

In the distance she can hear the horn of the train producing it's monotone somewhat sad sound as it approaches the railroad crossing at Maple Road.

The gray smoke of her cigarette circles up in an irregular pattern and spreads out when it hits the slightly brownish net curtain.

Sad, dull and empty eyes follow the end of the train on the viaduct.

Carriages, locomotives, the sound of the horn and the bells of the railroad crossing which still can be heard into the distance.

Her thoughts wander off to that evening she and her father played with the trains.

The lights on the layout, the little brothel and her father who was so happy with his new locomotive; the joy on his face and his sparkling eyes.

Eyes which turned into the ones of a dead man when he woke up from his coma; an image which still haunts her.

That nightmare which took place now five weeks ago.

Silently Jessica leaves the window and sits down on her couch while deeply inhaling the smoke of her cigarette.

Her father, there was nothing left of him anymore.

That evening when he died, Jesse Grass came to make up the death certificate and he turned the reverend, who still was laying on his side, on his back to give him a bit more dignity.

When he was turned over, the feather bed was taken off and Jessica saw how her father had soiled himself, saw the bruises which were caused by the septicemia on the side of his face he had been laying on all the time.

How she called the undertaker and how she went upstairs and softly cried while holding Effie as she didn't want to see how her father was put in his coffin and left his home forever.

The memorial service at the church was an almost bizarre thing to witness.

Her father wasn't on the pulpit like he should have been and there was this coffin covered with flowers.

When she was sitting there on the first row and Rod Flanders was preaching about how good the Lord would take care of him, preached about comfort and redemption; it all looked and sounded so empty and bizarre.

There was this coffin….an abstract wooden crate which had nothing to do with her father; she was just looking at a piece of wood.

And there were all those people who shook her hand, gave her a hug and paid their sympathy and respect, as well as they felt so sorry for her and if she would need something she just would have to ask.

She felt it as an utter display of hypocrisy because no one gave a damn about her.

Perhaps well meant at the moment, but she just knew when she had turned her back; she once more would be seen as the evil sluttish daughter of that poor reverend who was just securing the inheritance.

The harsh and cynical words of Lindsay Naegle echo in her mind: "did your pimp told you to go after your father's money or were you capable of figuring that out all by yourself?"

"Why can't people see how I cared for him?" Jessica wonders with a soft voice while staring with empty sad eyes into the void.

"Why don't they see I have a heart as well?…Why do they think I am just an evil woman?"

In her mind she hears the voice of her father saying "my little girl…..my precious little girl" and almost feels his hand caressing her hair.

A tear rolls down her cheek and the sharp dark pain of mourning fills her complete existence once more.

She slips off the couch, falls on her knees and looks up at the gray sky through the window like if she is watching heaven.

"Father….father?…Are you there?…..Are you listening to me?….You are the only one who loves me, who knows me…..father….please come back…I still need you so much".

But her sorrow is overwhelming her.

She falls on her elbows and starts to cry violently; just able to sometimes say with a by tears twisted voice "father, please come back".

For almost half an hour Jessica cries, swears and screams in utter pain and sorrow.

Her existence feels so cold, so lonely and dark and once more she realizes how much she actually has lost and how little warmth has been left in her own life.

As she finally calms down and manages to get a bit more grip on herself, she sits down at the kitchen table.

Another cigarette is lighted and her mind wanders off to the days just after the funeral.

The first week she didn't feel a thing, almost businesslike and was able to deal with all the administrative issues regarding her father's death.

Things about the house, notifying all kinds of organizations, discontinue subscriptions and so on.

She stayed for another week at the house after the burial to deal with the practical things and then went back to her own place in Capitol City.

By doing this she had hoped to escape the feelings and memories which were connected to her parental home and pick up her old normal life….almost like running away from the darkness.

But then the pain came, the violent attacks of deep and lonely sorrow, the desperate crying sessions which she just couldn't stop.

Always she had been able to suppress her emotions and remained calm, cool and distant…but not anymore.

Her life, which always seemed to be so clear and well arranged, which was about having fun and enjoying things, opportunistic and not being occupied with the pain of the past….that life seems so far away.

Confusion about her own feelings, confusion about how it all just happened and perhaps the most confusion about who she really is.

After sitting for some time at her kitchen table, she prepares herself a simple meal.

Despite the fact she doesn't feel hungry, she knows she has to eat because otherwise she might collapse on stage.

It will be her first evening at The Purple Sin after being absent for over two and a half months.

At one hand she hopes it will take her mind off things and make it a bit more easy for her to deal with, but at the other hand she feels repulsed by the fact she will just be an object of lust for the hungry eyes of a troop of wolfs.

Things have changed since all the things she went through in the last few moths.

Normally her body was a blessing, a tool which could provide her with the things she wanted as well a tool of personal pleasure.

But now, she felt cold and sad about it; love with no warmth….just a mechanical thing.

It once more became clear to her the other day when she was removing all her body hair.

Two months without waxing and having black hair leaves some rather furry traces.

When she was standing there, nude in front of the mirror, watching her body while her pubic hair, her axillary hair as well as some light hair growth on her arms and legs were still there; she just saw a woman.

While after she was done and checked if everything was neat and clean, she saw what she

was…a stripper and a whore.

She had been crying over it, feeling the guilt towards her father and hating herself for just being her body….for just being her own tool of hedonistic emptiness.

"Is this all I am?….Big tits, a tight ass and a cleanly shaved pussy?" She had wondered.

But she also knew she had very little choice as two and a half months without an income made her bank account reach unprecedented depths.

Besides, what else could she do?

She had no diplomas or certificates which meant she would never be able to find a job in which she could earn decent wages, as well as she would loose the apartment; it would just mean poverty or even worse.

Knowing all this makes her feel trapped, trapped inside her own life and there is no other possibility but to continue with it.

So as soon as she has finished the dishes and taken a shower, she puts on her coat and leaves for The Sin.

* * *

The light of the illuminated billboards reflects on the wet streets of downtown Capitol City.

Flaunting attempts in bright colors to seduce the potential customers to spend their money on the product or service which is presented.

The closer Jessica gets to the green and purple lights of The Sin, the more nervous she gets.

When she called Jeb earlier this week to tell him she intended to come back, his response was cold and distant.

Obviously he paid his respect for the loss of her father but before she could start to work, Jeb first wanted to have a serious talk with her.

Jessica knew when Jeb wanted to have one of those with someone, it would be not some cozy chitchatting.

She parks her car at the small parking lot near the liquor store at the end of the alley in which the backstage door of The Purple Sin is and slowly starts to walk towards it.

The click-clacking sound of her stiletto heels echo through the quiet and dimly lit alley.

The backstage door is just several yards away from her as it suddenly opens and two large men step outside.

"Look, I told you that Zippo wasn't a real one, seems you got screwed once more Earl!"

"Yeah, yeah….no need to tell me…ya gonna tell me the name of the kid or what?"

"Aw c'mon man, you can't beat the shit out of him, I know his mama…she's from the old hood y` know!"

"Marv, I don't want to beat the shit out of that little punk, I just want my hundred bucks back and rip a few of his organs out his stinkin' body!"

"Is the hood man, you think a 'cracker' like you can just walk in there?"

The conversation of both 'gorillas' suddenly is interrupted by Jessica's somewhat timid greeting.

"Hi Marv, hey Earl".

"Damn, Jazz….has been a long time since we have seen you; how are you girlie?" Marv somewhat surprised greets the 'empress' of the Sin.

"Heeey Jazzie, good to see ya girl!" Earl adds.

A faint smile appears on Jessica's face while she shrugs: "I just am…."

Marv nods and puts his large hand on her shoulder: "We've heard about your father….a terrible disease, lost my own mother to it when I was just a kid".

Earl just stands there while shaking his head and sighs: "horrible thing….we really feel sorry for your loss Jazz…."

"Look, if you need some help with something,….well, just ask" Marv continues.

Jessica nods and replies with a soft voice: "thanks guys, I really appreciate it"

"Now get in girl, it's way too cold over here" and Earl opens gallantly the backstage door for her.

A few moments later Jessica enters her dressing room at the first floor; the place looks clean and tidy, just the way she likes it.

Still, despite the fact basically everything is the same, deep inside she loathes from it all and perhaps even the most from herself.

She turns on the light in the other room where the bed is and for some time she watches it.

The large round mattress with the black sheets and the red pillows, the mirrors and erotic art on the wall, the soft illumination.

On the chair next to the bed she sees the raspberry and lilac outfit she wore the last time she was here.

Silently she walks up to it and grabs the lilac bow she has worn so many times in her hair when she was dancing on the catwalk.

Dancing in front of all those hungry eyes and greedy hands who offer her money to show her body or even to put it inside of her.

Still holding her bow in her hands she sits down on the bed and silently watches the accessory.

"I turned my daughter into a hooker, my little girl…what have I done" echoes the voice of her father through her mind.

Images of that night start to appear in front of her, how she told him that she was a whore, how they cried, how he held her…how he died.

Softly she starts to cry and feels engulfed by pain, sorrow and disgust.

The fact she wore almost the same kind of clothes as she did as a child when she was stripping, the clothes which her parents want her to wear….it was all just one big act of revenge.

Revenge for the fact she never got the attention from her mother and especially her father; the attention she craved so desperately for.

And now, when things finally had become so clear to her, there was no possibility anymore to enjoy the love of her father….to undo the harm she wanted to cause.

Her thoughts wander off again to the evening they had that tremendous fight, such deep emotions were finally spoken out.

"I'm a whore" she whispers to herself while gazing with tear strained eyes into the distance.

Suddenly there is a soft knock on the door; quickly she wipes off her tears and slowly walks through her dressing room.

As she opens, she sees Spike and Gigi standing in front of her.

"We heard what happened to you and just want to ask how you are Jazz…." Gigi asks with a soft voice.

"Have you been crying?"

"No…no, just a cold…nothing more" Jessica lies with a still slightly broken voice.

"It's OK to cry Jazz, you have loved your father so much" Spike tries to comfort her.

Still with wet eyes Jessica watches both waitresses: "come in, I don't want the whole Sin see me like this…"

In the dressing room the three women sit down and cigarettes are lighted.

"How are you now?" Gigi asks again.

Once more Jessica just shrugs while having a somewhat flat and numbed expression on her face.

"I just am Gigi, nothing more…."

"It must be terrible to see your father die from cancer".

"He didn't just die….he perished…..saw the whole thing" Jessica replies with a somewhat bland voice.

"He died at home, a pneumonia finished him off….luckily….imagine what it would have been when the cancer would have had to do it" she continues.

"There was nothing left of him….did you ever see these documentaries about the concentration camps in World War 2?…..He looked just like that".

Spike shivers: "that…that's horrible….It must have been so hard for you…..did you had any help or some one who supported you?"

"Nurses from the homecare and a private practitioner when he was in the last phase….and a good friend of my father; such a warm and caring woman she was".

Jessica looks up at Spike and watches her face: "sounds perhaps crazy, but you remind me of her".

Spike faintly smiles: "nah, impossible; must be pure coincidence".

"How were things over here when I was in Springfield?"

"You're from Springfield?" the blonde waitress asks again.

"Yeah, originally I am, my father was a priest over there at the Prebylutherianist church…."

"I see" Spike somewhat bland replies as she tips off the ash of her cigarette in the astray on the dressing table.

"Yeah, Jeb told us your father was a reverend and that the both of you weren't that close with each other" Gigi adds.

"What did Jeb tell about me?"

"Not that much, he was more occupied with the fact you were not here to please that guy from city hall, Billy".

"Things haven't improved after you left; Jeb behaves like an asshole since he became friends with that guy, it almost seems he cares more about him then about us girls".

"Spider had to 'do' Billy when you were gone…he broke her jaw when she couldn't please him the way he wanted it; fucking brute…and Jeb let him get away with it" Gigi continues.

"You mean Jeb didn't do a thing?"

"Yeah, I saw how Earl and Marv were starting to take care of that fucker, but Ernie told them that they couldn't touch him because Jeb said so…..Earl took Spider to the hospital".

"Jeez, this is serious?"

"You bet, that guy really misbehaves; he even harasses us" Spike replies.

"A customer touching the waitresses?….No way, this can't be true!"

"Oh yes it is, he touched my boobs already several times, no to mention where he touched some of the other girls".

"And there is also Lola, who struts around like she owns this place and treats every one as a piece of shit" Gigi adds.

"Yeah, the bitch really…" but Spike is interrupted as Jeb opens the door of Jessica's dressing room.

"Well, well, well; seems we're having a ' ladies night' in here" he sarcastically remarks.

"If it wouldn't bother the ladies too much, I would like to have a conversation with our lost 'empress' in private".

Gigi and Spike get up from their chairs and leave Jessica's dressing room; Jeb's intonation tells them it's better to do what the boss says.

Jebs wanders around Jessica's dressing room, putting a few bottles of perfume straight on the dressing table before sitting down and stares for a few moments at his star dancer.

Jessica feels how her heart starts to pound in her throat as she watches her boss' rather flat facial expression.

"I'm not happy Jazzie….I'm not happy at all".

"I'm sorry to hear that" she replies with a slightly cold tone in her voice.

"Cut the crap Jazz, you know damn well why I am not that happy!…. You left me at the moment when I needed you the most!"

Jessica can't believe her ears: "what!?…May I remind you that I was taking care of my father!"

"Bullshit!…You never gave a fuck about the padre!…Just admit you wanted to get out because of Billy!"

"You think I'm stupid Jazz?….Asking for a day off because you had your period which never held you back before and then vanish for over two and a half months!?"

Jessica's eyes starts to shoot fire: "You fucking piece of shit!….My father perished in front of my own eyes and you have the guts to say that I didn't care about him!?"

"He was the only one who cared for me!"

"You even had the fucking guts to let that fat bald fucker to ask me if I could help him to get off when I was at home while my father was dieing upstairs!"

Jeb shakes his head as he listens to the violent outburst: "You really don't get it do you…after all I have done for you, after I picked you up from that bar where you were showing your tits for five bucks…..never I asked something in return and when I needed you the most; you say 'goodbye Jebbie!'"

"Remember sweetie, I can make you and I can break you!…Better be good to Jeb, remember?"

"Aw go fuck yourself Jeb, you really have no clue what you're talking about!…Ever seen some one die huh?…Ever seen a loved one rotting away by a disease!?….I did! "

Tears of rage roll down Jessica's cheeks and Jeb can clearly see she isn't acting.

"Look Jazz, I am really sorry what happened to you and your father, but I'm under a lot of strain lately".

"You have no idea how I had to suck up to Billy to get things done….he's the one at city hall who decides if I'll get the necessary permits and cooperation to make the Sin continue".

"The only one who can take care of him being our friend is you….each weekend he asks if you are back and each time I have to make up some kind of excuse or please him in another way" Jeb explains while sounding slightly desperate.

"So you let him get away when he broke Spider's jaw?"

"Jazz, I had no choice….if Marv and Earl would have taken care of him after that, I would have been fucked!…So please Jazz, help me out on this…you owe it to me".

Jessica starts to cry softly: "I…I…can't…he's a brute….I….I have had him inside of me…I…I just can't".

Jazzie, sweetie, my business is on the line…everything I worked for…just dance in your raspberry schoolgirl outfit for him and give him a treat afterwards".

But Jessica just shuts her eyes and shakes her head while sobbing "Not that outfit…I can't...I don't want him inside me…I don't want him touching me".

Jazz!…. Goddamned!…You will dance for him and you will fuck him! Jeb suddenly shouts.

"No, I won't!" Jessica angrily shouts back.

Jeb gets up from his chair, trembling from rage he walks up towards her, grabs her by her long black hair and pulls her head back and softly speaks into here ear: "now listen sweetie as I only will say this once: you will dance for him in your schoolgirl outfit and you will fuck him for free".

"And not only for once, but at least for five times more…you got that?….Don't fuck with me Jazzie, or you will pay a very heavy price…better be good to Jeb".

Terrified as she is, Jessica only can consent to the demands of her boss.

Finally Jeb let go of her hair and Jessica drops off her chair: "Alright sweetie, you know what to do…don't disappoint me!"

* * *

For almost half an hour Jessica sits hunched up in a corner, trembling with rage and fear before she finally manages to calm down a bit.

She gets up and takes a look in the mirror of the dressing table and sees her own shattered face.

Thick red eyes, her hair all messed up and her cheeks covered with black stripes from her eyeliner and tears.

"This is what you are, whore" she softy sighs to herself and stares for several minutes in the mirror.

In the shower next to her bedroom she cleans up her face and after she's finished, she just sits for some time silently at her dressing table.

A full bladder forces her to leave the relative safety of her dressing room and walks up to the ladies room at the end of the corridor at the first floor.

After she has done what she needed to do she washes her hands, but as she presses the button on the soap dispenser she suddenly holds the complete thing in her hands.

"Nice, this whole place is about screwing but when it comes about tightening a small plastic dispenser to the wall we can't do it properly" she sarcastically remarks.

As she still is looking at the small plastic device the door opens and Lola enters.

"What did I hear, has your daddy bought the farm?…At least he now knows if it's true what he has been jabbing about on the pulpit! "

"Thanks for the sympathy Lola, still following social classes at bovine night school?"

Lola gets a vile and arrogant grin on her face: "well played Jazz, just in time to get your old man's inheritance I suppose, what did you have to do…suck his dick on his deathbed?"

"In your case it's really a waste of time and money, those classes" Jessica bites back.

"Aww, daddies little nun has an attitude…now that is something not very Christian…..a nun and a whore, what must the good Lord think of that?".

As Lola enters one of the toilets she doesn't notice how Jessica suddenly has frozen up.

"Nun….nun…." Jessica repeats to herself and feels how her heart starts to pound like crazy and how adrenalin is released into her bloodstream.

Her field of vision narrows and her breathing speeds up as a tremendous rage takes control of her.

Images of the first two years at boarding school suddenly flash in front of her eyes and for a short moment, she starts to tremble all over her body while she gasps for air.

Lola has started to sing on the toilet "The reverend he had a nun, ie-eye-ie-eye-o, and his nun was a cheap whore, ie-eye-ie-eye-o…. she sucked his dick on his death bed, here a suck there a suck everywhere a suck suck ".

While Lola is doing her business on the toilet and sings out loud the most vile and appalling lyrics about Jessica and her father, Jessica's rage has become focused on just one thing: revenge

She grabs a towel form the rack near the washbasin, puts the soap dispenser in it and twists the ends of the towel

Armed with her self-made flail, she positions herself a few yards from the door and waits for Lola to come out.

Lola flushes and the door opens: "hey nun, still there?"

Jessica swings her flail with full strength and hits Lola straight on the head, shattering the plastic soap dispenser.

Lola falls face down to the ground, numbed by the hard blow she just received.

Blood starts to run down her face from the wound on her head but as she tries to get up to get even with her attacker, she feels how a stiletto heel is pushed in her neck.

"Give the nun one reason you cunt!…Just give me one excuse to solve the planet from your miserable existence!" Jessica hisses.

"You're out of you're fucking mind bitch!" Lola screams.

"You bet I am!" and Jessica presses her stiletto heel a little deeper into Lola's neck.

A small puddle of blood is forming on the ground and Lola starts to scream as Jessica gradually puts more and more her weight on her heel.

"Not such an attitude now huh!?…What did you say about my father!?….Say it cunt!…Say it so I can finish you off!"

Lola now screams hysterically for her life while Jessica's complete existence has exploded into one big fiery ball of hatred and desire to kill and destroy.

The violent and noisy events in the ladies room at the first floor haven't been unnoticed and before Jessica is able to push down her heel in Lola's neck, Marv and Earl storm in.

Marv's quickly hooks his strong arm around Jessica's body and pushes her backwards while holding her with his other arm.

Jessica completely freaks out and starts to scream, struggle and wildly kicking around with her legs.

"Jazz, no!…She ain't worth it!" Marv shouts, but Jessica has gone completely out of control.

"Easy girlie, easy!" he tries to make her calm down while he needs all of his grip to hold the violently struggling woman.

Marv has no option then to push Jessica down to the floor so he can get a better grip on her.

Earl on the other hand is caring about Lola who is almost in shock and bleeding quite severely from the wound on her head.

"Guess that means another trip to the hospital" Earl calmly remarks and helps Lola on her feet while gently pressing a towel on the wound to stop the bleeding.

"Can ya walk or do I need to call an ambulance?"

Lola murmurs she is able to walk and the both of them leave the ladies room.

Jessica starts to calm down a bit and her screaming has become crying, violent crying.

"She called me a nun…..a nun!….She said I sucked my father's dick while he was dieing to get his money!"

"It's alright girlie….it's alright…just let it out" Marv tries to comfort her and slowly loosens his grip.

As he notices Jessica won't put up another fight, he picks her up from the floor and presses her head against his chest and caresses her shoulder with his hand; like a big brother comforts his little sister.

Jessica just cries while she repeats the vile words of Lola.

"What the fuck has happened here!?" Jeb shouts as he enters the ladies room and sees the carnage.

"Lola pushed things too much and Jazzie went berserk"

Jeb watches a still sobbing Jessica in the arms of the gorilla.

"Can she dance?"

"Aw c'mon Jeb, can't you see the girl is in pieces?"

"Any idea what exactly happened…and from who is all this blood on the floor?"

"Lola said something about Jazz's father…giving him a blowjob on his deathbed for the inheritance or something like that….by the look of it they got into a fight and Lola lost".

"Goddamned, Lola…when does this stupid cow finally learns when to shut up"

"Well, probably now as that puddle of blood is hers".

"Earl took her to the hospital, probably needs some stitches in her head" Marv continues.

"So she is out as well!?"

"Guess so.."

"Jeb watches once more the still sobbing Jessica: "Take her home, this aint going to work".

"Will do Jeb".

Jeb leaves the ladies room, softly swearing while shaking his head and starts to call a a few replacement dancers for the evening.

"Hey Jazzie, you better go home now and calm a bit down".

Jessica nods and wipes off her tears: "thanks Marv, I won't forget this…..but why do you care so much about all this?".

Marv looks Jessica in the eyes: "I saw my own mother die from cancer when I was just a kid, I know how it feels…."

"Things have taken a turn for the worst in here Jazzie, this used to be such a good place…one big happy family you know…..but now….is all going to hell".

"Too much happened to me Marv, I am not the one I used to be".

"Perhaps you're finally becoming the one you rally are?…..I remember when you came here for the first time, you had something desperate around you….something vulnerable…can't put my finger on it".

"When you became more and more popular you became kinda cocky….but I never stopped seeing you as that vulnerable teenager who desperately needed a place".

"I…I….have treated you so bad….I never knew this" Jessica stammers.

"Is alright girlie, you can put camo around your heart, but it will still be there….now c'mon, we'll get your gear and you go home".

* * *

Around four `o clock in the morning, there still is light in one of the apartments on Lexington Avenue.

Hunched up in the corner of her small kitchen, carefully out of every ones sight, Jessica is crying softly while smoking one cigarette after another again.

The once untouchable 'empress' of The Purple Sin, so difficult to reach for the whole world, is now reduced to a miserable piece of human existence; a little, lonely, desperate and vulnerable girl who has nobody left but her trusted stuffed diesel locomotive which she holds close to her.

Bitter tears of sorrow, bitter tears of fear and desperation running down her cheeks.

What happened at The Sin last evening has hit her hard and made ever so clear to her that she is nothing but a 'toy'.

A toy of lust which only is there to extinguish the primitive and cheap desires of all those who are willing to pay; nothing more.

Her life has been nothing more then that and she can no longer deny it to herself.

No one loves her; no one loves her anymore…the last one who actually did is now resting in a cold grave at the cemetery of Springfield.

Unwillingly her thoughts go to that horrible day and evening when her father was convicted to die for the second time.

In her mind she sees his face, his eyes when he sat down on the side of her bed and told her he was going to die.

His voice, so soft, so full of love, so caring; that voice will never be heard anymore except in her own mind.

"Father, father….where ever you are….please listen to me….will you listen to me?….Like you promised?" She desperately asks with a soft and broken voice while looking through the window in her small kitchen at the stars which softly twinkle in the clear dark sky.

"Are you there father?" She desperately asks again; but the sharp dark pain which blows like an icy storm through her existence prevents her from continuing and once more she just cries.

"Come back, please come back….I still need you so much" she sobs while sitting on her knees and pressing Effie against her chest.

After a while, the kitchen becomes silent and while still holding her trusted Effie, she sits down at one of the small chairs at her kitchen table.

For a while she stares at the friendly eyes of the little toy; holding it like a baby.

"There is nothing left but you….just like so many years ago".

Again a cigarette is lighted and Jessica just stares into the dark night.

Within twenty four hours she will be used as a toy of lust again, a toy she created herself and nourished carefully over the years.

Her thoughts wander off to the night when she was pleasing Billy, pleasing just for money.

It was the first time she ever felt repulsed by doing her job, for the first time she wasn't able to shut down her own feelings; no longer able to focus on her own pleasure and the money.

It felt so empty, so cheap; an almost technical act.

There have been other times she has felt this but always was able to suppress these feelings; it provided her with the means to lead a good and easy life.

Almost a form of compensating the things she lacked as a child and teenager.

Lust instead of love, hedonism instead of warmth, living life on the sexual edge to not feel the cold wind of loneliness.

The more she thinks about it, the more things become clear to her.

She felt the warmth of her father back home in Springfield, the joy of love instead of the intoxication of lust.

Too much has happened in the last few months; too much of her deepest feelings emerged and it was a process which couldn't be stopped anymore.

But yet, the life she created and was captured in, was completely focused on suppressing all this; trapped in a web she had created herself.

The events which took place at the Purple Sin last evening once more proved she has never been the spider in the core of it; she just has been nothing but an ignorant fly who willingly helped to create it's own dark destiny.

For Jeb she was just a tool to generate money and make his customers and friends happy.

"My precious little girl" echoes the voice of her father through her mind, which is followed by " don't disappoint me!"; the words Jeb spoke last evening as a threat.

Fear, desperate fear starts to control her and yet another cigarette is lighted.

She has to 'do' Billy, the brute, the beast which has become the symbol of all filth in her life.

He will be inside of her, he will touch her, he will moan while he leaves his genetic waste inside her womb.

She shivers and feels how her stomach starts to move while cold sweat runs down her face.

The nausea becomes worse as she remembers how she gave him a blowjob, his voice, his smell, the taste of his sperm.

She barely manages to reach the kitchen sink just in time to throw up.

After emptying her stomach she once falls down to her knees while a wave of disgust and panic engulfs her.

She will have to do it again, no means of escape….Jeb will get her if she doesn't.

It will mean she will loose everything, her apartment, her income, her existence and God knows what else.

When her father was still alive, she somehow knew that when things would go wrong; she would always have a place to go to.

Despite their troubled relationship of the past, she just knew she always would have a sanctuary.

But it was gone…nothing was left except of her own life which she disgusted.

A dark thought emerges in Jessica's mind, the thought of her going to her father, to a place where she no longer would feel the pain of the past and the present, a place where she no longer would be used, a place where she would feel the warmth and the joy of love, a place where her father would never leave her.

Her own thoughts scare her as what would happen when there would be just eternal darkness?

When she wouldn't be reunified but just lay there in a cold grave?

But still, no more pain, no more fear and just being salved from all the desperate misery….the thoughts of that have a certain temptation.

"No! Goddamned no!…This is not good! ..This is not allowed!" She suddenly shouts in anger to herself.

"I have to go on, I must go on!…Death is not the way!"

Another cigarette is lighted and once more she tries to get herself together.

"I've done this for so long and now you can't do it anymore?….Show them you are strong, show them that they won't get you!….I don't need anyone!"

But despite her sudden bitter rage, this tiny desperate voice deep inside of her keeps crying: "father, please help me…"

* * *

The word spread fast amung the clientele of The Sin; Jazz would be dancing again.

Wearing her raspberry and lilac schoolgirl outfit, Jessica watches backstage how Spider is doing her kinky act on stage.

Nervous and half numbed by her emotions she watches how Spider, dressed up in a black latex suit and wearing a black Waffen SS style cap, has dragged a young man on stage and twisted herself around him.

The poor guy who has no idea what is happening to him when she presses his face between her breasts before pushing him down along her half naked body.

The audience shouts and yells when she hits the guy a few times with her small whip and commands him to leave the stage.

Continuing her act on the sound of heavy guitars, Jessica sees how Spider cashes in big time when she unzips more and more of her latex gear.

Crawling over the catwalk like a predator, she hisses to the hungry eyes of the male audience while swinging her whip at them.

Again money is offered and Spider unzips the lower part of her latex corset and swings around the pole in the middle of the wide part of the catwalk, just wearing her long heavy latex boots and her nazi cap.

She picks up speed, jumps high into the pole and spirals downwards with her legs spread wide.

When she touches the ground she tactically moves to the backside of the catwalk and grabs a huge black dildo.

Now rolling on her side she starts to play with the rubber object and as she spots a fifty dollar banknote; she moves up to it.

Still watching Spider's act, Jessica sees how she rolls towards a group on men from which one of them offers the fifty dollar banknote.

The red and bright white lights which flash on the rhythm of the heavy metal music illuminate the agressive on stage act and Jessica sees how Spider hunches down, spreads her legs and inserts the dildo inside of her, straight in front of the table of the donator.

For some moments she plays with it in her womanhood, jumps back and goes flat on her belly to snatch the banknote with her teeth.

Another hand appears and tries to touch her, but Spider's whip deals with it in a swift and slightly painful way.

She continues her act and once more moves to the pole at the center of the catwalk and twists herself around it.

Strict facial expression, eyes filled with lust; Spider seems to enjoy her act without Lola.

Jessica just sits silently on her chair backstage and gazes half numbed to what is happening on the catwalk.

The bright red and white lights, the heavy metal music, it hardly is able to reach her by sorrow, rage and disgust obscured mind.

She danced as a dominatrix herself for many times and back then, she enjoyed the more or less untouchable atmosphere of the act.

But now, she just experiences it as a cheap and loveless thing which is just is about lust…and she has to do it herself as well; like she has done for so many years.

Jessica's heart starts to pound in her throat as she hears in her mind her father crying: "I turned my little girl into a whore".

She closes her eyes and barely manages to control herself from bursting into tears of sorrow, self hatred and rage.

Another cigarette is lighted and she just gazes at Spider on the catwalk who once more is spreading her legs and inserts the sex toy in her womanhood in front of a 'hog' to cash in.

"Damn, she doing a hell of a job without Lola" suddenly the voice of Jeb sounds next to her.

Jessica looks up and sees how her boss is walking up to her with a big smile on his face.

"Yeah, I guess she does" she replies bland.

"Aww c'mon Jazz, she's doing a great job; look how she plays with that group of 'hogs' at that table down there".

"Can't see them, it's too dark and Spider's butt is in my sight".

"Wait till she's gone and the spotlight hits them".

Annoyed Jessica stares at the table against the catwalk which seems to be occupied by several guys who are screaming and shouting all kinds of things.

Spider moves away from them and a beam of white light illuminates the loudmouth company at the table and reveals a group of men in their late forties, early fifties dressed up in expensive suits and clearly are intoxicated by everything which is served at The Sin.

"Just another bunch of wasted 'hogs' with too much money trying to prove they still got it at their age…. Pathetic!"

"Ah no Jazzie, just take a better look" Jeb grins back at her and as the spotlight hits the table again, she sees how a bald badly shaven fat guy comes from underneath it and gets back on his chair.

Jessica freezes when she see recognizes Billy and gasps for air.

"That's right sweetie; Billy is there and he brought some friends with him; important friends, so it's quite possible you have to treat them as well after you are done on stage…perhaps two at the same time".

"What !?….No…No, I can't…Not two at the same time" Jessica stammers.

"Oh yes you will sweetie and it will be on the house; at least as far as your wages are concerned".

"No, Jeb…you…you can't ask this from me!"

"Who said this is a question?….Especially after that trick you pulled off yesterday with Lola!"

"Besides, Billy told me the other guys would really appreciate it when they could do you….will be good for his career" Jeb continues with a grin on his face.

"Forget it, I won't do any of them!" Jessica states firmly.

The grin on Jeb's face is replaced by an ice cold expression and for a moment he watches her silently.

Suddenly he grabs his star dancer by her throat and starts to squeeze while adding with a calm but very determent voice: "yes you will Jazzie and you better do it well as I would be very disappointed if you didn't…..better be good for Jebbie!….Remember?"

Jessica tries to push away his hand but Jeb prevents her doing this with his other arm.

"Remember Jazzie?" he asks again while squeezing a little harder.

"Yes….yes I do…I will" is the only thing she can reply with a half blocked off voice.

Jeb releases the terrified woman who fears for her life: "Good girl, I knew you would take the right decision"

A few minutes later Spider's performance is finished and Jeb steps forward on the catwalk where he elaborately announces the return of "the empress of The Sin".

Backstage Jessica is shivering with fear, disgust and rage about what she is forced to do but has very little choice.

"You're alright Jazz?" Spider asks with a worried voice while she puts on her glasses.

"Leave this place Spider; leave it before you end up like me".

"What do you mean, the show went terrific and I got two bookings?"

But before Jessica can reply, Jeb returns to the backstage area.

"Your turn Jazzie, make me proud girl!"

* * *

The white lights are dimmed in the main hall of the Purple Sin which now is only just illuminated by a handful of purple spotlights.

The crowd is restless as they know what is about to come; Jazz, 'the empress of The Sin' is back.

At the moment a single white spot flashes on and shines on the curtain, the band starts to play an instrumental version of Jimi Hendrix' ' Little wing' and slightly timid, a leg wearing a black stocking comes from between the curtains.

Jessica's heart pounds like crazy and the sweat is dripping of her forehead; this is it.

Gently and sensually she reveals herself to the audience as she steps though the curtains which separate the backstage area from the catwalk.

A slightly arrogant smile on her face; just like an empress suits, she starts her act but her eyes betray her real emotional state.

On the rhythm of the music she moves to first pole on the catwalk and slowly spirals herself around it using her leg as a hook while hanging on one arm.

She can feel her muscles; after two months without training, her strength and flexibility has decreased.

When she slowly comes to a standstill, she sees how Gigi and Spike are standing next to each other, watching with a rather pitiful expression on their faces her performance on stage.

Jessica swallows when she sees them but cannot afford to give in to her emotions.

Slowly she starts to unbutton her blouse in front of the group of men which Billy is in.

"Show us your tits!" one of them roars while the others at the table loudly support their friend's suggestion.

Quickly Jessica turns away from the half drunk suit wearing mob and moves back to the pole at the backside of the catwalk.

She picks up some speed to jumps high in it and turns herself upside down so the black lingerie she is wearing under her skirt becomes visible.

Men start to offer her money to take her skirt off and slowly she turns back into a normal position and starts to collect while teasingly taking it off.

As usual, she puts the banknotes in her stockings and continues to play with the hungry audience by rolling and crawling over the catwalk.

As she reaches the mid of the broadened part of it, she has to pass the table where Billy and his friends are on.

Again a number of suggestive gestures and remarks are blurted out and at the outside it doesn't seem to affect her.

She keeps her lustful facial expression and dances perfectly on the rhythm of the music; but her eyes tell a different story.

Her aversion for all these sweaty half drunk horny pathetic excuses for men is reaching unprecedented levels and she disgusts each and every one of them.

Inside, her rage and desperation are growing and the only thing she wants is to do is to run off and never return; but she has no other option but to continue.

The band finishes 'little wing' exactly at the moment Jessica reaches the pole in the midst of the broadened part of the catwalk and slowly turns around it.

"God, what am I doing?" she wonders to herself and once more she hears the voice of her father in her mind saying "my beautiful little girl".

Bright white and red lights flash on and the band starts to play ZZ Top's ' Sharp dressed man'; the second part of her act has started.

She bows forward so her long hair waves over her face and tears her specially prepared lilac shirt from her body, throws her head into her neck and starts to dance wildly over the catwalk.

Again she passes the table of Billy's clan which shouts "tits, tits, tits!" and deliberately ignores a fifty dollar banknote which is offered by one of them.

"Fuck off assholes" she silently hisses between her teeth and starts to dance around the pole at the back of the catwalk.

Jeb, who has watched the performance from the backstage area isn't pleased with what he is seeing and as soon as he catches Jessica's attention; he points his finger in the direction of Billy's table, indicating with an angry face she has to accept the money.

She has very little choice except to comply and as she has finished several figures at the pole, she sees how Jeb now has joined the company at the table to make sure they will get her attention.

"Fucking wanker!" she silently hisses to herself and starts to move towards the clan while barely able to control her anger anymore.

Once more a hand reaches out offering a fifty dollar banknote to her.

Jessica spirals elegantly down on her knees, rolls over and gets back on them right in front of the hand with the banknote.

Her heart almost stops as she sees who is offering it and hesitates to accept, but Jeb's face tells her she better does.

"Hiya baby, gonna show me some of your goodies?" Billy greets her as she starts to take of her brazier.

Sensually wiggling on her knees she teases the half drunk company at the table by slowly moving the straps off her shoulders while holding both cups with her arm.

"Aww, let me help you with that" Billy grins as he gets up from his chair and grabs Jessica's arm.

Her brazier falls off and both her breasts now are completely visible.

"Hey, fuck off!" she angrily shouts, but Jeb makes with a few gestures perfectly clear Billy can continue.

Again she has to accept the will of her boss and Billy softly squeezes her left breast while his friend at the other side of the table fondles with her right nipple.

"Oh yeah baby, they're soooo soft" Billy moans with his deep raspy voice while pushing the banknote between her lips.

When Jeb finally moves his hand, indicating she can continue her act, Jessica quickly makes herself fall back and moves to the pole in the midst of the broadened part of the catwalk.

Feeling humiliated, used, repulsed and now full of hatred; she just moves strictly on her routine and experience around the pole just wearing her black thong and stockings.

She completely has lost the rhythm of the music as she realizes once more the worst part still has to come.

Her complete existence has turned into a toxic inferno as Billy not only will insert money in her womanhood; but also another part of his body almost immediately after she has finished her act.

The band has started to play Stevie Ray Vaughn's 'Tin Pan Alley', a slow blues which suits the last part of her act perfectly.

The bright red and white lights are replaced by a way more sensual soft purple illumination.

Preparing for what is to come, she sensually moves over the catwalk and sees how Ernie is approaching several men who want to offer her the required hundred dollar bill to make her take her thong off.

He whispers a few words to them and they put their money back in their wallets.

Jessica feels how her heart starts to pound like crazy and how the level of adrenaline in her blood increases as she understands Jeb wants to make sure Billy will be the one for which she has to remove the last part of her clothing.

She makes several turns around the poles on the catwalk and spots Billy's hand holding a banknote.

She moves down to the floor, shivering with disgust and rage, her fear completely gone now.

She rolls over and ends right in front of Billy's face.

"Show me your wet pussy horny bitch" he grins to her.

Jessica turns around, puts herself on her back and hooks the back of her pumps behind the edge of the catwalk so she can pull herself towards Billy.

She pulls her legs up and slowly starts to lower her thong until it just hangs around her right ankle.

She spreads her legs and opens herself with her fingers; inviting to insert the banknote into her womanhood.

A small tear rolls down the side of her face and once more she sees and hears her father.

"My beautiful little girl…What have I done…..Your father won't leave you this time….I'm already proud of you….. you have become all that I wanted you to be"; his face, his eyes, his arm around her, his hand caressing her hair.

For a moment Jessica is adrift in a void, she just lies there and stares at the dark ceiling of The Sin.

She feels how she is touched and slowly she comes back to reality.

She rises her head and realizes that Billy's head is between her legs and has put his tongue in her womanhood.

"No…no,…nooooo!" She hysterically screams and moves backwards.

Large black eyes, tunnel vision, her body loaded with adrenalin and hatred; all of her strength focused in her leg.

In almost a reflex, a desperate attempt to escape the mental inferno in which her boss has put her in, she kicks Billy away.

The force of her kick makes him fall backwards between the chairs and the table and a loud scream can be heard.

Billy lies on the ground, shaking and screaming in agony, covering his right eye with his hands as blood and other liquid start to run through his fingers and down his face.

Jessica looks at her pump and sees some blood and little pieces of what appears to be some kind of body tissue on her stiletto heel and it doesn't take long she realizes that she has ravaged his right eye with it.

"My God…what have I done" she thinks to herself and not because she probably has partially blinded Billy, but because what now will happen to her.

* * *

It didn't take long before the ambulance was there and the paramedics quickly took care of Billy, whose right eye was turned into an unrecognizable gory mess.

The silence has returned in the alleys around the Purple Sin; the shine of the red and blue flashing lights is gone and once more replaced by a single dimmed white light illuminating the backstage entrance.

Temperatures just above freezing point and drizzling rain which falls from the sky in a straight pattern..

The light is reflected on the wet paving stones and shows the soft square and dark shapes of the garbage containers which are parked in the alley.

Partially hidden by these darks square shapes lies a naked woman who once was considered as 'the empress of The Sin'.

Jessica is slowly regaining consciousness after a violent confrontation with her boss.

The left part of her face badly swollen and bruised, her back covered in bleeding welts as well as several other bruises and scrapes all over her body.

Slowly she pulls herself against one of the cold and wet garbage containers to get completely out of sight.

Shivering from the cold, the pain and the fear she just sits there for a while.

Jeb beat her up and whipped her with his belt…whipped her badly.

Ernie held her and Jeb unleashed all of his rage on her body…. she cried, she screamed, she begged for her life.

Finally he calmed down and told Ernie to throw her out.

"Consider this as your resignation without pay 'sweetie'…as well as the end of your rent contract for Lexington Avenue….you'd better be out before noon tomorrow".

Ernie violently threw her out of the backstage entrance, she hit her face against the wall and was just able to drag herself to the dark corner of the alley where the garbage containers are and lost conscience.

Her life was over, nothing left…no one left.

Carefully she touches her swollen and bloody face but quickly withdraws her hand because of the pain.

The taste of blood in her mouth, the pain, the cold…..Jessica starts to cry softly.

"Father…father, help me….help me….don't leave me…please come back" she sobs desperately while her tears and blood mingle with the rain.

Suddenly the backstage door is opened softly and Jessica withdraws herself into the dark shades of the garbage containers so no one will see her.

Terrified of what may happen next to her, she holds her breath while huddling herself up to make her as small as possible.

She hears footsteps in the alley moving in her direction, her hart pounds like crazy, the fear paralyzes her and she looses control of her bladder.

"Jazz…Jazz?…..Are you there?" A soft female voice whispers.

The voice and footsteps are coming closer and once more the voice whispers her name.

"Don't hurt me…please don't hurt me anymore" Jessica softly cries from behind the containers.

"Jazz…it's me, Spike…where are you?"

"Please, don't hurt me anymore" Jessica just softly cries with a shivering tiny voice.

Spike quickly moves up to the containers and sees the silhouette of the terrified 'empress'.

She quickly kneels down in front of her: "Jesus fucking Christ, Jazz….what have they done to you?"

Jessica just shivers and cries softly.

"I heard you screaming and saw how Ernie kicked you out….I have your clothes with me".

"You gotta get up Jazz, you gotta go….I don't know what they are going to do when they find you here, if you haven't frozen to death before".

Spike tries to get Jessica up but when she touches her, Jessica moans in pain and once more hurdles herself up in a fetal position.

"You need to get to the hospital Jazz, you're wounded"

"No…no…not the hospital….he has friends there as well" Jessica shivers in utter fear.

"You gotta get some clothes on first Jazz…you'll freeze to death!"

With large terrified eyes Jessica looks Spike in the face and just nods.

"Let me help you Jazz, please let me help you" Spike tries to ensure her with a caring voice.

"I…I need too run….away…before…before they get me" she stammers and releases herself from the cramped fetal position she has been in.

Carefully Spike puts Jessica's white long sweater over her head.

"Your back….my God…there is all blood on your back!"

"Help me up" Jessica moans in pain and slowly, while leaning on Spike, she manages to get back on her feet.

"You're OK?" Spike once more asks as she helps Jessica get into her panties and jeans.

"I feel nauseous…my head….my back….my…" but before Jessica can finish her line she throws up.

"You really need to see a doctor….you probably have a concussion".

"No, no doctors" Jessica gasps.

"Help me to get to my car…the keys are in the inner pocket of my coat" she continues.

Spike feels in the pocket and pulls out the keys.: "Ok then, let's go".

Leaning on Spike, swallowing the pain, Jessica manages to stumble slowly to the parking lot where her Corvette is.

In the light of the lamp posts, Spike can take a good look at the battered woman as well sees how her own hands and arms have blood on them.

Moaning in agony Jessica manages to get into her car. .

While still gasping for air she looks at Spike: "I won't forget this…I really won't".

"Leave that place Spike, for Gods sake leave….don't end up like me" she continues.

Spike just nods: "I'll be alright, worry about yourself first instead of me"

"No, really…leave The Sin before it's too late…please, run for it" Jessica almost begs her while she grabs Spike's hand.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine" Spike again reassures her and closes the door of the car.

Jessica starts the engine and slowly drives off to her place on Lexington Avenue to get some things and leave.

Spike, just wearing her waitress 'uniform' quickly heads back for The Sin to clean and warm herself up.

But as she enters the alley, the road is blocked by the silhouette of one of the 'gorillas'.

"The fun part with you waitresses is you are all pretty but not that smart" Ernie grins while inhaling the smoke of his cigarette.

"What…what do you mean?" Spike stammers.

"So touching to see and hear the both of you gals".

"You now know things which you better shouldn't have known girlie" he continues as he grabs Spike by her arm.

Spike freezes on the spot: "I…I know nothing Ernie…I just helped Jazz to get to her car".

"Suuure….sure you did; I bet Jeb wants to have a few words with you now" Ernie continues grinning and starts to drag the terrified young blonde waitress into the darkness of the alley…back to the darkness of The Purple Sin.

* * *

Sitting at her kitchen table, Jessica gazes with empty eyes into the void.

She no longer trembles in fear and slowly reality starts to reach her half numbed mind.

Just sitting there for almost an hour, silently, sometimes shaking her head and smoking one cigarette after another.

"I…I'm fucked" she whispers with an expressionless voice.

Slowly she watches around in disbelief as this will be the last time she will see the place in which she has lived for almost seven years.

The black granite sink, the black and white kitchen cabinets with their stainless steel design grips, the bright colored plastic fruit on the wall….soon it will be just part of her memories.

Another cigarette is lighted and the blue-gray smoke twirls upwards to the halogen lights of the ceiling luminaire.

Carefully she touches he swollen and throbbing jaw with her right hand but quickly withdraws it as it just hurts to much.

For a moment she presses her eyes shut to withstand the pain and realizes she really is in need of medical attention.

Luckily the nausea and dizziness aren't as bad as an hour ago and Jessica slowly gets up from her chair and limps to the bathroom to take a better look at the damages at her body.

In the bathroom she puts her cigarette on the edge of the washbasin and looks at her face in the mirror.

"God, what a mess" she sighs as she sees her face with the swollen jaw and the dried blood from her nose and mouth all over it.

The look of it shocks her but she manages to keep her calm and slowly starts to take off her dirty and wet clothes.

It takes her several minutes to undress, the lashes on her back and the pain in her ribs prevent her from doing it in an normal way and when she finally has taken everything off; she has to lean on the washbasin while she gasps for air.

She reaches out to grab the burning cigarette which still lies on the edge of the washbasin and inhales the smoke deeply before she gets up.

At the side of her torso, where her ribs hurt, she sees a large bruise as well as several scrapes on her breasts and abdomen.

Slowly she turns herself around to look at the situation on her back but the pain in her ribs prevents her from turning her head far enough to the side to look in the mirror behind her.

Softly swearing she limps to her bedroom to get another mirror and as she is back with it in her bathroom, she finally can look at what was done to her.

Her back and butt are all red and covered with welts from which several have been bleeding.

She quickly closes her eyes and a tear rolls down her cheek while she once more starts to tremble.

"Fucking piece of shit…..you fucking piece of shit!" she screams voice breaking and falls down on her knees while still holding her mirror in her hand.

For a moment she watches silently into the bathroom and starts to cry in agony, pain and despair.

"You'll pay for it, I will make you pay for this you mother fucker!…I'll have your head on a silver plate!" she cries out loud.

For almost half an hour she screams, cries and swears, wishing her former employer to die in the most horrible way, predicting carnage and bloodshed.

Laying naked on the cold floor of the bathroom; finally her rage comes to an end and the crying changes in soft sobbing.

"You won't get me Jebbie, you won't get Jessie Lovejoy" she softly whispers to herself.

"No one will get me, I have always done it on my own….alone….alone" she continues and feels the deep loneliness she has felt when she was just a little girl.

"Father…father….please come back….please, please help me….I need you so much" she whispers in utter despair.

But no one comes, no one will help her or comfort her and she knows.

Things are getting silent in the bathroom as Jessica manages to get a grip on herself.

"I have to clean myself and nurse my wounds….I have to do something" she mumbles and turns on the shower and carefully starts to clean her dirty and battered body.

For quite some time she stands there as the lukewarm water flows over her skin and washes the dirt away for one last time.

Jazz, 'the empress of The Purple Sin' is washed away and what is left is just a twenty nine year old woman who has lost everything.

Jessica stares at the drain to which the water flows and wonders what to do next and where to go.

Wonders about the rest of her life and once more her thoughts wander off to her father, to that time they played with the trains in the basement.

The little lights, the little factories, and all the 'Effies, Esdies and Uies' riding there with their carriages.

She closes her eyes and sees her father pressing the buttons on the switchboard, sees her father at the hospital and sees her father on his deathbed.

Gone, all gone…the warmth, the safety, the love which was there for such a short time.

Jessica just stands there under the shower watching with sad eyes how her life is flowing away; flows away like the water.

A sad silence is the only thing left when she closes the tap and the last remainder of water leaves the shower and enters the sewer.

Without drying herself off she leaves the shower and limps to her bedroom where she grabs a few clean towels and dries herself with them.

In the mirror of her dressing table she takes another look at her body and heads back to the bathroom to get her first aid kit and a large tube of baby balm to nurse the wounds on her back.

She rips open several sachets of gauze, puts baby balm on it and positions them , as good as she can, at the worst spots of her back and then binds several reels of bandage around her chest and abdomen to keep them in place.

It's an agonizing thing to do as each time she needs to move her chest; her ribs hurt like hell as well her jaw starts to throb painfully.

When she is finally done, she pushes the first aid kit of her bed and lies down on her back for a while.

She's exhausted and she's tempted to close her eyes and just fall asleep, but she knows she has to keep on going.

The green digits on her alarm clock show she has still nine hours before Ernie will knock on the door to check if she is gone….and she better be gone as Ernie knew very little scruples when it came about carrying out orders from the boss.

"Gotta put some clothes on and start packing" she mumbles to herself as she carefully gets up and starts to put some clothes on..

No lingerie but just one of the panties she bought hen she was in Springfield, her gray jogging trouser as it wont irritate the welts on her waist that much, a white T-shirt and black pullover; a pair of white socks complete her outfit.

From the closet in the hall she grabs a reel of plastic garbage bags and starts to gather her clothes and shoes from her wardrobe closet, carefully leaving her more spicy outfits in it.

A few plastic crates and two cart board boxes are used to put in some books, photo albums and some other small personal belongings.

Linen drapery is put in her suitcases together with some personal toiletry products and in her old green kit-bag she puts her bank statements and other important paperwork, as well as her jewelry.

After an hour she is finished; the house is a mess, closets are open and everywhere stuff is laying on the floor.

Jessica has put on her sneakers and limps through the apartment to check if she hasn't forgotten anything.

It was agony to drag all the bags and boxes to her car and load them into it.

Each time bending over and lifting stuff made her ribs, back and head hurt like hell; but there was no option as within several hours there would be a knock on her door which would mean almost a certain death when she wouldll still be in there.

For a last time she sits down at her kitchen table and lights another cigarette.

Her whole body aches and burns but she knows she pulled it off; she knows they won't get her.

Slowly she starts to take off the key of the apartment of her key ring and as she does this, a strange feeling gets over her.

She is free, she no longer has to sell her body and can leave, but on the other hand she knows she has nothing left anymore.

No house, no work, no friends….no loved ones.

Through the window of the kitchen she sees the morning star and looks at it for a short while.

"I'm coming home father, I have stopped dancing and are no longer a whore….I am just Jessica again….Jazz is dead….she died when you took me in your arms…..your little girl is coming home".

A tear rolls down her cheek as she gets engulfed by the thought in Springfield her father won't be there anymore.

She continues to take off the key form the apartment from her key ring and puts it on the kitchen table.

With sad eyes she watches it as it lies there together with the other two copies she had of it.

It's nearly four thirty in the morning when she gets up from her chair, puts on her long red leather coat, grabs her purse, takes Effie in her arm…and closes the door behind her.

* * *

The orange glow of the of the sodium lamps which illuminate the highway is reflected in the shiny buttons which are on Effie's nose.

Effie lies on top of the stack of garbage bags filled with clothes on the passenger seat of Jessica's Corvette.

She 's already for two hours on the road with all what is left of her life.

The exhaustion and pain, combined with an increasing feeling of dizziness prevent her from driving faster then forty – fifty miles an hour.

She barely manages to keep her car in the lane she is in on the highway and it's only a lucky coincidence she didn't encounter any patrol cars of the highway police.

"Springfield….forty miles" she reads on one of the cantilever green signs over the highway.

With sad eyes she tries to focus on the road but her mind prevents her for doing this the way it should be done.

The initial glimpse of the feeling of being liberated from her existence as a whore is now replaced by feelings of fear and desperation which make her mind wander off.

For several times she already was forced to park her car at the emergency lane as her emotions took control over her; she just sat there while gazing at the darkness and cried bitter tears of mental and psychical agony.

Springfield; what would be there for her?

An empty and cold house with too many memories…. dark memories.

All the pain of the past, her father, her mother and herself as a little girl, as a rebellious teenager and as the woman who nursed her father to the bitter end.

The image of the hospital bed with her dieing father in it flashes though her mind, his eyes, the stench and the dark desperation.

She sees his emaciated body again when Jesse Grass turned him on his back after he died and how he soiled himself.

Again tears prevent her to continue and she has to put her car on the emergency lane where bitter tears roll down her swolen face.

No one left, no one left who really cared for her; just the cold lonely darkness.

In Springfield no one would care for her as she was just that slutty evil woman who only returned to make sure she would get her inheritance.

The fact she moved back into her paternal home would only be seen as the ultimate proof of it.

Yes, she inherited the house, but also the mortgage, the maintenance and repairs of it.

The house was in need of a lot of maintenance and she just didn't have the money for it.

Just a little over eight hundred dollars on her bank account and nothing more.

No job, no income, no friends, no nothing….who would give her a job over there?…Who would give the evil slut who only had experience in working on her back a job so she could have a bit of a life as well?

Jessica's thoughts dwindle off to the time when she ran away from boarding school as a seventeen year old girl.

Just like now, she had almost nothing and the only place which seemed to offer any perspective was Capitol City.

She bought a train ticket from her last money an went there; confident a better life would be waiting there for her.

For the first few weeks she had no home and slept in the park or at the bus station until she managed to get a job as a cleaner at a greasy restaurant.

She rented a loft where she stayed for some time but didn't had enough money to buy some decent clothes or a bed…..not enough money till she started to walk the streets for money.

She sold her body and her soul to get money to buy a bed and some decent clothing….satisfying her customers in their cars or wherever they wanted to be 'done'.

The memories of this dark time she always had suppressed, but they now all come back…..especially the darkest one….the time she got pregnant.

Just eighteen years old and hardly any money, unsafe sex with a customer as it would earn her another fifty bucks.

She couldn't afford to have a child, she didn't want to have a child as she just wanted to live a life in freedom, she just wasn't ready for it as well it was her body who provided her with an income.

The abortion clinic; the place where she killed her child….it all comes back; all these suppressed memories of the past.

Images appear in front of her inner eye, boarding school, the many fights at home, her terminated pregnancy, The Purple Sin…..her father.

Haunted images combined with a future which hasn't got anything to offer.

How could she make a living?….Who would hire her?….Who would hire the evil woman she just was….the woman with no diplomas or experience.

She only could get some money by doing what she always did; lay on her back, spread her legs and think of nothing except the earnings.

She only could walk the streets of Springfield and nothing more; that would be her future.

Again she sees the morning star and watches it for some time.

"Are you there father?….Can you see me?…..Can you tell them that I am not really such a bad person?…..That I can love and can care?…That I have a heart?….Father?…Father please come back….Be at home for me…I have nothing left anymore…"

The morning star just keeps on shining in the dark sky but the light in Jessica's eyes is fading away.

In Springfield there will be nothing for her as well, like there will be nothing for her in any place.

The more she thinks about her future, which will be on the streets, the more self hatred she feels.

In her mind it starts all to make sense; she is paying the price for all the bad things she has done in her life, the price for all the pain she has caused…..and the only one who still loved her, despite of all these things, was resting forever in a cold grave.

A past filled with pain and misery, a present filled with pain and misery…and a future filled with pain and misery.

She has run out of tears, for her it's too late…...there is nothing anymore except the deep desire to be reunited with her father; reunited with the only one who ever gave her warmth and love.

No more pain, no more sorrow…..just peace, tranquility and silence.

Slowly her hand reaches out to the ignition key…the bridge over the river isn't that far anymore.

She starts the engine of her Corvette and puts Effie on her lap…..wide eyes and a pounding heart.

A deep breath, adrenaline is kicking in, another deep breath; she can still go back, her heart now pounding like crazy; this is it, she can still go back, the pain is gone, the mind focused…and the pedal is put to the metal.

The Corvette takes of while burning rubber, forty miles per hour, fifty, sixty…reality becomes one big blur, speed increases…there comes the bridge…wide eyes, pounding heart, a final scream…..impact…..

The Corvette hits the concrete barrier on the bridge but the angle of the impact is too shallow, so instead of crashing into it; the barrier guides the car in a rain of sparks till it comes in a horizontal position on the road and violently rolls several times over before it crashes sideways into one of the concrete pillars on which the controlling cabin of the bridge is placed.

The silence is deafening after all this violence; the road is littered with parts of Jessica's car, the content of the trunk and chunks of concrete.

Against the remnants of the partially collapsed concrete pillar stands the wreckage of something which was once a red Corvette.

In it, Jessica feels the warmth of her own blood running over her body; she has no pain and a deep sense of peace is coming over her.

In her arm she still holds Effie against her; almost like a mother who holds her child in its last moments.

Her vision becomes more and more blurred and narrows down to a single spot of light.

Barely conscious she tastes her own blood in her mouth while the world around her gets smaller an smaller.

She focuses on the spot of bright light she sees…..:"f…f..father?….father?…Is that you?"


	7. Chapter 7

Piper at the gates of a black down

Just outside Springfield, at some distance from the road, is a small farmhouse which is partially hidden by large old chestnut trees.

A vegetable garden, a small greenhouse and a small barn which partially serves as a henhouse and stable for two midget goats called Patty and Selma.

The wet, somewhat grubby white walls of the house reflect the moonlight when there is a gap in the clouds.

It's mid February, six thirty in the morning and inside her warm bed, accompanied by her two cats, a blonde woman slowly wakes up as one of her cats has started to wash her face with it's raspy tongue.

Lisa Simpson, twenty seven years old, living a somewhat withdrawn life in her own small place with her animals, her books and her music.

A rather quiet and private life which is the perfect compensation for her hectic and demanding job as chief resident trauma surgery at the Springfield General Hospital.

A brilliant medical student and skilled and talented surgeon who is in the last phase of her residency, despite of the fact she is just twenty seven years old.

Her formidable reputation has already lead to a job offer at the Springfield hospital as a trauma surgeon when she finishes her residency at the end of May this year.

An offer which will bring her financial security, as well the possibility to stay in her small cottage which has become some kind of sanctuary for her in which she can withdraw.

The raspy tong of Bottom, her big black tomcat, has reached her eyelid and terminates the stay of the young surgeon in the land of dreams.

"Owww, still got fifteen minutes…go back to sleep" she moans sleepy and slightly annoyed as the bombardment of subtle feline affection continues.

But it has no use because as soon as Lisa turns herself on her back, Bottom presses his big black wet nose under hers to make sure his mistress leaves her bed.

Under the blankets Snowball, a small white lady cat, starts to hiss as Bottom puts one of his big black feet on her head.

"This has no use….I'm screwed" Lisa sighs sleepy and is forced to get up.

Now sitting on the edge of her bed, yawning and stretching, she puts her feet in her wooly pink dolphin slippers and reaches out for her green bathrobe.

"It's cold" she grumbles as she leaves her bedroom and heads downstairs to feed her cats and to make herself ready for a new day at the emergency room at the hospital.

Once downstairs, she turns up the heat and heads to the kitchen while switching on a few shaded-lamps.

"Yeah, yeah…I'm working on it" she replies to Bottom, who miaows like he hasn't had food for almost three days and is all over her as she opens a tin of cat food.

As she puts the two platters on the floor, the black feline 'monster' finally calms down and starts gobble his food.

The temperature in the living room slowly gets more comfortable and as she has made herself a cup of coffee, she sits down at her diner table to wake up a bit more.

The door of the living room is pushed open as Snowball has decided to leave the warm bed of her mistress and heads to the kitchen to have her breakfast as well.

Lisa empties her cup of coffee and heads once more upstairs to take a shower and to get dressed.

Fifteen minutes later she stands in her underwear in front of the mirror and puts her hair in model.

Despite the fact she will wear for almost the entire day a disposable cap; she hates it when her hair looks like a tornado went through it.

A pair of blue jeans, a thick black sailors jersey and white socks are put on and Lisa is once more ready to start a new day.

After having cereals for breakfast and another cup of coffee, she puts on her coat and her woolen lined low boots and heads to her barn to take care of her two midget goats and chickens.

"Good morning girls" she friendly greets them as she enters and starts collecting the eggs from the henhouse and feeds the animals.

Feed them like she every day does before she goes to work.

While putting new hay in the fodder rack, both Patty and Selma are greeting her with enthusiasm.

Profound enthusiasm and as she feeds her chickens, her mind wanders off for an instant as she wonders again how honest animals are compared to humans.

"Just some food and attention and you'll get their unconditional love" she sighs.

With two eggs in her hand, she gets the newspaper from her letterbox which is located at the beginning of the drive.

As she opens it, her attention suddenly is caught by the sound of a helicopter in the air.

Not so far away, Lisa sees the red flashing lights of the machine in the sky and she recognizes the sound of it.

"Trauma helicopter…there goes work, wonder what it will bring back this time…" she mumbles to herself.

She watches the lights of the helicopter in the sky which seem to head in the direction of Capitol City for a short while and then goes back inside to read the newspaper and have another cup of coffee.

When the clock strikes eight it's time for her to go and once more she puts on her coat, grabs her purse and leaves for another hectic day at the emergency department at the Springfield hospital.

* * *

"Jeez, it's starting to make quite an awful lot of noise right now" Lisa wonders out loud when she gets out of her old light blue Buick Sedan.

Kneeling down behind her car she tries to see if there is anything wrong with the exhaust but with very little result.

Doctor Simpson knows quite a few things about the 'mechanics' of the human body but when it comes to cars, her knowledge is extremely limited.

"Hey Lisa, something wrong with your car?" a friendly slightly high pitched voice asks her.

"Oh, hi Sherri; I don't know…when I drove to here it suddenly started to make all kinds of strange noises…I think it is a problem with the exhaust".

"Oww, those are pretty expensive things when you have to replace them" the purple haired nurse replies with an expression of slight disgust on her face.

"Why don't you ask Gerald, Gerald from the cleaning department to take a look at it; he works on cars in his spare time".

"Uh, better not….he and my sister have kind of a history together".

"Ah, yes…Gerald and Maggie…..how many stitches you had to put in his head back then?"

"A lot!" Lisa replies slightly grinning as she remembers her sister's rather violent outburst regarding the cleaner a few years ago.

"By the way, how is she doing…..I haven't seen her for quite some time now" Sherri continues.

"Studying art in Capitol City at the moment, well you know what kind of 'free spirit' she is".

Sherri nods and acknowledges Maggie's drawing and painting talent as well the fact the youngest Simpson always has had an appetite for adventure and experiment.

"Damn, better bring this 'can on wheels' to the workshop so they can have a look at it" Lisa sighs as she gets up.

Again Sherri nods and both women start to walk to the staff entrance of the Springfield hospital.

Inside they head for the ladies locker room where they change their clothes for their professional outfits.

Sherri puts on her white nurse uniform while Lisa gets into her blue surgical gear.

"Are you ready for another hectic day in the E.R. doctor?" the nurse asks with a slightly ironical grin on her face.

"I think I might nurse, let's go" and both members of the medical staff leave the locker room and head to their duties.

At the desk in the main hall of the emergency department, Lisa checks the list of what happened that night and her colleague resident surgeon hands over the patients.

"Pretty quiet for a Friday night" she thinks out loud when she goes through the paperwork.

"Yeah, not to many things happened; a few bruises and lacerations after a fight at Moe's place and a few broken bones".

"Not bad indeed, could be worse".

"Ah, yes; got a patient in 'trauma two' waiting for you…..one of your favorites" her colleague continues slightly smirking.

"Lemme guess, blue hair, big nose, glasses and pain in his lower abdomen?"

"Nope, he was here yesterday when you were off, he thought you were on duty".

"Alright, I already know who I am dealing with" Lisa sighs and heads towards 'trauma two' while shaking her head.

"Good morning Ralph, what have you crammed up your nose this time?" she asks with a somewhat tired voice while entering the trauma room without even looking who is in.

"Hiya Lisa….evidence!" the police officer blurts out with his usual over enthusiastic high pitched, and now slightly nasal, voice.

"Evidence?…Since when does the police keeps evidence in the nostrils of their officers?…I thought you guys used these small plastic bags for it?"

"Uh, daddy doesn't allow me to have them anymore; they make me act weird".

"And why's that Ralph?"

"Last time I used one of those to keep my sandwiches in I started to act weird" the officer continues.

"You started to act weird because you kept your lunch in a plastic bag?"

"Uh, yeah….I used an old bag and they used it to keep powder sugar in it and I wanted my sandwiches to be sweet so I thought that I could use that one….daddy said I did some very bad things that afternoon after lunch and that is why he took them away from me….and I also ate them".

"Your sandwiches?"

"The bags…and they caused me to have problems to go potty…is not nice Lisa,

when you can't go potty!"

"So when daddy told me to keep the evidence in a safe place, I put it in my safest place".

For a few seconds the young doctor has no idea how to reply to this rather 'unique case' and the only thing she can think of at the moment, is just to proceed with treating her patient.

"Now put your head backwards so I can see what is in it" she replies businesslike as she grabs an otoscope to take a look in the jammed nostril.

"It's a case Lisa!" Once more the enthusiastic nasal high pitched voice blurts out and as the young doctor takes a look in the nostril, she sees the small caliber case crammed up in it.

"Alright Ralph, now I want you to press down your other nostril and blow trough your nose while I try to get it out".

The officer immediately puts his index finger in his nostril and starts to blow his noce while Lisa carefully tries to lever out the copper object with a pair of tweezers.

It doesn't take long before the case comes out and Officer Wiggum is once more able to breath through both nostrils.

"You can take your finger out Ralph, it's done".

"Aww, thank you Lisa…now can I have the evidence?…..Daddy said the prosecutor needs it".

As Lisa wants to clean the cartridge and put it in a small plastic bag Ralph suddenly starts to yell that he needs the evidence untouched and definitely not in a plastic bag; he will keep it in another safe place but refuses to tell where as otherwise it wouldn't be a safe place anymore.

Too much for Lisa and she decides it will be better not to go into another discussion with Ralph Wiggum about where to keep these kinds of things in a safe way.

She writes a prescription for some ointment with antibiotics to treat the small wound in his nose and leaves with Ralph the trauma room.

Outside Ralph thanks her once more and then heads straight to the men's room while still holding the case between his fingers.

* * *

Still slightly flabbergasted about her last patient, Lisa stands in front of the coffee machine while drinking a cup of black coffee.

"Paperclips, erasers, sweets, marbles, a tampon and now a case" she recalls out loud, summing up the foreign objects which she had to remove from Ralph Wiggum's nostrils the last few years.

She takes another sip of her coffee when suddenly her pager goes off.

Immediately she heads to the desk in the hall where Sherri has taken the message from the trauma helicopter.

"What's coming in?"

"A car crash, single female patient with severe trauma on one of her legs, open fracture of the left femur and possibly more, also probably fractured ribs, they weren't able to intubate her as she is too aggressive and had to restrain her, the chopper will be here in about fifteen minutes" Sherri reports.

"Alright people, we have to get things ready for the incoming trauma, let's move!" Lisa orders and nurses start to prepare one of the emergency rooms.

Instruments are put ready on the sterile cloths on the tables, IV bags containing blood and liquids are checked and doctor and nurses are getting into their trauma gear.

Now wearing a dark blue apron, a disposable cap, gloves and her surgical mask; Lisa hears how the trauma helicopter approaches the hospital and lands.

A few minutes later the relative silence in the corridor is broken by the voice of a woman who is screaming in utter agony.

"Father!…Father!…Help me!…Don't hurt me!…No!…No!…My leg!…Don't touch my leg!" she voice breaking screams.

The stretcher is rolled into the trauma room and the woman is still is crying and screaming for her father.

"Female, late twenties early thirties, crashed sideways with her car into the operating cabin of a bridge, open compound fracture left femur, possibly fractures in the ribs, has problems breathing , conscious but disoriented, blood pressure low but stabile" the accompanying paramedic reports.

"We had to restrain her to get a line in, she just was too aggressive" he continues.

"Any information about her identity?" Lisa asks.

"No, it was a pretty nasty car crash; all her belongings were scattered over the highway, it took the fire brigade over an hour to get her out of the wreckage and now they are together with the police gathering her stuff".

Lisa nods and then focuses her attention on the crying woman on the stretcher.

"There is a lot gonna happen now, you will be fine, now don't worry" she tries to make the woman calm down while she looks in her large green terrified eyes.

"Don't hurt me….don't hurt me, I'll be good…don't whip me again" the woman keeps sobbing.

"We only want to help you, now can you tell me your name?"

"J…Jessica….please don't hurt me anymore….my leg hurts so bad" the woman still sobs.

"OK Jessica, we are going to put you on the table to take a good look at you; to do this we need to take the restraining belts off…you won't do any strange things?"

Still terrified, while gasping for air, Jessica consents and the nurses and paramedics lift her off the stretcher and put her on the table.

The organized chaos continues and while the nurses start to cut open Jessica's clothes, Lisa asks where she hurts the most.

"My leg, please don't touch it" the long black haired woman keeps sobbing.

"We have to sweetie, otherwise we can't help you and…." but before Sherri can finish her phrase, Jessica's bloody hand grabs her by the collar of her uniform jacket and pulls her down.

"Don't call me sweetie, cunt!" she hisses between her teeth while her eyes have turned big and as black as coal.

For a moment she manages to hold the purple haired nurse down, but her arm starts to shake and her black eyes turn away while the mobile heart rate monitor displays how the speed of her heart increases by the tremendous amount of pain her action causes.

"Stay with us girl, don't go away!" Sherri shouts as she grabs Jessica's wrist and puts it gently down on the table.

Completely disoriented, Jessica starts to moan and cry for her father while a little stream of blood comes out of her mouth as she coughs.

"Move it ladies, she isn't here for fun….I want x-rays of the chest, pelvis, spinal column, neck, skull and the leg!" Lisa shouts to coordinate the whole organized chaos in the emergency room.

"Get those clothes off and get blood samples to the lab now; CBG, BBC and ABG…..also check if there are any traces of drugs and alcohol!" she continues.

As she shouts her orders, the nurses continue to cut Jessica's last pieces of clothing open while Lisa puts her stethoscope in her ears and listens to the heart and lungs.

"That left lung doesn't sound good; I need that chest X-ray now!"

Quickly a mobile x-ray machine is put under the table and a series of photos are taken of several parts of the body.

A few moments later the digital pictures start to appear on the screen.

Lisa looks at the one of the chest and immediately recognizes four broken ribs and a punctured lung.

"Pneumothorax….Sherri, prepare her for a chest tube…we need to stabilize her breathing first!" Lisa once more directs the nurse.

Quickly Sherri starts to disinfect a piece of skin on the left side of Jessica's chest while Lisa fills a syringe to administer a local anesthetic.

"OK Jessica, I'm gonna make little hole in your skin so I can put a tube in your collapsed left lung, you won't feel any pain when I make the incision but when I put the needle in your lung it will hurt".

Jessica still sobs and looks with terrified eyes at the masked doctor.

Lisa makes the incision and feels with her fingers between Jessica's broken ribs too find the lung.

"A number fourteen needle please" she calmly asks Sherri.

Jessica screams in agony as the needle enters her lung and a large amount of blood gushes down the tube on the floor.

"That's it, it's finished now…in some moments you will be able to breathe more easily" Lisa tries to comfort Jessica who once more screams for her father to help her.

The chest tube is fixated and Lisa now moves to the badly injured leg.

"Jesus Christ" she softly mumbles to her self as she sees the bone sticking out of the wound in the left upper leg.

"What did you say doctor?" One of the nurses asks.

"Nothing, but you better call the guys from orthopedic surgery now as this definitely requires their attention".

"Jessica, can you move your toes for me?"

Jessica moves the toes of her right foot but as she wants to move the ones on the left one; nothing happens.

"I…I can't move them" she stammers afraid.

Lisa grabs a pen and touches the sole of the left foot with it.

"Can you feel this?" she once more asks.

"A…a bit, not much"

"This is probably caused by the fact your leg is a strange position and probably some nerves are blocked off or damaged"

Jessica's breathing speeds up "is…is my leg paralyzed?….Can I keep my leg?" she starts to sob.

"I can't tell you, it's way too early to say something about that".

"Don't cut off my leg, please…don't cut of my leg" Jessica begs in tears.

Lisa just repeats it is way too early to say something useful about it as she looks at the digital x-rays on the screen, which show a very nasty compound fracture in the left femur.

Jessica keeps crying and begging not to take off her leg and Sherri tries to comfort her with the fact the orthopedic surgeons are very skilled and will only amputate as a last resort.

An awkward feeling overwhelms Lisa for a second; she always has difficulties to deal with such emotional situations and just silently watches the crying woman.

Again she turns herself around and looks at the x-rays on the monitor which show also a crack in the pelvis with some minor internal bleeding.

The nurses are preparing Jessica to go to the operating room where the orthopedic surgeons will take care of her.

For a last time Lisa walks back to her patient: "Jessica, we are going to put you asleep so you won't feel any pain anymore; when you wake up everything will be over" she somewhat awkward tries to put Jessica at ease, but Jessica just cries.

The anesthesia is administered through the IV and the situation in the room calms down.

Two nurses ride Jessica out of the emergency room to the operating theatre at the second floor where the orthopedic surgeons are going to try to save her leg.

Lisa sighs deeply as she watches the 'battlefield': blood on the table, blood on the floor, blood on her apron and bloody tissues all over the room.

"That was a nasty one" Sherri remarks.

"Yeah, like so many as we see here each day" Lisa replies somewhat dulled out.

"Did you see she had bandages around almost her whole torso?" Sherri continues.

"Yeah, I did…I assume the paramedics did that".

"Don't think so, her back was covered in a thick layer of balm and there were welts all over it…some of them pretty nasty ones".

"Welts?….Are you sure of that?"

"Yeah, pretty much…I've seen them several times when I was a nurse in the Army in Iraq" Sherri continues.

Lisa once more looks silently in front of her.

"Now that's why she said 'don't whip me'" she suddenly remembers.

"She said that?"

"Yeah, when she was brought in"

"Good Lord, who knows what was done to her"

"Now don't jump to conclusions Sherri, we have no idea what happened to her; but if she has been abused, we have to inform the police about it" Lisa replies distantly and walks out of the emergency room.

At the desk she sits down to fill in the necessary paperwork regarding the trauma but for some reason her minds wanders off.

"The welts, that woman….Jessica…I know you from something or somewhere" she wonders out loud to herself.

Gazing at the computer screen, suddenly her attention is caught by two police officers who have several bags and damaged suitcases on a trolley with them.

"Excuse me, we have the belongings from that woman who was brought in here by helicopter some time ago this morning; where can we put them?" one of them asks.

Lisa looks at the damaged items and clothes on the trolley and spots a stuffed diesel locomotive.

She picks it up and looks into the eye windscreens of the friendly smiling plushy.

"This one is hers as well?"

"Yeah, she was holding it in her arms when we found her in her car, the thing probably saved her life" the officer continues.

Lisa looks at the bloodstains at the side of the little pink and gray locomotive and spots a little label on it which says "Effie".

"Heh, 'Effie'" she somewhat sarcastically grins.

"We have a small storage facility in the basement of the hospital where you can put her stuff….oh, by the way; did you guys find any identification of her?"

"Yeah, we did; we found her purse with her wallet in it".

The officer reaches in his chest pocket and shows Lisa an ID card.

"That's the woman whose stuff we have here and was airlifted to this hospital".

Lisa's eyes turn big as she sees she just has treated no one less then Jessica Lovejoy.

* * *

Darkness, no dreams or memories; just being afloat in a dark void.

Some sounds in the distance; voices so it seem….no feeling of time and place anymore.

Cold, so cold and some pain; a vague sensation of pain but still numbed; like it takes place in another body.

Slowly Jessica opens her eyes a bit and the soft light of the recovery pierces her numbed brain.

The sounds become a bit more clear, sounds of a respirator, sounds of a heart monitor and again these voices in the distance.

Still afloat and just able to see some blurs and shades, Jessica tries to swallow but the tube in her trachea prevents her from doing so.

A shade nears from the distance and she tries to focus her vision on it, but can't see who or what it is.

"She's waking up" she can hear a male voice saying as the shade comes nearer and nearer.

It moves to the side of her bed and does a few things next to it; she can't see what it is or what the shade is doing.

Suddenly the sound gets more clear when a voice starts to speak to her: "easy, easy girl, you're waking up from your narcosis".

The sounds gets softer and her eyes once more shut down.

Darkness again, no dreams and no sound while still being afloat in this stage of twilight.

Time and space fade away again until suddenly the sounds become more clear and the meaning of the words the voices speak become understandable.

Pain, she feels pain; a sharp pain in her left leg and her chest while there still is this thing in her mouth.

The heart rate monitor produces an electronic 'ping' as it indicates her heart rate is going up.

For a second time Jessica opens her eyes and is able to see better: the shades have become people and machines while the light becomes brighter and hurts her eyes.

"Welcome back" a soft and friendly male voice once more says.

"Where am I?…What is all this?" are the first thoughts which come into Jessica's mind and a feeling of fear starts to take control over her.

The pain becomes stronger and the heart monitor gives another indication her heart rate is going up rapidly.

Her half closed eyes try to find some focus and as she looks to the left she sees a man, a nurse.

"Easy girl, easy, you are waking up…you're at the recovery of the Springfield hospital" the nurse tries to put her at ease.

"You just went through six hours of surgery, you were in pretty bad shape but now you're fine…everything will be OK" he continues.

"Just let it come over you, I know that tube in your trachea feels uncomfortable but it is necessary at the moment; in a few hours it will be taken out."

"You need time to wake up; the morphine will take care of the pain".

Once more Jessica shuts her eyes and drifts away into the void as she slowly is getting back to the world of the living.

* * *

After finishing her shift, back at her cottage; Lisa is laying sideways on the couch with one cat sleeping behind her legs, while the other one has positioned itself on her hip.

She tries to watch some TV but her mind keeps wandering off; the fact she met Jessica Lovejoy and the state she was in puzzles and intrigues her at the same time.

Some memories of the past emerge, that whole affair with her brother Bart when she was eight years old as well she remembers when she was in her teenage years and occasionally saw Jessica.

Always dressed way too revealing, smoking, drunk or stoned and even one time when she went home after a visit to the local jazz club; she heard how she was 'busy' with a boy in the bushes near the church.

A slut who played with every ones feelings and manipulated people for her own benefit.

While this morning, she just saw a terrified woman who was begging not to get her leg amputated.

She was one of those patients who managed to penetrate her professional armor of keeping a distance, keeping a distance not to get involved and allow personal feelings to take over as such would cloud her judgment as a physician…and as a person.

Over the years she more or less perfected this layer of 'emotionless steel' around her and not only when it comes about her profession.

Lisa had grown somewhat distant and perhaps even somewhat cold towards the rest of the world over the years.

It was better this way, better to keep things outside and live life without too much sorrow, worries or other inconvenient emotions.

But still, sometimes someone manages to get though her armor and then things became awkward; awkward as it made her feel uncomfortable and insecure.

Emotions she didn't want to allow anymore in her life, as well emotions she couldn't allow to have as a trauma surgeon.

Sometimes, when such a thing happens, when things are getting too much for her, she has ways to deal with it…secret ways to numb her emotions.

The electronic ringing of the telephone disturbs the silence of the room rather violently and as soon as Lisa has managed to 'negotiate' permission to get up with Snowball, she answers the phone.

At the other side of the line she hears the typical sound of her mother's voice who asks her how she has been doing lately.

Marge usually calls her daughter once a week, just to keep a bit of track of her oldest daughter.

"Nothing special, the usual" Lisa replies somewhat tired and uninterested.

"Everything alright with your animals?" her mother asks to keep the conversation going.

"Yeah, they are fine, Patty is a bit grumpy lately but that's something we are used to…..say mom, do you remember the daughter of reverend Lovejoy?"

"Yes I do, why?" Marge asks after the sudden change of topic in the conversation.

"She was on my table this morning"

"On your table?….At the hospital?"

"Yep".

"Oh my God, what happened to her?…Is she OK?"

"Heh, well not really, when some one ends up at my table it's usually not that OK with them" Lisa sarcastically replies.

"A car crash, nasty one; pretty badly injured leg…I wonder if they were able to save it" she continues.

"You don't know that?…Didn't you check on her?"

"Well, why should I; I am a trauma surgeon, not an orthopedist…she was just another patient and I can't say I have such good and warm memories of her" Lisa defends herself more or less.

"Oh my God, oh my God" is the only thing Marge is able to bring out after the more or less businesslike announcement of her daughter.

"Why are you so worried about Jessica Lovejoy?….She's just a skank with an even worse reputation".

"I wish you weren't that judgmental Lisa, she went through a lot when her father died" Marge replies slightly annoyed.

"And?…Every day people die from cancer or some other kind of disease, not to mention the ones who die in my department".

"Lisa Marie Simpson, that's enough!" her mother suddenly shouts.

"You cannot rationalize everything in life to keep a distance, people have feelings….regarding that I sometimes even don't recognize you anymore!"

"I saw that girl while her father was dying and there's a lot more in her then you can see!" she continues.

"Ok, Ok, take it easy mom…I didn't want to make you upset"

At the other end of the line Marge sighs deeply: "why have you grown so distant…where is that girl of mine who always was so involved with what others felt and went through?"

"Oh no, we are not starting that discussion again…you know how I think about this, so I am not going there anymore!"

"I wish you were a bit more like me…or your brother or sister" Marge thinks out loud.

"Mom, cut it!…We are not going into that one again!"

"Hrmmm….you know in which room she is?"

"Who?"

"Jessica…"

"No, I don't; I'm a doctor not a desk clerk….they can tell you at the desk in the main hall of the hospital"

"Good, I will ask it over there then" her mother replies rather cool.

"What is this between you and Jessica Lovejoy?…..Have you forgotten about what she did to Bart and who she actually is?"

"Yes I have…and it's time we end this conversation now".

"OK, bye mom" and Lisa presses the disconnect button on the phone.

Angry and sad she throws her free-set on the couch and walks to the hall where she grabs her coat and goes outside to her barn.

As she enters it, all of her animals are already asleep except for a single chicken which clucks slightly disturbed.

Lisa turns on the light and heads to an old desk which is located at the back and sits down on a wooden crate.

For a short while she gazes with sad empty eyes into the distance and a single tear rolls down her cheek.

"Why can't I just be the one I am?" she softly whispers to herself.

"Why do I always have to be some one else?…Why won't they leave me alone?"

A short silence falls in the barn and once more Lisa sighs deeply: "why can't I just be Lisa?…Like I never could be for the last fucking seventeen years!….And they all think it's strange I keep a distance?"

Again she gazes silently into the distance for a while and then unlocks the upper drawer of the old desk.

"I shouldn't do this…..Aw fuck it, I shouldn't do so many things!" she bitterly sighs and pulls out a package of long cigarette papers.

Determent, not caring about anything anymore, she reaches into another drawer and grabs a plastic bag of marijuana which she has grown in the back of her small greenhouse.

A few moments later the sound of a lighter can be heard.

Lisa inhales the smoke deeply and feels how her body starts to relax.

A pleasant tingling settles in her limbs and her brain gets intoxicated by a relaxing sensation which makes her feel light and comfortably numbed.

The marijuana does its work once more and enables her to go on for another day.

* * *

"Room thirty eight, she said" Marge mumbles to herself as she walks through the long dark corridor at the first floor of the Springfield Memorial hospital.

As she passes the open doors of the chambers, she sees the patients laying in their beds; some have visitors, others are asleep or are just laying or sitting in their beds.

The high temperature and the typical smell of the hospital makes her always feel slightly nervous and awkward, but nevertheless she considers it more or less as her duty to visit people she knows who are in there.

As she approaches room thirty eight, she sees how a red light above the door is just switched off and a nurse steps out of the door.

"Is this miss Lovejoy's room?" Marge asks.

"Yes, it is, you can see her now; I have just finished" the nurse replies with a smile.

Marge peeks through the open door before she enters the room and sees Jessica laying on her back in the bed while staring with half open empty eyes at the ceiling.

Her face is pale and expressionless, several small wounds are in it and her right upper jaw is swollen and bluish.

Softly Marge knocks on the door.

"Can I come in?"

"Marge" Jessica replies with a weak and soft voice as she slowly turns her face towards the blue haired lady.

Marge is shocked as she enters the room and sees Jessica's face better: "God, child, what happened to you?"

"Heh, I fell off my skateboard" Jessica cynically grins back.

Marge, still flabbergasted by what she sees, just smiles weakly back.

"Four broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a crack in my pelvis, a crack in my jaw and my left leg is now a jigsaw puzzle which is held together with the complete product range of a hardware store" Jessica continues.

"It took the orthopedist and neurologist six hours to put it back together…."

Suddenly Jessica becomes quiet and stares ones more into the distance.

"Are you alright, do you have any pain?" Marge asks her worried.

"This morning, they were here….the neurologist and the orthopedist…"

"And what did they say?"

Jessica starts to sob softly but the pain of her broken ribs doesn't allow her to completely break out into tears".

"Marge….they…they told me the nerves in my left leg were so badly damaged that…that….that I will never will be able to walk normally again".

"I…I will probably will limp the rest of my life" she continues sobbing softly, but it is too much for her and she starts to cry out loud and screams in pain because of her broken ribs.

"Goddamned, I even can't cry anymore because of the fucking pain!"

Marge bends over and puts her arms around the head of the crying woman.

"Hush, hush my child, it will be fine, it will be fine again"

"I want a cigarette Marge, I just want to have a fucking cigarette and they won't give me any!" Jessica continues to cry.

"I have a tube in my chest and my pussy; I even can't take a normal piss anymore and these fucking pain medications work like shit!"

"Why didn't I just die…why did they let me live…I just wanted to go to father!"

"What?…What did you say?" Marge reacts in shock.

"It wasn't an accident Marge…I wanted to drive off the bridge…but I fucked up" Jessica now whispers with a soft and broken voice.

"Jessica no…no…please don't tell me that you tried to take your own life!" Marge reacts even more overwhelmed and presses Jessica's head against her breast.

"I have nothing left….no one left, Marge…..they beat me up…they...they took my home and my belongings…..father…father….." Jessica starts once more to cry.

"I'm just a whore…a filthy whore!"

"No, no don't say such things about yourself…you are a young intelligent woman who had a decent job; your father told me about it" Marge tries too comfort the crying woman in her arms.

Again Jessica calms down a bit and tells Marge how things really were there in Capitol City.

"It's the truth Marge…It's the truth…I lied to father all these years…..I didn't work at a hotel….I was a stripper and a whore…..I earned my money on my back".

"When father died I didn't want no longer be in that place, but my boss forced me to sleep with a certain guy…and when I refused, he beat me up and kicked me out of my house".

"I lost everything Marge….and the last one who really loved me, is now in a cold grave…I have nothing…..I even lost Effie…Effie loves me as well and he doesn't ask anything in return".

"Effie?…Who's Effie…you had a dog or a cat?"

"No…no… Effie is my little plush locomotive which father gave me when they sent me to boarding school…I got him….from…from" but tears prevent her to finish her line and once more Jessica cries for her father.

Cries why they didn't let her die so she could be with her father; the only one who really cared for her in her life.

Marge just holds her and softly caresses her black hair and has trouble herself to keep her own tears in.

"Your father still loves you, your father is with you….will always be with you" she tries to comfort Jessica again, but with very little result.

The tears keep coming and coming for more then half an hour while it is already way past visiting time.

In the corridor, a nurse heads to the room to tell that visiting time is over but she is stopped at the door and sent away.

Lisa, who shortly arrived after her mother to take a look at her former patient, heard the start of the conversation and decided to wait till things have calmed down.

But things didn't calm down and she heard everything through the gap of the door.

As she hears her mother is leaving she. quickly leaves as well and makes sure she isn't seen.

Several minutes later her pager goes off as another trauma is brought in and she is needed downstairs.

The adrenalin of the moment kicks in and she focuses herself on her patient which requires quite a lot of attention.

Old Cletus Spuckler is brought in with a bad case of alcohol poisoning caused by a 'new moonshine recipe' followed by Comic Book Guy with an infected stoma.

Patients keep coming and time goes fast; it's already around nine o` clock in the evening when things finally calm down and Lisa's shift is over.

Time to go back home but not before she has taken care of something.

Still wearing her full medical outfit, she heads to the depot in the basement where the personal belongings of patients are stored.

She gets the key for it from one of the guys of maintenance and enters.

"Lovejoy…Lovejoy…where is it?"

After a few minutes of searching she spots what she was looking for; a pink and gray stuffed diesel locomotive.

She takes it with her upstairs and puts it in a plastic bag when she is changing clothes in the locker room.

"You got a date with my washing machine Effie" she tells the ever friendly smiling locomotive and then heads home.

* * *

"So you are Jessica's 'big love'?" Lisa wonders out loud as she takes Effie out of her dryer and puts the little stuffed diesel locomotive on her kitchen table.

"Hmm, the bloodstains aren't completely gone but it will do".

She sits down at the table and watches Effie for some time straight in his friendly smiling face and wonders how a 'femme fatale' like Jessica Lovejoy can be attached so much to such a sweet and innocent toy.

But also about the way Jessica completely went to pieces in the arms of her mother; sure, when people are brought into the trauma room everything can be expected but this was different.

This was so very much not the Jessica Lovejoy she remembers from her childhood and as a teenager.

Always manipulating, using her body and basically doing everything which God has forbidden.

Always surrounded by boys and popular kids; she attracted them like a magnet.

Jessica was beautiful and popular and deep inside, Lisa has to admit she sometimes has been kinda jealous on her because of that.

Well, not regarding the boys, her preferences were different when it came about that but just being popular and seemingly loved.

She had some kind of forbidden attraction and still has, her dark green eyes, her voice and her long black hair.

"What the hell am I thinking!?" Lisa suddenly shouts out loud as she catches herself on her feelings.

"This is the woman who framed my brother nineteen years ago and is pure poison!"

"A whore and it doesn't surprise me she ended up like that!…..A shallow skank, nothing more".

Again Lisa looks at Effie and is once more captured by his innocence and sweet face.

"You were a gift from her father, aren't you?…You have something to do with when she was sent to boarding school".

She grabs Effie and looks a little closer at it: "Who are you?…Who are you, miss Jessica Lovejoy?"

"What happened to you which brought you to the brink of trying to take your own life, why is your back covered in welts?" Lisa keeps wondering out loud.

"Are you the 'femme fatale', the queen of promiscuity I remember?…Or is there more in you?…..Did your mask came off in the arms of my mother?"

"Mom….she knows more about it…she can tell me more about her; besides, I have something to make up to her" Lisa keeps talking to herself while gazing a bit in front of her.

Suddenly her thoughts are interrupted by the soft sound of a button falling off the nose of Effie.

"Heeey, you are loosing 'body parts' little friend; now is this your lucky day, I'm a doctor and I know how to stitch".

Out of her cabinet in the living room, Lisa grabs her small sewing basket and starts to put on the button which came off.

"Oww, that other one isn't that well attached anymore as well, now let the doctor fix this" she talks to her stuffed 'patient' who undergoes the treatment with a smile.

"Now aren't you a handsome little locomotive again" Lisa smiles as she finished the little stitching job.

"Tomorrow I'll bring you back to someone for who you are very special; but now it's time to put you back in your plastic bag and for me to go to bed".

Effie is put back in the bag and hung on the hallstand to prevent him from being ravaged by the cats.

Lisa on her turn goes upstairs to her bedroom to get some well deserved rest as well.

But her night will be rather short as the woman with the long black hair at the hospital just won't leave her mind.

* * *

"Aww man…what a day" the twenty seven year old chief resident trauma surgery sighs as she finally can take off her surgical gear at the end of her shift after a very short night of sleep.

From her locker she grabs her purse and searches in it for the box of aspirins she always carries with her to deal with her headache.

A cup of cold water and the painkiller goes 'down the hatch' to make the evening more bearable.

Still, she has one thing to do there at the hospital before she can return to her small cottage.

After she has put on her regular clothes, she reaches out in her locker and grabs the plastic bag with the little stuffed diesel locomotive in it.

"Time to reunite you with your 'big love'" she smiles as she takes a look at Effie in the bag.

For a moment her thoughts drift off again to the fact such an innocent thing is so important for a woman like Jessica; it seems so contradictive.

Lisa leaves the locker room and heads for room thirty eight on the first floor.

As she arrives there a few minutes later, she stops in front of the open door and looks silently at the woman in the bed who just lies on her back while gazing at the ceiling.

Her facial expression is flat and seems to be numbed, she hardly moves and the only thing which indicates she is actually alive is the fact her chest goes slowly up and down.

No twinkle in her half closed dulled out eyes, nothing; as if her mind has left her body and

she just exists out of a physical presence.

Lisa takes a deep breath and softly coughs to make Jessica aware of her presence.

Slowly the black haired woman turns her bruised face to the door and looks the young doctor with sad dulled out eyes in the face.

"Who are you?" Jessica asks with a soft and fragile voice.

"Uh…we met a few days ago when you were brought in, I am the doctor who treated you in the ER….I uh…..I wanted to see how you are doing and I got something for you" Lisa replies slightly awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, but I don't remember you…I can't remember anything from when I was brought in" Jessica once more softly and apologizing replies.

"I am doctor Simpson, trauma surgeon….well, almost; I will graduate in a few months".

"Simpson?…..Are you family of Marge Simpson?"

"Uh, yeah…..she is my mother….I am Lisa, her oldest daughter; perhaps you remember me?"

Jessica's eyes suddenly open wide up and her lower jaw starts to tremble while she instinctively pushes herself to the right side of her bed, away from her visitor.

"You…you…are Bart's sister" she gasps for air.

"You …you were the one who exposed me when I stole that money…..no…no….don't hurt me please…I am so sorry I did that to Bart….please don't hurt me" she almost begs Lisa in utter terror.

Lisa can't believe what she sees, so much fear in a person because of her for something which happened almost twenty years ago.

"Jessica no, please….don't be afraid of me…I don't want to harm you!"

"No, no…father…help me….don't hurt me…I'll be good, I 'll be good" Jessica continues and despite of the terrible pain caused by her broken ribs, she pushes herself almost over the edge of her bed in a desperate attempt to get away from her 'attacker' while keeping her arm in front of her face.

Lisa quickly rushes into the room to prevent Jessica from actually falling out her bed.

"Jessica no, please don't….I don't want to hurt you….I am here to bring Effie back to you!" she shouts, hoping it will make calm down the terrified woman.

"Ef…Effie?"

"I got Effie for you" Lisa repeats as she holds Jessica's shoulder which is already hanging partially out of the bed.

"Please, don't be afraid of me, I really don't want to do anything to you" she once more tries to reassure her and make her calm down a bit.

With her large green terrified eyes Jessica looks straight into Lisa's worried and upset blue eyes for a short while.

"You…you…you are not here to take revenge for what I did to Bart?" she stammers in disbelief.

"No, no…of course not, how could I?…..That happened a long time ago, I'm here to bring you Effie".

Lisa grabs with her free hand the plastic bag and pulls Effie out of it.

"Effie…Effie!" Jessica starts to cry and when Lisa puts the little soft diesel locomotive on Jessica's bare breasts she immediately clings on to it like a little girl would do.

"Effie, you are back, you are still there" she sobs and Lisa starts to feel a lump in her throat when she sees how Jessica holds her little friend like a mother who got her lost child back.

"I…I washed him for you and reattached his buttons" Lisa stammers.

With wet eyes Jessica looks her straight in her eyes and whispers with a broken voice: "thank you, thank you so much…you have no idea what this means to me"

"It…it's OK, I'm happy to oblige you" Lisa stammers somewhat awkwardly back.

"Jessica, please let me check if your chest tube still is in place" she tries to get a bit of control back about herself and the whole situation.

"Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you…I just want to check if everything is alright after you have moved that much"

In Jessica's eyes the fear returns and Lisa reassures her again she just wants to check if everything still is in place.

She disinfects her hands and puts on a pair of sterile disposable gloves which are on the table next to Jessica's bed.

"Can I take a look?" she asks with a soft and friendly voice.

Jessica, still afraid, consents and Lisa folds the blanket away to check on the chest tube.

"No problem, everything is still is as it should be" she concludes and puts the blanket back over Jessica's naked body.

Lisa grabs a chair and sits down next to the bed.

"You went through quite a lot lately, haven't you?" she asks with a soft and comforting voice.

Jessica's eyes once more turn dull and empty and she replies to the question just with a slight nod.

Lisa decides not to tell her she heard the conversation between Marge and her as she doesn't want to provoke another panic attack; but at the other hand she wants to try to do something for the badly wounded women in the bed.

"Such a car accident can be pretty traumatic; if you want, we have people at the hospital who can help you with this".

Jessica's empty eyes focus on Lisa and she shakes her head softly.

"Alright, perhaps you are not ready for this yet, but if you are; just ask one of the nurses".

No respond this time, Jessica just gazes at Lisa who starts to feel increasingly awkward.

This is something on which she has no influence, she can't heal the wounds she is facing right now and the lack of control and helplessness makes it difficult to deal with for her.

Jessica just keeps gazing at her and after some time of awkward silence; Lisa decides it's better to go….better for the both of them.

She puts the chair back into the corner and heads towards the door.

"If it is alright by you; I'll visit you once in a while" she tries to say more or less 'goodbye', but Jessica just remains silent.

As Lisa is about to leave the room, Jessica calls softly her name and Lisa turns around.

"Thank you Lisa, thank you so much for bringing Effie back to me" she whispers.

Lisa just nods and then quickly leaves the room.

* * *

"No, no, I got fifty bucks on your team you stupid…'d oh!" it sounds from the living room of 742 Evergreen Terrace.

"Football on TV?" Lisa asks her mother with a slightly ironic grin on her face while she is sitting at the kitchen table.

"Hrrmmm….if it was only the game" Marge, annoyed by the fact her husband once more couldn't resist to make a bet one a game, replies.

"Foul play!?…My ass!" It sounds from the living room.

"A little pool at Moe's?"

"You know your father" Marge sighs somewhat tiredly.

Lisa smiles and remembers how she and her father used to watch football together and how she was able to predict the winner.

Obviously she had been very disappointed in him when she learnt her predictions served him very well in the pool at Moe's.  
Later Homer made it up to her and what was left after all these years was basically just a golden memory from her childhood.

"What brings you here Lisa?" her mother asks when she is putting two mugs of coffee on the table.

"I went to see Jessica after my shift".

"Really" Marge reacts pretty much surprised.

"Yeah…uh mom….I uh… I have to confess something to you".

"When you visited Jessica; I was on my way to pay her a visit as well and I heard what she told you".

"Lisa Simpson, have you been eavesdropping?"

"No….well…kinda, not intentionally" Lisa more or less apologizes herself.

"The door was on a gap; when I wanted to come in I heard things became very emotional and I didn't want to disturb you".

"Lisa, that was very private what Jessica told me; you shouldn't have done that".

"I hope you didn't bring these things up when you visited her; you have no idea what that women went through".

"No….no I didn't, I brought Effie to her"

"'D oh!….You have to throw the ball to the other side of the field you moron!" the conversation is interrupted by Homer's football comment.

"Don't mind your father…But how did you get that toy?"

"It was brought to the hospital with her other stuff after the car crash; I saw it when it was brought in".

Marge smiles at her daughter and almost starts to glow of pride.

"Mom…she was terrified of me when I brought her Effie, scared to death…she thought I wanted to take revenge on her because of that incident with Bart…what happened to her….I mean; that woman in bed was everything except Jessica Lovejoy."

"No Lisa; that woman is Jessica Lovejoy….but not how we have known her in the past" Marge replies with some sadness in her voice.

"I lived with her through the whole process of illness and dying of her father and Jessica is not the woman we always thought she was".

"Well, under such circumstances people are different" Lisa objects.

"No….no…..those are things I just can feel; can see in someones eyes".

"What I saw was a woman who was so full of care and love; but also in such dying need of it herself".

"I've held her in my arms Lisa and she clung on to me like a child does to her mother".

Lisa doesn't know very well how to respond to what her mother just shared with her and gazes somewhat awkwardly to her hands on the table.

"I saw how she held her toy locomotive when I gave it back to her" she whispers eventually.

"I saw in her eyes her fear, her emptiness, her sorrow".

"You saw part of her soul Lisa"

"Who is she, who is that woman who I know as the manipulative 'queen of promiscuity'?"

Marge sighs and pours herself another cup of coffee.

"You know me and her father became rather good friends after Helen left him; Tim told me quite a few things about what all happened in the past".

"He always was very worried about his daughter, cared a lot about her and felt guilty about how he did things in the past".

"He told me about how Jessica behaved outside, how she rebelled; but at home she was silent and withdrawn".

"He comforted himself with the fact Jessica was doing well as a booking agent in a hotel in Capitol City and that she seemingly ended up good after all….we now know reality was different".

"She sold her body" Lisa nods.

"Yes, she sold her body and apparently something went horrible wrong a few days ago" her mother acknowledges.

"But trying to take her own life?….I mean, that is something you just won't do!"

"Perhaps not under normal circumstances; but Jessica has nothing left; no one left anymore and the only thing she probably can do is to sell her body again, which is something she doesn't want to do anymore….so what does she has left to live for?….A future in which she is forced to walk the streets for money?"

"Walking the streets for money" Lisa repeats softly.

"Tim told me Jessica ran off to Capitol City when she was seventeen, probably without a lot of money and no diploma or certificate whatsoever….but she was, and still is a, beautiful woman who knew how to make use of her looks".

"You don't know what happened over there back then….or well, we probably kinda know now" Marge continues.

"Touchdown!…Whooohooo, U-S-A, U-S-A!" once more the conversation is interrupted.

"Homer will you keep it down!?…I'm having a serious conversation with Lisa!"

"But Marge, they scored…my team scored" Homer defends himself in his usual intonation.

"They are still way behind so I guess that means we have lost another fifty dollars!"

For a moment there is a short silence coming from the living room, eventually followed by a very sincere "'d oh!" and some grumbling about the fact women have no idea what the whole game is about and sport in general.

Marge returns to her oldest daughter and sees how she is staring kinda sad in her empty mug of coffee.

"What's the matter sweetie?" she asks with a caring voice.

"I don't know….for some reason this is all so difficult for me; I mean, I don't want to get involved but for some reason it grabs me…..makes me feel almost guilty".

"Guilty?…..In what way?"

"I don't know, I can't explain….for some reason I can't stay indifferent about all this sorrow anymore."

"And it's about some one for which I never had any positive feelings, a skank….she is exactly all the things I never would be…..and it attracts….I can't keep an emotional distance".

Marge looks with a loving smile at her daughter's face and replies with a comforting voice: "were you ever able to keep an emotional distance Lisa?"

"Yeah, I have to in my profession…I can't allow to get my personal feelings being involved!" she defends herself to her mother's question.

"Yes you have, but does that mean that it is actually who you are inside?"

Lisa remains silent as she simply doesn't know how to answer this question at the moment.

"That little bright girl who always looked beyond, never judged a person and knew very well what empathy is, a little girl who always took a stand for the weak and the weary, she is still there".

Again Lisa remains silent for a short while but deep inside she knows her mother is telling the truth.

"Mom, did I really grow cold and distant?" she finally asks.

"You have grown up and are becoming a successful woman, but sometimes it seems you have lost something, like you are shutting yourself off for things which you used to allow to touch you when you were younger".

"We both know the reasons for this" Lisa replies with a soft sad voice.

Marge moves closer to her daughter and puts her arms around her.

"Yes, I know what happened; but does that mean you shouldn't be Lisa anymore?"

"I sometimes don't know it anymore…I want, but I can't" Lisa sighs.

"Do you remember that letter Mr. Bergstrom gave you when you were eight?"

Lisa softly nods.

"Read it, as it is who you are and I can only add to it that it is true".

"It's sometimes just so difficult…so complex" Lisa whispers to her mother.

"I know, I know my child, but just be who you are, just be Lisa and follow your heart in these matters; it will tell you what to do".

At that moment Homer enters the kitchen with a rather disappointed expression on his face: "Marge, we lost fifty bucks and we are out of beer…"

* * *

In her hospital bed, Jessica once more just lies on her back while gazing at the ceiling.

The chest tube has been removed as well she got rid of the catheter.

She has been in the hospital for three weeks and slowly she starts to get a bit more grip on herself.

Her wounds are healing rather well and soon the first steps in revalidation will start.

Marge visits her several times a week; important visits as she provides Jessica with a lot of support and comfort.

But there is also Lisa who visits her; visits from which Jessica doesn't know very well what to think about.

The conversations she has with the blonde doctor are most of the time rather shallow but still, for one strange kind of reason her interest seems to be genuine.

"Lisa Simpson, who'd ever thought of that" she thinks to herself.

Initially she has been very suspicious, even afraid of Lisa and her attention; but gradually she started to appreciate the fact that she wanted to spend some time with her.

Just some nice chitchats about animals, her work as a trauma surgeon and all kinds of other daily things.

Never the subject of the old days was touched nor things involving Jessica's personal life before the crash.

The crash, once more her thoughts go back to that evening in which she wanted to take her own life.

So desperate, so afraid, so humiliated but above all: so full of self hatred and loneliness.

Her father still is on her mind and quite a few times she had nightmares of these last few days he was still with her, but also nightmares about what happened at the Purple Sin.

One night, when she woke up, bathing in her own sweat and gasping for air; Lisa was there next to her bed and tried to comfort her as good as she could do.

Her mother definitely would have done a better job, but it was good to feel a pair of arms around her and a breast which she could push herself against in her fear.

It was the only time Lisa asked about the welts on her back, but she didn't want to respond to that one.

"Lisa Simpson, who are you?" She softly wonders out loud to herself.

She remembered Lisa as the girl who unmasked her as the thief of the money at her father's church, but also as a bit of a silent teenager.

She never really paid attention to her back then as Lisa seemed just to be a nerd who only occasionally could be seen in places where Jessica could be found as well and definitely not into the things she was in herself.

Jessica's thoughts wander off to her father and how desperate she wants him back.

He would have been there now at her bed and she could have stayed with him when she would came out of the hospital.

Now there is only that empty house with all its memories.

A tear rolls down her cheek when she thinks back at the evening when they played with the trains one last time.

Now the complete collection of her father was hers and she would keep it; no matter what.

It was something her father loved so much, as well it was one of the few things in the house which were linked to the few warm memories she had of her youth.

"All 'Effies, Esdies, Jeepies and Ueys'….all these little blue collar workers, all these little lights" her mind wanders off.

They could stay in the basement, where they always have been and where they simply belonged.

"The basement, how the hell will I get there with my leg?" she suddenly realizes.

The words of the orthopedist and the neurologist echo in her mind: "the damage in your leg is so severe, you will probably never be able to walk again like the way you could; you have to be prepared for the fact you will probably always limp and need support".

Jessica sighs deeply as she just gazes to the ceiling.

"What have I done?" she wonders to herself.

"Why did all this happen to me?…Why didn't I have a life like everybody else?…..Why wasn't this allowed?"

"Why was it meant I would become a limping whore….a filthy limping whore who is despised by everyone".

"Who will love me and who wants my love?….The kind of love which is not provided by laying on my back with my legs spread".

Her mind wanders off to Lisa again: "she probably has a nice boyfriend, perhaps she is thinking of getting married, she has parents who love her, a career and a place of her own with all her animals".

"The person she loves is a lucky one, who wouldn't fall for that face and those blue eyes of her".

"While me…I will have to live in a house where I don't want to live in, I will live in poverty depending on a social benefit with no perspective to get a job as the only thing I have learnt is to fuck and suck dicks".

"Even dancing is no longer possible….."

She wipes off a few small tears of her face and turns her head to her right side where she looks straight into the friendly eyes of Effie.

"I just have you Effie, just like it was back in boarding school…only this time they won't take you away from me".

"You love me and you don't want anything in return…..I love you too Effie….you at least want my love….you don't care I am a limping whore…and you are not in a cold and lonely grave".

* * *

Time moves on and Jessica is recovering at a rapid pace.

For the last two weeks she has being training every day under guidance of the hospital's physiotherapist.

The fact she always has worked out and took relative good care of her body now pays off.

A lot of emphasis is put on training the muscles of her right leg, as that one will have to compensate the loss of strength caused by the nerve damage in her left one.

This doesn't mean her left leg is not trained as well; the fractures in her femur have basically healed, but regarding the heavy damage the whole muscular and nerve structure it has sustained, things need to be build up very carefully.

Last week, Jessica made her first steps supported by a pair of crutches and since then she is trying to 'walk' every day.

The strength she has in her arms pays off and enable her to support and divide her weight.

No longer she is wearing her blue hospital outfit; a T-shirt and a pair of jogging trousers which she retrieved with some other clothes from her personal belongings which are stored in the hospital basement.

Perhaps the most important thing she managed to retrieve where a few packages of cigarettes she put in her purse when she left Capitol City.

A few days ago she managed to stir up a bit of a riot as she 'wheeled' herself in a wheelchair to the gas station near the hospital to get new ones.

It was already after ten o'clock in the evening, when she started to run out of cigarettes.

Jessica left her bed and first tried to get there on her crutches, but she only managed to get to the main hall.

The distance was just too big to do on her crutches but instead of giving up and returning to her room; she spotted a wheelchair near the ladies room and decided it wouldn't be such a problem she borrowed it for a short while.

It was a bit of an awkward coincidence that old Agnes Skinner was the one who owned the thing and in rather desperate need of it.

She left it to go to the bathroom in the main hall and when she finished her business there, she was very unpleasantly surprised to find out that her wheelchair wasn't there anymore.

And despite the fact Agnes was already ninety five years of age, she certainly was still able to make a lot of noise and stir up an ever bigger amount of trouble when she was forced to prolong her stay in a rather smelly ladies room.

Things wouldn't have been such a problem if the main doors of the hospital weren't already locked when Jessica returned after half an hour of 'joy wheeling' to the gas station and back.

She even might have gotten away with her 'grand theft wheelchair' if she wouldn't have been forced to take the entrance of the Emergency Department where a rather upset and very pissed off Agnes Skinner could be found.

Things turned pretty hot there as the old lady started a riot and forced Jessica to defend herself against a well aimed attack with an empty bedpan with her crutches which she had been carrying on her lap all the time.

Luckily there was Sherri, who had to take a hit from a second bedpan, before she managed to make the old lady calm down while Lisa quickly drove off Jessica to a safer location and eventually back to her own room.

When Jessica explained the whole thing to the blonde doctor, even she wasn't able to hold her laughs anymore.

It turned into a rather special moment for Jessica as for the first time since a very long time, she felt how it was to have fun.

Even Lisa was quite surprised by this fact and they spent laughing and giggling together about the whole event for almost half an hour.

Thinking back of what happened a few days ago; Jessica once more start to smirk when thinking of Agnes Skinner's face.

But also the fact Lisa completely dropped out of character as a doctor and just laughed out loud, acknowledging the rather hilarious nature of the whole situation.

Lisa started to spend more time with Jessica since last week as Marge was forced to stay at home with a nasty case of flu.

They talked about some more personal things; talked about Lisa's little cottage and her animals, about Jessica's future and the opportunities she had.

Lisa encouraged her to think about getting an education when things have settled down in her life; get a degree in something so eventually she could get a job and no longer would be dependant of a social benefit.

For Jessica, thinking about such things was way too early as she still had to overcome so many other obstacles.

But still, she appreciated how Lisa encouraged her and more or less gave her a bit more hope regarding her future which seemed to be so grim just a few weeks ago.

She didn't tell Lisa about her past, afraid to be judged and despised for the fact how she earned her money; she just told her the same thing she told everyone when she was asked about her job.

Working as a booking agent at a hotel in Capitol City, a normal and respectful job; the old lie she used to tell for so many years already and perfected it.

When she told this, Lisa got a smile on her face and just nodded.

Once more Jessica's thoughts drift away to Lisa and how much kindness that woman actually has in her.

Despite being a different person, that part of her character definitely came from her mother; one of the kindest and most caring persons Jessica has ever met in her life.

Despite Lisa's somewhat distant and perhaps even cold initial appearance, Jessica could somehow feel there is a very big heart in her….something special.

As she is musing a bit on her bed about the blonde doctor; suddenly there is a soft knock on the door.

At the door of her room she sees a red haired woman in her early forties.

"Good afternoon, miss Lovejoy I presume?" she asks in a friendly manner.

"Yes, that's me" Jessica replies surprised by this rather unexpected and unknown visitor.

The woman enters her room and introduces herself as '"Shauna Tifton from accountancy'.

She gabs a chair and sits down next to Jessica's bed.

"Miss Lovejoy, I'm afraid there are some problems regarding your health insurance".

"My health insurance, what's wrong with it?"

"Well, we started to declare the costs of your treatment at your insurance company and they refuse to reimburse them; I have got a letter from them over here in which they confirm that you are no longer insured at them since the start of this year".

"What?…But….but that's impossible…I am insured till at least the end of June" Jessica replies in utter disbelief as she reads the message of her insurance company.

"No, this can't be…this has to be a mistake….insurance terminated at January first….no insurance premium paid?….This is bullshit!"

"I'm afraid I can't help you on this miss Lovejoy and I think it is wise you contact them to sort things out".

"Twelve thousand dollars!?" Jessica shouts when she reads the total amount which is billed.

"That's only over the first three weeks of your stay over here, you have to be prepared that the final amount will be around twenty thousand dollars" the woman from accountancy tells her with an almost apologizing tone in her voice.

"As you can see in the letter there is a contact person, a mister Dolph Starbeam; I suggest you contact him and sort things out".

A few minutes later Jessica is on the phone calling the contact person of the health insurance.

"Mister Starbeam, I just got the message my health insurance is terminated as from January first?"

"That's correct miss Lovejoy; the insurance was terminated by your employer taking effect on this date at the end of December of last year".

"But…but that has to be a mistake…I never got any notification of this!"

"We send you a letter about this at December thirtieth".

Jessica tries to remember if she has even seen such a letter but things were so hectic back then, she probably has overlooked it".

"I...I never got this letter…" she stammers.

"Hmmm, well; it could be something went wrong with the delivery, but regarding the fact your employer, mister J. Fielding terminated it; I assume he gave you notice of this as well".

"N…No, he didn't!" Jessica continues to stammer as she feels the desperation and fear growing in her.

"I'm really sorry for you Miss Lovejoy, but fact is you have since January first no longer a health insurance with our company".

"But…but I don't have the money...I was severely injured in a car crash several weeks ago….I'm still at the hospital….you got to help me!" Jessica almost begs.

"I'm afraid we can't do this miss Lovejoy as you simply have no longer a health insurance with us".

"But...but...please…I don't have this amount of money!"

"Again, I'm sorry but this is something you have to discuss with the hospital and not with us" is once more the businesslike reply.

"I…I see…thank you for your time" is the last thing Jessica is able to say before she lets the horn drop out of her hand.

* * *

"Final day of the week; just one more shift and then three days off" Lisa smiles as she parks her car in one of the for the staff reserved parking spaces.

It's seven o'clock in the evening and darkness is starting to set in on this rather cold and rainy day.

She gets out of her car and grabs her purse which she has put on the back seat.

As she walks away from her car she spots Jessica who is dragging herself forward on her crutches with a garbage bag in one of her hands in the direction of Doctor Nick Riveira, who just has ended his shift.

"Now what the hell is going on here?" Lisa wonders out loud and starts to walk to Jessica who just reached the Mercedes of Doctor Nick.

"Hey mister, you got ten dollars for me?…..I'll suck your dick for it" she asks with a weary voice.

"Ten bucks eh? Now that isn't too expensive"

"For twenty five bucks you can have me completely" Jessica adds and while she is resting on just one crutch, she pulls up her shirt and shows her breasts.

"Tempting; very tempting indeed" the doctor grins hungry.

"Doctor Riveira!" suddenly an angry voice sounds from nearby.

"Oh, Hi Doctor Lisa" he awkwardly responds in his usual way.

"You are not only an incompetent physician, but also the bankruptcy of all ethical codes we have!" Lisa shouts enraged.

"Uh…well…uh, I was just chatting a bit with this young lady and we…."

"Oh get lost Nick, I heard what you were talking about!"

Highly embarrassed by being caught red handed in his temptation to accept Jessica's proposal, the bearded doctor knows nothing else then to say "goodbye everybody" and leaves the parking lot as fast as he can.

As Doctor Nick speeds away in his Mercedes, Lisa focuses her attention on Jessica.

"And what the hell were you thinking!?…Selling your body!?…..Are you out of your mind!?"

Jessica's lower lip starts to tremble and the first tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"What do you know about it!?" she suddenly burst out.

"What the fuck do you know about it!?" she once more voice breaking screams.

"Well, tell me!" Lisa responds, still angry.

Jessica falls on her knees and starts to cry violently.

"They took everything away…everything!….I got nothing left anymore!"

Witnessing this sudden extreme outburst of sorrow makes Lisa calm down and she kneels down in front of Jessica.

"Jessica, your father is still with you" she tries to comfort her.

"No, no…it's not that…..well, it is as well…but…. Lisa…they…they have taken my house and all the money I had left from me!"

"What?"

"They will sequestrate the house and my remainder of savings to pay for the hospital bill" Jessica continues to cry.

"But…but…how?" Lisa stammers.

But Jessica just keeps on crying "they have taken everything away from me" and she lies down on the cold and wet asphalt of the parking lot as all of her strength has left her body.

Lisa bends herself over the crying woman and gets her up: "My God, you're all cold and wet….you can't stay here, I'll take you to my car and then explain to me what happened".

Jessica is more or less dragged to the car and put on the passenger seat.

Lisa starts her car so the heater will start to work again and then quickly goes back to grab the crutches, the purse and the garbage bag with Jessica's belongings.

When she gets back in her car, she picks out a cigarette out of Jessica's purse: "here, have a smoke….it may make you calm down a bit".

Jessica, while still sobbing, lights her cigarette and slowly gets herself a bit under control again.

"This afternoon, a woman from accountancy came and told me my health insurance refused to pay for the hospital bill".

"I contacted them and they told me my former boss ended it a few months ago and that I should try to make some kind of arrangements with the hospital".

"I went to accountancy and there I had a talk with the financial manager…."

Jessica stops telling her story and starts to cry softly again.

"Lisa, that man was so cold and heartless…..he told me when I wouldn't pay, they would start procedures against me and when I said that I had a house….. he told me they would take it from me and sell it".

Bitter and desperate tears once more roll down the cheeks of the black haired woman and the emotions makes her fall aside against Lisa, who almost instinctively puts her arms around her and presses her head against her chest.

"Lisa…I'm homeless…I have no money anymore…they took it all away from me" Jessica cries violently.

"He…he told me the most sensible thing to do was to leave the hospital as soon as possible…to prevent my debt getting even higher…..so I discharged myself".

"God….Jessica no" is the only thing Lisa is able to bring out.

"I needed money for a bus ticket to get to the shelter and buy some food…..I am a whore Lisa…the only thing I know is how to fuck….just a filthy limping whore"

"You know…." She continues with a trembling voice; "I even thought of taking the bus to the tracks…..and wait for a train to come…..so I could go to father….and would feel no more pain again…."

This is getting even to much for Lisa and a few tears starts to roll down her cheek as well.

"No…no….not that….we will work something out Jessica" she softly whispers.

Jessica just lays in her arms and cries, cries in utter pain and desperation.

Lisa caresses her hair and gazes into the upcoming darkness for a while.

Then she grabs her cell phone and calls the hospital: "Yeah, it's me Lisa, I'm sorry guys but I can't come to work today….I'm taking the day off because of private matters….bit of an emergency…..no, is something serious; I really can't come in".

Then she puts her car into "reverse" and slowly starts to drive off the parking lot.

"What…what are you doing….where are you taking me?" Jessica asks while still sobbing softly.

"To a warm place where you will be safe" Lisa replies with a soft voice.

"A…a warm safe place?"

"Yes, I will take you to my home….."


	8. Chapter 8

Scattered light

Two dulled out sad eyes see how a group of old Chestnut trees are closing from the distance.

Tired, wet, cold, no hope and full of doubts and fear; the woman who once was considered the 'empress' of Tthe Purple Sin is now brought to a little cottage which should be safe.

Lisa takes a right turn and drives her old car slowly to the front door of her house.

"We're there" she softly tells Jessica who still just gazes into the distance with her green eyes.

Quickly Lisa gets out of the car, opens her front door and gets back to get Jessica.

"Can you make it into the house with your crutches?" she asks while grabbing her purse and the garbage bag with Jessica's few personal belongings from the back seat.

Jessica just nods and slowly tries to get out of the car, but it is too much.

Moving around for almost an entire afternoon on her crutches in the cold and the rain over the parking lot at the hospital has been way too stressing for her leg and when she tries to get up from her seat; she feels a sharp and burning pain.

Lisa sees Jessica's twisted face and quickly heads to her to help her out of the car.

"Easy does it, easy does it…it's just a few steps into the house; just put your arm around me and I'll help you in" she tries to reassure.

More dragging then actually supporting, Lisa manages to get Jessica into her living room where she puts her on the couch.

Quickly Lisa takes of her coat and turns on the heat before she sits next to her unexpected guest.

Jessica just stares into the void and shivers because of the cold.

"We got to get you out of these wet clothes first; otherwise you will get even sicker then you already are".

Lisa reaches into the garbage bag to see what Jessica has taken with her from the hospital.

"Hmmm, not too much…just a few panties and shirts" she concludes after a quick glance at the bag's content.

"I suppose your other clothes are still at the hospital?"

Jessica just slowly nods without saying a word.

"Alright, we will think of something to get them here later; most important now is we get you out of this wet stuff and get you cleaned and warmed up…as well I want to take a look at your leg".

Once more Lisa puts Jessica's arm around her neck and drags her to her own bedroom where she puts the black haired woman on her bed.

"Bit of a problem now….your leg….you can't stand on it in the shower".

Lisa heads back downstairs and outside to her barn, from which she returns with a simple plastic garden chair.

"Now this will do the trick" she mumbles to herself as she puts it in the shower.

Back in the bedroom Lisa sits down next to Jessica bed and starts to take of her wet shirt.

Suddenly Jessica's eyes turn big and her breathing speeds up; she quickly moves her upper body away from the blonde doctor.

"No…no…no…I'll be good….I'll be good…don't hit me" she stammers in utter fear.

"No, Jessica…please…I won't hurt you, I just want to take off your wet clothes"

"You…you won't hit me with your belt?" Jessica stammers back as she moves herself away from Lisa.

"No, of course not…why should I?"

For a moment Jessica looks at Lisa's shocked face.

"You…you are Bart's sister….you…you will have your revenge" she continues to stammer while tears start to roll down her face.

Lisa, completely flabbergasted, looks at how Jessica is dragging herself to the far end of the bed and presses herself against the wall.

"Jessica, what happened to you?" she almost shouts in disbelief of the fact this woman seems to be terrified of her.

But Jessica just cries and begs not to hurt her; not to whip her with a belt while promising she will be good.

For almost fifteen minutes Jessica keeps crying and begging before she finally manages to calm down a bit

Lisa, still in shock, sits at the other end of the bed and slowly moves up to her.

"Jessica, what in heavens name did they do to you?"

"They hurt me…they hurt me bad…he whipped me with his belt" Jessica now softly whispers.

"Who whipped you Jessica?"

"I didn't want to fuck Billy….I just couldn't do it anymore….I felt so dirty…so filthy..."

Lisa puts her arms around the still softly sobbing woman who presses her head against her breasts.

"He whipped me Lisa, whipped me with his belt and then he kicked me out in the cold….naked".

"I was so afraid Lisa…so afraid, so cold…so cold"

"Hush, hush now…you are safe, I won't kick you out…please let me help you".

"But…but I have been so bad to your brother….bad to so many people…bad to…to father".

"That doesn't matter now, we have other things to worry about at the moment" she tries to reassure and comfort the black haired woman in her arms and softly caresses her hair.

"Please trust me, I just want to help you…I don't want to do you any harm".

For a while Jessica just lies silently in Lisa's arms, her eyes moving rapidly in all kinds of directions, while trying to take a decision about trusting this woman.

Several times she watches Lisa straight in the eyes and finally dares to accept her help.

"O…Okay" she stammers and gets up.

Lisa gently takes off Jessica's wet clothes and when she is sitting naked on the bed; Lisa takes a look at her leg.

"I was already afraid of this, you really have put way too much stress on that leg…it's all swollen".

Gently Lisa moves the leg up and down a bit.

"Does this hurt?"

"Yeah, pretty much".

"At least a week of total rest you need before you can even think of starting to walk on it again, the wound seems to be irritated as well".

"I….I'm sorry" is the only thing Jessica can say.

"Well, first of all we need to clean you up a bit and then we will take care of the rest" Lisa replies as she is taking off her socks.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking my socks off so I can wash you in the shower" Lisa replies businesslike while she rolls up the sleeves of her sweater.

"Put your arm around me so I can get you up".

Jessica hesitates, afraid of what might happen; what might Lisa do to her now.

"Come on, don't be afraid…a nice hot shower will make you feel better" Lisa once more reassures her.

Jessica puts her arm around Lisa's neck and manages to get up.

"My leg!" Jessica moans in agony.

"Just a few more steps, we are almost there."

Finally both women reach the shower and Lisa puts Jessica gently down in the plastic garden chair.

Several moments later the warm water rains down from the sprinkler on her cold body and Lisa gently starts to wash her.

Softly the pink bathing sponge goes over her body and Jessica feels a strange sensation, the sensation of being touched, of being cared for in a moment of darkness.

Nothing sexual, just the warmth of a person who wants to help; something completely unknown to her.

Slowly the warmth of the water and the gently washing of Lisa causes her to relax a bit.

"Why are you doing this Lisa?" she suddenly asks.

"Why shouldn't I?" Lisa replies as she is trying to avoid to get her pants wet.

"You got all reasons in the world to hate me…"

"Perhaps….or perhaps not".

"You got any idea what and who I actually am?"

"Well, then tell me who you are" Lisa smiles.

Jessica takes a deep breath: "Lisa, you are washing a whore now, a slut, a hedonistic filthy slut".

"I didn't work at a hotel in Capitol City; I...I sold my body in an exclusive club and danced naked in front of people".

Lisa stops washing Jessica's hair and moves in front of her.

"That's not what I see" she shortly replies.

Jessica feels how she is getting nervous again as she sees how Lisa's blue eyes look at her.

"I see a person in need of help, a woman who had to endure a lot in her life".

"Your mother told you a few things about me, didn't she?"

"I heard the conversation between the both of you at the hospital several weeks ago….I wanted to see how you were doing, but decided not to come in when I heard how emotional you were".

"Then you know what I am" Jessica sighs.

"I only know that there is more then what meets the eye at first glance" Lisa replies somewhat dreamy while she continues to wash Jessica's long black hair.

"Yeah" Jessica sighs; "there is more …a lot more".

* * *

"I'm sorry, this is all what I have" Lisa apologizes herself for the simple meal she has prepared.

Some bread, cheese, a fruit salad and sweet pepper soup is what is served as dinner.

"I'm not that hungry, but thank you" Jessica replies with a soft voice as she carefully reaches out to grab a slice of bread.

Sitting at the kitchen table opposite Lisa, she slowly starts to eat; her eyes looking down and her face expressionless.

Just wearing panties and a T-shirt as those are the only clothes she took with her from the hospital.

"Does it taste a bit?" Lisa asks.

"Yes….yes, it tastes good" once more is replied in a soft way.

Lisa gets up from her chair, walks to her bedroom and returns with her pink dolphin slippers and her green bathrobe.

"Here, put these on so you will be a bit more warm and dressed".

Slowly Jessica puts on the bathrobe and the slippers without saying a word.

"Better now?"

Jessica just nods silently and continues slowly with her meal.

For some time Lisa just watches Jessica who is just silent with an expressionless face, almost like a doll or a statue which moves on autopilot.

"She's a mental train wreck…abused, beaten, bankrupt, mourning and suicidal…..this is something I can't do on my own" Lisa starts to realize herself.

"Jessica, did you really want to go to the tracks?"

Lisa's 'dinner partner' shuts her eyes and just nods.

"But…but…there is so much to live for, you can start all over again and make something out of it".

Jessica just stares in her bowl of soup and shakes her head.

"No, it's all gone" she replies softly with a flat voice.

"Everything is gone…everyone is gone….I'm a filthy whore who just took advantage of everyone…..this is my fate, this is what I deserve" she continues monotonously.

"No one deserves these thing Jessica, no one" Lisa tries to comfort her.

"Oh yes…oh yes…if you only knew what I have done in my life….how I hurt people...how I….hurt the only one who really loved me".

She drops her spoon on her plate and starts softly to cry.

"Why?…Why?….I just wanted to play…I just wanted to play" she sobs.

The silence of the house is broken by Jessica's crying and the only thing Lisa can do is just put her arms around her.

"Hey, some girls are just very early with these kind of things" she tries to comfort her.

"No…no!…Not that!…..Just playing…playing like a child does".

"Woman, woman….I have no idea what happened to you in your life but I do know you need help to get back on the tracks" Lisa sighs as Jessica puts her head against her shoulder.

"I think I know someone who can help you, he is an old friend of mine and a good psychiatrist".

"What's the use?….It's all gone" Jessica whispers back.

"No, it's not all gone, there is so much to live for…in death only darkness can be found".

"I just want to be left in peace, no more pain, no more misery".

Lisa softly grabs Jessica's head and looks straight into her wet green eyes: "will you let me help you Jessica?….Will you let me help you to stay alive?"

For a while Jessica remains silent and looks repeatedly to the ground and up into Lisa's blue eyes again.

Finally she just nods and whispers "yes".

"Good….good, then I now will make a phone call to someone who can help you".

* * *

"Lisa darling, this is most inconvenient; Clarence and I were just on our way to a little party with the boys" Martin Prince complains as Lisa opens the door for him.

"What…what the hell are you wearing!?" is the only thing she is able to bring out when she sees her old school friend dressed up in tight leather pants, high heels, a net shirt and a big pink wig.

"I told you darling, we were just on our way to a little party with the boys" Martin once more explains with the voice of a diva.

"Oooow, one of those parties" Lisa replies somewhat awkwardly.

"You really should come with us some time, there are women as well and they would die for a blonde girl like you".

"Uh…thanks, but no thanks…not my cup of tea; I prefer 'normal' women".

"Oh but there are some very respectable ladies over there as well darling….but enough about finding you a lover; what was that emergency you needed me for?"

"The 'emergency' is sitting on my couch in the living room and has tried to take her own life".

"Hmmm, yes…that's something rather serious" the pink wig wearing psychiatrist has to admit as he gets inside.

"Uh….. Martin, perhaps you better take that wig off and put something over that net shirt of yours….we don't want to make things any worse then they already are".

"Now that's so vile of you darling…but I think you are right, I can't say I am properly dressed for the occasion; but the make-up stays on!"

"Yeah, yeah…is fine with me, now take that wig off and put this vest over your shirt!"

"Oww, I wish I had your lovely little figure" Martin moans when he tries to button up the vest which is a size or two to small for him.

"Cut it out Martin and act like a professional!"

"Of course darling, but you know how I am when I am off the job".

The both of them enter the living room where Jessica sits silently on the couch.  
"Jessica, this is Martin, a good and old friend of mine who is a psychiatrist and can help you".

"I'm Martin Prince, Lisa told me that you have some very serious problems in which I could be in some assist to help you with…uh, my apologies for my outfit, I was on my way to a fancy dress party".

Jessica just silently nods and keeps staring into the void.

Martin sits down in a chair opposite her while Lisa sits down on the couch as well.

"Can you tell me what is going on in your life Jessica?"

Jessica's eyes turn frightened and quickly move in the direction of Lisa who gently nods that it is all right to tell what has happened to her.

"I…I was….they…" She stammers and then starts to cry bitter tears.

"It's alright Jessica, just cry…just let your pain come out; that's what I am here for" Martin comforts his patient.

Again Jessica falls aside on the couch into Lisa's arms, like a child who seeks refuge in the arms of its mother.

"Shall I tell Martin what you told me?….If that's OK with you?"

Jessica keeps on sobbing and just nods.

"OK, I don't know the whole story but this is what she told me" Lisa starts and tells Martin the things she knows.

Ten minutes later the psychiatrist is more or less informed about the current situation regarding the black haired woman who still lies silently in the arms of the blonde doctor.

"I see…that's quite something which happened to you" Martin concludes.

"It will take quite some time to get you out of this dark valley you are in right now; but it's not impossible".

"I can help you with this process Jessica, but it is something you should want as well" he continues.

"I…I just want to have a bit of peace…a bit of love…a bit of warmth" Jessica whispers.

"That is what we all want and need, but are sometimes so hard to find" Martin acknowledges.

"I assume she is going to stay with you for a while Lisa?"

"Yeah, I guess…there is nowhere else where she can go".

"That's good, it's important she is now in a safe environment where she can get some rest".

"Is there any place where I can talk now with her in private?"

"Shouldn't I stay with her now she is this upset?"

"Better not, we need to create a bond of trust, as well Jessica has to tell things in her own words….has got nothing to do with you Lisa, is just how these kind of treatments work".

"Is this OK with you?….Do you dare to do this?…..Be alone with Martin?…He is a good man and he definitely won't hurt you or take advantage of you".

"He…he won't?"

"No, he won't…he even doesn't fancy women so when it comes to that, there is really no danger at all" Lisa continues.

Martin comes out of his chair and sits next to Jessica at the other side of the couch.

"Let me help you Jessica, you don't have to be afraid of me…and yes, I don't fancy women; so regarding that you don't have to worry about anything…besides, Lisa will be in the other room next to us".

Jessica looks Martin for some time in the eyes.

"I…I have no other choice…I think…you….you won't hurt me?"

"I never would do such thing" Martin once more tries to reassure her.

"Okay" Jessica finally consents.

"We will help you overcome all this; Martin is one of the best psychiatrists in town and you can stay with me till you are kinda back on your feet".

"I...I won't forget this Lisa, I really won't"

"It's okay, don't worry about it" Lisa replies with a soft voice.

"Lisa, can I ask you something?" Jessica continues with a soft and rather nervous tone in her voice.

"What is it you want to ask?"

"My...my belongings, the ones which I have left…clothes and stuff…they are all still at the hospital….perhaps you can get them so I at least can put some clothes on".

"You want me to get them now?"

"Please, then at least I have something back from my life".

"Are you sure….You dare to stay with Martin while I am not here?"

"Yeah…you told me it will be safe…so I trust it will be".

Lisa looks at Martin who nods in a reassuring way.

"Okay, I will go to the hospital and get your stuff, don't worry; I'll be back in an hour".

"Lisa, you have access to the hospitals pharmacy right?" Martin asks.

"Yes I have, why?"

"Good, that means you can take some medication for her with you…you got a pen and a piece of paper for me?"

Lisa grabs out of one of the drawers of her cabinet a pen and a piece of paper and gives them to Martin.

"I want you to take these for me….a soporific and those here are antidepressants"

"Lexapro and Dormicum….this last one is a pretty nasty one".

"Yes, it is a 'heavy' one; she can only take them for one month; I prescribe them so she can sleep and get some much needed rest".

"Can you put them officially on paper tomorrow?…Otherwise I'll get in trouble when I just take these medication from the pharmacy".

"Tomorrow I will send them the official prescription, don't worry".

"OK, I guess I'm off then".

"You're sure about getting your belongings now?" she again asks Jessica.

"Yeah…yeah, please…I will be fine".

"You will be fine Jessica, we are starting to make this happen at this very moment" Martin reassures her.

Lisa leaves Martin and Jessica alone and heads for the hospital to get the last remainders of the former "empress" of The Sin's life.

* * *

It's already past eleven o' clock in the evening when Lisa sits down opposite Martin at her kitchen table.

"Is she asleep?"

"Yeah, I just checked and she is sleeping tight".

Martin lights one of his thin cigars and takes a sip from his glass of wine.

"What do you think of it?" Lisa asks him.

"Lisa darling, you really managed to pick one out ….she's a mess".

"Well, that I also have figured out already, but what do you think is going on?"

A cloud of smoke coils up to the ceiling of the kitchen as Martin blows out the smoke of his cigar.

"Too early to tell, but to me it seems she is traumatized, has symptoms of depression, there is the mourning process and possibly she suffers from separation anxiety".

"Separation anxiety?….Jessica Lovejoy?….That's very hard to imagine"

"It is something I suspect, she told me several things about her childhood and her teenage years which can point in that direction".

"But what did she tell you about it?"

"I'm sorry darling, but you should know that I am bounded by my obligation of confidentiality regarding my patients".

"Yeah, you're right…I should have known".

"She is vulnerable Lisa, very vulnerable and I even wonder of it wouldn't be better for her to have her admitted to a mental hospital for a short while".

"Heh, bit of a problem, her former employer terminated her health insurance in January; she already has a huge debt involving her hospital bill".

"No health insurance as well?….Hmmm, I see…then there is a bit of a problem regarding what I can do for her".

"You won't help her?"

"Well, I can't work for free darling".

"I thought you became a psychiatrist because you wanted to help the mentally wounded ones?"

"Oh, I still do, but I can't live from the wind you know".

"Martin, you just said yourself that she is a mess and needs help, you even talked about admission into a mental hospital!"

"Yes, that would be the best for her at the moment".

"Look, we are dealing here with a woman who has lost everything, someone who has nothing left anymore!"

"I know, I know…but I just can't treat everyone for free" Martin defends himself.

"It's notevery one, it's just her!…Just one lousy hour every week, or perhaps every two weeks; that won't hurt you!"

"Lisa, I just can't do this; now it's her and tomorrow it will be someone else!"

Lisa takes a deep breath of air and tries to keep her calm.

"Is everything in this world about money then?"

"It's just how it works darling, can't help it".

"You can't help it huh?….Okay, fine….how about this: anal beads, a banana, marbles; do I need to continue about all the things I had to remove from your or Clarence's rectum?"

"Removed in a rather discrete way so it wouldn't hurt your practice or reputation?"

"This you can't do!"

"Oh yes I can, you can bet your ass on it".

Martin takes another sip of his glass of wine and a puff of his cigar.

"This is really important to you isn't it…what do you see in her?"

"Nothing, but this is just one case I refuse to let go down in misery".

Martin gets a smile on his face: "nothing eh?"

"Yeah, nothing…this is a matter of beliefs!" Lisa states firmly.

"Well, if you say so" Martin keeps smirking.

"Now are you going to help her or not?"

"Do I have any choice?" he keeps on smiling.

"Yeah, I will help her; I can manage to find an hour of time for her every other week…but no more stories about anal beads…that's our little secret".

"No more stories about anal beads…..and thank you Martin; I really appreciate what you want to do for her".

"You're really sure it's just a matter of beliefs?"

"Shut up and go to your party" Lisa smiles back.

* * *

"I must be out of my freaking mind; Jessica Lovejoy…here…in my own house".

Laying in bed on her side, Snowball sleeping under the blankets against her abdomen and Bottom sleeping on top of the blankets in her popliteal space, Lisa wonders about what she did that day.

"Somewhere it just doesn't make sense and yet…..I would do the same thing again when I had to".

Puzzling about the why of her deeds, she turns herself on her back which isn't appreciated by her feline bed company.

"Hey, it's my bed!" She grumbles to Snowball who refuses to make way for her mistress.

Bottom doesn't mind and picks another spot; straight between her legs and continues to sleep.

Lisa shakes her head as she thinks back of how Jessica basically surrendered herself to her in all her fear, how she literally threw herself into her arms to find shelter and some warmth.

"You're one big enigma…or aren't you?" she whispers to herself.

"Is this who you really are?….A fragile being who lost her armor and is now naked in the icy storm which life can be?"

"So different of how I remember you, so…..tender and craving for warmth…for love".

"It doesn't add up….she is so elegant, pretty and then ending up like this…selling her body, being abused and driven to the point where she wanted to take her life".

"Each and every time she is afraid she will be hurt and cries for her father….never her mother".

Lisa remembers what her mother told her about Jessica as a teenager, how quiet she was when she was at home, which is such a contradiction of how Lisa remembered her as a sixteen year old girl.

Jessica was hot, really hot and she knew it.

She was able to get every boy in town…and not only boys if she wanted.

"Forbidden fruit….very forbidden fruit but ever so tempting".

"And now…this 'fruit' was laying in my arms….even let me touch her everywhere when I washed her".

A strange sensation goes through Lisa's body and she feels how her heart starts to pound in her chest and her legs start to feel weak.

"She is so pretty….her face…..her body…and what she has shown me of her…so vulnerable…so soft".

"Her eyes, her bright green eyes….so much pain; like finally her soul is reflected in them".

For some time Lisa just lies on her back staring at the ceiling of her bedroom until suddenly a tear rolls down her face.

"And what about me?….Why does no one care about me?…..Why does every one see me like a coldhearted nerdish dyke?"

"Perhaps she can see I have feelings too?…That I also have needs?"

"Dammit Simpson!….Stop feeling sorry for yourself!…..You are doing what everyone should do when confronted with a case like her….You are a professional, a doctor…no place for this kind of sentimental bullshit….besides, it wouldn't work out…she doesn't like women and she is just too different; so forget about it!"

Lisa rolls herself back on her side and presses her head into her pillow as she suppresses her feelings with rational facts.

But still, Jessica's eyes won't leave her mind and predict a rather restless night to come for Doctor Lisa Simpson.

* * *

It's already past one o' clock in the afternoon when Jessica opens her eyes.

Slightly disoriented by the strange environment she has woken up in, she becomes aware of something heavy laying on her chest.

When she moves her head up, suddenly a big black nose 'accompanied' by two half closed green eyes appear in front of her.

"Hey, who are you?" She asks with a sleepy voice.

The two green eyes blink friendly back to her and a soft purring starts to emerge from the heavy 'object' on her chest.

"You are one of Lisa's cats aren't you?" She once more asks with a soft voice as she slowly gets up.

Bottom moves off her chest, positions himself next to Jessica's legs and watches how the black haired woman is getting out of bed.

Not really an easy thing to do as her left leg has stiffed up pretty bad after wandering a whole afternoon in the cold and the rain on the parking lot of the Springfield hospital.

As she finally sits on the edge of the bed, she is able to look a bit better at the room where she has spent the night.

A ten by ten foot room straight under the roof, two big book closets filled with books and a double door wardrobe closet.

"God, what a mess…what a complete fuck up" she sighs with a tired voice.

On a chair in the corner se sees how Lisa has put some of her own clothes ready for her.

"Lisa, you're an angel…why are you all doing this for me?" she wonders out loud to herself.

Slowly she manages to get up on her feet and limps to the chair where she grabs her sweater and her jeans.

It takes her some time to get dressed and after some rather inconvenient and painful moments; she finally is ready to go downstairs.

"Hey, good morning….well, good afternoon I should say; how are you?" Lisa greets her as she enters the living room.

"I actually don't know…so many things happened again" Jessica replies sighing and shaking her head.

"Yeah, quite a lot happened…but you seem to be more calm compared to yesterday"

"I feel numbed, tired and without any energy….like I am afloat is some kind of void".

"You went through quite a few things lately"

"It's not just lately Lisa….this has been going on for all my life".

"You wanna talk about it?"

"No….not yet" Jessica replies after a short silence while staring at the ground.

"It always was so cold…so cold" she just sighs.

Lisa sits next to her, puts her arm around her shoulder and Jessica once more let herself fall against her chest.

"You are so good to me, so hard to believe you are doing all this for me".

"It happens again" Lisa thinks to herself as she feels how her heart rate goes up and her legs start to feel kinda weird.

"You need something to eat" she quickly tries to create some distance between her and the upcoming feelings".

"I'm not really hungry" Jessica replies softly.

"Still, you need to eat something…the doctor prescribes it" Lisa states as she gets up on her feet and heads to the kitchen.

The telephone rings and interrupts the upcoming 'gastronomic' activities.

"Lisa, it's your mother…Jessica has left the hospital!" Marge's voice sounds tremendously worried at the other side of the line.

"I know, she released herself yesterday afternoon…and she is now with me".

"What?…With you?…How did this happen?"

"Is a rather long story and I am not sure if I can tell you all this; it's rather private" Lisa replies while looking at Jessica.

"No, you can tell her" Jessica just nods.

"I'm coming to your place" Marge announces firmly.

"Uh…I'm not so sure this is the right moment mom" Lisa replies somewhat hesitatingly.

"I am coming to your place and that's a fact!"

"Well, I suppose I can't stop you…say mom, does dad still does your hair?"

"Yes, he does….why?"

"I think there is someone who is in need of a haircut herself over here".

"You want your father to come with me as well?"

"I expect Jessica to be here for quite some time to come, so it's better he sees what is going on as well…..will save us from some rather awkward situations in the near future".

"Hmmmrrr…I don't know if this is such a good Lisa…you know your father".

"Really mom, it will be for the best that way…just promise him you will make him pork chops".

"He had them already yesterday!"

On the background Lisa can hear her father asking: "pork chops?"

"Mom, just ask him if he wants to come with you and if he will take his old barber stuff with him".

"OK, hang on…let me ask him"

Lisa hears how her mother tries to convince her father into coming with her; something which isn't that easy as that afternoon there will be a sports event on television which has a rather 'special' meaning for him.

A short debate about gambling and games follows, until Marge mentions 'pork chops'.

"Pork chops?…Pork chops again this evening when I come with you to Lisa's place?"

"Yes Homer…but you probably have to cut someones hair as well, so she wants you to bring your old barber gear".

"Aww Marge!…I only want to do your hair!"

"Then it's time you do again someone else's hair as well!"

"But I don't want to!"

"Pork chops Homie…double portion".

"Hmmm pork chops…. gaaarrrglll!"

"He will come with me and takes his stuff with him" Marge ensures her oldest daughter.

"That'd be great mom, see you in an hour?" Lisa asks her mother.

"Yeah, something like that…..we have to buy pork chops first".

Lisa presses the disconnect button on the telephone and heads back into the living room.

My parents will pay us a visit this afternoon; my father is coming as well and he will his barber tools with him.

"His barber tools?" Jessica replies somewhat surprised.

"Yeah, it's one of my father's rather hidden talents; if you like he can give you a haircut".

Jessica looks at her long black hair which has become like sisal rope, caused by the anesthetics when she had to undergo surgery.

"My hair…" she kinda dreamy wonders about it.

"He can take off just a small piece of it, just the dead ends" Lisa tries to assure her.

"No" Jessica states firmly; "it has to come off, times have changed now!"

* * *

In the middle of the kitchen, Jessica sits on a chair with a bed sheet covering her upper body.

"Hmmmm, that's a lot of hair" Homer wonders out loud as he takes a look at her somewhat messy 'coiffure'.

"How do you want to have it?"

"Well uh, a bit more practical I guess….shorter".

Homer once more walks around Jessica to take another look at what he can do to make things more 'practical'.

He feels at a few places at Jessica's hair and then starts to drool a bit as his mind wanders off to the promised pork chops he will get for dinner that evening.

"Uh, mister Simpson….why do you murmur about pork chops all the time?"

"Hmmmm, pork chops" Homer just repeats dreamingly, but realizes it is just three o'clock in the afternoon as well he has to take care of Jessica's haircut.

"How about this: at the back I'll cut it off till half your back and do it in such a way your hair will be at the end a bit like a V-shape so you can wear it rather easily in a pony tail.

"Can you make it a bit more puffy at the front as well?"

"Of course I can" Homer replies friendly and starts to cut.

"Say, I wish I had more customers like you back then when I had a barbershop; at least you are not jabbing my ears off my head".

"I…I'm sorry for not being more talkative….my life is kinda upside down" Jessica replies apologizing.

"Yeah, I heard about what happened….poor reverend Lovejoy, he now knows if it is true what he always shouted from the pulpit".

"With a bit of luck he is with…with uh…. what's his name….white dress, long hair, beard and did something in carpentry if I remember well".

"You mean Jesus, mister Simpson?'

"Ah yes, Jebus….that's the guy….I wonder what he does nowadays".

"Anyway, your father is now probably with Jebus in paradise".

A faint smile appears on Jessica's face as Homer starts to wonder out loud about what all this stuff every Sunday is about, as well they should place more comfortable pews in the church as each time when he wakes up after the service he has a back pain.

As Homer is taking care of Jessica; Lisa and Marge have disappeared into the barn to take a look at the animals and feed them.

"You came with me for a reason, didn't you" Lisa asks her mother.

Marge replies with a smile on her face and nods.

Lisa sits down at an old chair and starts to tell her mother what happened the day before; the problems with the health insurance, how Jessica was trying to get some money and how she basically was on her way to end her life.

Marge is shocked after she has heard the whole story, but also glows of pride about how Lisa has taken care of Jessica.

Lisa on the other hand isn't that sure about all the things she has done in the past twenty four hours.

"I don't know mom, from a rational point of view I should have brought her to a shelter and continue with my own life; but I just couldn't do it".

"She is so different, a completely different person with a completely history and life; she is so far from who I am and how I live my life".

"And why should such a thing be an obstacle to help someone in desperate need?" Marge asks her daughter.

"It shouldn't" Lisa replies with a deep sigh.

"But I never expected to take a woman like Jessica into my house and private life".

"What are you afraid of Lisa?"

"I don't know….I am just afraid that…."

"Afraid you will be hurt once more?" her mother adds.

Lisa stares at the floor and just nods.

Marge presses her daughter's head against her side and puts her arm around her.

"Lisa, how many years has it been since all this happened?…Nine or ten years?"

"Eleven" Lisa replies with a soft sad voice.

"Eleven years….such a long time ago"

"I was sixteen when it happened".

"And since then I have seen how you have hidden your heart for the world, how you became distant and even more rational".

"I don't want to live through something like that again mom….I just can't do it" Lisa whispers with a broken voice.

"And why would Jessica do the same thing as Greta did?"

"Because she is Jessica….and she is Jessica not at all".

"How do you mean?"

"My memories of her as the vile and calculating girl at one hand….what she did to Bart…how she was as a teenager".

"But I have seen her eyes as well….so vulnerable and full of pain; nothing like how I remember her".

"How she lay in my arms and how she craves for some warmth".

"Did it ever occur to you that you now might see the real Jessica?"

"And that you have followed your heart for the first time after so many years?"

Lisa just stares at the ground and feels hopelessly confused about what she did and allowed into her life.

"Mom, why can't I just be the one who I am?….Why do I always have to wear a mask to prevent people will hurt me when they find out who I really am?…To prevent they will throw me in a puddle of mud and exclude me again?"

"And why does Jessica put herself in your arms in her darkest hour?" Marge replies.

"I just happened to be around, that's all".

"Perhaps, but she could have refused to come with you…just go on as she had planned, but she chose to come with you instead".

Lisa just shrugs.

"And you know why?…Because she felt that what you were and are still doing for her, comes straight from your heart; your beautiful and ever so big heart".

"Following my heart hasn't brought me that much good in my life".

"Hasn't it?….And what is it bringing you now then?" Marge asks her sad oldest daughter.

"I don't know" Lisa replies tiredly.

"It brings you the fact you are doing something which a lot of people wouldn't do when they would be facing someone like Jessica under such circumstances".

"And remember Lisa, doing good things will always be rewarded; one way or another".

"Heh, I really can't imagine how Jessica will reward me".

"Time will tell my girl, time will tell…but let's go back inside; it's cold in here".

When both women enter the living room, Homer has just finished and Jessica is admiring her new haircut in the mirror.  
Like Homer promised to do, her hair now ends in a V-shape halfway her back, as well the front part of it is slightly puffy.

"You like the result?" Homer asks.

"I love it, oh thank you so much mister Simpson" she replies softly and hugs Homer spontaneously to express her gratitude.

"Easy, easy young lady, I'm a very married man and my wife is looking and kinda jealous when it comes about what you are doing now" Homer smiles.

"Homer, can you fix something in Lisa's barn as well" Marge asks.

"Aww Marge, I thought I only would have to cut her hair to get them!" Homer complains.

"You will get mine as well and it's just a small job"

"Double portion for a tiny job eh?…..It's a date!"

"Lisa, show your father what needs to be fixed in your barn, that piece of fence you just showed me" Marge asks while winking to her daughter.

"That piece of fence?…Oh, 'that' piece of fence...uh, yeah…is kinda ragged and needs to be reattached to the wall at one side" Lisa plays along as she understands her mother want to have a private talk with Jessica.

"Come on dad, I'll show you" she continues as she drags her father with her in the direction of the barn.

Marge sits down at the couch where Jessica joins her.

"Lisa told me what happened yesterday; how are you now?"

"I...I don't know Marge, so many things are happening in such a short time" Jessica replies confused.

"I lost everything, really everything….I have nothing left anymore; but at the other hand, I never ever dared to dream people would be so kind to me".

"And why shouldn't people be kind to you?"

"Because….because it's me….because people hate me for who I am and what I did" Jessica replies insecurely".

"Regarding that, I can barely understand what Lisa is doing for me; she had the perfect opportunity to destroy me completely…but instead, she took me with her and cared for me" she continues.

"That's just how Lisa is" Marge smiles.

"I am afraid Marge, afraid she will kick me out….kick me out, which means I will have to walk the streets again to get some money".

"No…no, that is something she would never do".

"It's just me Marge, I'm just a thing which you pay and throw away after you have used it…it has always been like that".

Jessica once more starts to cry softly; "I just wanted to play Marge, but mother didn't allow it…I had to be the model daughter of the reverend".

"And father, father was not strong enough so I was forced to become some kind of a black haired Malibu Stacy; some kind of accessory ".

"I'm just a thing Marge; a filthy thing and I am so afraid that Lisa will treat me like that as well at a certain moment".

"No, no, she would never do this" Marge tries to reassure her.

"She is so kind to me, so warm….it's too good to be true".

"I know my daughter, what she now does is coming straight from her heart".

"I know…I know, but she sometimes seems so distant".

"Lisa has a history of herself as well, regarding that you look a lot more like each other then you differ".

"How…how do you mean?"

"That's something which is only is up to Lisa to tell you, but trust me when I tell you that she has a tremendous heart which is soft and rather vulnerable".

At the same moment Homer and Lisa enter the house again.

Homer's face looking rather twisted while holding his thumb high in the air.

"Mom, can you get the first aid kit from the cabinet; dad just smashed his right thumb with a hammer..."

* * *

Sitting on the couch with her left leg stretched out on it; Jessica watches television.

Lisa is sitting at the dinner table and goes through some notes she took during an open heart surgery she attended several weeks ago.

Despite the television is switched on and it appears Jessica is watching it; her eyes repeatedly move in Lisa's direction who is focused on her paper work.

"You look a lot more like each other then you differ" echoes through her mind.

"What is your secret Lisa?….What has happened to you?" Jessica wonders.

"Your life seems to be so perfect, so well settled in your cottage with your bright future and your loving parents".

Jessica swallows a few times when she compares her own life with that of Lisa, but doesn't burst into tears as she is just too intrigued by what Marge told her.

"A tremendous and vulnerable heart…..but why do you appear so distant and sometimes even cold?"

"You could have it all, a career and in the future a loving husband…perhaps some kids".

"Yeah, you are pretty….not hot, but pretty….you have something special, when you would open your heart you could make the world melt".

For some time Jessica keeps watching Lisa in silence.

"You could make me melt and perhaps you are already doing this….all the things you have done for me….a complete stranger….a whore".

"Your heart, it must be tremendous indeed…like your mother told me…but I am so afraid of you Lisa…so afraid that when you know my complete truth you will kick me out".

"Who are you Lisa Simpson and why are you so closed….what do you have to hide?"

Jessica's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a huge explosion on the television.

"What are you watching?" Lisa asks.

"Just the news".

Lisa leaves her chair and walks to the couch to see what has happened again in the world.

"So much blood and pain, why can't people just be good for each other?" she wonders out loud.

"Yeah, why can't they" Jessica acknowledges dreamingly.

"Just treat another like you would want to be treated yourself….so simple and yet so difficult" Lisa continues.

"My father used to preach about these things….and even he failed" Jessica sighs.

Lisa sits down on the couch and watches Jessica straight in her eyes.

"The relation between you and your father was a complicated one, wasn't it?"

"Yeah…yeah, it was".

""Do you want to talk about it?"

"N…no…I…I can't…I..I…"

"It's good to throw it all out, you can trust I will keep it a secret" Lisa continues.

But Jessica locks down as she is too afraid of the consequences when she will tell everything.

"Alright, if you don't want to talk about it…fine with me" Lisa reacts slightly annoyed and heads back to the dinner table where she continues to study.

Very little does she know, how once more the fear has made itself master of Jessica; a fear so deep that it paralyzes her.

Lisa's head turns a few times into the direction of Jessica who just seems to watch dulled out the program on television.

"Martin was right; I really managed to pick one out…."

* * *

The days come and go and slowly both women start to get a bit used to the new situation which fate has brought them in.

Lisa goes to work and Jessica slowly starts to deploy some activities in the household.

Feeding the animals, cleaning a bit, as well as cooking for which she has a remarkable talent.

Every other week she has her therapy sessions with Martin, who suggested to meet each other in a video chat as getting to his practice still is troublesome because Jessica has no transportation, as well walking to the nearest bus stop is way to straining for her leg.

Allison, an old friend of Lisa who works as a physiotherapist, was prepared to help Jessica out for a small fee and visits the cottage once a week where she takes care of Jessica's leg and teaches her how to use it as effectively as possible.

Despite the fact Jessica's nerves are damaged, she manages after several weeks to move around with just the support of one crutch.

Once more her discipline, when it comes about working out, as well the fact her muscles still are relatively well developed makes she progresses in a quite rapid way.

Mentally however; her wounds are more severe and will take considerably more time to heal.

Haunted by her past, Jessica tries to keep up some kind of a good spirit, but often she falls back into a deep and dark hole.

For days she can be quiet when such a thing happens and just sits on the couch while staring in front of her.

At night, things become violent in her mind; nightmares and deep loneliness keep her awake and make her shed many tears.

Lisa often hears her sobbing during the night and has tried many times to comfort her; holding her in her arms and just trying to give her a bit of warmth in those long, cold and dark nights.

But for some reason, Jessica won't open up to her, won't tell her what happened and this fact is something which hurts Lisa a lot.

She wants to help, but for some reason Jessica won't allow her to do so and Lisa just doesn't understand the reason for it.

Little does she know that Jessica is driven by her fear not to open up to the blonde doctor; she just can't trust her completely as she cannot trust anyone anymore; too many things have happened in the past.

Sometimes Jessica feels herself pushed in dealing with her grief and pain by Lisa, like she just wants her to push her through these heavy walls of fear and sorrow.

But still, another thing is that both women start to feel some strange kind attraction to each other, attraction of what is not spoken about.

Jessica can't open up to Lisa, but Lisa herself shows very little of her vulnerability as well.

For some reason it unites them in their suffering which attracts and rejects them at the same

time.

The moments of warmth are definitely there but they always stay rather limited, not too deep as it will touch things which are just too painful and too much safeguarded in fear.

Despite things seem calm and relatively peaceful in day to day life, underneath there is a growing tension between them.

A certain feeling of distrust which leads to misunderstanding and aggravation which isn't shown or spoken about.

Both women almost desperately want to keep the peace in their existence as they are just too afraid of what might come out when they speak up.

Still, in the privacy of their minds they give each other quite a lot of thoughts; intrigued by each other's secrets, as well wondering about how they would be without all these defensive walls around them.

Wondering about how they really are and how it would be when they would open up to eachother.

A strange sense of physical attraction has entered their minds as well; forbidden attraction to which the both of them don't want or dare to give in.

Complex and contradictive feelings which causes them to keep a certain distance to each other and make them focus on their differences; using the excuse "that it just won't work out".

In Lisa's eyes, Jessica was feeling too much selfpity for herself and had no eye for what happened around her; while according to Jessica, Lisa was too cold, too rational and has no idea how rotten life actually could be.

A bomb underneath these fragile minds which has to go off sooner or later...

* * *

It's a sunny Wednesday afternoon in the midst of April.  
Lisa has her days off in the midst of the week and has started to work a bit in her garden.

Nothing serious, just taking out the weeds and removing dead remainders of plants.

Things have been again quiet in her little cottage the last few days.

Jessica is going through some rough times as apparently Martin managed to touch something difficult and painful in her.

It has happened before and it always makes Jessica withdraw in herself.

Just silently sitting on the couch or laying on her bed, looking at the ceiling in apathy.

Things have become more tensed in the cottage as Lisa is growing more and more insecure about her spontaneous decision to take her into her home and allow her to stay there.

The silence, the ongoing moaning of Jessica being a filthy whore; it sometimes gets too much for her and causes her to flee from her own living room.

On the other hand, Lisa's behavior hasn't been unnoticed by Jessica as well, which made her fear and distrust only increased.

As Lisa is just about to spud out a nasty weed, Jessica limps into the garden.

"Lisa, I want to ask you something" she somewhat timidly asks.

"Sure, shoot".

"I was wondering if you would want to drive me to the cemetery; I want to visit father's grave".

Lisa puts her hoe aside and gets back on her feet.

"Are you sure this is a wise thing to do?….You haven't been in such a great mental shape the last few days".

"I know…but it's something I just have to do".

"I'm still not that sure if you should do this".

"Lisa, please…I have to do this".

"Alright, then grab your coat and we'll go to the graveyard" Lisa replies in a rather cool way.

Jessica doesn't respond to it and just turns herself around to get her coat.

After a fifteen minute ride, Lisa parks her car near the entrance of the Springfield cemetery.

"It has been ages since I've been here" Lisa remarks when she gets out of the car, but Jessica hesitates.

"You're alright?"

Jessica shakes her head and bites her lip.

"Look, you don't have to do this…we can go back home if you like".

"No, I have to do this….I can't continue to hide myself for this fact, I need to go to father" Jessica nervously replies and starts to get out of the car.

Slowly she limps to the iron gate of the cemetery and takes a deep breath before she opens it.

"OK, let's do this" she sighs and slowly she continues her way into the direction of her father's last resting place.

Lisa follows her and it doesn't take long before both women arrive at the grave.

Jessica freezes up when she reads the text on the black granite grave stone: "here rests my beloved father, Timothy Lovejoy, may he rest in peace".

"Father?…Are you there?…Can you hear me?" Jessica starts to whisper with a broken voice as she gets down on her knees.

She bends her head forward and closes her eyes as the first tears start to run down her cheeks.

"I messed up father, I messed up terribly….I have nothing left; not even a home….I have to sell our house to pay for my hospital bill…I wanted to be with you father, I just wanted to be with you as I have nothing left here anymore".

"Do…do you think they would have allowed me to be with you again father?….Would they have some mercy on the soul of a whore?….Why did you have to go father?….At the moment when I finally started to understand how much I love you….father, I love you so much…please come back to me and take me home…like it should be…"

Lisa, who has watched the whole scene from a small distance sees how Jessica collapses under the heavy burden of her sorrow and falls to the ground.

She quickly rushes towards her and kneels down next to the crying black haired woman.

"Jessica, I think it's better we go now…this is way too much for you" she tries to get some reason back into her.

But Jessica just lies there on the ground and cries, cries for her father and cries about her own faith.

"Jessica, please, we got to go…this is not the place for all this".

"No, leave me with father, this is all I have left!"

"I knew this would happen" Lisa mumbles to herself as she starts to pick up Jessica from the ground and more or less drags her to the car.

Jessica, too overwhelmed by her sorrow, doesn't resist and just let Lisa guide her.

When they got back at the cottage, Jessica is still crying violently and stumbles to her bedroom where she continues to sob for several hours before she falls asleep.

* * *

It's already around nine o'clock in the evening when Jessica wakes up.

For some time she lies flat on her back and watches the ceiling before she gets up and limps downstairs.

Lisa is sitting on the couch in the living room and watches a documentary about ancient Greece on the television.

"Hey, are you alright?" she asks as Jessica enters the living room, but Jessica just shrugs and heads towards the dinner table where she sits down and lights a cigarette.

Lisa switches the television off and heads to the dinner table as well where she sits down oposite to Jessica.

"What you saw there at the cemetery is all I have left, nothing more" Jessica sighs with a sad voice.

"Everything is gone, everybody is gone…..just a cold black tombstone is what is left…I'm just a limping whore with a gravestone".

"Jessica, I know how difficult this is; but you should try to move on and make something out of your life" Lisa tries to comfort her.

"Move on?….Move on to what?…I have nothing!" Jessica suddenly reacts aggravated.

"What can I do?…I only know how to work on my back and suck dicks!"

"That's bullshit and you know it!" Lisa responds as she gets aggravated as well.

"Bullshit!?….What the fuck do you know about it!?"

"Aww knock it off Jessica, I am getting fed up with all this self pity of yours; I have seen far worse cases on my table at the hospital!…It's not like you are the only one!"

"What!?…Do I hear this right!?….You claim to know what I know; what I went through in my life!?"

"You know shit about it!….You have your loving parents, you have a fancy degree, you have everything in your life!"

"You got the looks, you got the brains, a career, loving parents and caring friends while I had nothing!"

"Go fuck your self!…You were popular, people loved you while I had almost to beg for the most pity form of friendship!" Lisa explodes.

"What the fuck do you know about me huh!?….What do you know about loneliness and being outcast!…I had to fight to get all this what I have now while you just lifted up your skirt and the whole world did what you wanted!"

"And now, when life really gets tough, you get away with it again as I was stupid enough to help you out!"

"I never asked you to help me out!…Who the fuck you think you are!…Little miss perfect, you know shit of life!"

"Things haven't really changed a lot, haven't they…you're still the same vile bitch you were when tricked my brother into your little games!"

"Oh, are we getting into that one….you have no idea why I did that, nor you have any fucking idea what it meant for me!"

"For you!?….It meant shit for you as otherwise you wouldn't have done it in the first place!"

"Fuck you Lisa!…Fuck you, little miss perfect and your moralistic bullshit!…You ignorant cunt!"

"At least my cunt didn't serve as a public entrance!"

"I had no choice, I had no fucking choice!….While you were allowed to work on your future; I had to survive and get money to buy food!"

"You were just sitting there neatly on your fucking university while I had to work on the backseat of a car!"

"You, with your fancy morals and your fancy beliefs safeguarded by the whole world, allowed to live a perfect life!"

"You are just like my own mother!…A bitch who is just occupied with how other people think about you!"

"Fuck off Jessica, just fuck off!"

"Did you take me in to make you look good!?…So people could see how fucking perfect you are!?"

"At least I am not a whore on one and a half leg who only can think about herself and is full of selfpity because the rest of the fucking world has been so bad to her!…..You want to be like that as it is the only thing you are good at!"

"You're damn right, I am not perfect like you are, Doctor Lisa-fucking-ice-queen-Simpson!"

Too much for Lisa, Jessica's last remark cuts like a dull knife straight through her heart and soul and tears start to appear in her eyes.

"I…I am not an ice queen" she stammers and puts her hands in front of her face to hide her tears.

"I…I am not like that…no, I am not like that" she stammers and runs towards the stairs to get to her bedroom.

A few moments later Jessica hears how Lisa slams the door and starts crying on her bed.

"Fucking cunt…you fucking cunt!…What have you done now?" she hisses to herself.

"You just hurt the only one who cares about you and made her cry…fuck!"

Jessica puts her head on the table and covers it with her hands and gazes into the darkness through the window.

"Stupid whore….you stupid whore!" she once more hisses to herself and starts to cry softly for the grief she has caused.

* * *

The next day Jessica wakes up late in the morning.

She hasn't slept well as feelings of guilt and sorrow has been haunting her during the entire night.

She heard how Lisa left for work around seven in the morning and Jessica knows she probably will be back somewhere halfway the evening.

She gets out of bed and heads downstairs to have something to drink and a cigarette.

Silently she sits down at the dinner table and gazes with sad eyes to the wall.

"What have I done" she once more wonders out loud as her feelings of guilt still rage through her whole existence.

Strangely enough, she doesn't feel any fear of being kicked out by Lisa because of what happened last night.

For some reason she just knows she won't do this and she starts to realize she actually has started to trust Lisa, as well considers her as a safe haven.

The more she thinks about it, the more she becomes aware of the fact that in the short time she has been living together with her; she managed to conquer a little piece of her heart.

Jessica exhales her smoke with force as she just feels devastated by her own acts and the consequences regarding Lisa.

"If you only knew how much I started to care about you" she whispers.

"Why do I always destroy the people who care about me?….Father…and now Lisa".

She puts out her cigarette in the ashtray and heads back upstairs to take a shower and to get dressed.

It's a little after one o'clock when she has finished her lunch and is doing the dishes.

Just looking at the road through the kitchen window she suddenly sees how a light blue car drives up to the cottage.

"Lisa?…What is she doing here; it's way too early".

Outside, Lisa parks her car in front of the barn and gets out.

But instead of entering the house, she heads straight into the barn and stays there.

Puzzled and slightly nervous about the reasons why Lisa doesn't come inside, Jessica grabs her crutch and limps to the barn.

"Go away!" Lisa says with a loud but slightly dulled out voice as Jessica opens the door.

"Are you deaf?….I said go away!" Lisa repeats herself but Jessica still enters the barn where she finds the blonde doctor sitting on an old chair near an old desk with a joint between her fingers.

"Lisa..I..I didn't want.." Jessica stammers but Lisa interrupts her before she can finish her line.

"Yeah, you can see it right; little miss perfect is smoking pot!" Lisa grins cynically.

"Apparently the 'ice queen' has feelings after all" she continues.

"Are you enjoying it, huh?….To see me like this?…To see me as a pot smoking not so perfect ignorant know it all?"

"Lisa..I..I am so sorry about what happened yesterday…I really didn't want to hurt you".

Lisa inhales the smoke of her joint and blows it out through her nose.

For a moment she remains quiet with her joint dangling between her lips and looks at Jessica's eyes which are full of regret and sorrow.

"You're sorry eh?" She continues cynically.

"Well, not half as sorry as I am!"

"Lisa….I behaved like a pig yesterday, you have been so good for me and…"

Once more Jessica is interrupted, but this time Lisa's voice is soft and full of sorrow.

"There has been a car accident this morning…bad one….an SUV and a truck".

"In the SUV there were a mother and her five year old child…..she passed a red light at an intersection and was hit in the flank by a truck with full speed….their car took the full blow and tilted over".

"The boy wasn't buckled down in his safety seat and was hanging with his head outside the window".

Lisa starts to shake and tears appear in her eyes as she continues to tell what happened with a trembling voice.

"His…his face was ripped off and when I examined his skull…..I…I could feel the bones crack and move".

"He was just five years old…..and there was nothing I could do….he died in my hands…I tried everything to bring him back…everything…but it had no use...he was to far away already!"

"If his mother would have buckled him down in the seat…nothing would have happened; perhaps a few scratches and bruises".

"Oh my God, Lisa; I don't know what to say…." Jessica responds upset.

"His mother wore her seatbelt….she had nothing…and when I had to tell her that her child was dead…I…I…" Lisa cracks down and starts to cry.

Jessica kneels down to her and presses her head against her shoulder.

"I didn't feel a thing Jessica, I didn't feel a fucking thing at that moment!…I didn't feel anything when I lifted up the head of that poor child to see how bad things were!"

"Hush, hush, it's OK…you can't afford to feel things when you are trying to save a life".

"He was just five years old…just five years!" Lisa continues.

"I know, I know…just cry, it's alright…just shed your tears" Jessica continues to comfort her with a soft voice.

"If only that stupid cow had put him in that seat the right way….then nothing would have happened"

"People are sometimes stupid, I know…I know it all too well".

Lisa once more inhales the smoke of her joint and clams down a bit.

"Am I really an ice queen?…..Am I really so cold Jessica?"

"No, no of course not…. but I think you hide your feelings too much for yourself".

"I wasn't always like this…they made me….they made me cold and heartless…they forced me to hide my feelings" Lisa continues with a soft voice while still hanging against Jessica's chest.

"Don't worry about that, I know what is inside you".

"You don't….I never shown it to you as I am just afraid you will hurt me as well…hurt me because of who I am".

"Lisa, you are one of the most wonderful people I have ever met in my life, you took me with you without asking anything in return when I was in my darkest hour".

"You were right about me…I am miss perfect….I just can't make any mistakes as they will get me for it….I am always afraid they will get me again".

"Lisa, don't be so hard on yourself, why would people want to get you?…You, a woman with such a good heart…The world loves you, cares about you".

"No, they don't…they don't"

"Lisa, I care about you….you have been so good to me, your family cares about you".

Jessica puts her cheek on Lisa's head and holds her tight against her body.

"J….Jessica?…Please hold me….will you please hold me, I need it so desperately"

"I will hold you, I will care for you, I will be there for you….just because it is you".

Both women hold each other and feel the warmth they both have been craving for since such a long time.

Lisa just smokes her joint while Jessica holds her, holds her like she never has held someone before…and she knows this very well.


	9. Chapter 9

The way we are

Several days have passed since the whole incident at the barn.

Lisa went back to work the other day, while Jessica continued with her own affairs in the household.

The loss of the five year old boy hit Lisa pretty hard and despite she tries to deal with it in a professional way; she just cannot deny and hide her own feelings anymore when it comes to the dark sides of her profession.

Both women have been talking a lot about it during the evenings, the terrible things which happen every day and how such sad cases end up at the emergency department.

For the first time Lisa started to share some of the things she has witnessed at her job, sad stories about pain and suffering, stories about death and sorrow.

The big fight they had and the aftermath which took place at the barn changed things between them; a wall which was between them was torn down.

For some strange kind of reason, Lisa felt she could tell Jessica her story, tell her about her hidden loneliness and show her who she really is….how afraid and insecure she actually is.

But until now she has been hesitating to tell all this, waiting for the right moment.

The things which happened a few days earlier haven't left Jessica untouched as well.

For the first time in her life she held someone who wanted to be held by her, who wanted her warmth instead of her body.

It left her a bit confused about her feelings for Lisa; especially when Lisa touched her physically.

Lisa had been touching her physically quite a few times during the last few days when they had these long conversations while sitting next to each other on the couch.

When she was telling all these things about her work, she tended to put her head on Jessica's shoulder.

Jessica put her arms around her and it was almost like Lisa was starting to mentally surrender her to herself; giving in to who she really was.

But not only Lisa was the one who started to show herself, Jessica as well got more and more the feeling she could tell Lisa who she was, how tormented her soul was and how she craved for warmth after all these long years.

* * *

It's a Friday evening and both women are once more sitting next to each other on the couch.

Lisa has the weekend off; they just enjoy the silence of the evening and talk a bit about all kind of things.

"He was there again this afternoon" Lisa sighs.

"Who?…Ralph Wiggum?…What did you have to take out of his nostrils this time?".

"I wish it were his nostrils; he has discovered there is an even 'safer' place to keep things".

"He swallows stuff down?"

"Nope, even worse" Lisa grins as she points down with her finger.

"You mean he crams things up his…?"

"Yep, he crams them up his butt….is more safe according to his logic".

"Eww, and you had to take these things out?"

"Well, getting them out is not really the 'eww' part; that's just a matter of a laxative….but how he retrieves the stuff…..that's really nasty".

"I don't wanna know…no further details please" Jessica replies with an expression of disgust on her face.

"Well, he still managed to produce around seven dollars in change….took a double dose of laxative though, to get it all out" Lisa grins.

"Shut up, I don't wanna know!" Jessica shouts and teasingly pushes Lisa away from her.

Both women laugh about the actions of officer Wiggum but then Lisa's face becomes rather serious.

"He was there as well just before you were brought in".

Jessica lights a cigarette and looks Lisa in her eyes.

"You were a mess" she continues with a soft voice.

"Yeah, I was….All these things which happened afterwards, it's almost impossible to believe how faith has brought us together"

"I have wondered so many times about the why and how" Lisa wonders to herself.

Again a silence falls and Jessica inhales the smoke of her cigarette and blows it out slowly while memories come back to her mind.

"Jessica?….Can I ask you something?….Something personal?"

Jessica turns her head to Lisa and silently nods.

"Who are you Jessica….who are you really?"

Jessica sighs and stares at the floor for a short moment; she inhales the smoke of her cigarette and then turns her face back to Lisa.

"I am Jessica…and when you would have known me before we met the first time; you probably wouldn't have recognized me" she starts to tell with a sad tone in her voice.

"I was a rather happy little girl; quite a tomboy who liked to play with my father's trains, climbing in trees, playing in the sand and mud and doing all kinds of things which little kids do".

"You should have seen me in my blue dungarees and my hair in a tail at each side of my head".

"The times I came home all covered in dirt or with a tear in my pants..." she continues with a sad smile on her face.

"I always played with boys…heh, I was quite a tough little chick back then".

"Mother didn't like the way I was, how I behaved…she wanted me to be the exemplary daughter of the reverend….father didn't really care about it….sure, he wasn't too happy with things when I came home all covered in mud but he didn't mind…..I was just his little girl".

"Things started to change when I was six years old, I had to start to wear dresses all the time, wear a bow in my hair and be like a real decent little girl….which didn't work; I still came home covered in dirt and with torn up clothes".

"I remember the fights between mother and father about me; father thought I just should be allowed to play the way I always did but mother…mother, she was just too strong for him and the result was I wasn't no longer allowed to play outside with my friends".

"They could only play with me at my home under the supervision of mother….I didn't get it, didn't understand it and it felt like I was punished while I hadn't done anything wrong…I just wanted to play like a child".

"Mother started her indoctrination: faith, the bible and how a good Christian girl should behave….and actually I went along with it".

"But at the other hand I just wanted to play outside with my friends, which no longer was allowed and I became silent and withdrawn….only to come back alive when one of the boys was allowed to play at our house with me….but even then…we couldn't play soccer or with toy cars like I loved to do so much".

"I had to play with dolls and stuff, which was kinda OK, but not as fun as all the other things I used to do".

"In those days father became more obsessed with his priesthood as well, became more silent and stayed away from home to be there for his flock…..also because of mother".

"He and her just became the same when it involved things about me, but sometimes father was his own self again….mostly when mother wasn't at home".

"Then we went to the basement and we played with his trains…he put me on his lap and let me operate the signals and switches...or just drive a train".

"Those were such warm moments Lisa…especially when he turned off the light and this miniature world was illuminated by hundreds of tiny lights".

"I gave all his model locomotives names; Effies, Esdies, Geepies, Ueys….I still can recognize almost each individual type of locomotive because of that".

"Effie, now I understand why you gave him this name".

"Yes, Effie….I got him from father when I was sent to boarding school…so I wouldn't be that alone there….officially Effie is an EMD F7A".

"I remember that you were at boarding school back then, but why did your parents sent you there?"

Jessica shrugs and wipes a tear off her face as she lights another cigarette.

"When I was seven years old, I was playing with a friend, a boy….and we were playing in the attic; attics always are fun to play at…well, you know what kind of games children sometimes play….at a certain moment we started to play 'doctor'…..and my mother caught us".

"She went crazy, completely hysterical while the only thing I did was lifting my skirt, nothing more….completely innocent….but she went nuts and before I knew it; I was sent to that awful place they called 'boarding school'".

"According to mother, they would turn me into a real decent girl over there, far away from all bad influences".

"And….and your father?…He didn't object?"

"At first he did, but mother was just too strong for him…too manipulative…I think I inherited this bad characteristic from her…convenient at times but not something to be proud of".

"Boarding school…" Jessica sighs while she stares with empty eyes to the ground.

"You were expelled from it, weren't you?"

"Yeah, eventually I was…it was hell in there".

Again some tears roll down Jessica's cheeks and she sobs a few times.

"I was so lonely there Lisa…they were so mean to me….they called me 'the nun' and bullied me…they put pins in my bed, made my clothes wet and stole from me…excluded me….and I just wanted to play, I just wanted to play".

Lisa puts her arm around Jessica and pulls herself against her ; "If it is too difficult to talk about, just don't do it" she tries to comfort her.

"No…no…I will tell you the whole thing now…you are the only one I dare to tell it".

"Just take it easy, don't force yourself".

"The first year I prayed my ass off…hoping father would get me and take me home…but it didn't happen….from that moment I decided that there was no God and that I had to do things myself…so I started to behave like a model student, as well as the perfect daughter at home…but they just sent me back".

"The bullying continued all the time and at a certain moment Effie was gone as well; I thought they stole him from me….I started to crack, to change…..I became silent and bitter, the hatred then started to grow in me…I became bad".

"After another incident in the showers, where they always got me…I retaliated….once more they turned the cold water tap shut and I got almost boiling water over my skin….I left the shower crying and I could hear their laughter….then I took my towel, put a big bar of soap in it and went back".

"What did you do, you got back at them?"

"Yeah…I went berserk and it was carnage when I was finished with them…the blood was on the wall….I completely lost my mind".

"But….but why didn't you tell they were bullying you to your teachers or other mentors at that school; they could have helped you".

"That bunch of 'reli-wankers?'…Forget it, they were only concerned about whether you were getting good grades and were faithful to the 'good lord'…..besides, you don't tell such things as it will make things only worse".

"And…the bullying stopped?"

"After I knocked out a few teeth and bruised a few noses more it stopped…even better, they started to fear me as they knew I would get them back one way or another".

"And they didn't try to get you back for it?…I mean, they could have used a bar of soap in a towel as well".

"Sure they did, but I went completely out of my mind when they tried…I went for blood and they didn't".

Lisa swallows by the thought of all the violence.

"I got my first taste of power…and looking back at it, it was the start of my downfall….I started to manipulate and used violence to keep them away from me….serious violence and at one time, I made a pipe bomb with the gunpowder which is in fire crackers and added a few marbles to it as well".

"One girl who didn't want to comply…she was in the bathroom and I threw it in there….blew a whole piece out of the toilet bowl and I was caught and expelled".

"Jessica….you…you could have killed that girl!"

"Yeah...I could…but back then I didn't care about it anymore…I was already on a downhill slope…..I just wanted to survive and get away from that hell hole".

"I became obsessed with everything which went against the system, against the church….against my parents….well, you know how that worked out…Bart as well".

"Yeah…yeah, I know…." Lisa replies softly.

"You know what perhaps the most sad part of it was?….That I wanted to get my father's attention…that he could see what had happened to me on that school; that he would take me back home….but it didn't work out that way….as I wanted to explain him everything when that money was found under my mattress, he put his fingers in his ears and started to sing 'bringing in the sheaves'….he sang bringing in the fucking sheaves when I wanted to tell him everything!"

"And…and what happened then?…Did your parents listen to you?"

"No; nothing happened except the usual…mother went hysterical and father didn't do a thing… they sent me to another boarding school, one which was much more strict to straighten me out".

"God, Jessica….that's awful…I..I never knew this….."

"It will get worse Lisa…a lot worse and I have to admit I am a bit afraid telling you all this…it's not a nice story and I am not a nice person in it".

"No, please, tell me what you want to tell me…I won't condemn you for it" Lisa urges Jessica to continue.

"Ok then; here we go once more: after the whole incident with Bart, I was sent to this other way more strict boarding school….a mixed school; the previous one was only for girls".

"My downfall continued over there as not only I felt utterly betrayed once more by my parents; I also had learnt I could make boys do things for me because of my looks".

"I hated my parents to the bone of what they had done to me, especially mother and I more or less decided I would do anything to make them pay….I was engulfed by bitterness and sorrow; I was just some kind of little ornament which served to show otherones how perfect they were…add to this the fact I had become obsessed with rebelling against everything they stood for and you have got a recipe for disaster".

"But there was also my loneliness, once more I had no one in that strange place and I was terrified the same things would happen; that I would be the target of the bullies again…so I started to use my looks and my manipulative skills to become popular….to have 'friends' and be loved so I wouldn't be lonely.

I started to hang out with the popular guys and as I hit puberty rather early…it was not that difficult to get their attention".

"I had the 'assets' to tie them to me like flies to a jar of honey".

Jessica pauses for a short time and sighs deeply before she continues.

"I…I…I started to use my body…..let them have a look at it….and did…'things'…..I lost my virginity when I was just eleven years old".

"I was popular….more or less...I think….I had a whole gang around me who I manipulated to get things the way I wanted them…..the first time was the hardest….but after a while I didn't care anymore….sometimes I 'did' several boys a day".

"Middle school meant I was sent to another boarding school and there I continued my practices…with success, as you know how boys are in their teenage years….but I also 'did' girls when needed…..I discovered at that age I am actually bi-sexual, which came in pretty handy".

"You had sex with girls as well?"

"Yeah, several girls….I even fell in love with one of them…at least; that's what I thought back then".

"So you could fall in love with a woman as well?"

"Yes I can…and regarding the fact I am completely fed up with men, it wouldn't surprise me I may one day start a relation with a woman….or just stay alone; but why do you ask this?"

"No…no, nothing in particular" Lisa avoids Jessica's question.

"I became more and more a slut and I basically did everything which was explicitly forbidden by 'the good book' and my parents….booze, dope, sex, wild parties; not to mention how I dressed in those days…well, when I was at home during the weekends, you know what I looked like".

Lisa nods and remembers rather vividly Jessica as a sixteen year old girl who showed a lot of her body and could be found in any kind of state at a Saturday night.

"And your parents?…How did your parents react to all this?"

"They went nuts, the first time my mother saw me that way I'd thought she got a heart attack and a stroke at the same time" Jessica grins.

"The way I behaved initially started as something to take revenge on my parents, remember?"

"My relationship with them deteriorated….when I was at home and didn't suffer from a hangover, or was drunk or stoned, I was quiet and rather withdrawn….I spent most of the time in my bedroom and only came out for lunch or dinner…obviously my parents grounded me all the time, which wasn't really a problem as I just escaped through the window of my bedroom".

"The situation at home deteriorated more and it came to a boiling point when I was caught red handed while I was trying to break into Hibbert's pharmacy to get stuff to get high….father managed to convince him to leave the police out of the whole thing….Chief Wiggum already knew me pretty well back in those days because of underaged alcohol consumption, vandalism and drug abuse".

"No need to tell that not only things at home became a disaster, at school things weren't going exactly the way they should go as well…I skipped classes, was bold and foulmouthed, not to mention the fact they found from time to time all kinds of 'contraband' in my locker and in the dormitory".

"When I was seventeen I was held back for already two times and once more they found all kinds of things in my closet….pot, half a bottle of Vodka and a stiletto….I would be expelled, but I decided not to wait for that actually to happen".

"The night before the principal would tell me that I could leave, I ran off...from the station I called home and announced I had left school and went to Capitol City.

"It was a short businesslike announcement and strangely enough they didn't really made a fuzz out of it…I guess they already had given up hope and were more or less relieved I went my own way".

"So I took the train with all my belongings in a bag and left…to start a new life in Capitol City; away from all the misery in Springfield and away from everything which was related to boarding schools and my parents".

"Well, there I was; seventeen years old, five hundred dollars in my purse and with everything I had in a bag in Capitol City where I didn't know anyone or anything".

"I managed to rent a loft and I found a job as a cleaner…high rent, low wages and it didn't take long before I was in some serious financial problems".

Jessica lights a cigarette again and takes a deep breath before she continues.

"I started to walk the streets at night….I started to sell my body as the alternative was eviction and living under a bridge….when I came to Capitol City I already had to spent several nights outside and I wanted to avoid such thing would happpen again at any cost".

"I walked the streets and I earned money….pretty good money as a seventeen year old…if you only knew what kind of perverts there are in the world…but I needed the money".

"My extra income allowed me to live a better life and I started to party more and more; became more or less a rather 'famous' appearance in the party scene of downtown Capitol City".

When I was nineteen, I had a bit of money and life was one big party filled with booze, dope and sex for money…I still had my job as a cleaner and still was living in that loft for a considerably lower rent as I paid the landlord in kind….if you know what I mean".

"Looking back at those years….God, I was so far away from who I was or what I wanted to be….the complete bankruptcy of my soul, my beliefs…..my self respect".

"I was a slut who just cared about having fun and nothing more….like I tried to compensate for all these years of misery".

"One night I was dancing half naked on the bar of a notorious club at the lower east side of town…I was stoned, drunk….and I was spotted by a guy who had a private nightclub called "The Purple Sin"; he asked me if I wanted to work for him as a topless waitress…there was good money in it and I decided to give it a try…well, as far as I was capable of taking decisions at that time".

"People warned me not to go there as Jeb Fielding, the owner of 'The Sin', was bad news without any scruples, as well connected to some very powerful people….he probably even had relations with organized crime".

"Naïve and tempted by his offer, I still went and became a waitress there….I quit my job as a cleaner and started to earn quite decently…especially when Jeb found out I was walking the streets and he offered me the possibility to provide such 'service' at the Purple Sin.

"What kind of place was that club?" Lisa asks.

"The Purple Sin?….Heh, a private club for the rich and powerful of Capitol City, a place where you not only could watch; but also touch…if you know what I mean."

"And…you could be watched and touched…"

"Yeah, the first three years as a waitress and then as a dancer…or better said: stripper….when someone offered hundred bucks, they could put it in me…."

"You mean in your…your?"

"Yes, in there".

"Jesus Jessica…I…I don't know what to say…I…I…"

Jessica shrugs and just looks with a sad face at the floor.

"You now understand why I was, and still am, rather reluctant to tell all this…it's not a nice story and I definitely wasn't a nice person as well".

"Eventually I became the star dancer in 'The parade of the damned' and I earned vast amounts of money…I was considered 'the empress of The Sin' and adopted the stage name 'Jazz'".

"Jeb took his part of the money which I had earned on my back and he allowed me to stay in one of his fancy apartments on Lexington Avenue".

"The first years was one big party there, but at a certain time I stared to wonder about the path which I had chosen in life….sure the money, the coke and the booze…it still was fun but deep inside me a feeling of doubt and emptiness started slowly to grow…these feelings became more and more clear during my last year in there; especially when a new relation was introduced in the society of 'The Sin'…Billy".

"He was a corrupt high ranked civil servant who had a lot of influence in matters which were very important for Jeb; matters involving permits and stuff….something like that".

"Billy was a brute and a pervert…and he wanted me; wanted me bad and a lot".

"You…you slept with him?"

Jessica nods and sighs; "yeah, several times…it was disgusting…but there was no way to avoid him as he was too important to Jeb….and in The Sin there was one law: 'you better be good to Jeb'".

"And when some one wasn't?"

"Heh, you know what my back looked like when I was brought in" Jessica grins sarcastically.

"What happened to you Jessica, what did he do to you?"

"My feelings of loneliness and emptiness; my doubts about the life I was leading….it all became much worse when father became ill…I realized how much I actually had lost in my life and how much I loved him…that I had been suppressing these deep and genuine feelings for so long".

"My relation with father was more or less restored when my parents divorced….the relation was distant and awkward, but still….I didn't want to loose father for some kind of reason….to be honest with you, despite he had chosen mother's side, deep in my heart I always have loved him…but it was too late…we just had a few weeks together…we spoke everything out to each other….our anger, our sorrow….and our love".

Jessica stops telling and tears start to run down her face.

"It was too late Lisa…too fucking late!…I only had a few weeks with him left….just a few fucking weeks which should have been years…which should had been my life….I was his little girl….and I needed him so much!….I still need him, but now he is just laying in a cold grave!"

Jessica continues to sob for a short while and Lisa pulls her against her to comfort her.

"Hey, don't tell me when you don't want to tell about it" she comforts her.

"No, no…I will tell you everything….I have to throw it out now and you are the only one I have" Jessica continues to cry while she presses her head against Lisa's breasts.

Lisa just caresses Jessica's hair and tries to comfort her.

After some time Jessica calms down and still is laying in Lisa's arms.

"I didn't want to be part of that world anymore….I felt so dirty, so filthy…but I had no choice…no degree, certificates or whatever and the only thing I knew was how to be a stripper and a whore…I finally knew what I lost in my life, I finally saw what I had become… but I was trapped…I couldn't get out".

"What did they to you Jessica?'" Lisa asks once more with a soft and worried voice.

"When I returned to the Sin…Jeb forced me to do Billy….he threatened me, grabbed me by my throat….and when I was stripping that night….Jeb made sure that Billy would be the one to put a bill of hundred dollars in my pussy….it…it was too much for me Lisa…when he did it I freaked out….and I kicked Billy in his face…my stiletto heel ravaged one of his eyes…and…and…."

Jessica presses herself even harder to Lisa and starts to tremble out of fear.

"What happened, what did they do to you Jessica?"

"I…I was dragged into his office by one of his gorillas…it was Ernie….he…he pushed me over the desk and held my arms…..and….and…Jeb hit me in the face and kicked me….then… then he grabbed his belt and whipped me…whipped me till I almost lost conscience…..I screamed and begged for my life Lisa…but he kept on going…until my blood was on the wall….then he pulled me up by my hair….and…and hit me full in the face and kicked me out of the Sin…naked".

"Somehow I managed to drag myself into the alley and hide behind some garbage containers…..I can't remember too much of it anymore….but suddenly there was Spike, one of the waitresses…she was an angel…she helped me to get into safety…she saved my life".

"And …and where did you go after that happened….then you came to Springfield?"

"No…not yet…..I went to my apartment to nurse my wounds and to grab some of my possessions….Jeb told me I had to be out the next day before noon before he knocked me out with his fist…Ernie would check it…. and Ernie is a guy who has no scruples at all…when I wouldn't be gone he would kill me".

Once more tears start to appear in Jessica's eyes; "I had nothing anymore, everything was gone…no home, no money, father gone and my future would be walking the streets again….so cold, so cold….and then….then…I wanted just to be with father….just be with him as he was the only one who really loved me….I just wanted to go to him….no more pain, no more sorrow".

"On my way to Springfield the world collapsed; here, everyone knew who I was and I could hear their voices….they all hate me Lisa….I hate myself for what I am…for what I did…..for all the pain I caused…..I approached the bridge….if the impact wouldn't kill me the ice cold water would do…. I just wanted to go…leave it all behind me….but I woke up at the hospital….and here I am with you….."

"You have a whore in your house Lisa, a manipulative skank who did nothing else then hurting other people…..that's what and who I am".

Jessica cries violently; almost screaming in agony about her pain, her life and all she has lost.

Lisa just holds her and several tears roll down her face as well, tears for the faith of a child who just wanted to play….tears for how she judged Jessica…and tears for her own pain.

* * *

A rather restless night follows, Jessica has being laying against Lisa for the rest of the evening on the couch while she just stared with numbed eyes into the darkness outside.

Several times her emotions took once more control over her and she cried, cried violently about all the things which happened to her in her life.

Despite the tragedy, the pain and the sorrow; both women experienced a strange kind of intimacy.

A feeling of trust and safety; that they could be with each other the way they just are, no masks or other defenses; just the naked, cold and hideous truth.

Lisa held Jessica close to her, very close and just wanted to care for her, make things less hard and painful but she couldn't; the pain was just too strong.

Eventually Jessica was so exhausted that she almost had to be carried to her bed.

Lisa helped her to take off her clothes and tucked her in; Jessica kept looking at her while she sat for a short while on the edge of the bed and caressed her face.

She just wanted to be held and feel some warmth, the warmth of someone who cared for her and again Lisa just held her in her arms and kissed her cheek to ensure that she was safe.

Jessica, almost desperately searching for some comfort, just held on to Lisa and whispered "don't leave me".

For some time they just sat there while holding each other, sharing the warmth the both of them had been craving for, for so long.

Now, laying in her own bed Lisa, feels restless as Jessica's life story is wandering through her mind.

All the pain, all the misery, her childhood and teenage years; finally she knows who that black haired woman really is.

A feeling of guilt arises for how she always had seen her, as a skank, as someone who had everything while the truth was so completely different and cold.

"I wish I had known her before, not judged her on that single incident with Bart….I should have known there was more behind all that".

Her mind wanders off to the time when she was a teenager and saw Jessica from time to time.

"She seemed so untouchable, so invulnerable….like she owned the whole world and knew it…..so different then me; a nerd who tried to hide in the shades….but she was not that different….actually she was perhaps more like me then we ever would have dared to dream of".

"What would have happened if we would have been friends back then?…..What would have happened…what will happen when she knows my story….when I tell her who I am?"

An awkward feeling comes over Lisa when she thinks about what might happen when she would show herself to Jessica; when she would take off her mask and armor which she needed to survive in day to day life.

"Will she hurt me like Greta did….like so many others did when they found out who I am….who I really am….should I show myself to her like she did to me?"

"Jessica, I'd never could have thought you were so soft, so tender and vulnerable….so beautiful…that you would surrender so completely…to me…how you were laying in my arms and how you pressed your body against mine….so soft…you are so soft".

In her mind Lisa once more feels how Jessica's breasts touched hers when she was holding her earlier that night in her bed; how she kissed her cheek and her hair.

How she touched every part of Jessica's body when she took her with her from the hospital parking lot and washed her.

Her mind wanders off and she visualises how Jessica kisses her, touches her and how they will celebrate love in a night of lust and passion.

"God…I want her….I want her so bad" she whispers and realizes she finally dares to admit to herself that she has developed feelings for Jessica; deep feelings.

"She can fall in love with a woman, she told me herself…..but will she love me?…..Will she even stay with me when she discovers who I am?…..Don't leave me Jessica…don't leave me…. I need you so bad as well…I love you".

* * *

The next day things are rather silent at the cottage.

Lisa overslept terribly which left her with two cats who were 'not amused at all' by the fact their mistress woke up around eleven o'clock in the morning, as it meant they were forced to have their morning nap without anything in their stomach.

A rather serious offence; seen from a feline perspective, as well the perfect reason to urge their mistress to set priorities regarding the first thing she has to do when coming downstairs.

Quickly Lisa puts some cat food in two small bowls, makes herself a cup of coffee and takes a quick shower.

While Lisa is taking a shower; Jessica slowly wakes up but instead of getting out of her bed, she stays in it.

"She now knows who I am….she now knows it all….have I done the right thing?….Shouldn't I kept a few things to myself?"

Despite her full bladder, Jessica stays in bed and keeps wondering about things.

"Will she hate me now?…Will she despise me and kick me out?"

Her heart starts to pound in her throat as a possible dark scenario unfolds itself in her mind.

"No…no…the way she held me…how she comforted me….how she pressed herself against my body and gave me her warmth….fucking bitch, how can you think this way about her….she is so sweet, so tender…..so caring".

'I wish I had met you before…you and your warm heart….your tender lips…your blue eyes".

"Gotta get out before it becomes one big wet mess in my bed" she motivates herself to get up.

She quickly grabs her crutch, puts on a blouse and heads to the bathroom.

"Ow…I'm sorry!…I didn't know you were still in" she apologizes herself when she enters and sees a completely naked Lisa.

Lisa starts to blush and quickly grabs her towel and puts it in front of her.

"Uh…no problem….is…is OK…I should have locked the door…my fault" she stammers.

"I…I'm really sorry…I…just will use the toilet downstairs".

"No…no it's alright….I'm finished…go ahead" Lisa akwardly replies and heads to her bedroom to get dressed.

A bit later both women sit at the kitchen table having lunch.

Jessica feels awkward because of the whole incident in the shower and her feeling of insecurity only increases.

"You…you must hate me after all I told you about myself" she suddenly remarks.

"Hate you?…Why?" Lisa asks surprised.

"Well….you know who I am….and what I have done…how many people I hurt and took advantage of" Jessica continues with a sad voice.

"Jessica…why do you hate yourself so much?"

"Because I fucked up….fucked up big time…..fucked up my whole life".

Lisa sighs and watches how Jessica basically reduces herself to almost nothing.

"You are not the only one Jessica….I have my story as well" Lisa replies softly.

"How…how do you mean?"

"You know; people often say I am cold and distant…that I put myself a bit outside life…..but it hasn't been always like that".

Lisa stares through the window to the trees and the blue sky with sad eyes.

"Can I have a cigarette?" she suddenly asks.

"Sure…I didn't know you smoke?"

"Sometimes…when I am nervous".

"Let me get my cigarettes from the living room for you" Jessica replies as she gets up and grabs her crutch.

Lisa follows her and in the living room she sits down on the couch and both women light their cigarettes.

"Why are you so nervous Lisa…what do you want to tell me?"

Lisa exhales the smoke and sighs.

"I never told anyone my story….always afraid it will be used against me….always afraid people will hurt me….again".

Jessica moves closer to Lisa: "tell me, you can trust me….I trust you".

The blonde doctor hesitates for a while and Jessica sees that what is she is about to tell is not easy for her to do.

She puts her arm around Lisa who puts her head on her shoulder.

"Tell me Lisa, don't be afraid…show me who you really are….let me see your beautiful heart and soul" she whispers with a caring and loving voice".

"You have kinda known me as a child….in the church, when that whole thing with Bart took place….my childhood, it was warm….but also cold at the same time".

"My parents; they gave me all the love they could give me…they were there for me when I needed it…but so often they didn't understand me".

"My mother tried and did her best to see through me and my father….sweet as he is, he just wasn't able to do".

"How do you mean?"

"I am highly gifted…intellectually…and it made me different…different from other children and other people".

"A lot of people think one is blessed when having a high IQ…and up to some extend it is…but it also has considerable downsides".

"As a child my interests were in completely different areas most of the time, compared to other children….I was interested in science, ethics…I had high moral standards and ideas how the world should be….actually, I was a bit of a little moralistic know-it-all at times".

"I desperately wanted to be taken seriously…but who takes an eight year old seriously all the time when it comes about such subjects?"

"At school I always was best of my class, even best of the whole school….which wasn't

really that much of a challenge to me…the way the teachers taught; basically ruined the whole matter and managed to almost rape every subject which might be interesting".

"Socially I was outcast, no or almost no friends….the other kids bullied me, called and considered me a nerd, excluded me…..you don't want to know how many times I ended up in a puddle of mud at the playground….Bart did his part in these matters as well from time to time and it hurt terribly…my own brother shouting 'Lisa sucks'…still I knew he loved me and from time to time he also showed it".

"I remember that you often could be seen with Allison or Martin".

"Yeah, well…from time to time; they were a bit the same like me and we started to hang out together, not that often though…they had their own problems".

"Sometimes I played with other girls like Janey or Sherri and Terri, but when things became a bit more rough; they turned their back on me…just as easy".

"But you sure weren't only occupied with things like science and ethics; you were a child and I assume you just played as well".

"Of course I did, I loved to play with my Malibu Stacy doll…I made her a little dollhouse in a shoebox and I could spend hours with her in my own little fantasy world…..looking back at it, I more or less played she was what I wanted to become….emancipated, smart, independent, responsible job and not giving in to hedonism or shallowness…I also loved ponies…and I actually had one for a short time…but there wasn't enough money to keep it, it was just too expensive; I got it from my father who actually got a second job next to the one at the nuclear power plant to pay for the costs…but it was just too much for him, so Princess had to go".

"Princess?"

"Yeah, I called her Princess" Lisa sighs and remembers how difficult it was for her to let her pony go.

"Were you lonely as a child Lisa?"

"Yeah, often I was…just sitting there in my bedroom….or at the library…or at some kind of a museum….when I was there I was able to satisfy my intellectual needs, gain knowledge and develop; but no one was interested in what I had to tell about it afterwards….well, mom listened to me and dad also tried…but they just didn't get me….just didn't understand what was going on in my mind and after a while I stopped trying…it just had no use".

"Still, my mother tried to pull it out of me each time when I had visited some exposition…at first I only told her about it when she asked me but later I just said it had been 'nice' or something like that".

"But did Marge only ask you about it out of a feeling of guilt, or was she really interested in what you have done and felt about it?"

"Mom's motives were definitely genuinely; she always was interested in what I did and felt, but for some reason I got more and more the feeling it just didn't matter….almost like she was the only one who was interested in me and what I cared about because she was just my mother".

"Uh, I don't get that last one…how do you mean?"

"Well, she cared about me like a mother does care for her child…something natural and normal; while I just wanted to talk about and discuss so many things with other people, people outside the family".

"I just wanted to have intellectual feedback from a kindled spirit; someone who wasn't exclusively bothered by what kind of shenanigan he would pull off that day, some one who wasn't occupied with food and beer all the time….or someone whose life was most of the time about being a happy housewife and suppressed her own desires and needs to actually be one…"

"It just had no use to tell them…and when it comes to the other children; well…no need to explain they weren't interested in such matters at all…in their eyes I was just a nerd, a teacher's pet and a moralistic nagger".

Lisa's face gets a bitter twist around her mouth and she asks for another cigarette.

"When I was at the fourth grade; I got some troubles with my thyroid gland….was too slow and I became even chubbier then I already was…but it also made me feel tired and kinda down".

"My classmates who already were picking on me had another excuse to pick even harder….they started to call me names, excluded me even more and pulled off some really vile tricks from time to time…throwing my clothes away at the swimming pool, or showing how big my panties actually were".

Jessica nods as she knows exactly what Lisa is telling about and how such things hurt.

"I became just more and more withdrawn, stayed more at home as when I was outside the house; they only would get me".

"At school I became an even bigger perfectionist, not because I wasn't satisfied with what I already was able to do…but out of fear as each time I got a grade lower then a straight A….they used it to get me…to pick even harder...as I just was a fat nerd who was the perfect target".

"Just a remark or the way they looked at me when I got a B plus….each time it cut straight through me…gym class was hell…I wasn't good at it already, but then things became even worse….when I screwed up an exercise or couldn't keep up they just laughed at me or otherwise they would get me in the school bus".

"Things got a little better when I hit puberty and I lost my chubby body and started to grow… I was still a loner and because of all the things which had happened to me I had become uncertain about myself…I continued my solitary lifestyle and was always at home….almost never went out and just studied... they just would hurt me when I would go to a bar or a disco and well; there wasn't anyone to go out with anyway".

"The actual bullying became less but the damage already was done".

Lisa just stares at the floor and sighs a few times; "all the others had fun; had fun with each other while I just stayed at home and lost part of my teenage years…I didn't do all the normal things you do at such an age because I was just afraid and wanted to avoid all the misery which would happen for sure when I would mingle with other people".

"I was already in high school when I actually had my first date…I was fifteen and he was eighteen….God, what a disaster that one was".

"He wasn't nice to you?…Or did he take advantage of you? Jessica asks with a soft voice.

"No…no, it wasn't that…it was just Milhouse…he is basically a nice guy but he is just not suited for me…..Milhouse always was someone who I saw as just a friend; nothing more…he had a crush on me since we were kids….but I never responded to his attempts until I was sixteen; I just wanted to have someone and Milhouse was ready and eager to fill this gap".

"I didn't love him….although I think he loved me…or perhaps he just wanted to have some one as he was the same kind of loner I was….we had our 'first time' and it was awful…I didn't feel a thing for him and he only wanted more…..I dumped him a few days later".

"A first time never is good or nice….but don't you don't enjoy sex in general?"

Lisa becomes quiet and Jessica sees how she is getting more nervous.

"What's wrong Lisa, what happened to you?"

"I…I'm not sure if I should tell you this….this is difficult for me…can…can I have another cigarette please?"

Jessica picks another Laramie out of her package and gives it to Lisa who nervously lights it and starts to smoke.

"I...I had a few other short time relations with boys….none of them worked out…they all ended up in disaster as I just didn't feel anything for them…they were nice but nothing more…I wasn't in love with them".

Once more Lisa takes a brake and inhales the smoke from her cigarette.

"Tell me Lisa, what happened…just throw it out".

"Al...alright…but please don't condemn me for what I am gonna tell you now".

"How can someone who has been a whore condemn you?"

Lisa nods and takes a deep breath: "the first time I really fell in love….was with a girl".

"I already discovered when I was in my early teens I felt more attracted to girls then to boys…well, actually I don't feel attracted to boys at all….but I always denied it till I met her; Greta".

"We were both seventeen and Greta was a blonde bombshell….I met her when I was working in the Quick-E-Mart at Saturdays".

"I didn't know back then who she was but it was love at first sight…..the first time I really fell in love with someone".

"Greta was different, alternative and rebelling heavily against her father….Rainier Wolfcastle; you know, the actor".

"She could have anything but at that time she despised the world of her father; dressed in second hand clothes and wearing an old army jacket".

"She was into all kinds of left winged stuff and kind of an activist….environment, animal rights…all the things I was into as well but not really involved anymore in groups or stuff like that".

"We became friends and things started to develop between us….after a few months it became a love affair and it was for the very first time I actually felt happy in my life".

"We had long discussions about all kinds of things, she introduced me into these groups she was a member of….I finally found kindled spirits when it came about the things which I cared for as well and finally it seemed I started to live".

"I loved Greta passionately; she was everything for me in those days and believe it or not, even my grades kinda dropped because I wanted to be with her….I was happy, so happy back then".

A tear rolls down Lisa's check as she remembers those days and how it eventually ended up.

"Because of her famous father, Greta always was a target for the tabloids; often they took pictures of her when she was out".

"We were always careful to hide we had a relation as we both knew what the consequences could be when tings came out…..and one day it came out".

"When we came back from a meeting of one of the human rights groups, she kissed me on my mouth…and when that happened; there was suddenly a flash coming from a car….a paparazzo had caught us and took a picture".

"I freaked out as our cover was blown, but Greta told me things would be OK….the next week that picture was in one of the tabloids with a big news head…something like: 'daughter superstar gay?'"

"Luckily my face wasn't really visible, as the picture was kinda dark and blurry….still, when you took a careful look at it you could see it was me…Greta's face was clearly visible".

"I tried to get in touch with her but she ignored my phone calls and e mails….she just suddenly vanished so it seemed…until I put the tabloids in the periodical rack at the Quick-E-Mart and saw on one of the covers a picture of her with some kind of a young actor….I quickly read the whole interview with her in which she was telling about her relation with that guy on the cover, as well she stated about that picture of her and me...that she was made drunk by me and that I have been taken advantage of the situation…luckily she didn't mention my name".

"She broke my heart Jessica….she broke my heart so bad that after I read the article; I ran away from my job in tears…..she betrayed me and ditched me like it was nothing…but there was more to come, as quite a few people knew we used to hang out together and figured out the other girl on that picture could be me".

"My mother had figured out things rather quickly…she just knew it was me and one night when we were just together at home she asked me".

"I couldn't deny things…I just couldn't lie to my mother and I told her the whole story…told her I was a lesbian".

"How did she take it?"

"Heh, she kinda went through it before with her sister; my aunt Patty….she had to get used to the idea I didn't fancy guys…she needed some time but she never let me down…she just became silent about it".

"And the others?"

"My father took it in his own way…used to say he wouldn't want to have a guy as well….he really meant it well and actually he was way more supportive compared to my mother when he knew about it…Bart initially teased me a bit but he just didn't care, for him I was just Lisa and later he told me he actually was not really that surprised when I turned out to be gay".

"You know who actually supported me the most in during these difficult times?….It was my little sister, Maggie…she was just ten years old but she knew perfectly what was going on…Maggie is a completely different person compared to me when it comes about a lot of things….she is adventurous, doesn't care about any convention and goes completely her own way…an independent and free spirit who is also artistically very gifted…she studies art in Capitol City at the moment….my little sister…we always had a special bond….we still have".

"She sounds like a special person to me and I would love to meet her" Jessica replies with a smile on her face.

"Yeah…Maggie…heh, she hates to be called like that…thinks it patronizes her and she wants to be called Margaret or 'Mag' nowadays…but for me she will always be Maggie" Lisa smiles as she thinks of her little sister.

"How did things continue with Greta?" Jessica asks.

"Apparently Greta was more concerned about her own then about me…..when that picture was posted in that local tabloid; she completely quit the whole alternative circuit and became part of her father's world….she just left me and I never heard anything from her again…well, I saw her on television but that's all…." Lisa concludes with a sad voice.

"She really broke my heart and to make things worse; at school they suspected something as well and they started to talk and gossip about me….all behind my back and once more I was outcast….sometimes people made a remark about the fact they suspected me to be a lesbian….I just didn't pay any attention to it anymore; I was emotionally dead".

"But outside school people also were talking behind my back...you mother did her part in that as well".

"Mother...the gossiping 'Ice queen'...how couldn't she have" Jessica remarks bitterly.

"I graduated from high school with excellent grades and I was glad I could leave…I even didn't go to the prom…I just got my diploma and things were finished for me back then".

"I went to Harvard where I got my masters degree in medicines and after that I continued to get my masters degree in traumatology….next month I will finish my residency as a trauma surgeon and then I will get it…then I will be finished".

"How were things at Harvard for you?"

"Well, I finally was really challenged intellectually, as well I finally met people who were interesting and able to go along with me…but socially; I kept things off…not because I was outcast; but because I was just afraid…afraid of being hurt and betrayed once more…afraid of being outcast again".

"I always have been wearing some kind of mask since the affair with Greta…..I always kept a distance because when I would show who I really was…I would be expelled….or worse".

"But…did you never fall in love again after these horrible events?"

Lisa shrugs with a sad face; "only silent loves…I never spoke them out….I was just an ugly nerd who also was a dyke….and I still am….who would want to have someone like me?".

"Ugly?…You?…Aww c'mon!…Have you ever taken a good look in the mirror?" Jessica objects firmly against Lisa's statement about herself.

"And cold?…You?…Girl, are you out of your fucking mind?…..Who comforted me, who took me with her, who held me in her arms?…Well?….You know who?…You!…Yes you, Lisa Simpson!"

"You are not only a beautiful woman, you have a beautiful heart and soul as well!"

"Jessica, knock it off….this is making me feel awkward".

"Then it will just make you awkward, because it is just the truth!"

"Jessica, I am a cold hearted nerdish dyke!"

"And I am a whore….an expensive whore who took advantage of people, not to mention all the people I hurt in my life!"

"You were a victim of circumstances" Lisa once more objects.

"And what does that make you?…Well?…Tell me?….Do you think it's strange people armor themselves when they are treated the way you were?

"And even worse; you think that I would hate you for it…..me?…Hating you?…After all what you have done for me?….Do you think I care about the fact you are preferring women over men?…Hell, I prefer them over men nowadays as well!" Jessica continues.

"Let me tell you one thing Lisa, for the first time in decades, I am finally allowed to be myself…finally allowed to be weak and to cry when I'm in pain….and that is only because of you!".

"You...you trust me?…You feel safe with me?" Lisa stammers.

Jessica grabs Lisa by her shoulders and looks straight in her eyes; "I wouldn't have told you my complete story when I wouldn't have trusted you...trusted you completely…..even better, you are the only one I've got in this world".

Lisa's eyes get wet and she wipes off a tear with her left hand: "you...you really mean this Jessica?…You….you really think I am not a cold hearted distant person?"

Jessica kisses Lisa on her cheek and embraces her: "you are the best thing which happened to me in my life up till now".

Lisa starts to sob softly; "I just want to be myself…I just don't want to be afraid anymore".

"Be yourself…please be yourself with me…be yourself in your own house" Jessica comforts her.

For some time both women sit on the couch, just holding each other while no words are spoken; they just hold each other as they both know how cold life can be; hold each other to feel some warmth and to just find some shelter with eachother in the storm their lives have been up till this very moment.

After a while Lisa breaks the silence: "we are quite a couple, aren't we?".

"Yeah, an expensive whore and a cold hearted nerd" Jessica replies with a smile on her face.

"Imagine what people would say when they would see us like this" Lisa continues.

"Fuck those, as long as we know what it is about…that's all what matters…and I think I understand things way better, now you have told me all this".

"You…you do?"

Jessica nods with a gentle smile on her face; " Marge told me something and she was definitely right".

"What did my mother told you about me?"

"That there isn't too much of a difference between us when it comes about certain things".

* * *

Time is moving on and things have changed at the small cottage behind the old Chestnut trees.

It's the end of may and next to all the personal and emotional developments of the last weeks; more practical issues have been solved as well.

Lisa managed to arrange something with the head of the financial department of the hospital regarding Jessica's huge debt.

She now is allowed to pay the bill after she has sold the house of her father; the only thing she had to do is to pay some interest over it.

Jessica agreed on this and it was Marge who offered to take care of business regarding the selling of the house.

The knowledge and experience she gained when she worked for a short time as a real estate agent proved useful, as well she didn't want to hand over the whole deal to Cookie Kwan who was very competent; but also knew very well how to make good money out of it for herself.

And as Marge believed Jessica could use the money way better then Cookie; she offered to take care of business.

When it comes about Lisa and Jessica; since both women told their story to eachother the atmosphere changed.

Things which would have caused aggravation between them, now is met with understanding and if needed comforting.

Almost a bit of a strange thing as the both of them never dared to be like that, never dared to just be themselves and show their vulnerability when another person was around.

They had several conversations till deep into the night about what happened during their lives; what it has meant for them and how it affected them.

Perhaps the most noticeable thing was the fact Jessica had become way more relaxed, way more open after she finally had told her life story; almost like she didn't have to carry that heavy mental burden alone anymore.

She had shared it with someone who she dared to trust and who wanted her to be herself.

The question of who she actually really was had become more and more important and Jessica had spent many hours of thinking about herself when Lisa was at work.

Just sitting there on the couch with one of Lisa's cats on her lap, she started to look back on her past and how she dealt with it.

Looked back in an almost painful honest way and it had become an important subject in the therapy sessions she had every other week with Martin.

She felt secure with Lisa; a feeling of trust which she hadn't been feeling for such a long time, perhaps even never felt before.

But there was more, as her feelings regarding Lisa became more and more clear to herself as well.

So many years she had been living for only lust and money, but now she felt this warmth inside her which was always there when Lisa was around.

Obviously she had such feelings before but they were always more or less shallow, not in such a way she could completely surrender to it.

With Lisa things were different, with Lisa she wanted to surrender herself completely, in a physical and spiritual way.

Especially this spiritual aspect was something she had never experienced before and it almost seemed Lisa was capable of removing all barriers inside of her which prevented her from doing so, except one.

Deep inside was this terrible fear, the fear of being rejected and being hurt.

The fear of loosing once more someone she cared for as she was just Jessica; a whore.

Despite the fact Lisa never condemned her for this, Jessica was terrified that eventually she would be ditched because of the fact she was just Jessica.

Lisa was a respected doctor, had a master degree in medicines and it was a week before she finished her residency and got her master degree in traumatology; so what would someone like her want to have with a piece of lowlife Jessica considered herself to be?

On the other hand, Jessica knew very well this fear which was basically one which only existed in her own mind as rationally she knew Lisa would never betray her like that; not after what she went through herself in her life.

Jessica wanted to be with her, wanted to give her love and be loved by her.

It took her quite some time to admit to herself she had fallen in love with Lisa and now she didn't dare to express it.

She finally had met a person who dared to show herself to her, as well wanted her to be herself.

The thought of leaving Lisa sometimes haunted her, made her afraid and sometimes even cry.

Perhaps the hardest thing to admit was she became physically attracted to Lisa as well, especially when she saw her that morning in the bathroom.

She saw Lisa's breasts for a second time a few days later and this time Lisa didn't put a towel in front of them.

It was almost like she wanted Jessica to see them as she knew she was watching her; it could be read all over her face.

Jessica managed to hide her sexual arousal and even wanted to deny her feelings; but there was no denial possible as she just knew deep inside she wanted Lisa; wanted her almost in a desperate way.

But how could she make her move?

In the old days it were always the others who took the initiative and Jessica actually didn't know too well how she would have to do such a thing herself.

And there was also the issue about whether Lisa would love her too; sure, she was a lesbian but that didn't mean she would be in love with her as well.

What would happen when she would make her move?

Would it destroy everything which was between the both of them?

Or would it be the start of a deep and passionate relation?…Only time could tell.

* * *

"Damn, it's hot today" Jessica complains as a rather early heatwave has struck Springfield at the beginning of June.

"Well, look how you are dressed; a pair of jeans and a rather warm blouse" Lisa remarks while she is sitting at the kitchen table wearing an old pair of jeans which she turned into in a cut off short.

"Heh, I left it all in Capitol City back then….I didn't have quite the time to sort out my complete wardrobe" Jessica smirks.

"I'm sorry Jessica…I shouldn't have said it" Lisa apologizes herself and feels how her face is turning kinda red.

"Nah, don't worry…it's OK" the black haired woman replies with a smile on her face.

"I had quite an elaborate wardrobe back then; some really nice and elegant stuff….All kinds of summer dresses, stockings, lingerie" she continues.

"You really had to leave a lot behind, haven't you?"

"Yeah, the most of it….really a pity as I had so much nice clothes back then, pretty expensive classy silk stuff I loved to wear".

"Silk stuff eh?…..I never wear such things, I always turn old jeans into shorts and wear a T-shirt or a blouse".

"You never wear a dress?"

"Nah, I even don't wear shorts when I have to go to work or going out".

"You are out of your mind girl, you have a beautiful figure…you would look great in an elegant summer dress".

"Nah, is not my kind of thing" Lisa replies stubbornly.

Jessica sits down next to her at the dinner table and looks Lisa straight in her eyes.

"It has to do with the fact you were bullied right?….You are afraid people will make remarks about your body when they see you wear something which shows more of your body" she asks with a soft voice.

Lisa swallows and after some time she just nods.

Jessica shakes her head and sighs "Lisa, Lisa…what have they done to you…you are such an elegant woman and with the right clothes; men….I mean women would simply want to die for you".

"Jessica, it's just not something for me" Lisa replies and Jessica sees how the blonde doctor starts to feel awkward.

"It's difficult for you to talk about this, isn't it?"

"Yeah…it is….I always feel insecure when it comes about these kind of things" Lisa replies softly.

"But we can go to town and buy you some summer clothes" she continues in an attempt to divert the whole fashion issue from herself.

"Heh, I have no money so that makes things kinda problematic when you want to buy something".

"That won't be a problem; you can repay me when mom has sold the house…then you will be a rich girl" Lisa teases.

"No, you shouldn't do this…you have done already so much for me; I really can't accept this".

"Why not?….You will repay me when you have the money, so what's the problem?"

Jessica lights a cigarette and thinks about Lisa's gesture.

"Alright, I'll do it….but on one condition; you allow me to buy you some decent stuff as well".

"Hey, I am the one who's paying" Lisa grins.

"Yeah, you are….but I will repay you, it will be a gift from me".

"Jessica no, I am happy in my old cut off jeans….all these fancy dresses are nothing for me".

"Lisa, you are afraid….and there is only one way to deal with such fears and that is to face them".

Lisa once more is getting nervous.

"Please, allow me to help you with this, you don't have to wear them outside the house….just start to wear them when you are in your safe environment….just step by step…you will look so beautiful in them".

"I will look hideous….have you ever seen what I look like?"

"Oh yes I have" Jessica replies with a slightly sultry tone in her voice.

Lisa starts to blush once more as he knows all to well she allowed Jessica to watch her through the gap of the door when she changed clothes a few weeks ago.

"Alright, you win…but nothing too revealing" she finally gives in.

"We'll see, now lets go shopping" Jessica grins.

Half an hour later both women are standing at the central square of the Springfield shopping mall.

"Wow, so many things have changed since I was here the last time" Jessica remarks.

"Meh, not really…it's still nothing special" Lisa replies slightly sarcastically.

"No no no, things definitely have improved" Jessica continues as she is looking at all the signboards.

"Ah, that's the one I was looking for, I always went there in Capitol City as well…they got some really nice things overthere" and before Lisa is able to protest; Jessica is already dragging her into the direction of a rather fancy boutique called 'Oui Madame'.

"Now don't worry, what they sell in here goes from decent to classy and isn't too expensive as well".

"Jessica…I 'm really not sure if we should…" Lisa tries to avoid being dragged into the shop but it's already too late.

"Now, let's see what we've got" Jessica mumbles and starts to limp through the boutique.

"Too expensive…rags…overalls…plate armor….they sell these overhere as well?…Jeez!….Suited for grandmothers….don't even want to be found dead in these…..ah, here we are!…Elegant and colorful, exactly what we need".

Jessica starts to 'dig' into the rack and after approximately fifteen minutes she has narrowed her choice down to three dresses.

"What do you think of it?" She asks Lisa as she holds the dresses out in front of her.

"Uh…nice…the white one with all the flowers on it really looks nice".

"You think so?…Well, let me put it on and see how it looks"

Jessica disappears in one of the fitting rooms and starts to put the dress on.

"No…no….this one makes me look like I am wearing a table cloth" it sounds from the cubicle and once more Lisa can hear how Jessica is changing clothes.

"Hmmm…yes, this one looks nice…doesn't make me look fat either"

Jessica pulls the curtain away and shows herself in the dress to Lisa.

"Yeah, looks nice; I like how the black and white goes with your hair" she smiles.

"Good….then I am going to keep this one" Jessica decides and again she starts to put on another dress.

Lisa decides to sit down in a plastic chair as she expects things are going to take some time.

Forty five minutes later Jessica managed to fit at least twelve other dresses and finally narrowed her choice down to four.

"Hmmm…I am not sure which ones I should keep" she wonders rather puzzled while looking at them.

"Perhaps I should put on the white one with the red and gray oriental things on it again…"

"You can have them all four…no need to fit them again…no need to pay me back; it's a gift!" Lisa states firmly as she already is completely fed up with all the fitting sessions.

"You mean that?"

"Yeah, I mean it"

"Oh Lisa, thank you…thank you so much!" Jessica almost shouts and kisses Lisa on her cheek.

"But now we need to find you something as well….and I think I saw just the right thing for you".

"Wha?…We are not finished here?"

"Of course not, we need too find you something decent as well" Jessica smiles and once more she takes a dive in the clothing racks and comes out with several dresses and skirts.

"Now in you go and put them on" she smiles as she pushes Lisa into the fitting cubicle and closes the curtain.

"I have to fit them all?"

"Yeah, I want to see how you look in it".

"But can't we just go to one rack and pick the same dress in different colors in my size?"

"No we can't…now just put them on and let me have a look at you".

"I must be out of my mind…..now I know exactly the reason why I always order clothes by mail" Lisa grumbles and starts to undress.

A few minutes later she has put on a white dress which hazes out into pink at the end.

"Can I take a look?" Jessica asks and Lisa moves the curtain away.

"Oh my…you look gorgeous in this one".

"I do?…Don't you think it is a bit too short?…I mean…it's a pretty short dress" Lisa blushes.

"No, definitely not…you really got the legs for it…now put on the other ones".

The whole session continues for more then half an hour and finally Lisa got the approval of Jessica for three skirts".

"You see how good you look in those?" Jessica responds enthusiastically when they finally leave the store.

"Uh..yeah…I guess so"

"Now we really have to go to that one as well….I see some wonderful long skirts priced down".

"What?…You mean we are not finished yet?"

"Of course not, we are shopping and we are girls; remember?…We also need to get you some nice matching shoes " and once more Lisa is dragged into another boutique.

Three hours and eight stores later, Lisa and Jessica are sitting on a terrace having a cup of coffee.

"My feet hurt like hell….how can you do this on this leg of yours?"

"You really don't want to know how it feels at the moment" Jessica grins.

"Well, I know how my feet feel as well what we all have to carry to the car".

"Uh..yeah…things went a bit out of control" Jessica admits.

"You might say that…we have got seventeen dresses and skirts, a bunch of shirts, blouses, tops and other things; then there are five pair of shoes, stockings in all kinds of colors and last but not least we have a few sets of lingerie which even I will have to wear!"

"And you will look tremendously sexy in it" Jessica keeps grinning.

"Yeah…sure" Lisa replies scepticly.

"This reminds me; we still need one thing".

"What, one thing more?…We already need to carry half the shopping mall back home!"

"It's just a tiny thing, won't take a lot of time to buy".

"It better be as I don't want to end up as my own patient suffering from exhaustion….what is it you still need?"

"It's something the both of us need" Jessica once more smiles.

"The both of us need?….What do I need as well?"

"A decent bathing suit; I bet you even don't have one".

"Why do I need a bathing suit….and no, I don't have one".

"Because it's going to be even hotter tomorrow and how about the both of us going to the beach?"

"The beach?….Why do I have to go to the beach; I got nothing to do overthere!"

"Tomorrow you'll have…now finish your coffee so we can buy a bathing suit".

"I don't want to go to the beach!….It sucks!"

"With me it won't …trust me" Jessica persists and again she drags Lisa into another store.

* * *

A sunny afternoon, no clouds in the sky and eighty five degrees with a soft breeze.

At the beach Jessica and Lisa have found a nice spot and are settling down in the sand.

"I must be out of my mind….at the beach, in a summer dress and wearing a bathing suit under it which shows almost everything I got".

"It will be fine and you look stunning in your new outfit" Jessica reassures her.

"Jess, you have no idea how difficult this is for me" Lisa nervously sighs and Jessica sees she definitely isn't at ease at the beach.

She sits down on her knees next to her and puts her hand on Lisa's shoulder.

"Hey, if it is too difficult for you we just can go back home and spend the afternoon in the back yard where no one can see you".

"No…no, you are right…..I have to put myself through this".

"Lisa, you really look beautiful in your dress and even better in your new swimsuit".

Lisa smiles bashfully and puts down her towel in the sand.

"OK….I guess this is it….time to show myself" she sighs and starts to take off her dress.

"You see?….Nothing happens" Jessica smiles to her and takes off her own dress as well.

"Holy shit, what are you wearing?"

"Just a bikini?…Why?" Jessica responds rather nonchalant.

"You call that a bikini?…..I call it just a few pieces of cloth!" Lisa remarks in almost utter disbelief as she sees what Jessica is wearing.

"I can take off my top off if you like" Jessica teases with a big smile on her face.

"Are you out of your mind?…We will be kicked off the beach!"

"Hey, relax…I am just teasing a bit…and do I look that awful in this bikini?"

"No…no, you don't"

"Perhaps we should buy one for you as well the next time" Jessica continues to tease.

"No way, forget it…I will never ever be seen in such thing".

"Or we can go to the nudist beach".

"Jess, shut up!"

Jessica laughs and grabs the bottle of suntan oil out of the bag.

"Here, put this on…I will do your back and you can do mine".

Both women rub themselves in and then start to enjoy the sun.

"Are you feeling a bit more comfortable now?" Jessica asks Lisa with a caring voice.

"Yeah, kinda…it's not that bad".

"Nothing will happen, you really look great …hell, you look stunning with class".

Lisa smiles and has to admit she has missed the beach in all these years.

Time passes and the both of them enjoy the sun, take a swim in the water and just relax.

Jessica gets some attention from the male audience but professionally keeps them at a distance.

Just a simple remark or the way she looks at them is enough to make perfectly clear she is not interested.

"I'm thirsty…I'm going to get a few cans of cool soda; which one do you want?" Jessica asks after spending some time in the sun.

"Uh…a diet coke for me please…but shall I get them?…..I walk a little easier then you do".

"Nah, will be fine" Jessica ensures and limps with her crutch in the direction of the snackbar near the parking lot.

Lisa watches how Jessica puts up her middle finger to a few older ladies, who apparently made a remark about her appearance before disappearing behind the small sand dune in front of the snackbar.

"Damn, she really doesn't care about it" Lisa smirks to herself and wonders how convenient it actually is when having such an attitude.

Once more her mind wanders off to her feelings for Jessica, how different she appears to be but yet so much the same.

"Such a contradiction, she is so vulnerable and sensitive…and now I see her giving these old hags the finger…."

Again a grin appears on her face when thinking how casual Jessica made very clear how she thought about things, as well how she could hear the disgruntlement of the ladies.

"Aww Jessica….if you only knew what I feel for you" she sighs to herself.

Suddenly a somewhat gravely drawly voice interrupt her thoughts.

"Hi Lisa..."

Lisa turns herself around and sees Milhouse, wearing a rather tiny tiger striped pair of swimming trunks.

"Aww shit no!" Is the first thing which comes into her mind as she sees Milhouse who still is after her since they had a short relation when they were teenagers.

He even made attempts to see her at the hospital by simulating pain in his lower abdomen.

Such complaints always had to be taken seriously as it could be an appendicitis, but in Milhouse's case it was just another reason to see her and take off some clothes while he was alone with her; hoping she would do the same and things would move into a direction which hardly could be described as treating pain in the lower abodmen.

"Nice bathing suit" he continues.

"Yeah, was a gift from a friend" Lisa replies businesslike while wondering how she could get rid of the blue haired mailman.

"You got a friend?…..How's he like?"

"It's a 'she' Milhouse…..how's your abdomen?…Still having these complaints of pain in it?"

"What?…Oh..uh..yeah….it comes back every time…I actually feel it now a bit as well; perhaps you can take a look?"

"Aww no!…Not here, not now!" Lisa thinks to herself and politely advises Milhouse to drink a lot of water and avoid any sodas as she suspects he may suffer from an irritated bowel.

"Yeah…yeah….that must be it…you told me before….hey, can I rub your back in?"

"Jessica, help!…where the hell are you?" Lisa once more thinks to herself as the last thing she wants is Milhouse touching her.

"No, thanks….my friend already did it" she again replies friendly but businesslike.

"Can I keep you company for a while? He asks as he sits down next to her.

"Uh…yeah, sure…why not".

"Perhaps we can swim a bit together, if you want?"

"No, I just got out of the water".

"Aww…too bad, I really would like to see you in your wet swimsuit"

"And what is the difference between seeing me in a dry swimsuit?"

"Nothing….nothing, you still look great".

"Ah yes, she definitely does" suddenly Jessica's voice sounds.

Lisa turns her face to Jessica and can clearly see she is not quite that happy with the unexpected tiger striped swimming trunk wearing visitor.

Jessica puts down the cans of soda and sits down on her towel next to Lisa.

"Jessica, this is Mihouse; Milhouse this is Jessica"

"Really?…So you are the illustrious Milhouse?" Jessica remarks with a rather cold voice.

"Uh…yeah, that's me" Milhouse stammers as he takes a better look at Jessica.

"How's the abdomen?….I heard from Lisa you have quite often some problems with it?"

"He is having some pain now as well….probably an irritated bowel" Lisa sighs.

"Uh yeah….I even asked Lisa if she would take a look at it now but…heh…well, you know".

"Oh yes sweetie, I do" Jessica replies now with a very sultry voice while closing her eyes half shut.

Milhouse is getting slightly nervous as he quickly understands that he is no match whatsoever for the black haired vamp.

"I…uh..I wanted to rub her back….you know…so she sun wouldn't burn her….she has a rather light skin…but I understood you already did it" he continues to stammer while getting a rather stupid grin on his face.

Lisa, who turned herself on her back so she could see both faces, quickly understands Jessica is playing a game she masters to perfection with the blue haired mailman.

"Indeed, her skin is ever so sensitive" Jessica continues and rolls herself on Lisa's chest.

"Now Milhouse; there is one thing you should know".

"Uh…yes?"

"She's mine…" and as Jessica speaks these words she kisses Lisa straight on her mouth while her hand sensually caresses her thigh.

Lisa, completely flabbergasted by what happens, doesn't resist at all and both women share a long and profound French kiss with each other.

Milhouse however seems to suffer from a bad case of instant mental short circuiting when he sees how Jessica is kissing Lisa.

With his mouth half open in utter disbelief he gets back on his feet, almost ravages the sand castle of a little boy and then wanders off in some kind of trance in the direction of the snackbar, where he is almost hit by a car.

"I think his abdominal pain is cured now" Jessica grins while still laying on top of Lisa.

Lisa however is still completely flabbergasted and it takes her some time to get back into the real world.

"Jess…Jessica…I…what?" she just stammers as her heart pounds violently in her chest.

Jessica's face turns completely red out of shame for what she just has done.

"Lisa I…I didn't…I didn't want to…to" she stammers and a deep feeling of fear and guilt is getting into her.

"Uh…perhaps it's better we call it a day here at the beach and go back home" Lisa still feeling terribly confused suggests.

"Yeah…yeah…I think we have seen enough for today" is the only one Jessica is able to reply and both women start to pack their things and head back to the cottage.

* * *

Two AM in the morning and Jessica just lies on her back in bed watching the ceiling.

She just can't sleep; it's too hot in her bedroom and her mind is going in all kinds of directions about what happened that afternoon.

When they got home from the beach they hardly spoke a word to each other; Lisa seemed to be almost in some kind of trance and Jessica felt terribly guilty about what she did that afternoon.

"My God….what have I done?…..Stupid whore!….What have you done this time?" she whispers with a sad voice to herself.

"You really are the queen of fuck-ups….she showed the most vulnerable part of her whole existence to you and you put your heel in it because you wanted to play a little game with that blue haired wanker!"

Jessica sighs deeply and turns herself on her side.

"Did you actually want to play with that guy?" she wonders once more out loud.

For some time she remains silent on her side and just stares into the darkness.

"I….didn't want to play with him…I…I wanted to…wanted to…I didn't want him touching her….I didn't want him to touch the woman who….who I love….didn't want him to bother her….didn't want him to stalk her….make her feel uncomfortable".

"But now…you fucking bitch…you are the one who made her feel uncomfortable…you just are a stupid whore who only can think with her tits and her pussy!"

"Why did you have to kiss her?…At that moment….While you just could have trashed that guy with words or beat the shit out of him with your crutch!"

"What have I done?…..So cheap…Our first kiss and I fucked up…I always fuck up when it comes to these things!"

Jessica gets up in her bed and swings her legs over the edge.

"I must have hurt her….she must hate me now….she probably despises me now…..and she is right….".

"Should I tell her that I love her?….That I want her?….Should I confess my feelings for her and risk she will break my heart?"

"Fuck…I need a cigarette….I'm all fucked up!" she now speaks out loud to herself and gets up.

Quietly she limps down the stairs and heads towards the living room.

When she opens the door, she sees Lisa sitting on the couch ; smoking one of her cigarettes.

"Oh…Jessica, I...I couldn't sleep….I took a cigarette from your package" she almost apologizes herself".

"That's OK…don't worry about it" Jessica replies with a rather insecure voice.

"You uh…you are nervous"?

"Yeah…kinda" Lisa replies with a perhaps even more insecure tone in her voice.

Jessica sits down next to her and lights a cigarette as well.

"I...I couldn't sleep too"

"Heh, that makes two of us then" Lisa awkwardly replies.

For a few minutes the both of them sit silently next to each other before Jessica takes a deep breath and breaks the silence

"Lisa…What I did this afternoon….I…I think I shouldn't have done it….it…it was wrong".

Lisa looks Jessica in the eyes and replies just "oh" with a disappointed tone in her voice.

"It...it just happened …I didn't want to embarrass you…I didn't want to hurt you" Jessica stammers and nervously inhales the smoke of her cigarette.

Lisa looks to the ground and exhales the smoke softly.

"Jessica….I just want to ask you one thing….when you kissed me….did that kiss mean something?"

"I…I…I don't dare to tell" Jessica almost shivers.

"Why?…Please tell me as I just have to know".

"God, I made such a mess out of it…I always fuck up….I…I…Lisa, I have feelings for you…please don't hate me for it….I…I love you".

Lisa gently puts out her cigarette in the ashtray and once more looks Jessica in the eyes.

"You must despise me now" Jessica whispers.

Lisa moves her face closer to Jessica's while still looking her in the eyes.

"Jessica, I love you too" she whispers and softly kisses Jessica on her mouth.

"You…you do?"

"I love you…I want you" Lisa continues and again kisses the black haired woman who slowly leans backwards against one of the loose pillows at the side of the couch..

"Take me Lisa…I want you….let me taste you" she almost gasps for air.

Lisa bends herself over Jessica and kisses her shoulder and her neck; "not here….in my bedroom" she whispers and takes Jessica by the hand to guide her.

When both women arrive in Lisa's bedroom Jessica lies down on the bed and watches how Lisa is taking her nightgown off.

Slowly she moves in the direction of Jessica and lays down next to her on the bed.

"Be gentle with me Lisa" she whispers as she slowly undresses herself as well.

"I love you Jess" Lisa whispers once more and a night of wild passion is about to begin.

* * *

The next morning around ten o` clock Lisa turns herself on her back in her bed; the lower part of her naked body covered by the bed sheet.

The rays of the sun fall on her yellow skin and she can hear the birds singing in the Chestnut trees.

Last night with Jessica had been one of wild passion; a night in which she gave herself completely to the black haired woman.

The both of them were exhausted after they were satisfied and shared a final tender kiss before falling asleep in each others arms.

A deep feeling of happiness is what Lisa feels as she just lies there on her back and smiles while watching the ceiling with her eyes half shut.

She is in love, in love like she has never been before; in love with a woman who completely gave herself to her last night.

But also a woman to which Lisa could give herself completely to; no masks, no armor…just herself.

"Jessica" She sighs while still being a bit a drift in the events of the night.

When Lisa turns her head to the left side, she notices the bed is empty.

"Jessica being out of bed before of me?….Wow, that hasn't happened before" she softly smiles and gets out of her bed.

"Better put on some clean sheets…things were kinda messy last night" she mumbles to herself with a grin on her face when she sees the stains in them.

"Better take a shower as well" she continues and heads downstairs to go to the lavatory and have a cup of coffee.

Downstairs she is greeted by her two cats who, as usual, make very clear it is already well past feeding time.

"Yeah, yeah….give me a minute please" she apologizes and starts to put some cat food in two small bowls.

"No Jess?….Would she be in her own bed?" Lisa wonders as there is no one else downstairs except her cats.

"Jess?…Jess are you there?" she shouts, but no respond.

She heads back upstairs to see if Jessica is in her own bedroom, but there she sees the bed wasn't used that night.

Even stranger is the fact that Jessica's clothes are not on the chair she usually puts them on when she goes to bed.

Once more Lisa goes back downstairs and discovers that also Jessica's package of cigarettes and her lighter are gone.

"What's this?…Where did she go?…Perhaps she's in the barn?"

Lisa quickly puts on her slippers and walks to the barn to see if Jessica is there; but the barn is also empty.

An awkward feeling starts to come up in her when she gets back in the kitchen and makes herself a cup of coffee.

"Her clothes, her cigarettes….what's going on?…She wouldn't leave me after we….no, no….that's not her style….she would never do such a thing…..no, not after what we all went through together".

"She does have clothes and some other stuff though….my purse….is everything still in my purse?".

Lisa heads into the hall and checks her purse.

"Everything is still there…shame on you Simpson!…How can you think she would pull of such a trick!" she reprimands herself and heads into the living room.

"No…she didn't take my car…it's still there as well" she concludes when she looks through the window.

"Where is she?…What is going on?" she wonders to herself once more.

But when she takes another look through the window, she sees how a silhouette with a crutch is limping off the hill at the other side of the road.

"There she is!…And I thought she might…Stupid cunt!…How could you think such a thing!"

A few minutes later Jessica enters the kitchen through the back door with a plastic bag in her hand.

"Aww, you are already awake…this spoils my whole surprise for you!"

"Where were you!?…I was worried to death!".

"I'm a big girl; I can do things on my own" Jessica smiles back.

"Jeez…what have you been doing?

"Close your eyes and I will show you".

Lisa closes her eyes and hears how Jessica is taking something out of the plastic bag.

"You can open your eyes now".

When Lisa opens her eyes she sees how Jessica is holding a bouquet of red wild roses in her left hand.

She picks one out with her right hand and puts it in Lisa's hair.

"The red rose; the symbol of love….red roses for you Lisa…for my love" she smiles almost bashfully.

A small tear rolls down Lisa's face as Jessica gives her the bouquet of roses.

"I just plucked them at the other side of the hill for you…it took me a bit longer as I had to cut off all the thorns".

With the roses still in her hand Lisa puts her arms around Jessica and kisses her.

"I love you Jess…I love you with all my heart"

Both women just stand for a while in the kitchen holding each other.

Words are not spoken as the both just know what they feel for each other….the roses have spoken more words then any human voice could ever do.


	10. Chapter 10

Bye bye Jazz…..

The bright light of the sun falls through the small windows next to the front door and illuminates the by a thin layer of dust covered vale green flagstone floor in the hall.

For several months the place has been empty and silent after the father died and the daughter left.

The silence is broken by the sound of a key which is pushed into the lock; softly, hesitating and after a few seconds the sound the cracking of a lock which opens can be heard.

The front door opens and a soft gust of wind enters the hall which makes the dust on the floor blow up.

In the doorway, with the sun behind her, the silhouette of a woman leaning on an elbow crutch can be seen.

She slowly, somewhat hesitating enters the hall and smells the fragrance of the past; her own past.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Lisa asks as she sees Jessica slowly limping through the hall while her fingers slide along the wooden panels on the wall.

Jessica stops in front of the half open door of the living room and she somewhat gazes into the distance.

"So strange to be here again, so awkward and at the same time so trusted" .

"Jess, we can do this later….I mean, we still have got several weeks time".

Jessica turns her head towards Lisa and a faint but slightly sad smile appears on her face.

"No, it's time I do this….it's time this part of my life comes to an end; it's time I move on" she almost whispers.

Lisa nods and the both of them enter the living room and once more Jessica stops.

"Here is where he died, here is where I cried, here is where we told each other finally the truth….finally we told each other the things which we should have done so may years ago".

"You know, despite the deep pain and sorrow in those moments; I am so grateful it happened, so grateful that father and I finally spoke out and showed who we really were" she still continues with a soft voice.

"It wasn't too late Lisa….it wasn't too late….if only we would have had a little more time together…but still, the short time we had left; the short time we were allowed to be together…..so grateful…so grateful".

Silently Lisa follows Jessica who slowly limps into the kitchen.

On the kitchen sink is the glass ashtray which Jessica cleaned and left there just before she left her parental house to go back to Capitol City.

Softly her hand grabs it and puts it on the kitchen table.

Both women sit down at it and Lisa grabs a pen and notebook from her purse.

Jessica lights a cigarette as her eyes just dwell through the room.

"I spent quite some time with your mother at this table during father's last days….it was she who actually saw he left us….I was here in the kitchen, making tea or something like that when she said he had stopped breathing".

Softly Jessica exhales and the gray smoke coming from her mouth slowly cringles up to the ceiling.

For a short moment things are silent and the only thing Lisa can do is just watch Jessica who just gazes into the emptiness.

"I felt relieved at that moment, not glad….but relieved…or perhaps I felt glad about the fact his suffering had come to an end….that he finally was free; that the whole nightmare had come to an end".

"So strange as I knew it was over; that he had left me for good but still….I was so relieved".

"You…you feel guilty about it?"

Again for a moment Jessica remains silent.

"No….no, I think I don't….you know, despite all the horror, all the darkness, all the unimaginable things which happened…..I have no regrets about how I did it, despite I said some horrible things back then….just not to go crazy…I was there for father and ….and I cared for him when he was in need of it".

A small tear rolls down her check as she closes her eyes and softly whispers "father" while shaking her head.

Lisa gets up from her chair and puts her arm around Jessica.

"We don't need to do this Jess, we can come back another time…then it won't be the first time you return to your father's house" she tries to comfort.

"No…no Lisa….this has to be done, this has to come to an end….when we postpone it, it only will make things harder for me….I need to end this part of my life and move on….I have to move on….I want to move on".

Suppressing another tear, Jessica grabs the notebook and starts to write down: "washing machine, dishwasher, refrigerator".

"If you see anything you want to have, just tell it and I will put it on the list".

Lisa somewhat awkwardly shakes her head "no, this is all yours, I just couldn't do it" she adds.

Jessica responds with a short silent nod and keeps writing down the things she wants to keep.

In the living room, where the cabinet is with the set of dishes which were a gift from her grandparents when her mother and father got married, Jessica freezes up for a moment.

"No fucking way!" she mumbles to herself and closes the door of the cabinet with a loud bang.

"What's wrong with this set of dishes?….They are really nice" Lisa asks with a rather surprised tone in her voice as she sees the grim expression on Jessica's face.

"This set, that's my mother….this set of dishes was her 'precious' which she showed off with when we had guests…..no way I'm gonna keep this and as far as I am concerned we'll dump it in the garbage can this very moment!"

"But Jess…I mean, despite all the things that happened…she is still your mother and do you really want to erase every trace of her in your life?"

"I have no mother!" Jessica replies with a growling and bitter voice and continues almost businesslike with her list.

Her father's personal belongings, some smaller objects, the antique writing desk, and some things from her childhood.

At the first floor things are done rather quickly and Lisa witnesses how Jessica basically wants to leave the most of material 'evidence' of her previous life behind her.

The sorrow and nervousness which initially marked the visit to her old parental house, has become a cold and businesslike project in which carefully every memory of Helen is left behind.

Things continue that way when both women are on the attic, just some small personal stuff like her father's old guitar and some things which used to be from her grandparents.

After a little more then an hour, the list is basically finished and the both of them are sitting at the kitchen table again.

"You really want to give all these other things away to charity?" Lisa asks still somewhat awkwardly.

"Yes, for me they have neither value nor meaning….if you see anything which you want to have; just say it and I'll write it down".

"Well, this is a rather nice kitchen table and the chairs are pretty nice as well…I mean, the stuff which is now in the kitchen at home isn't really what it used to be anymore".

"Done" Jessica replies with an almost emotionless voice as she writes it down.

"So uh…I guess we're finished now here?"

For a moment there is a short silence in the kitchen and Lisa sees how Jessica nervously smokes another cigarette.

"No…not yet…there is still one place we have to go to" the black haired woman replies now with a soft insecure voice.

"Another place?….You mean the shed in the garden?…I thought it was empty?"

But Jessica just shakes her head, puts out her half smoked cigarette in the ashtray and gets off her chair.

"Come with me".

Lisa follows her to the hall where the door to the basement is.

Slowly they descend the stairs which leads to an almost completely dark room.

The cold tubular lighting is switched on and Lisa sees the display cabinets with the locomotives on the wall.

"Your father's trains, of course…he had a layout here" Lisa remembers.

Slowly Jessica limps to the long wall of the basement and moves away the curtain which is in front of the twelve feet long scale model of the industrial district her father had built during the last few years of his life.

In front of the long line of covered hopper cars is still the green and black locomotive; the last locomotive her father bought.

"Uey green" Jessica whispers as she carefully picks up the locomotive and watches it.

She puts it back on the tracks in front of the hoppers and limps to the control panel where she presses a switch.

The layout comes to life as the lights of the signals display their colored messages and the little lampposts illuminate the streets.

Carefully she turns the speed knob of the controller to the right, but instead of 'Uey green' suddenly a switcher starts pushing a single brown boxcar from behind the miniature grain elevator and activates the red flashers of a grade crossing.

Surprised Lisa watches how the small diesel locomotive slowly passes the grade crossing and several switches before it comes to a standstill in front of a red signal.

"It…it`s beautiful…..but what are you going to do with it?"

Jessica doesn't reply and just silently watches the layout.

"Oh, there is even a little brothel on it….I guess that it won't make this a suited one to donate to the orphanage" Lisa chuckles.

Jessica still doesn't reply and just gazes into the distance as her eyes once more become wet.

Visions of the past appear before her inner eye, how her father turned the light off and let her drive a train, how she was there in the basement with him after 'Uey Green' was delivered.

Such warm moments, such a rare thing in her life and tears start to run down her face.

Lisa still watches the little blue collar workers who operate the flour mill and wonders out loud about what they can do with the layout.

"I want to keep it", it suddenly sounds softly from behind the control panel.

Jessica wipes the tears from her face and watches the whole layout with faint sad smile on her face.

"You want to keep it?"

"Yes…this is father…this is so closely connected to who and what father was…the warmth of him…and the moments we shared here….this is where father was father for me".

"All his 'Effies, Esdies, Uey's, Bibi's'…..all those are now mine…..and I want to keep them with me".

"But...but what do you know about trains and model railroads….and where will we put it?"

"I know enough about it….and what I don't know I will learn" Jessica replies with a still sad but also somewhat dreamy voice.

In front of her inner eye she sees how she joined her father on a warm summer evening on a trip to the old Springfield grain elevator.

It was the last year it was in service and her father always went there to see the action on the tracks.

Back then she was perhaps five or six years old and her father took her on his shoulders when they were standing along the tracks and saw these big yellow and gray machines running up and down with hopper cars.

At first she was afraid of these large howling and black smoke producing metal monsters; but her father started to tell her about them.

About the old 'Alco's' and "Geeps" who now were used for this job before they would be retired.

It was the first time Jessica started to call them "Geepies' and 'Alcies' and soon she started to give all the locomotives on her father's old layout such names.

Her father told her how the "Geepies" and "Alcies" were all little friends who helped each other when a train was too heavy to pull alone.

Gradually the mechanical monsters became friendlier and she and her father both enjoyed the whole spectacle of the switching process.

Each time when the yellow locomotive with its high nose passed she waved at it and the crew waved back at her.

Those were the men who told 'Geepy' what he had to do; they were his little helpers, her father told her.

Still sitting behind the control panel; Jessica closes her eyes, still with a sad smile on her face she sighs deeply.

"These trains Lisa, this whole layout…this is my father how he really was and actually this means more to me then all the other things in the whole house or this house itself".

Lisa looks rather puzzled to the whole collection and the twelve foot long layout.

"But where do you want to put it?….I mean, it's not like we have a 'ballroom' upstairs where we can put it and how do you want to get it from here to the house in once piece?"

"It's just twelve feet wide and a little over a foot deep; it could be in the spare bedroom above the bed, it's not that much bigger as a bookshelf".

"Yeah…yeah, that could be possible; but how do you want to get it to our place?"

"I think it is in two pieces; look, there in the middle is a straight line"

Lisa looks under the table and sees the bolts which hold the two sections together.

"Yeah you're right; two pieces of each six feet long….with one of these small trailers which can be rented; it shouldn't be a problem…or perhaps a small van".

"We need to rent one of those anyway to move the other things from the list" she continues.

"I will ask dad if he wants to help us; after all, you can't lift heavy things with your leg and I am not strong enough to do it all by myself".

Jessica doesn't respond and gazes at a model of a yellow and gray 'Geepie' in one of the display closets at the wall.

"Can I be your little helper now?…..Can I tell you what you have do instead of father?…If you can't do it by yourself I will ask 'Alcie' if he wants to help you….just like when father and I saw you working at the grain elevator..."

Once more Jessica start to sob as the images of the last moments she had with her father reappear in her mind.

"I will take care of them father…I will take care of them….as I promised"

Lisa puts her arm around Jessica who continues to cry.

"Hey, now it's really time we go; this has been more then enough for one day for you" she tries to comfort her with a soft voice .

Jessica just nods and both women start to ascend the stair which leads them to the hall.

The front door is locked and when they are both sitting in the car, Jessica calms down a bit.

"Perhaps we should pay your parents a visit and ask your father if he wants to help us" .

"Now?…Are you sure you want to do this instead of going home".

"Yeah, I want to get this over with…..just get this over with and leave it behind me forever".

* * *

"Lisa, Jessica; now what a pleasant surprise this is" Marge almost shouts when she opens the front door.

"What brings the both of you to Evergreen Terrace" she continues still enthusiastically.

But as soon as she sees Jessica's thick and red eyes, Marge's enthusiasm is replaced by a more worrying tone in her voice.

"What happened Jessica?….You look terrible".

"I…Me and Lisa were at my home….to see which things had to be moved" Jessica replies with a soft and still somewhat broken voice.

"Aw child, that must have been so difficult for you to be there again after all what happened".

Jessica closes her eyes and just silently nods.

"Come with me to the kitchen, I'll make you a nice cup of coffe".

In the kitchen, Homer is sitting at the table reading the newspaper in his own usual way.

"Financial paragraph…too difficult…international news….what happens in my backyard is far away enough…cultural supplement….pfff, for nerds and other losers…ah, here they are, the comics; the perfect literature for the average guy…now, lets see".

Just as he is about to start reading, the three women enter the kitchen.

"Now look what we have here, a kitchen full of beautiful women and by the look of it one of them had a big party last night" he greets them.

"Hi dad…not really, we just came from the house of Jessica's father".

Homer's face becomes slightly reddish as he realizes he just made a pretty awkward remark.

"It's alright Homer, I do look like I'm having a hangover at the moment".

"So you did have a party last night?"

"Homer!" Marge more or less hisses at her husband to make clear it's not the moment for stupid questions or funny remarks.

Jessica just smiles sadly back as she knows Homer means it ever so well.

"So uh…you girls went to the reverend's house….you wanted to just have a look at it?"

"Well, actually we went there to see which things have to be moved out, now mom is having these people who are interested in buying it and we wanted to ask if you could help us moving these things" Lisa explains.

Marge, who is making coffee, confirms the interest of the people she showed the house a few days ago seems to be very serious".

"Sure, of course I will help you to move these things…I will ask Lenny and Carl if they want to help as well…and Barney…or perhaps better not Barney" Homer thinks out loud as he realizes Barney might not be the ideal mover because of his balance problems, which usually starts within an hour after Moe opens his tavern.

As the coffee maker starts to do its work, Marge sits down at the table as well.

"It's going to be quite a job; the whole house has to be emptied" she remarks.

"Well, actually it's not that much; look we made a list of what needs to be moved out".

Marge puts on her reading goggles and takes a look at the list.

"That's all?….What are you going to do with all the furniture…and all the other stuff?"

"I…I want to give it to charity".

"But Jessica you can use all these things when you move to a place of your own; when you have to buy everything new it will cost you a fortune".

"Besides, almost everything in that house is in almost perfect condition….and what on earth do you want to do with your father's trains?"

"I mean, I assume you will move to a place of your own within several months; those small apartments in the Springfield heights perhaps, one of those would be ideal for you…not too expensive, a rather decent neighborhood and pretty close to the town's center" Marge continues.

Jessica nervously starts to bite her lower lip and turns her face to Lisa.

For a short moment there is a silence in the kitchen and Lisa grabs Jessica's hand.

"Mom, dad….there is something we need to tell you".

"What do you need to tell us Lisa?" her mother asks.

"We…Jessica will stay with me".

"Stay with you?….How do you mean?"

"Mom….since I took Jessica with me…..something happened between us in the last few months….and we….we developed feelings for each other….special feelings".

"You mean the both of you are….?"

"Yes mom, Jessica and I are in love and we want to share our lives together".

An awkward silence fills the kitchen.

"So, I will loose a daughter and gain a daughter?…Now that sounds like a fair deal to me….but why would you first loose a daughter and then gain one….Hmmmm, I already have one and I will get another one back…somewhere this logic has a flaw " Homer wonders out loud.

Marge at the other hand still remains silent.

"I see" she finally responds with a bit of a disappointment in her voice.

"'I see?'….Now what kind of a reaction is this?" Lisa aggravated asks her mother.

"Lisa, I am happy for you but…but I just need a bit of time to get used to the fact you and Jessica are lovers…you know how these things are for me".

"Right, you need to get used to this idea…you are taking an awful lot of time to get used to it mom!….You know I am a lesbian since how many years now, huh?….Twelve?"

"Or is it because I fell in love with Jessica?….The notorious Jessica Lovejoy?"

"No, absolutely not!" Marge defends herself.

"Dammit mom!…You were even more enthusiastic when Bart knocked up Nikki and got married because of that!"

"That was something different".

"Yeah it was….as Bart is straight and I am not!"

"Lisa…perhaps we better go home now" Jessica nervously stammers.

"The hell we won't as I am fed up with the fact this keeps slumbering between me and my mother!"

"Lisa, now you are not fair to me" Marge again defends herself.

"I don't see the whole problem, I prefer women over men as well" Homer 'contributes' to the discussion.

"Homer, when will you ever start to use your brains!"

"But Marge, you know me and my brains haven't got such a good relation".

"I'm so fed up with this mom….so fucking fed up with this!"

"Lisa, no swearing in my house!"

"Yeah, just keep things nice and quiet" Lisa bites back.

Again an awkward silence fills the kitchen till suddenly the sound of children running through the garden can be heard.

"Grampa! Granma!" two bright children's voices shout as they approach the back door.

The door swings open and a little brown haired boy accompanied by his older red haired sister run into the kitchen.

"Grampa!" The little boy shouts as he jumps Homer.

"Hehehehe, there's my little boy!" Homer chuckles as he catches his grandson.

"Hi auntie Lis" the girl greets her aunt while hugging her grandmother.

"Peter, Sue…what brings you here?" Marge asks as she kisses her on her cheek.

"Daddy had to do some things here in town" Sue tells her grandmother.

"Hey Peter, be a bit careful with the old man, his bones are getting kinda brittle at his age" it sounds from the garden in a slightly teasing way.

With a big grin on his face Bart enters the kitchen through the back door.

"Hi mom, hi Hom….what the hell?"

"Hello Bart" Jessica greets back with a soft and nervous voice.

Bart freezes up while standing in the doorway and for a moment he remains silent and scratches his beard.

"Good morning Jessica" he eventually greets back with a rather cold voice.

"Bart, take a seat…I was just making coffee" Marge tries to break the sudden awkward atmosphere and gets up from her chair.

Bart sits down and watches Lisa and Jessica for a moment.

"What brings you to Springfield" his mother asks him in another attempt to keep things normal and calm.

"I brought the till from Nikki's store to a repair shop to get it fixed; it was having problems again".

"It still is causing problems?….How is Nikky by the way".

"She is fine, the same thing as usual…..but what is she doing here?" Bart continues with still a rather cold and mistrusting tone in his voice while pointing his thumb at Jessica.

"Well, that's quite an interesting story as it causes me to have a problem which I can't solve" Homer responds.

"Homer, not now!" Marge hisses softly through her teeth.

"No, no Marge; this is way to important as I really don't get why I loose and gain a daughter while I already have one….I don't get the logic of it".

"Gain and loose a daughter?….How do you mean?"

"Well you know what they say when one of your kids gets married: you loose a daughter but you will win a son…or the other way around".

"Hang on, I don't get this; has Maggie got in some kind of trouble again?"

"No, it's about Lisa and Jessica…so I will loose a daughter an gain one as well, but I don't get what the use of it is as I already have a daughter…well, actually I have two but this is not about Maggie".

"Homer!" Marge now shouts as she knows all too well how her son thinks about Jessica.

Jessica in the mean time is almost dieing on her chair as she sees how Bart's eyes once more focus on her.

"Bart, don't you start about this, this is something about my life" Lisa warns her brother.

"You mean you and her are…..?"

"Riiight, and that's exactly why I have this problem with loosing and gaining a daughter…I don't know how this works when two girls are together" Homer acknowledges satisfied as he managed to get things about his 'problem' clear.

"Anyone coffee?….I baked fresh peanut butter cookies this morning…. " Marge now almost desperately tries to divert the attention to another subject.

"You got any idea who she is?"

"Yeah, I do….and I doubt if you actually know who she really is" Lisa growls back.

"Lis, you haven't seen her back in the days….well, was a bit difficult to see her as most of the time she was in dark rooms, corners or bushes; or better said: 'held practice'".

"Bart, this is not your business!"

"Well actually it is as I won't allow the 'town's bike' will use my sister for her own little pleasures and good!…..Very well played Jessica, but it won't work this time!"

"The 'town's bike'!?….Says the town's 'pile drive"r himself!….Like you were such a decent guy!"

"Uh kids…I think we better leave your father and aunt alone now for a moment" Homer tells his grandchildren as the discussion heads into a rather nasty direction.

They leave to the living room while Homer tries to explain as tactically as possible to little Peter what is meant with a 'town's bike'.

The fight between brother and sister in the kitchen continues and despite they keep their voices down for the children, the intensity of it is still there.

"Aww get lost Bart, like your marriage with that lunatic is that great" Lisa hisses to her brother.

"Hey, at least I took my responsibility which is everything except of what you can say from that there!"

"You know shit about her!"

"Well sis, I wonder if you know actually 'shit' about her…I do as I have seen it!"

"She fucked every one and everything to get what she wanted and dumped them when she got it!" Bart continues.

"Lisa, Bart; enough!" Marge tries to make her children stop fighting, but with very little result as Lisa growls to her mother: "stay out of this".

The harsh words, the fighting, it becomes too much for Jessica and she explodes into tears.

She pushes herself from the kitchen table and limps quickly without her crutch into the living room where she stumbles on the threshold and falls against side of the couch.

Homer, who was sitting on the couch with his grandchildren, quickly gets up and helps the crying black haired women back on her feet.

"Kids, why don't you play on the swing in the garden for a while; grandpa needs to have a little talk with Jessica now".

Peter and Sue feel it will be better they leave their grandfather alone with the woman over which her father and aunt still have a brawl in the kitchen.

"Jess are you OK?" Lisa asks with a worried voice as she enters the living room as well.

"I will deal with this; you have some other business to attend to in the kitchen at the moment" her father tells her.

"Will be fine Lisa, you have some other important things to discuss with your mother and brother" her father once more reassures her.

For a moment Lisa hesitates, but a gentle reassuring nod from her father makes clear to her that it is better to go back.

On the couch Homer sits next to Jessica and puts his arm around her.

"Rough day for you huh?" He asks her with a friendly and comforting voice.

"It's all so true what Bart is saying about me, that I was the 'town's bike', that I had no conscience and used people….but that is not who I am anymore" Jessica sobs.

Homer sighs deeply and shakes his head.

"People judge sometimes way too easy; judging other people without knowing what is really going on".

"Now take what they think about me, sure I like to have a beer or two but I don't have an alcohol problem….at least, I never had any problems with it until I couldn't have it for a whole month".

With wet questioning eyes Jessica looks at Homer.

"Do you think I have no clue about what this is all about?….That I have no idea about what has been done to you or what Lisa's sorrow is?"

"I may look and most of the time behave like an idiot, but that doesn't mean I am one….well, most of the time".

"For Marge the fact Lisa is lesbian always have been difficult and now you and her are at the beginning of something beautiful….I don't want it to be like when she had this affair with Greta".

"The fact that Bart suddenly appeared at the doorstep was an unlucky coincidence but again: it's better these things come out instead of being once more avoided" he continues.

"Homer, I always have been so afraid for this moment…the confrontation with Bart after what happened nineteen years ago".

Homer nods softly to acknowledge but in his mind his inner voice shouts "what happened nineteen years ago?….'d oh!….Stupid alcohol!…Now think Homer, think…Bart, ten years old…. why that little!…No, wrong track…Jessica involved….the padre…Jebus….had to get out of bed each Sunday for it…..all these Sundays to go to?….Moe!….No, church!….Jessica and church and Bart nineteen years ago….the thing they thought Bart stole that money from the collection….that's it!…atta Homer, you deserve an extra beer this evening!"

"Child, that is even for Bart water under the bridge….but he worries about his sister as he also knows what happened to her".

"Now I can't deny your reputation isn't helping you in this, but what was then was then and what is now is now…..and I see that Lisa loves you tremendously; as well I see you love her tremendously too".

"I already saw it the first time when I saw you and her together; when I cut your hair, remember?"

Jessica wipes the tears of her face and looks Homer in the eyes.

"Make my daughter happy and become happy yourself with her…that is what counts for me".

"But…but I'm a whore…I'm a slut…all these things Bart said are…"

"Uh uh uh, that is who you were….and you probably had good reasons for it" Homer corrects Jessica while raising his finger.

"Homer, please believe me when I tell you that I am not the girl you used to know".

"I know, I know…..but I also know there is a certain girl who I asked to go playing with her brother in the garden instead of listening behind the door".

"How did you know I was behind the door?" Sue replies and betrays her exact location.

"Grampa's do know such things sweetie, that's what makes grampa's special".

"Now it is not nice to listen to conversations which aren't meant for little girls' ears" Homer continues as his granddaughter somewhat hesitatingly walks towards him.

"I didn't mean it bad, I just was worried about auntie Lis' friend because she was crying".

Sue sits down on the couch and takes a good look at Jessica who smiles at her.

"I'm Sue…who are you?"

"I am Jessica", Jessica replies still with a somewhat broken voice.

"It's OK to cry, I do it sometimes as well…even Peter does it, despite he's a boy, well I think Peter is a bit of a sissy".

"You are living in the same house as auntie Lis?"

"Uh…yes, I live with your auntie Lis".

"That's cool, I also like more to play with girls as with boys; boys are stupid…especially Darren from the greengrocers" the little girl continues.

"And why is Darren stupid?" Jessica asks the little red head blabbermouth.

"Because he calls me 'carrot'; but not every boy does this".

"Sue, I think you need to check on your little brother on the swing now" Homer tries more or less to get his granddaughter away from Jessica.

"It's OK Homer, I don't mind".

"Peter will be alright on the swing, I don't think he will fall off like he did last time" Sue confirms as she is way more interested in Jessica as in her own brother.

"Auntie Lis' promised me I can stay with her during the summer holiday for a week or perhaps two" the little girl continues.

"I like to be with auntie Lis'; she does things with me mom or dad never do and I love Patty and Selma".

In the mean time. things have calmed down a bit in the kitchen.

The fact Jessica ran away in tears, as well the fact his mother made perfectly clear to him that he was way out of line left Bart more or less flabbergasted.

"Listen, I don't trust her…I mean, Lisa: you were a brilliant medical student and you probably will have huge career ahead, earning probably some serious money as well…..but also so vulnerable when it comes about finding love, you are the perfect victim for someone without scruples like her!"

"Bart, would the Jessica you knew as a teenager react the way she just did?" Lisa sighs tiredly.

"No, probably not….but she is capable of everything and a pretty good actress".

"She tried to take her life Bart, I saw her on my table at the hospital and if that plush locomotive of her wouldn't have between the steering wheel and her chest, she wouldn't have survived".

"She ravaged her upper left leg and parts of her hip in that crash; that's the reason why she is limping….it is not some kind of act" Lisa continues.

"I was with her when her father was dieing as well I was there at the hospital, trust me when I tell you that Jessica Lovejoy is more then what you think she is" Marge adds.

"I don't know…I just don't know….I mean, this is so much not Jessica what you all tell me".

"I think the way you know her is actually more 'not Jessica' as how I know her".

"She went through a lot of things in her life; even already when you had a crush on her" Lisa continues.

"Like what then?…Tell me what, so I can understand things better".

"That is something which only Jessica herself can tell you; what she shared with me and mom is something we shouldn't tell as it is simply too private and too painful".

Marge nods acknowledging: "you really should give her the benefit of the doubt Bart".

"I don't know; it just doesn't add up….I have to see it before I believe it".

"Has it also still something to do with what happened when you first met her?" Lisa asks her brother.

"No, although it doesn't help things when it comes about how I see her….and speaking of 'help'; we have to go as I promised Nikki I would help her in the shop this afternoon".

"Yeah, we have to go as well" Lisa adds and walks to the living room.

"Oh, auntie Lis', it's almost summer holiday, can I stay with you as you promised last year?" the little red headed girl shouts as Lisa enters the living room.

"What?…Well of course you can? Lisa replies as she sits down on her knees in front of Sue.

"Yaaaay…daddy, daddy, auntie Lis' says that it's OK I stay for one or two weeks with her when I have my holiday!" Sue shouts as she runs into the hall.

"Well, daddy has to think a bit about that one; we'll talk about it later when we are at home" Bart replies as he lifts up his daughter and puts her on his arm.

"Jess, are you OK?" Lisa asks Jessica who still sits quietly on the couch next to Homer.

"I want to go home Lisa; I just want to go home"

"Give me a few minutes; I need to get something from my old room".

As Lisa goes upstairs, Jessica sees through the window how Bart and his kids leave.

"He has changed, became a husband and a father" she softly remarks.

"Yeah, when he married her I lost a son and gained a daughter…..say, can you explain to me if this also works with two women?"

"Homer, leave it be" Marge replies as she enters the living room.

Again Jessica gets nervous as the relation which she had with Marge has become slightly different after Lisa told her about them.

"Marge, I…please don't hate me for this".

Marge stares out of the window and sighs deeply.

"No….no, I don't hate you…but I need time" she replies with a somewhat absent voice.

Again the silence returns into the living room until Lisa enters it with her old pearl necklace in her hand.

Without saying anything she goes to Jessica and puts her hair into a ponytail.

"What…what are you doing?"

Lisa doesn't reply and twists her old necklace around the beginning of Jessica's ponytail.

"This is the necklace I always wore as a child; mom gave it to me when I was a little girl and is part of who I am…. and I want you to wear it….as you and me are one…no matter what the rest of the world may think of it".

* * *

A few weeks have passed since the rather violent incident at Evergreen Terrace.

The impact of the whole event has left its traces in Jessica and she has been more silent as usually is.

Long conversations with Lisa during the night and many tears have been shed; tears about her feelings of guilt, of who she had been in life and how she had treated so many otherones.

The confrontation with Bart once more brought them back to the surface and resulted in violent eruptions of sorrow.

Martin had explained to her they were part of the whole process she was going through and that such things would take a lot of time.

He also learnt her some techniques which could help her to deal with her emotions and negative thoughts about herself, but the effect of those was rather limited as when they were there; it was like an avalanche and nothing in the world could stop Jessica from falling into the deep dark well of her pain and guilt.

For one reason or another, Sue had become the symbol of the consequences of Jessica's behavior during her teenage years.

Sue, a little innocent girl who wanted to spend some time with her aunt Lisa; which probably wouldn't happen as her aunt was now living with a woman who was considered by the girl's father as a selfish slut and a whore.

A girl which had nothing to do with what happened in the past but still would have to bare the consequences of it.

On a hot Sunday afternoon, Jessica is sitting in the garden while silently gazing at the chestnut trees who softly wave in the summer breeze.

It's the first day of Lisa's holiday which will last for three weeks.

They basically intend to stay at home and enjoy a more silent time together or perhaps visit some places, but Jessica doesn't feel really up to it as her mood is covered by the gray veil of sorrow and guilt.

Still gazing in the distance she can hear the telephone ringing and Lisa picking it up.

She hears the conversation on the phone but the meaning of the words hardly reach her brain.

Just silently she continues to gaze while being afloat on a gray and silent sea under an endless gray sky.

The silence is broken as Lisa steps outside and sits down in the garden chair next to her.

"That was Bart on the phone".

"Bart?….What did he want?"

"Jess, do you think you can handle a seven year old girl for a week?"

"Sue?….You mean Sue will spend a week with us?"

Lisa nods with a smile on her face.

"But..but….how…I mean, Bart…how can he allow to let his daughter stay at a place where I live?….I mean, you know what he thinks of me" Jessica stammers.

"Well, it wouldn't surprise me if mom and dad did some work behind the screens".

"Bart will bring her to us?"

"Yeah, he will…..it's not a good idea Nikki will do it regarding my relation with her".

Nervously Jessica lights a cigarette and mumbles " Bart will be here".

"Hey, don't be afraid; I'm with you…nothing will happen".

"At what time he will be here?"

"Probably around seven 'o clock this evening….trust me, it will be fine" Lisa reassures.

"But do you think you can handle Sue for a week?….She is quite a character".

"Y…Yes….I love the idea of her being with us …but…but her father…."

"Just think of Sue being around here; Bart will probably just drop her off, carry her stuff inside and leave again".

Jessica doesn't respond and nervously inhales the smoke of her cigarette as she once more gazes into the distance.

At one hand she wishes she would be there; away from the upcoming confrontation with Bart, but at the other hand she knows she cannot keep running away from it.

Sooner or later she will have to face him again and try to put things straight.

The day continues and for Jessica each hour seems to last an eternity.

She smokes a lot and tries to find some distraction by surfing on the internet using Lisa's laptop while sitting in the garden, but the upcoming second confrontation with Bart consumes her mind completely.

It's around a quarter past seven when she spots from one of the windows at the front side of the living room a dark blue pick-up truck driving up to the cottage.

Her heart starts to pound in her throat and she lights another cigarette, hoping it will make her calm down a bit.

She sees how Bart and Sue get out of the car and while Bart reaches into the back of it to get his daughter's bags, Sue already runs to the back door.

"Auntie Lis!" The bright voice of the little girl can be heard shouting through the kitchen as she opens the door.

"Sue, there you are!" Lisa greets her little niece and kneels down to get face to face with her.

"Hey Lisa, still mopping the floor on your knees?…They have mops on a stick nowadays you know" Bart grins as he enters the kitchen as well.

"Idiot" His sister jokes back and gets back on her feet.

"That's all her stuff?"

"Yeah, Nikki packed clothes for a week and in this one are some of her toys….and I put in a few extra trousers and shirts as you know what 'little miss havoc' is capable of".

"I'm not 'little miss havoc!'" Sue corrects her father.

"You aren't?….And how many trousers did you get dirty last week?"

"Not many…four" the little girl reluctantly admits.

"And two dresses as well, not to mention you ravaged one of those when you crouched under that fence" her father adds to the list.

"Stupid barbed wire and I hate to wear dresses….especially that one" Sue mumbles back.

"Yeah Bart, don't have a cow" Lisa backs up Sue.

"Touché sis….touché" Bart grins back, but the grin on his face disappears when Jessica slowly limps into the kitchen.

"Hi Bart, hi Sue" She greets them nervously with a soft timid voice.

"Hello Jessica" Bart greets back with a cold voice and an awkward silence fills the kitchen.

Nervously Jessica inhales the smoke of her cigarette and sees how Bart takes a look at her and sighs deeply".

"Before I go back home, I think you and I need to have a private talk" he finally remarks.

"Bart, I don't think this is such a good idea regarding what happened a few weeks ago" Lisa tries to protect Jessica whose eyes have become large out of fear.

She realizes this is the moment of the final showdown with the man she knew as a boy and who probably now wanted to take care of unfinished business.

"Out of the question Bart, she is way to vulnerable for such a confrontation".

"I don't know Lis, lets see what Jessica has to say about it herself" Bart continues as if he almost wants to challenge her.

"No way Bart…forget it" Lisa states.

"N…no….no Lisa, this has to be done some time…s…so better do it now" Jessica stammers.

"I won't leave the both of you alone with each other" Lisa again tries to protect the black haired woman.

"Look Lisa, before I leave Sue here, I want to know a few things from her and I want to hear it from herself".

"It…It's OK Lisa, I will manage"

"Are you Sure?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm sure" Jessica replies and nods acknowledging.

"OK, but Bart; be careful with her" Lisa warns her brother and leaves with Sue the kitchen to take a look at the animals.

Bart and Jessica sit down at the kitchen table and for a short moment there once more is a silence.

Jessica barely dares to watch Bart in his eyes and lights another cigarette.

"Good idea" Bart remarks and grabs his own package of tobacco out of his pocket and start to roll a cigarette.

Again an awkward silence fills the kitchen which is broken by the sound of a lighter.

For a while Bart watches Jessica who nervously smokes her cigarette; occasionally her eyes look at Bart's face but they quickly go back to the table.

"Well, here we are then" Bart finally breaks the silence as he blows out the smoke through his nose.

"Did…did Marge tell anything about me and how I ended up here?"

"She told me I would have to give you the benefit of the doubt and that things are more complicated as they appear at first sight; but she didn't tell me how and what as she believed you were the onlyone who should tell this" Bart replies businesslike.

"You know, you probably went through some nasty shit, but you and Lisa being a couple….no, that's something which doesn't make sense."

"I know my sister and I know you; doesn't add up at all and knowing you have no scruples when it comes about using someone for your own pleasure or good….no, not this time Jessica and definitely not at the expense of Lisa!".

Jessica closes her eyes and sighs deeply while slowly shaking her head.

"Do you really know me Bart?" she replies with a soft and weary voice".

"I have seen enough of you back in the days to know what you are".

Again there is a silence and Jessica's initial nervousness is replaced by a feeling of deep fatigue.

"Yeah….you have seen me; seen me as the vicious girl when I was ten; seen me as the slutty arrogant teenager who did it with everyone and everything to get what she wanted".

"And you know Bart; you are right when it comes about that…..as that was how I was back in those days….it has no use to deny it as it is the truth…..but do you really know me?"

"I know enough about you" Bart once more replies cold and businesslike.

"No Bart; you know nothing…even I didn't knew it till several months ago".

"Now we're gonna get it….well, surprise me" Bart sneers, expecting to get a story in which Jessica will reveal to him she found out she actually favored women over men.

But Jessica starts to tell about her childhood, about how her mother denied her to be herself, about the coldness and loneliness.

How her father most of the time ignored her and how she craved for some warmth, but instead of that was sent to boarding school.

With a weary and soft voice she continues to tell about the bullying, how she cracked up and how it lead to the whole incident when they were ten years old.

Bitter and occasionally whipping a single tear of her face, she tells how she started to use her body as a tool to get affection as well how she grew cold, selfish and focused on her own pleasure and interests; but deep inside just wanted to have some warmth, love and affection.

Her life in Capitol City, how she became a stripper and an expensive whore, her hedonistic life there with vast amounts of money and how it enabled her to compensate for what she lacked as a child and teenager.

But it was all fake and when her father was diagnosed with cancer, she once more dared to feel and acknowledge the deep pain and emptiness inside of her….too late, as she just was allowed to have a few weeks with her father; the onlyone who loved her unconditionally.

The harsh words, the tears and the fact they finally dared to express the feelings they had been hiding for so long for each other; how she cared for him during his last and difficult weeks in his life, how her heart broke when he eventually died.

But also about the warmth and support Marge gave her, despite her reputation and how strange it was to experience this.

How she had to go back to The Purple Sin; how she didn't want to but had no other choice. How Jeb forced her to dance and have sex with a whole group of men…and how she freaked out on stage with all the consequences.

Bart breathlessly listens to her story and his initial feelings of distrust and sarcasm slowly start to make way for a more awkward feeling about how he judged her and how he behaved.

Jessica takes a short break and for a moment she just gazes silently to the wall as the images of what happened in the office appear once again in front of her inner eye.

She gets up from her chair, hesitates for a moment and then opens the zipper at the backside of her summer dress.

"Did you ever had to beg for your own life Bart?" she whispers as she shows him the scars on her back.

"Jesus Christ…what …what did they do to you?"

"They tied me over a chair…and whipped me with a belt….buckle at the top and when they were finished; the threw me naked between the dumpsters in the alley behind The Sin".

"I would have frozen to death if not one of the waitresses would have helped me" she continues, still with a whispering voice.

"Bless that young woman…..I owe her my life….just like I owe my life to Lisa".

Jessica zips up her dress and continues to tell about what happened next that night, how she lost everything and wanted to take her own life.

How Lisa stitched her up and how she became a cripple because of her suicide attempt.

She tells how she hit rock bottom and how Lisa took her to the cottage when she basically was selling her body again to get some money to get to the shelter; or the railroad tracks to meet her final destiny as there was nothing left for her to continue on this planet.

"You mean you…you wanted to kill yourself again?" Bart stammers as he lights another cigarette.

"There was nothing left for me Bart; no home, no father…just pain and coldness….just emptiness and sorrow".

"Lisa took me under her wings despite she knew who I was…..she….she gave me shelter at my most desperate moment".

"She could have left me there on that parking lot in the rain; just go home and live her life….but she didn't….she took me with her, washed me, gave me clothes, a warm bed and even made sure I got a therapist…for free".

"Lisa gave, and still gives me, so much warmth….so much love….something I never had in my entire life".

"We fell in love…gradually and it took a while before we dared to admit it because we were afraid of how the otherone would react".

"She told me about her past, how difficult and lonely her teenage years were….yes, I know about the whole affair with Greta and the fact your mother still has troubles accepting the fact she is a lesbian".

"Regarding that, I sometimes think that we are just two wandering lonely souls who found shelter and love with each other…..I did with her….and I hope I can give her the same as well".

"So Bart….this is who I am and what there is between Lisa and me…. whether you believe me or not: I love your sister and I don't care what the rest of the world thinks of it…not anymore, I am so tired of it….. for some people I will always be the selfish slut who caused her parents nothing but grief".

"Think what you want about me; I suppose you have plenty of reasons to hate or despise me" she ends her plead.

Bart doesn't reply and just sits at the kitchen table while he tries to process what Jessica just told him.

Jessica leaves the kitchen and silently sits down in one of the garden chairs.

She watches the sun which is slowly starting to sink behind the horizon while her limbs start to feel heavy.

Telling her story, the fear of the confrontation with Bart; it drained all her energy but also it makes her feel liberated.

In the kitchen, Bart is smoking another cigarette while he wonders about what Jessica has told him.

At one hand it all makes sense, but at the other hand it is just not Jessica; or at least, the Jessica he knew.

Too much information, so contradictive to what he has seen in the past; but still…her scars were real and the way she told it, it wasn't some kind of act and it actually was the first time he heard Jessica speak in such a way.

He puts out his cigarette in the ashtray on the kitchen table and gets up from his chair when he hears the voice of his daughter in the garden.

"Daddy, daddy, auntie Lis said we will go to the beach tomorrow!" Sue shouts enthusiastically.

"To the beach, well lucky you!" Bart responds in a slightly artificial way.

Jessica watches how Bart lifts up his daughter and tells her to be a good girl when she is staying with her aunt.

Sue nods and promises her father she will be good.

"You will take good care of her?" Bart asks Lisa who replies with an acknowledging nod.

"Well little girl, then it's time for me to go back home" he smiles and kisses his daughter goodbye.

"If there are any problems, you can reach me on my cell phone….better not call Nikki"

"I will contact you if needed" Lisa replies with a smile on her face as she sees how her brother cares for his little girl.

"You and Jess had a talk?" she continues.

"Yeah…yeah we had….I need some time to think about all the things she told me…..and she told me a lot".

"She told you what happened to her?"

"Yeah….she did….and…uh….it kinda knocked me off my feet to be honest".

"There is a lot more behind her then you would suspect" Lisa again confirms.

"Give her the benefit of the doubt Bart, she really has a warm heart".

"Yeah…let's see how this will work out" Bart replies still with a somewhat awkward tone in his voice and heads to his car.

Sue follows him and a few moments later she waves her father goodbye as he drives off.

In the backyard, Lisa sits down next to Jessica and asks her if she is alright.

"You told him everything, didn't you?"

"Yeah…I did" Jessica replies with a soft and weary voice.

"You know, the way Bart sees me and treats me; it's how almost everyone sees me…at least Bart dares to speak it out right in my face".

Lisa sighs deeply as she knows Jessica is right.

"I was afraid Lisa; afraid to face your brother again…but at least I now could tell him how things really are; what he will do with it…I don't know".

"What you did took a lot of courage and I think you managed to get through to him; when he left he told me he was pretty confused".

"Time will tell Lisa; only time will tell".

"Auntie Lis, can I play in the sandbox!?" the voice of Sue sounds through the garden.

Last year, Lisa bought a small plastic sandbox in the shape of a turtle so her little niece and nephew could play in it when they visited.

"Sure you can, you know where the little shovel and buckets are?"

"In the barn, next to the food for Patty and Selma" Sue replies and runs towards the barn to get them.

A few moments later the little girl is playing in the sand and Lisa and Jessica watch her from a distance.

"I envy her" Jessica softly remarks.

"So young and innocent….she just can play in the sand, no one tells her to be the daughter of the reverend….look how she sits there and just can make her hands and clothes dirty".

"Just seven years old; no boarding school, no loneliness or betrayal".

"Difficult for you to watch?"

"No, not really….it makes me a bit sad but also grateful; she can just play in freedom like a girl should do".

Jessica gets a smile on her face and gets up from her chair.

"What are you going to do?" Lisa asks her with a slightly worried voice.

"I am going to play in the sand Lisa…I am finally going to play in the sand again".

* * *

"God it's hot" Lisa complains and pushes the bed sheet off her body.

"Not really a surprise regarding the fact you still wear your nightgown" it sounds from the other side of the bed.

"I hate to sleep naked!"

"Is not naked, you're still be wearing your underpants".

"Really, I swear the moment I got enough money; I'll have air-conditioning installed in this room" Lisa mumbles as she is taking off her nightgown.

"Better now?"

"Meh, still hot".

"Try to lay still, turning around like a spin top doesn't make things cooler and I can't sleep as well because of it" Jessica mumbles back.

"We should have bought a second fan now Sue has ours".

"Well, it's a bit late for it now, every time there is a heat wave all fans are sold out and the spare room is even hotter then ours; so we better make the best out of it".

"Yeah, I guess so" Lisa sighs and turns herself on her side.

"I watched you playing in the sand with Sue this evening…..has been a long time since I have seen you that happy".

Jessica turns on her other side as well to face Lisa and a smile appears on her face.

"She reminds me of myself when I was a kid….bit of a tomboy, innocent and a little blabbermouth".

"I used to like to play in the sand as well, making all kinds of sand shapes or just play with a small plastic truck and a toy dragline".

"You played with cars as well?"

"Yeah, why not?….Besides, I never was really into these girlish things….well, not until the 'ice queen' started to determine what I could and couldn't do".

"You know what Sue asked me?….If she could call me 'auntie Jess'".

"Aww that is so sweet, she really likes you" Lisa smiles back.

"Yeah….I never thought some one would actually call me like that….'auntie Jess'".

"Perhaps we should buy a bigger sandbox so you can play in it when Sue is back home" Lisa teases.

"Fuck off….I'm not loosing my sanity: at least, not yet" Jessica teases back.

"But yeah, I have to admit it really felt good to play a bit in the sand again….so perfectly innocent….looking back on it I really have missed those things".

"What toys did you have when you were a kid Lisa?"

"I didn't have too many toys, we weren't really in a financial luxurious position back in the days".

"I had my Malibu Stacy doll with some asseccoiries; made a little dollhouse for her in a shoebox….I had books, a toy microscope, a bit of Lego and the usual things like color books and crayons".

"A toy microscope?….Now that is something which really doesn't surprise me" Jessica grins.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I was a nerd and a bookworm…still am".

"And what's wrong with that?…Look how you ended up, a doctor with the perspective of a brilliant career while me as a 'popular girl' ended up as…well, you know".

"Did you ever wonder how your life would have been without all the things you went through Jess?"

"What's the use of that, we can't go back in time…and it only makes me sad and bitter".

"I…I think I would have become a dancer….a real one, ballet or something like that, or perhaps I would have become something in the travel business….or a train driver" she jokes in an attempt to avoid a more in depth conversation about the topic".

"You don't like to talk about it, do you?" Lisa asks her with a soft voice.

"No, not really….like I said: it has no use".

"But you still must have dreams, I mean…this is not the end of your life".

"Dreams….my dreams" Jessica sighs.

"You are just twenty nine, you have your whole life ahead of you…and you are a pretty smart woman".

"You can study again, get a degree in something you really are interested in" Lisa continues.

"A degree in something…..the only thing I am good at is working on my back".

"Fuck off Jess, you have a tremendous amount of life experience and you could use it to help other people….work with kids, teenagers or young adults to get their life back on the tracks".

"You mean something like a social worker?"

"Yeah, or perhaps something in the mental care….haven't you noticed you have a very caring side in you as well?"

"Me…a caring person?…Have you been smoking pot again?…If there is anything I haven't done in my life it's caring about other persons!"

"Have you Jess?….And how about your father?….Or the way you are taking care of Sue….or how about how you care of me?"

"That's something different" Jessica tries to wave off Lisa's suggestions.

"Don't think so…and you have got the brains for it".

"Who wants to have a limping former stripper who also was a whore?….. Can I see your resume Miss Lovejoy?…Sure, I fucked half Capitol City, here are their business cards so give them a call if you want to have some references; I had the reputation I could even make a dead guy cum!'…Something like that?" Jessica replies cynically.

"Bullshit, you know you're way more then that, as well you know that you had some very good reasons for it".

Jessica shrugs: "who wants a limping whore?".

"I want this 'limping whore!'….Who actually is the most beautiful person in my life".

"You're so sweet Lisa" Jessica smiles back.

Lisa closes her eyes and kisses Jessica on her lips.

"I love you Jess" she whispers while her hand moves under the bed sheet and touches Jessica's breast.

They look each other in the eyes and both know what is going to happen; the only one who is allowed to witness them is the moon, which shines its light over these two women who start to celebrate their love for each other.

* * *

The next day, around nine 'o clock in the morning, the three ladies are sitting at the kitchen table while having breakfast.

Lisa and Jessica, still pretty sleepy after their rather short night, while a well rested Sue already has started to rattle the ears of both women's head.

"What was wrong with auntie Lis last night?" the little redhead suddenly asks Jessica who is trying to wake up with a cup of black coffee and a cigarette.

"Wrong with auntie Lis?…How do you mean?"

"Well, it was so hot last night, I couldn't sleep and I heard auntie Lis moaning".

Lisa, immediately hides her face behind the newspaper she already was reading to prevent Sue seeing her blush.

"Moaning?…Uh…yeah…she had…had a sore tummy…uh…she sometimes has when…when the weather is that hot…like yesterday…and last night" Jessica tries to reply as plausible as possible to the rather awkward question.

"Oh…I see" Sue responds casually and continues to eat her toast.

"But when auntie Lis had a sore tummy; why did you and her giggle?"

Lisa buries herself even deeper in her newspaper while Jessica's eyes go from left to right as this second question is a bit harder to deal with.

"Uh…giggling?…are you sure you heard us giggling...because we didn't".

"Yeah, I could hear it very well….and you were talking too" Sue remarks again casually.

"Uh….uh….well…uh…you know…..I uh…I told auntie Lis a little joke so she would feel better….and that is why we giggled a bit…..and it worked because she felt a lot better after I did, didn't it Lisa?".

"What?…Uh..yes…yes it did….worked very well" Lisa stammers from behind her newspaper.

"So giggling can make you feel better as well?"

"Oh definitely, it can help a lot…..it's one of the first things you will learn when you want to become a doctor"

"And you are a doctor!" Sue acknowledges out loud the reliability of her source of information.

"Yes sweetie; auntie Lis is a doctor, but now she has her holiday so we better don't talk about her work".

"Yeah, I guess you're right; I hate to talk about school as well during the vacation" Sue admits.

"But can we still go to the beach today?"

"Sure we can, I'm feeling a lot better now….when you have finished your breakfast you can put on your bathing suit so you don't have to put it on anymore when we are at the beach".

"Yaaaay!" the little girl shouts and start to stuff her toast as quick as she can in her mouth.

A few minutes and a heavy coughing fit -because of Sue's hurry, a piece of bread went the wrong way- later, Sue is already upstairs putting her bathing suit on.

"Next time I'll gag you" Jessica smirks.

"How could I know she was still awake?…I never heard anything when I was a kid" Lisa, still with a blush on her face, defends herself.

"Well doctor, fact is that you now have to make her laugh when she has a sore tummy or otherwise we both will be screwed" Jessica continues to tease.

"Speaking of being screwed; do you intend to put your bikini on to the beach?"

"Right…haven't thought of that; when Sue sees me in that one she will probably freak out".

"Not to mention her parents…and especially her mother" Lisa adds.

"Better take a little detour through the city before we go to the beach then…to keep the family relations intact".

An hour later the three of them are ready to leave for a day at the beach.

Loaded with bags, beach chairs, cool box with refreshments and sandwiches they are about to leave when suddenly the telephone rings.

Lisa answers it while Jessica and Sue continue to put everything in the car.

A few minutes later Lisa comes outside with a disappointed expression on her face.

"What's wrong?" Jessica asks slightly worried.

"It was the hospital at the phone; the trauma surgeon who was on duty went sick home and the otherone had to leave yesterday because of some troubles in his family….I have to go to work".

"Aww no, not in your holliday!"

"Yep, in my holiday…the faith of a surgeon" Lisa sighs.

"So…so we are not going to the beach now?" Sue asks hers aunt.

"I need the car to go to the hospital and to get back home this evening Sue" Lisa apologizes.

"Aww shit!…There goes the beach" the little girl moans out loud.

"Not necessarily" Jessica remarks.

"We could bring auntie Lis to her work and I will drive us to the beach; when we get back I park the car at the parking lot of the hospital and to get home we will take the bus".

"Hmm, the bus stop is quite a long walk from here and I don't see you do such a thing with that leg of yours…I think it's better I'll take the bus back home when I am finished working".

"Or you just give me your cell phone and call me when you are finished so I can pick you up; in your case you'll never know at what time you can go home and if there even still goes a bus" Jessica suggests.

"Yeah, that could work as well: in that way you and Sue can go to the beach while I probably can start digging in Ralph Wiggum's nostrils".

"Picking your nose is eww!" Sue giggles.

"It is, but try to explain this to Ralph" Lisa replies with a grin on her face as she heads inside to put on some clothes which are more suitable for a day's work.

Three quarters of an hour later Jessica and Sue are on the beach.

They dropped Lisa off at the hospital, went into town to buy a new swim suit for Jessica and now they have installed themselves on a nice spot not too far from the beach cafeteria.

Because of the fact Lisa couldn't join them and Jessica couldn't carry all the bags and the beach chairs, they have put some towels in the sand.

After being in the water for a while, Jessica lies on her towel enjoying the sun while reading a book.

She would have loved to spend some more time with Sue in the sea, but the fact she can't take her crutch with her limits the time which she can stand on and use her left leg.

From behind her book she keeps an eye on Sue who now is playing with her little bucket, shovel and sand molds near the waterline.

Around noon Jessica calls Sue so they can have lunch together.

Sitting on their towels, Jessica opens the cool box and takes out the sandwiches they prepared earlier that morning.

"Auntie Jess, can't you walk that well anymore because of that big scar on your leg?" Sue suddenly asks.

"Yes, that is exactly the reason" Jessica smiles back at the little girl.

"How did you get it, did you have an accident?"

"Yes I had, almost half a year ago I had a very bad accident with my car and I hurt my leg very bad ".

"That must have hurt pretty bad" Sue thinks out loud as she watches the large scar on Jessica's upper left leg.

"Ah yes it did, they had to perform surgery on me to make it better again; but my leg was so broken and damaged that the doctors couldn't make it completely better anymore".

"Did auntie Lis cut you open; she cuts people open and fixes them".

"I know sweetie, auntie Lis took care of me when I was brought to the hospital and a specialized doctor repaired my leg".

"He didn't do a good job then as you now need to walk with a crutch".

"Sometimes doctors cannot repair things completely Sue; when something is just too much broken".

Processing the information regarding the leg of her 'auntie Jess', Sue continues to eat her sandwich.

"Auntie Jess?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Are you and auntie Lis loving each other like mommy and daddy?"

"Ah yes we do Sue" Jessica once more smiles.

"I see…so, you and auntie Lis are actually dykes?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Well, some time ago mommy and daddy were talking about me staying with you during the summer holiday and I heard mommy calling you 'dykes'.

"Daddy didn't seem to like it she called you like that".

"And your daddy is right as calling people 'dykes' is not a nice thing to do".

"But how do you call them then?"

"Just women who love each other; officially you call them lesbians".

Again Sue needs some time to process the newly gained knowledge".

"But why don't you love boys like every girl does?"

"Some people love people who have the same gender, there are women loving women and men loving men" Jessica explains, still with a smile on her face.

"Yeah, those are fagots!…..I always call Darren a 'fagot' when he calls me 'carrot'".

Jessica no longer can hold her laughs as she hears these rather 'big' words coming out of the mouth of the little girl.

"You are now talking about things for which you are waaaay too young to talk about in such a way young lady".

"Are those dirty words like 'fuck'?….Mommy always gets angry when I say that one…or 'shit'…is also one she doesn't like me to say".

"And your mother is right about that, those are really dirty words".

"Yeah, but when mommy and daddy have a fight they say them all the time themselves".

"When adult people are angry they sometimes say such words; but that doesn't mean it's right to do so".

"I guess you're right…..but I still will keep calling Darren a 'fagot' when he calls me 'carrot'"

"Jessica just smiles and shakes her head as she knows all too well how such things work".

After lunch Sue heads back with her bucket and shovel to the waterline and starts to build a sandcastle.

Carefully she makes walls and a tower out of sand and decorates them with little shells.

As she is just about to dig a canal around her creation; suddenly a ball lands in the midst of it, destroying her work.

"Sorry for that 'match head' but your red hair blinded me" the voice of one of two older boys can be heard just behind her.

"Go away and I'm not a 'match head'!"

"Have you been too long in the water?...Your hair is all rusted" the other boy remarks maliciously.

"No I haven't!" Sue once more replies agitated.

"Hoooo, we better go now, she is getting red from anger" the first boy remarks and the both of them leave while laughing out loud at Sue.

"Fucking fagots" she mumbles to herself and starts to rebuild her sand castle.

From behind her book, Jessica has watched the whole incident and sees when Sue has more or less rebuilt her sand castle how the two boys run straight true it while shouting "better dead then read".

"Fuck off you fagots!" she can hear the little girl shout and once more the two other kids taunt her by calling her "carrot top, carrot top!".

"Little pieces of shit!" Jessica mumbles to herself and gets ready to deal with these two bullies herself as she sees how the both of them once more run towards Sue.

However, Sue has reached boiling point herself as well and as the oldest of the two approaches her, she grabs her shovel, warns the kid a last time to stay away -which is completely ignored-….. and subsequently 'treats' the bully with a direct hit on his nose by a well aimed swing of her shovel.

It takes a few moments before the boy realizes what happened to him, but as he feels his battered nose and sees the blood running from it; he violently starts to cry and runs for his mother.

The other boy already decided to leave the spot as he saw Jessica limping up to them.

"And stay away you fucking fagots!" Sue yells at the both of them.

"Uh Sue…perhaps the next time you better call me, instead of taking care of business with your shovel.

"Those fagots ruined my sand castle two times and called me names!" Sue angrily blurts out.

"I know sweetie, but you just can't start to hit other kids with a shovel".

"I only hit one and he was way older then I am!"

Again it takes Jessica a tremendous amount of trouble not to explode into laughter because of what the little read head girl firmly states.

At the same time she sees from the corner of her eye how a small and rather fat blonde woman is walking up to them while dragging her bloody nosed kid behind her.

"Hey, you there in the black bathing suit; is that red head girl yours!?" it sounds from a short distance".

"Stay with me Sue, this could get a bit nasty" Jessica tells the little girl who more or less hides herself behind her legs.

"Yes, she is….is there any problem?" Jessica replies with a rather cold voice.

"A problem?…She wrecked my little Boyd's nose with her shovel!" the blonde woman shouts with a raspy voice.

"Well, perhaps your 'little Boyd' got what he deserved; don't you think it's a bit strange a seven year old girl does such a thing to a boy whose older and taller then her?"

"How do you mean?….My boys never misbehave!"

"I'm afraid they do, as calling a single younger girl a 'carrot top' and destroying her sandcastle not only once, but twice is something I can hardly call a testimony of well behavior".

"So if the girl teaches them a lesson in such cases; I'd say it's not such a surprise although I don't encourage the use of shovels in such matters".

"She just hit me mom!….I didn't do a thing to her!" the boy moans in tears.

"Are you calling my son a liar?"

"Ah yes I do, and not only a liar: a bully and a coward as well!"

"Watch it you limping bitch, you better teach that kid of yours some manners or otherwise I will do it!

"My, my…I now see from who these two little pieces of shit got their manners, but let me tell you something lady: touch that little girl and I cram my crutch straight up your ass and my fist straight up that smelly hole you call a mouth!"

"You wanna have trouble huh?" The woman shouts.

"Bring it on cunt, dealing with garbage like you is one of my favorite hobbies!…Let's see if we can beat some lard of that fat ass of yours!" Jessica hisses back while her eyes start to spit fire.

"So you and your two pieces of shit you call your kids better fuck off now before I beat the shit out of the three of you!"

Jessica's anger reaches dangerous levels and her opponent more or less understands it's not the most sensible thing to start a fight with her.

"Heh..you think I'm gonna waste my energy on a slut like you" she sneers back in an attempt to save her face in front of her kids.

"For you I hope not but I definitely intend to waste my energy on that face of yours if you don't get the fuck out of here!"

The woman and her kid decide to do the most sensible thing and leave Sue and a by rage trembling Jessica.

"Aunt…auntie Jess….your eyes are all black".

"Giv…give me a few minutes….I need to calm down" Jessica stammers as the adrenalin level slowly starts to decrease in her blood.

Ten minutes later Jessica and Sue are sitting on their towels.

"I didn't know you could get that angry" Sue carefully remarks.

"Oh sweetie, I am definitely not angry at you; I'm angry at those kids and their stupid mother because they bullied you" Jessica sighs and hugs the little girl.

"Auntie Jess was bullied herself a lot when she was a little girl and when I see something happening like that to another child, and especially you, I get tremendously angry on those people".

"You were bullied?….But you are pretty and you don't have red hair".

"Some kids will always bully other kids Sue….and you have lovely red hair".

"No, it's stupid… when they pick on me they always call me names because of it".

"Do you get bullied a lot because of it"? Jessica asks her with a soft voice.

Sue remains silent for a while before she replies to the question.

"Sometimes a lot and sometimes not….when they call me like that I often call them names back and sometimes I hit them".

From a safe distance once more it suddenly sounds "carrot top, carrot top" again.

Jessica sighs and shakes her head: "bullies….they are all cowards".

"I can give them another 'whack' with my shovel" Sue suggests.

"No…that will make things only worse as it means I probably have to deal with their mother again".

"Will you beat her up?"

"I might do so….I already almost did…no...no…this ain't gonna work; grab your stuff Sue, we're going back home".

"We…we're going back home?…Aww no…I want to play in the water" Sue moans and almost starts to cry.

"It's better we go now Sue, as otherwise it will only lead up to more trouble" Jessica sighs again and starts to put the towels in the bags.

Fifteen minutes later they are in the car on their way back home.

In the rear view mirror Jessica sees Sue's sad face and feels terrible about it.

Perhaps they should have moved to another spot on the beach, away from these two kids and their mother but the confrontation with the bullying and the rage attack had hit Jessica just too hard.

A feeling of guilt starts to come up in her as once more the little girl is paying the price for the consequences of Jessica's own damage and past.

Slowly she continues to drive through the outskirts of Springfield as suddenly a sign catches her attention when she is waiting for a red traffic light.

"Outlet center?…..Collection of easy set pools?….Wonder what they will cost?"

The traffic light turns green and without paying attention to an old brown Honda Civic, Jessica changes lane and takes a left turn.

The driver of the Honda however follows her and as Jessica drives up the parking lot of the outlet center and parks the car, the brown car stops next to her.

"Hey missy, where did you get your driver's license!?" The raspy voice of a pretty much disgruntled Moe Szyslack sounds from the open window.

"Aww, I'm so sorry sir; I'll never do it again" Jessica replies with her most sultry voice as she sensually bytes her lower lip.

"I..I uh…I…aww, it's OK miss….I uh…uh…who can be angry at you…..I mean…uh" Moe starts to stammer as a women speaking to him in such a way is just too much for him.

"I really am so sorry" Jessica continues to play with the sweating and blushing bartender.

"Naah, uh…don't worry…I…I really should go now".

"Aww, you're too sweet"

"Uh…hehehehe…uh…yeah…bye!"

Jessica waves with her fingers while giving him an even more sultry look.

Too much for poor Moe who leaves the parking lot without even having a clue about the fact the traffic coming from the right has right of way.

A lot of honking, a guy shouting "moron!" and Moe's reply to it by shouting "save it for your wife asshole!"

On the backseat of the car, Sue has watched her auntie Jess dealing with the whole situation and is completely flabbergasted, as she never saw a woman behave in such a way in real life.

"That's how you deal with situations like these" Jessica grins back to her.

"But..but…how…how did you do it?" Sue stammers.

"Easy, all men are the same and none of them can resist a helpless woman…you will understand when you are a bit older….good, there is an ATM machine over there…come on, I've got something to check".

A few moments later Jessica is watching the screen of the machine and sees there is actually fifteen hundred dollars on her bank account.

"What's this?….I thought it was almost empty?" she wonders to herself.

For a moment she searches her memories to discover where this unexpected amount of money is coming from.

"Father….it's the money from Father's saving account…they must have transferred it to mine" she keeps mumbling to herself.

A big smile appears on Jessica's face as she knows how she can give the little girl a great holiday without the problem of bullies and overcrowded beaches.

"Come on Sue, you and I are going to get us something really nice".

* * *

Tired, sweaty, sore legs and a rather bad mood describes Lisa the best as she walks from the bus stop to her cottage.

Luckily she was able to go home earlier as expected, so she just took the bus home instead of calling Jessica who probably was still at the beach with Sue.

When she was at the hospital it was like her 'regular customers' felt she was there.

Ralph came in with an eraser crammed up his nose and Milhouse came in complaining about the usual problems with his bowels.

Getting the eraser out of Ralph's nose wasn't such a problem; Milhouse however was a bit more of a challenge as he kept moaning about the fact his abdominal pain started in his groin which forced her to take a look at his private parts.

Apparently it was some kind of a last and desperate attempt of Milhouse to impress Lisa and decided to use his manhood to show her what he could offer.

The whole idea behind it was to seduce her so she would dump her girlfriend and have it off with him instead; preferably at once on the table in the surgery.

Unfortunately his whole scheme backfired as when he lowered his underpants and showed Lisa his private parts, which were in 'active mode' because of the fact his fantasy already had taken him over.

Lisa's response however wasn't what he had expected or hoped for.

She told him she already saw what his problem was, asked him to turn himself on his belly, filled a huge cylinder with water and shuved a tube up his butt while explaining an enema would take care of his problems once and for all.

Despite the fact he tried to explain her his abdominal pain suddenly had disappeared, she insisted on him undergoing the whole procedure.

And as she had quite a few other patients to attend to, a nurse would look after him which resulted in Lisa asking Mick the head nurse, a giant but ever so friendly forty five year old man who originated from Australia and served in the US marine corps as a medic for several years, to take care of business.

Mick, who knew very well who Milhouse was and how he was after Lisa , rolled up his sleeves so his hairy tattooed arms became visible, got a big bad grin on his face and entered the surgery while greeting poor Milhouse with "g'day mate, now let's see if we can get those guts of yours back into shape".

A smirk appears on Lisa's face as she approaches her cottage and thinks about Milhouse's face when half the amount of water was already in his bowels while Mick told him everything went fine and already 'half the bucket' was empty.

Expecting things at the cottage being rather silent, she hears Sue and Jessica's voices combined with the sound of splattering water coming from the back yard.

"What's this? She almost shouts out loud in utter surprise as she sees Jessica and Sue sitting in a fifteen feet wide round dismountable swimming pool.

"Auntie Lis!…Look what Auntie Jess bought!" Sue greets her aunt.

"You're already back home; why didn't you call me?"

"I was already finished and I didn't want to cut your day at the beach short…but how did you end up with this?'

"Put on your bathing suit and hop in; I'll explain the whole thing to you".

Ten minutes later Lisa is sitting in the forty eight inch deep pool and Jessica starts to tell her what happened that day.

"So you bought this whole thing from the savings of your father?"

"Yeah, I completely forgot about that money and I felt so bad for Sue after what happened to her on the beach…and well, it wasn't too expensive".

"How much did it cost?"

"Not too much…just around four hundred bucks; pump included".

"You're nuts, but I like it".

Jessica shrugs with a smile on her face.

"Just see it as an investment in our little place, no more crowded beaches or dragging stuff from the car….just hop in it when you want and enjoy in all privacy".

"I know, when I was a kid we used to have one of those as well" Lisa smiles as she remembers the hot summer nineteen years ago.

Lisa swims to the other side of the pool and sits down next to Jessica.

"You really manage too surprise me time and time again" she smiles.

"I sometimes am surprised about myself as well…never thought I would end up in a private swimming pool with you and Sue".

"And is it that bad?"

"No…it's one of the best things which happened to me in my life"

Lisa kisses Jessica on her cheek and smiles.

"Ooooh, auntie Lis is kissing auntie Jess!" Sue shouts.

"And how about I will kiss you?" Lisa teases as she moves herself in Sue's direction.

"Noooo, no kissies!" Sue giggles and tries to avoid being caught by going under water.

"Oh yes I will" Lisa plays and goes under water as well and starts to tickle her little niece.

"Shouting of laughter Sue emerges and Lisa grabs her by her side".

"Having fun?"

"I never want to go back home!" Sue once more shouts enthusiastically.

Jessica watches the whole scene and just smiles…"I never want to go back home….and that is exactly how a little girl should feel during her holiday".

* * *

Another day passes and at the end of the afternoon of yet another hot and humid day, Jessica is standing in the kitchen preparing dinner.

As usual she has put a chair next to the kitchen sink so she can put her left knee on it which enables her to stand up in a more comfortable way.

Lisa is again at work and is not expected to be home early this day.

"What's for dinner?" Sue asks as she sees Jessica cutting onions and sweet peppers".

"Jambalaya" Jessica replies as she is chopping up another onion.

"Jamba-what?"

"Jambalaya, it's Cajun food…..originates from New Orleans" Jessica explains.

"I never had a Cajun for dinner….how does it taste?"

"No, Cajuns are people who live in Louisiana and have their own style of food…I think you'll like it".

"Is it hot?" Sue once more asks.

"No, don't worry; I won't put too much black and cayenne pepper in it".

"Auntie Jess?"

"Yes sweetie".

"Shouldn't Patty and Selma have dinner as well?"

"Patty and Selma?…Ow, damn….I almost forgot to feed them" Jessica realizes herself.

"I can give them dinner if it's OK with you".

"You?…Do you know how to do it?"

"Yep, I have done it plenty of times with auntie Lis…the food is in the barn next to her bicycle and I have to fill their feed-box till it's half full".

"Well…OK; will you also check if they have got enough fresh water?"

"Sure I will!" Sue shouts as she runs off towards the barn.

Jessica continues to cut the vegetables and meat she needs for her dish till she suddenly hears the voice of Sue shouting "Patty come back here!".

"Owww shit, this doesn't sound good"

And just as Jessica has washed her hands and grabbed her crutch, Sue comes running into the kitchen shouting "auntie Jess, auntie Jess; Patty has escaped!".

"How did that happen?"

"I opened up the door and suddenly she ran off!"

When the both of them arrive at the front side of the cottage, they see Patty already has head to the banks at the side of the road and starts to graze some grass.

"Catching a midget goat…..how the hell am I going to catch a midget goat on one and a half leg?" Jessica mumbles to herself as she wonders about the tactic she is going to use to catch the little black and white grazing animal.

"OK Sue, now you go to the left and I go to the right; you need to make her come to me so I can catch her".

Slowly they move into position, but Patty apparently sees what they are up to and takes a run.

A second attempt is made and a third one, a fourth one; but every time the apparently with a tactical insight gifted midget goat escapes.

"This isn't going to work….Sue get the bag of goat food or whatever your aunt is feeding them; perhaps that will do the trick!"

Sue runs back to the barn to get the food while Jessica tries to make Patty turn back into the direction of the cottage.

Another attempt is made, this time with the use of food which once again ends up in a total failure as the grass at the banks of the road is considered as more tasty compared to the dry stuff the little piece of cattle has to eat every day.

Slowly Jessica is loosing her temper as what ever she tries, Patty won't let herself be caught.

Another tactic is tried, this time with a rope and for a moment it seemed to work.

Unfortunately, neither Jessica nor Sue are very experienced with using a rope as a lasso and despite the fact one time the rope was partially over the head of the midget goat; she shook her head and the lasso was gone.

Limping at a high pace on a leg which starts to hurt more and more, Jessica now tries the direct approach once more: with very little success.

"I swear; the moment I'll get you, I'll call the Chinese restaurant and ask what they will charge to turn you into a dish!"

"Are we gonna eat Patty instead of Jambalaya?".

"Quite possible!"

"But...but...I don't want to eat Patty!" Sue moans.

"She'll taste great!" Jessica hisses while loosing her patience with the tactical master mind on four hoofs.

Twenty minutes later and over half a mile up the road, Jessica leans with one arm against a tree as she tries to get her breath back.

"Alright goat, you wanna play it rough!?….Then we're gonna play it rough!…..Com' ere goddammit!"

"Ohhhh, auntie Jess, that's a very bad word!"

"I know sweetie, but at the moment auntie Jess is that much pissed off , she doesn't care about it anymore!"

Jessica's words didn't made a lot of impression as Patty continues to graze in a relaxed way a little over a hundred yards away up the road.

"This means fucking war!" Jessica hisses between her teeth and once more limps in the direction of the midget goat.

Apparently the grass and weeds are very tasty at the location where she is grazing, as Jessica finally manages to approach her to a distance of just several yards.

But when Jessica comes too close, Patty turns around and wants to make a run for it.

"No fucking way!" Jessica hisses and with all the strength she has in her right leg, she jumps on the little animal.

The result of Jessica's dive can be more or less considered as successful as she lands right next to it, manages to grab one of the legs and then rolls into the ditch next to the road….Jessica first and Patty landing on top of her.

The sound of two bodies landing in mud and water, a loud high pitched bleat and a very profound "fuck!" mark the end of Patty's travel along the more rural roads around Springfield.

"The rope, gimme the fucking rope!" Jessica shouts while holding Patty down in the mud.

Sue quickly descends the steep slope at the side of the ditch; a bit too quick as she looses her balance and falls sideways into the water and mud in front of Jessica and the midget goat.

Patty, trying to take advantage of the whole thing, once more sees an opportunity to make a run for it; but hasn't taken the fact Jessica has gone more or less berserk into account as immediately her head is pushed down into the mud and water which results in an even more profound series of swear words and high pitched gargling bleating.

Half an hour later, after being thoroughly cleaned with the garden hose, a clean but soaking wet Patty once more is behind the fence.

"I think next time I better feed them" Jessica states businesslike.

"Are you angry at me now?" Sue asks nervously.

"No sweetie, I'm not angry at you but you did something rather clumsy.

"I…I didn't want her to escape…it was an accident" the little girl starts to sob.

"Aww Sue, there is no need to cry, we all sometimes do clumsy things" Jessica tries to comfort her.

"But…but you were so angry at Patty and you even wanted to eat her".

"No sweetie, I just lost my temper because we couldn't catch her and because my leg started to hurt so much".

"Is that because of that big scar you got on it?"

"Yes it is, now come on; we need to clean ourselves as well".

At the back door Jessica and Sue strip down to their underwear so the they won't spread the mud and other dirt all through the house.

Upstairs in the shower Jessica opens the water tap and feels if the water isn't too hot.

"Alright, now you take a shower first and when you are finished I will wash myself".

Sue hesitates for a moment and nervously watches the warm water coming from the sprinkler.

"Auntie Jess…I don't…don't know very well yet ho to do this".

"Your mother is still bathing you?"

"Uh..yes…I have washed myself only once or twice and mommy said I didn't do it very well…especially my hair".

A bit of an awkward feeling comes up in Jessica; despite her history, being completely nude with seven year old girl under a shower is something different and just doesn't feel completely right.

But one way or another, Sue needs to be cleaned up and as she isn't able to do it all by herself; there is very little choice left.

"Do you want to help me wash myself auntie Jess?" Sue asks feeling pretty much ashamed because she still can't do it herself.

"Hey, it's not a shame you can't do it yourself yet; you're just seven years old….take off your underwear, I'll wash you" Jessica responds with a comforting voice and smile on her face.

A few minutes later Jessica and Sue are under the shower washing the mud and dirt off their bodies.

"Do you know how to wash your body?"

"A bit" Sue replies still rather ashamed.

"Alright, now take a good look" and Jessica grabs a sponge, puts some shower gel on it and gently starts to wash Sue's arms.

"You'll start with your arms, and then you go to your chest and tummy" she explains.

"Then you go to your back and after that you'll work your way down to your legs.

After Jessica has washed Sue completely she hands the sponge over.

"First you put some showering gel on it and then you'll start with your?"

"Arms" Sue adds and puts a bit of shower gel on the sponge.

"You can put a bit more on it, don't you want to have a nice amount of foam?"

"Carefully the little girl puts some more gel on her sponge and starts to wash her arms".

"Now go to your back".

"I can't reach it, my arms are too short" Sue almost apologizes herself.

"Just use both your arms and go over your shoulders and under your arms" Jessica continues to explain with a comforting smile on her face.

"You see, there you go".

Sue starts to get a bit more confidence and works her way down her body with the sponge.

"Now it's my turn, just look again how I do it".

Slowly Jessica starts to wash her own body and explains step by step again how it's done.

"Auntie Jess?….What's that picture on your tummy?"

"That's a dragonfly Sue…..I got that picture when I was a teenager".

"But won't you wash it off then?"

"No, it's a tattoo, the ink is in my skin so it can't be washed off".

"I didn't know you could have pics all over your body; daddy has a few of those on his arms but they aren't as pretty as this one".

Once more Jessica just smiles as the memories connected to the tattooed dragonfly aren't all that positive and continues to wash her body.

A quarter of an hour later the both of them are finished and Jessica is drying off Sue.

"You see how easy it is?"

"Yeah, but washing my hair under the sprinkler is a bit scary".

"Don't worry sweetie, that's just a matter of getting used to…you really did a very good job".

Sue blushes a bit as she is overloaded with compliments.

"You explained it way better then mommy did….mommy gets angry very fast when I don't understand things".

"Well, perhaps your mommy just has very little time, but she sure loves you"

"Yeah….I think she does" Sue replies with a bit of a bland tone in her voice.

The way Sue replies to Jessica's remark about her mother makes her wonder about how things actually are between Sue and her mother, but decides not to ask any further questions about it.

Every time Nikki is mentioned, Sue becomes more quiet and almost a certain nervousness can be seen in her eyes.

When she is with her father however, she is just her normal self and the more Jessica thinks about it, the more she gets an uncomfortable but very well known feeling about it.

"How do you want to have your hair?" she changes the subject to avoid any further awkwardness.

"I want to have a ponytail, can you do that?"

"Then one ponytail coming up!"

* * *

Like it is with all good things, they all come to an end.

It has been a wonderful week for Sue: playing in the swimming pool, a trip to the summer evening market in Springfield with Jessica and several short bike trips with Lisa when she came home from work.

The evening before Sue will return home, Jessica is putting her in bed.

"Is the fan at the right place?" She asks the little girl to make sure the cool artificial breeze is blowing all over her body.

Sue nods silently.

"Auntie Jess?….Can I stay longer with you and auntie Lis?" she eventually asks with a sad voice.

Jessica smiles and sits down on the edge of the bed.

"Aww sweetie, I wish you could stay a little longer as well but your mommy and daddy want you back home".

"I don't wanna go back home" Sue once more replies softly.

"Why not?…You will see Peter and your mommy and daddy again, as well as your friends" Jessica tries to comfort the little girl.

"Auntie Jess, I don't want to go home…I want to stay with you" she starts to sob.

Jessica takes Sue in her arms and softly caresses her back.

"Hey, there will be more holidays to come and then you can stay here again" she continues to comfort.

"Shall I ask a very special little friend of mine if he wants you to keep company tonight?"

"You…you got a little friend?"

"Yes, he always comforted me when I had to cry when I was a little girl; shall I get him for you?"

Sue just nods, wondering who Jessica is talking about.

A few moments later Jessica sits again on the edge of Sue's bed and shows Effie to her.

"This is Effie, my special little friend; when auntie Jess was a little girl she cried a lot as well and Effie always comforted me".

"Effie is also a very brave little diesel locomotive, he once saved auntie Jess' live when she had a very bad accident".

Sue looks at the pink plush diesel locomotive and sees the dent at its side made by the steering wheel of Jessica's Corvette.

"Did Effie get wounded during that accident as well?"

"Yes, but Effie is strong and just like me, he now has a scar" Jessica smiles and puts Effie in Sue's arms.

"Is it because of that why you can't walk very well?'

Jessica nods "Yes, when I had that accident I hurt my leg very bad".

"Will…will your leg get better so you can walk again normally?"

"No sweetie, my leg was so badly damaged that I will always have to walk with a crutch" .

"Always?"

"Yes, always" Jessica continues with a soft voice and a smile on her face.

Sue once more starts to sob softly and clings herself on to Jessica.

"Aww, it's ok sweetie".

"I want to stay with you auntie Jess" the little girl once more cries.

"But when you stay with me your mommy and daddy will be so sad….and your little brother".

"Not my mommy"

"Not your mommy?….Why not her?….I'm sure she loves you very much".

"No she doesn't!"

"She always yells at me and Peter and sometimes she locks us up in the cupboard in the hall…then she shouts she never wanted us".

"What?…what did you say?"

"When daddy is at work she gets angry about everything…when daddy is at home she is different".

"Mommy doesn't love us…that is why I want to stay with you and auntie Lis….and perhaps Peter could stay with you as well" Sue now almost whispers.

Jessica doesn't know what to say and a mixed feeling of sorrow and anger starts to well up in her".

She presses Sue against her chest and kisses the little girl's red hair.

For almost half an hour Sue lies in her arms and eventually the little girl falls asleep.

Gently Jessica puts her down in the bed, puts the bed sheet over her and Effie next to the pillow.

Softly she leaves the room and heads downstairs.

"That took a while, have you been reading her a few bedtime stories?" Lisa asks.

But Jessica doesn't reply and just sighs deeply as she sits down in the garden chair and lights a cigarette.

"Sue asked me if she could stay with us".

"Now isn't that a tremendous compliment for what you all did for her….you know how little kids are when it comes to that" Lisa smiles.

Jessica sighs deeply again and shakes her head.

"No….it's not like that…I wish that was the case".

"How do you mean?"

Jessica just shakes her head as she blows out the smoke of her cigarette.

"Jess, what did Sue tell you?" Lisa asks with a more worried and persisting tone.

"She told me Nikki sometimes locks her and her brother up in a closet….that she yells a lot at them and that she never wanted them…..that she treats them like that only when Bart is not at home".

"She's afraid of her mother Lisa!…..She asked me if she and her little brother could stay with us".

"W…what?…are you sure?"

"There is something wrong with my leg, not with my ears".

A silence falls over the garden and both women just stare to the ground.

"You know….the sad thing is that it actually doesn't really surprise me that much" Lisa eventually remarks.

"Nikki has been suffering all her life from these violent mood swings….one moment she is normal and perfectly reasonable and the other moment she's a fury and an unguided projectile".

"Why can't children just be children….why can't they just be who they are" Jessica hisses.

"Why do their parents fuck them up, hurt them…abandon them…..don't let them play like they want to".

"Do they all want their kids end up like a whore…or worse!?"

Jessica's eyes turn black of rage and with one violent swing she wipes the ashtray off the table.

"What is so fucking difficult about loving your kids!?…..What is so difficult about caring for them!?…..Noooo, when they won't do what you like them to do you just put them in a fucking closet or dump them on a fucking boarding school!"

"Jess, easy….easy…this has no use" Lisa tries to calm her down.

"She just wants to play Lisa…just wants to play…like I wanted just to play…nothing more…and once more it's the cunt who gave birth to you who doesn't allow it" Jessica continues while tears start to emerge in her eyes.

"Hush now Jess…hush…you're safe…you're with me" Lisa comforts her while putting her arms around her.

"I can't help it Lis….I just can't help it….she clung on to me like she should do to her mother….but she can't….as that bitch just puts her in a closet while she should hold her" Jessica now sobs.

"You have any idea how cold and lonely such a thing is?…..When you just want to have a bit of warmth from the one who should love you the most?….Should love you no matter what?"

"So cold Lisa…it's so cold" Jessica whispers as she calms down.

"Why did Bart marry her?….He could have done so much better".

Lisa sighs deeply as she takes her arms off Jessica and picks a cigarette out of her package.

"You know how Bart was in his teenage years: wild and pretty popular with the girls…..sometimes he had another girlfriend every other month".

"Nikki was a 'disco queen' and pretty hard to get….Bart eventually managed, you know how he liked such challenges".

"At first glance they seemed a pretty nice couple and things became more serious between the both of them…..bit too serious if you ask me because suddenly she was pregnant".

"I've always wondered if she didn't trick him when it comes about that….but anyway, despite Bart being who he is, he took his responsibility as he felt he had to care for his child and asked Nikki to marry him".

"Sue was born a few months after the marriage and things seemed to be rather fine…and I think they were really rather fine, despite Nikki still had her mood swings".

"But things started to change when Sue was two years old, Nikki started to claim Bart more and more as well her mood swings became more violent and frequent…..it was their first marital crisis and you might say that Peter is the result of when they made things up together and gave it another try".

"Bart's marriage is everything except perfect….but he stays with her because of his kids".

"But why doesn't he leave her with them?….I mean, he must know what she is doing to them".

"I don't know Jess….I don't know if he actually knows; Bart and I grew apart since he married….we had our own lives and problems".

"And I suppose it isn't such a surprise that Nikki and I aren't exactly best friends….for her I am a nerdish dyke and for me she is a paranoid bitch who took advantage of my brother".

"Yeah…Sue mentioned something like that when she heard them fighting" Jessica adds.

"No idea how things exactly are over there….Bart never tells anything about it".

"But we can't let this continue Lisa…she is abusing her children!"

"I agree on that, but what do want to do?…..Child welfare will only come into action when there is actual proof of abuse….bruises and such things, I have seen myself how it works at the hospital" Lisa helplessly sighs.

"We could tell Bart" Jessica states.

"Bart….and who is going to do it?…..He'll never believe one of us and it will be our word against Nikki's".

"Besides, he immediately will accuse me of trying to blow up his marriage…and we both know how he thinks about you" Lisa continues.

"We should tell Marge and Homer….perhaps they can do something".

Lisa shakes her head "same story, Bart has more or less alienated from them as well…as well he knows that especially mom is not fond about her daughter in law; it would lead to the same result as when I would tell him".

"I can't let this happen Lisa…..I just can't allow these two children going down the same road I went".

"Neither can I, but the only thing we can do at the moment is to try to keep an eye on things and hope they won't get worse".

"I won't settle for this, I just won't!"

"But how Jessica?…What can we do?"

"Don't know how or what…but I will do something!".

"Jess, don't let this whole thing escalate….the kids will be the ones who will pay the price".

"Still, I think your parents should know".

"OK, I agree on that, but for now the only thing we can do is to try to keep an eye on things".

For a moment Jessica is silent and thinks about the consequences of her potential acts.

Frustrated she shakes her head and lights another cigarette while reluctantly admitting Lisa does have a point.

"I'll be good, I won't stir up any trouble when they will pick up Sue tomorrow" she eventually sighs.

Lisa just replies with a nod and for a few moments there once more is a silence.

"Remember I told you had a caring nature?" Lisa suddenly smiles at Jessica.

"Yeah…I guess you were right after all".

* * *

A week goes by and Jessica is sitting on the couch watching the rain falling into the swimming pool.

The hot weather of the last few weeks has been driven away by dark clouds, lots of rain and relative lowe temperatures for the time of the year.

Loud complaining about the weather conditions, Snowball quickly enters the kitchen through the cat flap and leaves a track muddy foot prints all through it and into the living room.

Bottom, who is asleep on Jessica's lap, opens his green eyes for a moment and then continues his daily afternoon nap.

Jessica softly caresses the head of the big black tomcat who slightly hesitatingly starts to purr.

A deep sigh, the sound of another cigarette lighted, followed by a cloud of blue gray smoke which drifts away in the direction of the ceiling.

Lisa is at work; still replacing her colleague whose illness took a little longer as initially expected.

It's silent in the cottage and Jessica's thoughts start to wander off once more to the little red head girl.

Despite the fact she knew Sue for just a short time, the little girl managed to touch her; touch her in a way she never could have imagined a year ago and for the first time in her life Jessica actually wonders how it would be to be a mother herself.

Again silently she stares to the ashtray on the coffee table as she knows she could have been the mother of a ten year old child herself.

The abortion she had when she was nineteen; she had no choice as she never could have taken care of a child back then; but still it makes her wonder how it would have been.

She told Lisa about what happened during the days when she was walking the streets and got all the support and understanding for the fact she terminated her own pregnancy.

But deep inside it still is a scar which just starts to hurt when certain feelings are triggered.

How would her life been when her mother just would have treated her the way a mother should treat her child?

"Mother" Jessica sighs bitterly while blowing out a large cloud of smoke and thinks about the evening before Sue had to go back home and was crying.

The next day she met Nikki and despite she was bas behaving perfectly normal: Jessica saw how silent Sue was when her stuff was loaded into the trunk of the car.

For one reason or another she saw something in Nikki's eyes, some kind of an unpredictable violent force which could make her change from a normal person and mother into an exploding volcano.

It was hard not to make remarks, or just bluntly ask why she treated her children the way Sue told her.

For the sake of Peter and Sue she kept her mouth shut and stayed friendly while praising Sue for being such a great girl.

Sue once more asked if she could stay again with her and Lisa the next time when she would have a holiday and if Peter could come with her as well.

Jessica enthusiastically replied positively to the question, but Nikki's respond was way more reserved and told her daughter that " they would see".

The invitation to come in for a cup of coffee also was turned down as they had ever so many things to do that day.

When Nikki and the kids had left, Jessica more or less exploded in rage and frustration as she couldn't do anything.

Again vague feelings of anger emerge in her as she sees the faces of these two kids and the almost cold and unpredictable eyes of their mother in front of her inner eye, but she also knows she can do very little about the whole situation.

"Hey, big guy….I need to get up to clean the mess your little girlfriend made on the floor".

Disturbed by the fact his 'bed' starts to move, Bottom slides off Jessica's lap and takes position in his usual corner on the couch.

A few minutes later Jessica is sitting on her knees mopping up the mud trace Snowball made earlier.

"Wonder when they will invent cat-slippers so they can put them on when they come in from outside…this is 'just' the fourth time today I am doing this…..yes madam, this is about you! " Jessica addresses Snowball who watches rather interested the cleaning activities from the dinner table.

Still following the trace all through the living room, the cleaning activities are interrupted by the sound of the door bell.

"Great…and who may this be?" Jessica grumbles as she is getting up from her knees.

When she opens the front door Bart is standing in front of her, holding in his hand a big bouquet of flowers.

"Uh…Hi Jessica…uh…can I come in?" He slightly awkwardly stammers.

"Bart?…Uh yeah…of course, come in…it's pouring outside".

In the living room the both of them sits down on the couch and Jessica nervously lights cigarette.

"Uh…I uh….I bought these for you" Bart still awkwardly stammers as he is holding up the bouquet of flowers.

"For me?"

"Uh…yeah….for you; I want to thank you for the great week you gave Sue…and uh….I think they are also a bit meant as uh…an apology".

Jessica doesn't know very well what to say as a bouquet of flowers given to her by Bart Simpson is almost the last thing she expected.

For a moment she watches the colorful flowers and reads the card attached to it which says 'thank you auntie Jess'.

A smile appears on her face as she recognizes the handwriting of the little girl.

"Actually there should have been two cards on it…..the other one saying 'sorry for behaving like a moron'" Bart adds.

Jessica looks Bart in the face and again nervously bytes her lower lip as she puts down the bouquet on the coffee table.

"It's…it's not really a surprise you reacted that way after what I have done to you in the past".

"You mean that whole history when you emptied the collection plate in your purse?"

Jessica watches to the ground and just nods.

Bart sighs deeply and shakes his head "woman, that was almost twenty years ago, we were just kids".

"Besides, I managed to get in quite a few situations which were way more awkward when I was a teenager" he continues with a slightly bad ass grin on his face.

"I still feel bad about it Bart; you were one of my first 'victims'….and actually you are the first 'victim' who I have to look straight in the face".

"Well, fact is that what you did wasn't really a testimony of good behavior and yes, you played a rather dirty trick on me…can't deny that, but does it mean that I have to hate you for the rest of my life?"

Jessica doesn't know how to respond and overcome with feelings of shame she just keeps looking at the floor.

"I've used so many people Bart…used them for my own good" she eventually replies.

"Uh…you mean the fact you used your looks to get what you wanted?"

"If that would have been the only thing….."

"Uh…yeah…you do have uh…a 'certain reputation' when it comes about that and I cannot deny it caused me to react the way I did".

"You were afraid I would use Lisa, weren't you?…..Or perhaps you still are".

Bart sighs deeply as Jessica is speaking the truth.

"Yes…I was and perhaps deep inside I partially still am, but my beliefs about who you actually are have been seriously challenged".

"I can understand that; I think I have a lot to prove in your eyes" Jessica acknowledges with a soft voice.

"You have been doing a pretty good job already" Bart replies with a gentle smile on his face while rolling a cigarette himself.

"Let me be honest with you; when I brought Sue I basically wanted to talk with you and I more or less expected you would tell me some kind of story in which you suddenly would have found out that you preferred women over men and paired up with Lisa because of that".

"My sister is a rather easy victim in such matters despite her intellect" he continues and tries to light his cigarette.

"Damn, I'm out of gas" he establishes as the lighter refuses to produce the much desired flame.

"Here, take mine"

Bart lights his cigarette and continues: " I have to admit I was more or less hoping to get into a brawl with you as it would prove that I was right and I could take Sue back home with me again".

"So…so you actually used Sue for some kind of test regarding me?"

"Uh…yeah…not really proud of it, but that was more or less the case".

"But…what but did you make decide Sue could stay with us?"

"Several things".

"It's more an accumulation of things which caused me to give things a little more elaborate thinking" Bart continues.

"Things like what?"

"The fact you didn't do what I more or less expected as well the fact not only Lisa, but also my mother and father supported you".

"When you ran away in tears when we were at my parents place wasn't quite what I expected to happen".

"I see….but what were you actually expecting I would do?"

"Well, more or less that you would behave a bit like a….uh….like a mundane diva…too clean, too affectionate, something like that…..a slut trying to impress…uh…a cheap woman trying to sell herself for too much money".

"Yeah…I kinda know what you mean" Jessica replies ashamed as Bart describes almost perfectly how she behaved when she was a teenager.

"But instead of that you broke out in tears and even ran off; something I would have never expected from you to do".

"No…no, not really…an arrogant smile…a vile remark…and then leaving the scene while sensually throwing my hips….something more like that?"

Bart nods as he puts off the ash of his cigarette into the ashtray.

"On the way back home, Sue also told me a few things you and dad have been talking about; well 'telling', was actually more blurting out what she had understood from the whole thing and later on I had a rather long phone conversation with mom as well".

"So that is why I eventually decided I at least could give it a try".

"When you told me about all the things which had happened to you in your life, as well how you and Lisa came together….it knocked me pretty much off my feet and was more or less the last drop which turned the balance of the benefit of the doubt in your favor".

"During the week Sue was with you and Lisa I visited my parents again and mom told me a few additional things as well….especially about how you nursed your father till the end".

"I could have made it all up; after all, I am considered to be a good actress" Jessica sneers to herself.

"Those are things you don't make up, not even a woman with your reputation".

"No…not really; although I wish it would have been the case as my life would have been a bit better compared to the heap of shit it has been till this far".

"Jessica can I ask you a question?….All the things you did for Sue, did you do them to make things up with me?"

"No….no, what I did for Sue has nothing to do with you….that was just for her".

"Sue touched me, there was this instant 'click' when I saw her the first time, despite I was sitting in tears next to your father on the couch".

"She's such a great kid: her spontaneity, her blabbing, the fact she is a bit of a tomboy….. I think it also has got something to do because she reminds me of the little girl I was myself; before I was sent to boarding school".

Bart smiles as Jessica describes his daughter pretty well.

"You made quite an impression on Sue too" he continues with a smile on his face.

"What did she tell about me?" Jessica asks slightly awkwardly as she knows she didn't behave always quite exemplary when Sue was with her.

"Everything!" Bart grins.

"Everything?….She told you about the beach?"

"Yep".

"And what I told that woman?"

"In detail".

"And also about the escaped goat?"

"Every word of it and also about Lisa had a sore tummy" Bart replies with still a very bad grin on his face.

"Wouldn't have mind seeing you with Patty in that ditch….who'd ever thought of that; you in the mud with a little girl while holding a midget goat down!" he now laughs out loud.

"Uh…yeah, not quite my most elegant moment" Jessica replies with a faint smile as she knows all to well on which contradiction the whole irony of the situation is based.

"You really gave her a great time and she is really fond of you" Bart acknowledges once more with a big smile.

"She already is asking if she can stay with the both of you during the next holiday….and not only her, she managed to convince her little brother of the fact that things are great at auntie Lis and auntie Jess' place.".

Jessica replies with a bit of a shy smile because of all the positive words from Bart.

"Your kids are everything for you, aren't they?"

"Yeah, they sure are; Sue is my little red headed pride and joy, well Peter too of course, but fathers and daughters are always something special".

Once more Jessica replies with a smile as she knows what Bart is talking about.

"Sue has the looks of her mother but her character reminds me a lot of how Maggie was at that age" he continues.

"Peter is different, he is more silent and thinks about things before taking action; a bit more like his Grandfather Brodie but not that uptight".

"He tends to be satisfied rather easily, when things are alright it's fine with him while his sister keeps on going".

"Those two are the best thing which ever happened to me".

"I guess the both of them can be quite a handful from time to time".

"Yeah…but that's OK, I can handle them".

"Well, you're not alone, your wife is there as well to look after them".

"Yeah…yeah she is, but Nikki is often very busy with her shop….anyway, she manages" Bart replies slightly blandish to Jessica's remark.

The conversation between the both of them more or less dies the moment Nikki is mentioned.

Jessica nervously lights a cigarette as she realizes this might be the moment to tell Bart about what Sue told her.

"She told you, didn't she?" Bart finally remarks still with a bland voice.

"Who told me what?"

"Lisa….about the fact my marriage is everything except perfect".

"Uh…yeah…she told me a few things about you and Nikki" Jessica awkwardly admits.

Again a silence fills the room and Bart sighs a few times while staring at the ceiling.

"My marriage still exists because of Sue and Peter; they need a mother and a father".

"Nikki and I had some good times together in the beginning, but it went all downhill when Peter was born….things didn't go that great anymore in her shop and the medication to keep her mood swings under control no longer did the job".

"I'm…I'm so sorry to hear this Bart".

"Yeah, me too" Bart almost cynically replies.

"Look, I don't want to discuss the state of my marriage with you, not because it's you but because I just don't want to talk about it".

"It's OK Bart, those are private things".

"Yeah….private things" Bart sighs and again the conversation comes to a halt.

"Anyway, I wanted you to thank for what you did for Sue; trust me when I say that it's really appreciated….I guess it's now time for me to go home".

Bart puts out his cigarette in the ashtray and gets up from the couch.

"Bart, wait….before you go; there is something I think you need to know".

"What do I need to know?"

"It's…it's something Sue told me the evening before she left…it's something about…about Nikki".

"About Nikki?….What did Sue tell you about her mother?"

"Bart, you are probably gonna hate me for what I am going to tell you now…but I just can't keep it to myself; you need to know this…for the sake of the children".

Bart sits down again and looks Jessica straight in the face.

"What's going on?….What do I need to know about Nikki and the kids?" he asks with a rather suspicious tone in his voice.

Jessica takes a deep breath, bites nervously her lover lip and starts to tell about how Sue wanted to stay with her and Lisa because of her mother.

"Initially I thought it was the normal thing of a kid who didn't want to go back home until she explained to me why".

"She told me Nikki is yelling a lot at her and Peter when you are not at home" Jessica continues.

"That's hardly a surprise she does such thing; Sue can be quite a handful and Nikki isn't exactly known for her patience and calm nature….not to mention how things can be combined with Peter but…."

"But what?"

Bart shakes his head: "I never expected that it would have such an effect on Sue….this is not good, not good at all".

"Did she tell her what Nikki yells at her?"

"That she never wanted to have them…that's what Sue told me when she was sobbing in my arms".

For a moment Bart doesn't know want to say and his eyes try to find something to fixate on.

"What…what kind of game are you trying to play now Jessica?" he replies with a cold voice full of rage.

"I…I'm not playing any game Bart….and the worst thing I even haven't told you" Jessica stammers as she sees how Bart's eyes are getting bigger and bigger.

"Bart…please….this is not about you and me…this is about Sue and Peter….. please believe me".

"I just have told you my marriage is one big mess and are you now trying to give it the final push so it collapses!?…..Just to have a bit of fun again!?" Bart fumes with rage.

"To have a bit of fun?…..Did you just say 'to have a bit of fun!?'" Jessica repeats as she feels the adrenaline level in her blood rising.

She gets up from the couch, limps towards Bart and slaps him with her bare hand straight in the face".

"Now listen you mister cowa-mother-fucking-bunga kid!….This is not about you or me!…This is about your kids!…Yes, about the fact that woman who you call your wife locks them into the closet in the hall when you are not around!….Now what kind of a father are you huh!?…..The kind who allows his nutcase wife to do such things to his kids, you piece of shit!"

"Your daughter was afraid to go back home because of that cunt and God only knows what she is doing to them right now!….Use your fucking brains you dick and think about them, instead of focusing your fantasies on what I might be up to!…..Which is nothing by the way, unless it's about that girl who was crying while she was lying in my arms!" Jessica now goes completely berserk.

"And I warn you mister, I may be a whore, I may be a slut….but if you don't take care of things: I fucking will!".

Completely flabbergasted, Bart stares straight in Jessica's eyes which have become large and black.

"She…she…she locks them up in….in the closet in the hall?" is the only thing he can stammer out at that moment.

"Is there something wrong with your fucking ears!?…Do I need to draw you a picture of it!?" Jessica once more roars.

"You…you're serious about it…aren't you?"

"Jesus Christ Bart!….You really don't get it, do you?"

"My…my children are locked in a closet….no…no, this can't be true" Bart keeps stammering in utter disbelief.

For a while he sits almost paralyzed at the couch; sometimes he watches Jessica with big eyes which are full of disbelief and sorrow.

Sometimes he tries to speak, but the overwhelming emotions block his voice.

Jessica, who has calmed down a bit as well, sits down next to him and grabs Bart's package of tobacco and rolls a cigarette for him.

"Here, I think you need this one pretty bad" she remarks as she puts the cigarette between his lips.

Almost automatically Bart lights the cigarette and just shakes his head while he inhales the smoke.

"Jess…I…this…this can't be true…she…she is their mother" he stammers as he fights his tears.

"Bart, I saw the fear and despair in Sue's eyes….she clung on to me that evening like she should do with her mother".

Bart again sighs and shakes his head while pressing his eyes shut.

"She's a borderline case Jess….her moods can swing in the blink of an eye….I always thought she would never take it out on Peter and Sue…..I never noticed anything".

"That evening…Sue told me these things only happen when you are not at home; it happens when you are at work" Jessica explains as she put her arm around the devastated father.

"And…and for how long are they locked inside…did she tell you this?

"No…she didn't ….she only told me it sometimes happens".

"Goddammit Jess, what can I do?….I'm stuck!…The moment I leave and go for a divorce I got my fucking father and mother in law on my neck who will gut me".

"These two are both lawyers and they will never allow me to have custody of my children" Bart continues desperately.

"How is your relation with your in-laws?"

"Not good, not bad….my father in law isn't such a bad guy; my mother in law….we get along, but that's it".

"But I can't imagine they would allow their daughter to do such things to their grand children?"

Bart replies by just shrugging.

"Look, perhaps you should try to take care of things within your marriage first….I mean, not immediately go for a divorce; just calm down and think things over a bit".

"It can't be Nikki always behaves in such way towards them...she must have good moments as well; she's their mother".

"I can't let this continue Jessica!"

"No, you can't, but when you don't play things clever Peter and Sue will pay the price and you will probably loose them".

"But couldn't Nikki go into therapy or something like that?….I mean, like I said: she is their mother".

"Not a chance, according to Nikki there is nothing wrong with her".

"Right…we're dealing with one of those cases".

"She…she isn't hitting them, isn't she?…Because if she does…I…I will…"

"No, she's not…Sue didn't mention anything about that and I couldn't see any bruises on her body when we were in the shower" Jessica cuts Bart's words off.

"What the fuck can I do to make this stop?…I….I can't do anything!"

"Well, for a start you could make sure the lock of that closet in your hall doesn't work anymore and if there are other closets she can lock them in….keys do disappear sometimes, you know".

"Yeah…yeah, that's something I could do….in that way she can't lock them anymore".

Perhaps I shouldn't say this, but you might give it some thoughts to go home at moments when she thinks you're at work….or perhaps ask your parents if they can pay Nikki occasionally an unexpected visit….or even your in-laws".

"When you, or one of them catches Nikki red handed; then things are clear and steps can be taken".

"But…but I can't allow this to continue Jess!….I have to do something!"

"Play it smart, use you brains and perhaps save your marriage as well".

"My marriage?…..There is no marriage anymore!….How can you expect me to stay with a woman who does such things?"

"Then do it for your children goddammit!…..You are not alone in this Bart, Lisa and I will be there for you as well as Marge and Homer".

"Mom will go berserk when she hears all this and dad….he's capable to drive straight to Ogdenville, drive his car through the wall of my house and take the kids with him…after he strangled me first for the fact I'm a lousy father…..and he's right about that".

"Uh uh mister, we're not going in that direction now!"

Bart once more just shrugs while staring at the floor.

"I better go now" he eventually remarks with a sad and dull voice as he gets up from the couch.

Jessica nods and grabs her crutch to let him out.

"Hey, don't do any stupid things" she urges when the both of them are standing in front of the front door.

"No…I won't".

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure….don't worry about it".

Bart opens the front door but instead of walking to his car he turns himself around and watches Jessica straight in her eyes.

"Before I go, I just want to ask you one more thing".

"Ok, just ask" Jessica replies calmly.

"Tell me Jessica, who are you?"

A faint smile appears on Jessica's face and for a moment she thinks about how to reply to his question.

"Who I am?….I am me, Jessica Lovejoy….a woman who almost discovered too late who she really is".


	11. Chapter 11

Fading purple

End September; the days are getting shorter and once more the rays of the setting sun illuminate the skyscrapers of the Windy Apple.

The purple and pink sky announces yet the end of another day in Capitol City where countless lights start to illuminate the upcoming darkness.

People are heading home; away from their daily duties which enables them to provide their families and themselves with the much needed money which is required to live life in this expensive stronghold of capitalism.

Capitalism, the system of free enterprising which has turned the dollar in a holy grail which has to be found and served every day.

Those who know where and how to search can lavish themselves in their hedonistic lifestyles and enjoy the many fruits the city has to offer.

Those who don't possess the skills or knowledge about how and were to search, or are held back by their beliefs in decency and empathy regarding the faith of their fellow human being, are left with no other choice then to work hard and long; so they can just maintain their existence in the many suburbs.

Decency and empathy are almost considered as some kind of disability, or at least as a most unwanted weakness, by many of those who have conquered the top floors of the skyscrapers in the city.

Taking advantage, manipulating and if needed metaphorically crushing another human being is just part of life when you are at the top.

Maintaining or improving your position is what matters and when this goes at the expense of someone else; that's just too bad for them.

From behind a small window at the second floor of one of the places where the forbidden fruits of the Windy Apple are served; a young blonde woman watches the stream of endless white and red lights which pass the numerous bridges crossing the Windy River in the distance.

The sun has now disappeared behind the horizon and in the alley below her, she can see how the purple and green neon lights of The Purple Sin are switched on and slowly disperse their colorful light over the street and facades of the buildings at the other side.

Spike closes her eyes for a moment and imagines how she is in one of the cars which cross the bridges in the distance.

In a car, moving further and further away from the place where she is held captive for almost two months now.

She has become one of the 'crushed ones'; crushed by Jeb Fielding so he can maintain his place at the top.

Her nightmare started a little over six months ago on that dreadful evening when the 'Empress of The Sin' was 'dethroned', tortured, thrown naked into the alley behind the Sin and was left there to die.

Spike heard her screaming and begging for her life when Jeb and Ernie took 'care' of her and saw how she was thrown out like a piece of garbage.

She just couldn't let that woman perish there in the freezing cold that night and went out to help her when the coast seemed to be clear.

Jazz was grateful when Spike covered her naked and battered body and more or less dragged her to her car so she could escape her grim fate.

The words the black haired woman spoke to her still echo in her mind: "leave the Sin before it's too late…please, run for it".

She almost begged her to leave and for Spike it became clear that for her the time had come to also leave the Sin.

But as she went back to the stage door in the alley, her fate was already sealed as Ernie, Jeb's most loyal henchman, had seen the whole thing and brought her to his master.

She was terrified; afraid of suffering the same fate as Jazz when she was standing there in front of Jeb in his office.

The belt which was used to lash Jazz was still hanging over the chair and stains of blood were visible on the carpet, the wall and on Jeb's suit.

"So you are one of Jazzie's dearest friends Spike?…..Now what a rather pleasant surprise is this as the position Jazz had for so many years has just become vacant" he announced with a diabolical grin on his face.

"J…Jeb please…I just wanted to help her…she would have died there in the alley" she stammered terrified, hoping Jeb would be more merciful to her as he had been to Jazz.

"How noble of you sweetie….how noble indeed…seems we have our own 'Florence Nightingale' here" he continued full of cynicism.

"You were very good for her indeed my dear; only I'm afraid there is kind of a little problem in this…..you were good for Jazzie but you weren't good for Jebbie".

"Please…please Jeb…don't kill me…I…I'll make it up to you" she started to cry.

"So now you suddenly want to be good for me again?….Aww, now that is something I really do appreciate; do you hear that Ernie?….Spike wants to be good for me again".

"Well sweetie, then today is your lucky day, because I think I know how you can make things up".

"Re…really?"

"Yeah, sweetie just take your uniform off for me" he continued with a hungry diabolic grin and she feared the worst.

"Your panties too sweetie, I wanna see all the beauty of you".

Softly sobbing she stood naked in front of Jeb who slowly walked a few times around her.

"Why not take a seat Spikey, you seem to be a bit upset….Ernie, be a gentleman and give her a chair".

"My my my…..look at all this beauty; bit a pity you are not cleanly shaven but that is something we can take care of….now spread your legs sweetie".

"Sp…spread my…my legs?"

"Hmmmm yeah….I want to have a better look at what you have to offer"

Crying, convinced she would be raped by both men, Spike spreaded her legs.

"Wide open sweetie….open your little gate of paradise for me with your fingers"

"Yeeeees…pink and tight, very tight indeed" Jeb hungrily grinned after he checked out the dimensions of Spikes womanhood with his fingers.

"Are you still a virgin sweetie?"

"N…no" she terrified gasped for air.

"Aww, that's a pity…but the 'hogs' will love you anyway….young, blonde and tight as hell; they'll love to put a hundred dollar bill into you…and you know what Spikey, it would be such a waste if that delicious pussy of yours would be ravaged by a twelve inch cock….so I'll go easy on you: just stripping…for the time being then".

The money she would earn on the catwalk would all be for Jeb as he had to cover the losses caused by the fact he lost his top whore.

Clothing and accessories would be provided by the Sin.

Jeb finished the 'negotiations' stating she really got a 'good' deal and cynically 'congratulated' her with her promotion.

He also made the 'gesture' of giving her the rest of the evening off as the next day dance practicing would start.

It didn't really get through to her as she still was in shock and just grateful for the fact she was still alive.

Before she was allowed to go home, Jeb made a final remark: "Ah yes, I suggest you keep your end of the bargain and don't tell anyone anything about it".

He reached out into one of the drawers under his desk and pulled out a sheet of paper.

"Take a good look at this Spikey, you recognize these?"

On the paper Spike saw the names and addresses of her parents, her brother and her sister.

"You know, sometimes young women end up in the river with a pair of concrete 'shoes' and their face cut off…..in your case it won't be only you; if you know what I mean".

The only thing she could do at that moment was to swear she would do what Jeb wanted and keep her mouth shut.

During the next months she learnt how to strip but still could live in her student apartment.

Things went downhill for The Sin as the new top brass civil servant, who was the replacement of Billy, wasn't interested in sexual favors; he wanted hard cash and considerably more then his predecessor.

It forced Jeb to lower the standards of the club and allow more people in it, as well he 'employed' several young Mexican women who stayed illegally in the United States for the 'entertainment' upstairs.

Things got more perverted and raw in The Sin; Jeb started to drink and use speed to deal with it.

It made him violent and paranoid; he began to see everywhere conspiracies against him and especially Lola and the Mexican girls had to pay the price for it.

For Spike, who had become more or less the top attraction on stage and a rather profitable 'asset', it meant after four months she had to stay at The Sin permanently, as Jeb was convinced she would run off.

Almost ten weeks now, ten weeks living as a prisoner in a luxurious cell: a fifteen by fifteen foot room, air-conditioned, television, stereo, game console and all the cigarettes, liquor, pot and cocaine she wanted to have.

But she doesn't want to have any of those; she wants her freedom, go back to the university, continue her study and above all: her family.

Countless times she has been thinking about how she could escape, how she could get herself and her family into safety.

But Jeb has got eyes and ears everywhere; the top brass of the police are regular customers and the FBI…..God only knows who are 'owned' by Jeb in that organization.

A message to her parents was impossible as well as her cell phone was confiscated and Jeb made sure she kept in touch with her family by carefully orchestrated phone calls and text messages.

Contact to the outside world was only possible through Jeb and the occasional time she would be allowed to go outside she was closely guarded by Ernie.

Spikes thoughts of what all happened are interrupted by the crackling of a key in the lock of her door.

She turns herself around and sees Jeb entering the room holding some kind of new outfit for her in his left hand.

"Spikey, you delicious little pussy of me" he greets the blonde woman enthusiastically.

"Remember when I told you about doing theme based evenings?…..Well, this evening I want to give it a first try….just a try-out for a circus theme".

"I will be the director and do my announcements on the catwalk while you will be my black panther" he continues.

Spike smells her boss has been hitting the bottle of Bourbon pretty heavily already and she knows from experience when this is the case; it's better to cooperate and say 'yes' to everything.

"A cat suit?…And do I also have to walk like a cat or can I just walk straight up?"

"No sweetie, you have to become a black panther….a predator of the naughtiest kind; you have to crawl, hiss and roar to the 'hogs'".

"So, will I be all the time at your side or just when you announce me?"

"Hmmm…good one, haven't thought of that….I like your input on this…what do you think?'

"Well, I think because it is just a try-out we better keep it kinda limited, just dress up as a circus director when you announce me; in that way I can do the 'dominatrix' act on the catwalk but a bit more pussy like".

"The 'dominatrix' one eh?….Yeaaaah, that will make them purr….You're becoming a natural in this business Spike; you really have it in you".

Spike just smiles as she takes a better look at the cat suit.

"It's going to be a great act girl; I know you will make me proud!" Jeb shouts as he leaves and locks the door.

Spike's facial expression changes from a friendly smiling one into one full of rage and disgust.

She spits on the costume and throws it into one of the corners of the room.

"Now you are the boss Jebbie, but my time will come…my time will come and then you will beg me to dump you in the river with a block of concrete and your face cut off when I am finished with you" she softly hisses to herself.

"You're going to pay a heavy price for this…a really heavy price" she continues.

Her hatred grows and gives her the strength to endure the humiliation she once more has to face that evening.

Hatred is the only thing which keeps her going and prevents her from going crazy, loosing her mind with all the disastrous consequences for herself and her family.

Her blue eyes become dark and focused while the thought of bloody revenge continues and gives her the strength and the adrenaline she needs to perform.

"Just wait Jebbie…just wait…no one will mess with Margaret S!"

* * *

Standing in the middle of an empty living room, Jessica looks around her and experiences how a slightly unreal feeling is coming up.

The whole house of her father is empty now; earlier that week Bart, Lisa and their father helped her to bring the things she wanted to keep to the cottage and the day before a group of volunteers from the church, who run a shop in used furniture and other items, took all the rest with them.

"I've checked all rooms and they are all empty; the attic as well" Marge calls from the kitchen where she checks if the closets are all emptied and more or less clean.

Jessica doesn't reply as her thoughts wander off to the last moments she had with her father.

"Well, I guess we're done overhere now" Marge continues as she enters the living room.

Jessica still doesn't reply as she is watching the place where the hospital bed was.

"Everything alright, child?" The blue haired lady asks with a soft voice.

"It's so strange to see this house all empty…..I mean, it always was something which was there and always would be there…..and now it isn't anymore".

"Difficult for you to see it like this?" Marge asks as she sits down on the window-sill.

"I actually don't know….I think 'contradictive' is the best way to describe what my feelings are about all this".

"At one hand this was always a place of coldness; while at the other hand I knew deep inside it always would be a safe harbor for me as well".

"I think the fact this house is now empty is above all a testimony of you moving on in your life".

"Moving on in my life…..yeah….yeah, I think you have put that right; the end of an era" Jessica almost dreamingly establishes as she limps towards the back window and sits down next to Marge on the window-sill.

For a moment the two women look silently into the empty room.

"Marge, tell me honestly; what do you really think about me and Lisa?" Jessica suddenly asks.

With a soft smile on her face, the blue haired lady turns her face towards her and then turns it back again.

"It has been a very long time since I saw Lisa that happy" she replies with a soft voice.

"Yeah, but what do you think of it?"

Marge is silent for a moment as she needs to think about which words she can use the best to express her feelings.

"For me the most important thing is that my children are happy and when they are; I'm happy".

"I have to admit when I found out Lisa preferred women; it was something which was not easy for me to accept and I was definitely surprised when she told you and her were a couple….I didn't know you could love women in such way as well".

"I know since my teenage years I am bi-sexual, but never had a real relation with another girl or woman….heh, to be honest; I never had a real relation with anyone".

"Not even with a boy when you were a teenager?"

"You know how my teenage years were….I only had uh…'physical' relations, never the spiritual bond I have with Lisa".

"Regarding that I think it's actually the first time in my life I dare to trust and love someone unconditionally".

Marge smiles and caresses Jessica's long black hair.

"You're wearing her old pearl necklace to keep your ponytail together" she remarks with a soft voice.

"I gave her that necklace when she was a little girl and she always wore it,….the fact she gave it to you to wear means a lot".

Jessica nods and smiles as she knows what the pearl necklace means.

"I think it's time to go now; there's nothing we need to do here anymore" Marge smiles.

Jessica grabs her bunch of keys and takes off the key of her father's house.

For a short moment she holds it in her hand and looks at it.

"The end of an era" she sighs softly and hands over the key.

"Yes, the end of an era and the start of a new one" Marge ensures as she puts the last key on the key ring with all the other keys of the house.

"You really did a fantastic job in selling the house Marge; I really don't know how I can thank you for this".

"You are already thanking me Jessica; you are making my oldest daughter happy and are becoming a happy person yourself as well".

A tear rolls down Jessica's cheek and Marge puts her arm around her and holds the black haired woman against her chest.

"It's alright child, it's alright" she whispers with a comforting voice.

"Now let's go….your life is now in another and better place".

Both women leave the house and drive to the cottage where Marge drops Jessica off and heads with the keys to the new owners of the house.

Inside Jessica is greeted by two slightly disgruntled cats as she is almost half an hour late for 'dinner'.

"Yeah, yeah, I know I am late but can I at least take off my coat and shoes?" she apologizes to both four-footers who are twisting themselves around her legs while plaintively meowing.

Limping and almost stumbling over the cats, she manages to get into the kitchen and starts to open a tin of cat food.

"The both of you should be ashamed; you even haven't touched your dry food" Jessica complains as she tries to get the content of the can in the two little bowls.

"No, we eat on the floor, not on the kitchen sink" she tries to explain both felines who push their noses immediately in the glass bowls and start to work their food inside.

Finally she manages to put the food on the ground, followed by the cats.

After cleaning up the mess on the kitchen sink; she limps to the living room where she sits down at the dinner table and lights a cigarette.

"Strange day" she mumbles to herself and silently stares through the window.

Her thoughts wander off to her childhood and her father, but strangely enough not to the many negative things of the past.

Again the images start to appear in front of her inner eye of that evening at the grain elevator where she watched the railway activities with her father.

A sad smile appears on her face and slowly a desire of 'touching the past' comes up.

She puts out her cigarette and limps to the spare room at the first floor which is temporarily used as storage facility for all the boxes containing the things from her old home.

Silently she starts to look for a specific box and after opening a few to see what is inside of them, she finds what she is looking for.

Gently she takes three photo albums out and takes them under her arm with her downstairs where she puts them on the coffee table.

Sitting on the couch, she opens the first one and on the first page she sees a picture of her father while preaching at Christmas Eve.

A whole series of church pictures follow, as well as a few of meetings of the church government.

"Heh…bitch" she cynically remarks as she sees Lindsey Naegle on one of them.

As she goes through the album, it becomes pretty clear to her that in this one are the pictures which were taken after the divorce of her parents.

Most of them are about the activities of her father as a preacher and other church related activities, only a few of them show him in private.

As she is about to take a look at the second album, she hears Lisa opening the back door.

"I'm home!" it sounds from the kitchen and a few seconds later Lisa enters the living room.

"Hey, how was your day?" Jessica greets her as they kiss each other on the cheek.

"The usual, nothing special: stitches, bruises and a few broken bones" Lisa replies with a smile while taking off her coat.

"And how was your day?" she asks from the hall as she is taking her shoes off and puts her coat on the hallstand.

"I was at father's house with your mother….the final check and I gave her my keys".

Lisa enters the room again and sits down on the couch next to Jessica.

"Did you manage a bit?" she asks with a worried voice.

"Yeah…kinda; a really strange thing to do and I was glad Marge was with me".

"Hey, try to look at it as the proof of moving on, the proof of the start of a better life".

"That's almost exactly what your mother told me as well" Jessica faintly smiles.

"It has been a really strange day for me: so contradictive, so many different emotions…..at one hand there is a certain melancholy, a silent sadness, especially when it comes about father, but at the other hand it also feels like some kind of…of liberation" she continues.

"Yeah…must be strange to experience all these feelings at the same time" Lisa nods acknowledging.

"You know, perhaps the strangest part of it all is when I came home; I suddenly felt the need to watch how it was….and perhaps even stranger is the fact that despite all the misery of the past in the other place, a lot of memories start to become more…more warm".

"Ah, fuck it….I cannot explain, it's all so confusing; I'm gonna start to prepare dinner" Jessica abruptly ends her reflection on the past and her current feelings.

She gets up and heads to the kitchen where she starts to prepare an easy shrimp and bean stew.

Still sitting on the couch, while watching the news, Lisa can hear how a 'discussion' between Jessica and Snowball develops.

"No, these shrimps aren't for you…you had dinner already; you had trout…which is actually way better then what I will have" .

Apparently Snowball is in for a second course and even Bottom has more interest for the developments in the kitchen as usual.

"Hey!…Don't put your nails in my leg!….And you missy, get off the sink!"

"No!…Those are beans…you don't like beans…Yes, I am sure you don't like those…look, there is still some trout in one of your bowls!".

"Snowball!…No!….Those are mine!….Yes, that's an onion….irritates your nose and eyes…..told you it would irritate your eyes and please sneeze somewhere else!"

"Bottom, what did I just tell you?…Don't put your nails in my leg!"

"Alright, enough….got a riddle for you now: it has four legs and pointy ears and is about to leave the kitchen involuntary…about who am I talking?"

"Right, the both of you!" Jessica firmly states as she puts both cat out of the kitchen and closes the door which obviously isn't appreciated and made perfectly clear by series of loud and disgruntled meows.

Finally both women are having dinner and after they have finished their meal and put the dishes in the dishwasher, they sit down on the couch.

"The photo albums of your father, right?" Lisa asks while pointing at the books on the coffee table.

"Yeah, I wanted to see how things used to be….like I told you" Jessica sighs.

"I took a look in the first one; lots of pictures of your father in it".

"Those are all 'professional' pictures taken after the divorce…I think in thisone there will be some pics of me as a child".

Jessica leans forward and grabs the two albums underneath the one Lisa has been looking in.

As she opens the first one, they see on the first page several old sepia colored pictures of a man and woman, posing with their children in front of a small wooden farm house.

"Oh….that must be my great grandparents…..grandpa Ambrose Lovejoy and grandma Joséphine".

"Look here is a picture of their wedding" Jessica continues and shows Lisa the portray of a young blonde haired man and a black haired woman.

"Seems that your great grandmother is the one responsible for the black hair in your family".

Jessica nods with a smile on her face "grandma Joséphine came from the bayous; Cajun descent and a traiteuse….you know, healing people by laying on hands".

"I didn't know you had Cajun roots?"

"Why do you think I know all these recipes for Cajun food?….Those are all old family recipes".

"They stayed in the Bayou after they married?"

"Close by till the great depression came; father told me they left to Texas where my great grandfather tried to find work in the oil industry".

Other pictures follow and show a family living in great poverty as well as several other pictures of now distant relatives in the first half of the twentieth century.

"Who's that soldier?" Lisa once more asks as she sees the picture of a man in an air force uniform.

"That's my grandfather…. Timothy 'Tim' Lovejoy senior…..he was in the air force during world war two….a gunner in a bomber".

"Then this must be your grandmother?"

"Yep….this is grandma Elsie; she died pretty young from tuberculosis; father was just six years old when he lost his mother".

"So actually your father was raised by your grandfather alone?"

"More or less, he spent a lot of time at my great grandparents while grandfather was at work….or did other things".

"He came back from the war with his right foot shot off….he never really could accept it and after grandma Elsie died…...father didn't speak a lot about him, their relation wasn't that great…..I guess it runs in the family"

"Grandpa Tim had a problem with the bottle and went completely loose…well….you know how these things go….just before father died he told me his own father always more or less stated that he disappointed him…..especially when father wanted to become a priest".

"Grandma Joséphine supported him; she was very much into religion as a traiteuse and grandpa Ambrose took care of business to make things possible for father to go to Texas Christian University…..grandpa Ambrose had a lot of contacts through his work in the oil business and you know how things can be arranged when having the right connections".

"Did you knew your grandfather or grandparents?"

"Grandpa Tim not really: I saw him perhaps once or twice, but grandma Joséphine I have known pretty well….she died when I was seven; she was in her late nineties…..a very strong woman and pretty smart too, you couldn't fool her despite her old age" Jessica smiles, as in front of her inner eye the image of her great grandmother appears.

"She couldn't stand her great-granddaughter-in-law and tended to make remarks about her in French; which mother didn't understand but father did all too well" she continues with a grin on her face.

Another page is turned in the album and pictures from the nineteen seventies start to emerge.

"That's your father?" Lisa grins as she sees a seventeen year old Tim Lovejoy with long hair and a guitar in his hands while standing in front of an old Cadillac.

"Yep, that's father….didn't expected to see him playing in a blues band didn't you?"

"No, not really…oh look, here are a few pics taken at some gigs….oh yeah, those are definitely the seventies".

"Yeah….I wish he would have stayed that way" Jessica sighs with a sad tone in her voice.

"He looks like a pretty normal teenager to me on those pics; not a boy who wants to become a priest".

"That came later….first he studied engineering at the university….heh, he was fascinated by trains already back then and wanted to work with the real ones…but then grampa Ambrose died and it hit father hard, very hard….after that he was adrift for a while; did some pretty stupid things and perhaps the most stupid thing he did was that he fell in love with my mother".

"Well, actually that happened when he already was studying to become a priest, after that short and very wild period in his life he felt the call of becoming a priest and mean something for other people….don't know exactly what happened back then, but when you take a look at these pics of him you can see the difference.

Lisa sees a picture of a twenty year old Tim Lovejoy with a beard and moustache, long black hair and wearing a pair of jeans and an old black T shirt.

A page is turned in the photo album and another picture can be seen of him, but now with his hair cut, cleanly shaven and wearing a blazer.

"I sometimes wonder if he became a priest because he was afraid to become the same kind of person as his own father".

"When he met mother, who came from a family of rather uptight and devote Christians, it probably strengthened him to continue on the road he had chosen".

Again a few pages are turned and pictures of Jessica's mother start to appear.

"Helen Schwartzbaum, that side of the family had a few department stores in Dallas and surroundings…..Polish-Jewish decent but turned to prebylutheranism…the whole thing went bankrupt in the early eighties; the stores, not their faith".

"Quite a lot of pictures are missing" Lisa remarks as she continues in the album.

"She probably took them with her when they divorced….can't be bothered by it….that part of my family never appealed to me….bunch of hypocrite dulled out bible freaks".

"But you have grandparents on that side as well…I mean, they are still your family" Lisa more or less objects against Jessica's blunt statement.

"Yeah they are, but they more or less kicked me out of their family when I was a teenager…especially after one of my aunts saw me coming home while wearing some uh…rather revealing clothes and pretty stoned…girl, if you only knew what riot there was about that" Jessica grins.

"I think I was immediately removed from my grandparents last will after that" she continues with an even bigger grin on her face.

"You really don't want have anything to do with the things or people related to your mother, don't you?"

"No…no, I don't…..those people are not my kind, my name is Lovejoy; not Schwartzbaum".

"I feel more connected to my great grandmother then to my cousins, uncles and whatever…..not to mention my own mother".

"She is your mother though".

"Biologically she it….that's it" Jessica once more states emotionless.

The last album is opened and starts with the wedding pictures of Jessica's parents.

"Not interesting" she continues businesslike and quickly turns over the pages of the album until the ones of her as a baby appear.

"Well, this is me….without a diaper".

"Aww, you`re a sweet baby" Lisa teases.

"Yeah, till I vomited all over mother's Sunday dress after she gave me the bottle…..don't think she liked me that much after I pulled that one off".

"Look, this is me on grandma Joséphine's lap; there should be anotherone where you can see us….yeah, there it is; that's the one I was looking for".

Lisa sees how the old woman holds her great granddaughter in her arms and smiles proudly.

Pictures of Jessica as a toddler follow: a happy little girl in dungarees wearing her hair in two tails at each side of her head, sitting next to her mother in church as well pictures of holidays and other family occasions.

School pictures emerge and Lisa sees how the eyes of the little girl have turned dull and sad.

Next to her she hears a deep sad sigh and the sound of a lighter.

"Still not easy to see yourself in your school uniform?"

"No, not really" Jessica replies shortly.

"Don't want to see this….gonna make tea" she mumbles to herself and limps to the kitchen.

Lisa continues to watch the pictures and sees how Jessica turns slowly over the years into the person she knew as a child and teenager.

"Want a mug as well?" it sounds from the kitchen.

"Yes please, but just a half one!…We'll have it in the kitchen or the living room?"

"Kitchen!"

Lisa puts the photo album back on the coffee table but before she joins Jessica, she pics a book from one of the bookcases next to the door to the hall.

"What's that?" Jessica asks as she puts down the mugs on the kitchen table.

"My photo album; you showed me yours, now I'll show you mine".

"Hmmm, for one reason or another this sounds very familiar to me" Jessica grins.

"Photos Jess….photos!"

The both of them sit down and as Jessica puts her usual two lumps of sugar in her tea, Lisa opens the album.

"Well, here my story begins" Lisa smiles as she shows a picture of herself as a baby.

"Got not that many pictures of myself as child and teenager; the most of them still are with mom and dad".

Jessica turns over a few pages and starts to giggle when she sees a picture of an almost bald Lisa.

"God, is that one in there as well?" she slightly embarrassed chuckles.

"What happened to you?"

"Bart had some problems with the fact he had a new sister and uh…more or less tried to 'restyle' me in such a way that mom and dad would get rid of me….the story goes that a few weeks later he put me in the mailbox down the street, hoping they would ship me off to some distant destination….luckily the mailman knew who I was and brought me back".

"No he didn't!" Jessica now laughs out loud as she visualizes how the toddler version of Bart puts his baby sister in a mailbox.

"Look this is a picture of Maggie just after she was born" Lisa continues with a smile on her face.

"Bart was already quite a handful for my parents, she was even worse".

More pictures appear of the three siblings and show them growing up, pictures of Lisa as a teenager, graduating from high school, being a medical student as well at the back of the album some loose photos of family activities and other occasions.

"Damn, I really should stick them properly in one day" Lisa grumbles as several of them drop out of the album on the floor.

Jessica bends over from her chair and picks the ones which fell to her side.

"Hey, these ones seem to be pretty recent?"

"Ah, those….yeah; were taken last when mom and dad celebrated the anniversary of their marriage" Lisa acknowledges as she sees the first one of the series.

"Oh, this is really a sweet one: it's Maggie with Sue and Peter" she smiles as she hands over the photo to Jessica.

But it's not a big smile on Jessica's face which appears when she sees the young woman and the two children on the picture.

Instead, her face becomes pale and for a moment she freezes up.

"S…Spike?"

"Spike?…Who's Spike?" Lisa asks, surprised by Jessica's reaction to the photo.

"Spike is the waitress who dragged me from the alley to my car when I was kicked out of The Sin…..That's Spike there on the photo!" Jessica continues while slightly gasping for air.

"Jess, that's impossible…it's Maggie who's on it; perhaps the woman you know looks a lot like her?"

"No….no, it's her…..I'm sure" Jessica continues with disbelieve in her voice.

"Really Jess, it's impossible….my sister can definitely be considered as 'crazy' but not that crazy…I mean: sure, she has a certain lust for adventure and experimentation but she never would prostitute herself or become a stripper".

"She's not a stripper; she's a waitress….a topless waitress….watch but don't touch".

"What do you now about this 'Spike' you think is Maggie….I tell you, it's not her…can't be" Lisa persists.

Jessica sighs and digs into her memory to recall what she knows about the blonde waitress.

"Blue eyes, a little over fife foot five tall I think, kinda slim built, smokes and is an art student….she has a black heart tattoo on her shoulder….crossbones behind it, her voice is deeper then yours ".

For a moment Lisa remains silent after Jessica's description which fits her sister perfectly.

"No…no…can't be!…She's not that stupid to get herself involved in such things!"

"Lisa…a lot of students are tempted by the easy money they will get there…I've seen so many of these girls; they work a few evenings a week and earn more as when they work a whole week at a regular company".

"It can't be!…She never would take off her brazier for a bunch of horny guys!" Lisa almost shouts now.

"Pink nipples, bit pointy breasts, not too big" Jessica continues her description with a weary voice.

"Look, I never paid that much attention to her boobs the few times I saw them!".

Again a silence fills the kitchen as Lisa just can't accept the thought of her sister being involved in a place like 'The Purple Sin'; but inside of her, she slowly becomes aware that Jessica may be right about this.

She knows Maggie can be capable of getting into such kind of things as she is not shy when it comes about showing certain parts of her body.

"You…you are sure about that tattoo?"

"A hundred percent" Jessica nods.

Another short silence fills the kitchen and Lisa tries to deal with the fact her younger sister is working in a place where she shouldn't be.

"Goddammit!…Stupid bitch!…When will she ever learn there are limits!" she shouts as she gets up from her chair and heads towards the telephone in the living room.

"Hi, this is Margaret, I'm not there or I don't want to answer the phone; please leave a message after the beep" it sounds at the other side of the line.

"Maggie, it's Lisa…please call me back as soon as possible….I'm serious, it's important!"

"She's not there?"

"No…and I don't like it …..don't like it at all…. dammit Maggie, how could you be so stupid!" Lisa continues.

"Hey, she could be at work at the moment and remember she is a waitress; 'watch but don't touch', remember?….When a guy touches a waitress he is taken care of by Ernie….however…."

"However what?"

"Well…that policy wasn't really uphold that tight anymore the last time I was there….Spike told me that a guy put his hands on her boobs and nothing happened" Jessica explains while starting nervously biting her lower lip.

"What!?"

"Hang on, hang on…then things were different, Jeb was under a tremendous pressure from that guy I told you about, under normal circumstances such things would be impossible" Jessica tries to put things a bit more in perspective.

"Are you out of your mind Jess!?….Defending the guy who almost beat you to death!"

"No…no I'm not defending him, I just try to explain how things usually are, which means waitresses are basically well protected".

"I don't like it Jess, I don't like it at all….I want her out of there!"

"Lisa, please….she probably is now at work; the girls on the floor start usually around this time….just try to reach her later this night, or perhaps even better tomorrow".

"I don't know….I really don't know what to do" Lisa sighs as she is getting more and more worried about her sister.

"I know The Sin a bit better then you do and they basically take good care of their waitresses, when something is really wrong she can leave without too many problems as there are always plenty of girls who want to work there".

"I don't know Jess, it just doesn't feel good" Lisa keeps resisting.

"Just wait till you have spoken to her, after that you will know more".

"And what if I can't reach her?"

"Then we have to start praying your car still has enough 'life' in its engine to survive a trip to Capitol City".

* * *

The next day around noon, Jessica stumbles into the living room after a rather disturbed night of sleep.

"Jesus, what were you doing all night long?" She asks with a still sleepy voice.

"I can't reach her; she doesn't answer the phone…I left several messages but she doesn't respond".

"She probably came home late and didn't check if there were any messages on her voice mail" Jessica yawns and lights a cigarette.

"Hey, shouldn't you be at work?"

"I called in sick…haven't got the concentration to perform surgery at the moment".

"Yeah, would be a bit awkward if you would amputate the wrong leg" Jessica grins.

"Not in the mood for jokes now!" Lisa bites back and picks a cigarette from Jessica's package.

"Lisa come on, be realistic….she just hasn't checked her messages; that's all".

"No…that's not Maggie, she checks her cell phone God knows how many times a day…she's always fooling around with the damn thing".

"Well, then ask your mother if she has spoken to her recently".

"Good one, haven't thought of that" Lisa replies and immediately calls her mother.

"Y'ellow" it sounds at the other side of the line.

"Oh hi dad; it's me, Lisa….say, is mom there?"

"But don't you wanna talk with me?"

"Uh…yeah, sure I will but I need to ask something only mom knows".

"Sweetie, talk to daddy please…..the big smoking versions of your goats are here and they are making all kinds of remarks daddy can't deal that well with as he promised your mother he would behave…so please talk with me and spare me the extra time I have to spend with your aunts".

"Uh…Ok…have you spoken to Maggie lately?"

"No, that was your mother; hang on I'll get her on the phone…'d oh!"

"Marge, don't leave me alone with these two…..so keep it short" Lisa can hear her father mumbling at the other side of the line.

"Just get back to them and remember what you promised!" Marge hisses softly between her teeth.

"Mwuh…..all right then, but when they start again about the size of my pants I can't promise anything!"

"Homer, just get back and behave nicely….Hello Lisa, what a surprise"

As Lisa doesn't want her mother to know about her worries, she tactically starts the conversation by asking what the best way is to fix clothes as Jessica has put on a little weight lately and it would be a waste to just put them in the closet.

A question which is responded to with great enthusiasm by her mother and a little less by Jessica when it comes about the suggested weight gain.

The conversation between mother and daughter drags on and when Lisa finally manages to bring things to an end regarding sowing activities; she casually asks if her mother has heard anything from her sister.

"She hasn't called a lot lately but I spoke to her last week…she told she was very busy with school and work; I could hear in her voice she was tired".

"Really?….Is she doing all kinds of projects at university?"

"Yes, she was doing some kind of project involving human anatomy as well her boss asked her if she could work a bit more; she got some kind of promotion so you can imagine how busy the life of your sister is at the moment".

"You know how she is, she even didn't come back home during her summer holiday as she wanted to earn some extra money to be able to take part in a trip to Montreal around Christmas.

"Yeah, that's definitely Maggie" Lisa once more acknowledges casually.

"Uh…Lisa, I think I have to cut our conversation short as I believe things aren't going that well in the living room".

In the background Lisa can hear her father yell that it's time to 'put the goats in the stable'', followed by the deep raspy laughter of her aunts.

"I get what you mean mom…better take care of it first before some nasty things will happen".

The conversation is ended and while Marge starts another 'peace keeping operation' on her side of the line; Lisa plumps down with a deep sigh on the couch.

"And?…What did your mother had to tell?"

"She told mom she started to work more and made promotion".

"Promotion?…How do you mean?"

"I don't know…I don't know anymore what I have to think of all this" Lisa shakes her head.

But Jessica does, as she knows the 'promotion' of a waitress in The Purple Sin can only mean she started to dance or worse.

The problem is that girls always danced because they wanted themselfs, so if Maggie would have become a stripper; it would be her own wish and there would not be much they could do about it.

On the other hand, she also knows things in The Sin were not what they used to be and Spike wasn't really the type of showing everything.

Instead of being slightly worried, Jessica starts to feel more and more awkwardly herself as things just don't add up.

To prevent Lisa from getting even more upset, she decides to keep her thoughts to herself till she knows more.

"Jess, what are you thinking?"

"Nothing…just wondering if we just shouldn't go to Capitol City anyway; it's just a few hours away, will only cost a few gallons of gas and then we will know at least how things actually are there".

"You want to go to Capitol City?"

"Yeah, there is only one little problem: quite a few people know me there; important people who know Jeb too…..not to mention the fact how I know them and regarding what all happened I have to be careful".

"Well, we only will go to Maggie's place; so we will be just in and out".

"I'm not so sure if we will be 'just in and out'; what if she isn't at home and we will have to wait till she comes back after work?….Then it will be already early in the morning".

"Hmmmm…yeah, that's a bit of a problem" Lisa acknowledges.

"Where does she actually live"?

"Uh…hang on, I have her address somewhere in one of the drawers of the cabinet".

Lisa starts to search between all kinds of papers and after a few minutes she got the address of her sister.

"Here, ninety four Saint Albans Street".

"Saint Albans Street…..that's lower south side if I'm correct, not too far from the harbor".

"Alright, let's go then!".

"Hang on, hang on…..there is still the problem of me not being able to walk freely around over there, as well I think we should take at least some clothes with us; just in case we need to stay a bit longer".

"I think I have an idea how we can make you less recognizable, come with me".

Both women head up the stairs and as they are in their bedroom, Lisa opens a door of the linen closet and grabs a black felt hat from it.

She puts Jessica on a chair and starts to put her hair on a knot, grabs a big pair of sunglasses from a drawer and puts them on her face.

"Well, what do you think of that?" she asks as Jessica is looking at herself in the mirror.

"I now really look like a dyke….a limping dyke" she remarks cynically.

"Good, that is exactly the reason why they won't think it's you….remember, they don't know you walk with a crutch nowadays, as well the old trick of the sunglasses and hat will do the rest; besides: you dress differently as you used to".

"Uh…yeah, never wore a hat and it was only on very rare occasions people could see me not wearing high heels….not to mention wearing my hair on a knot".

Jessica starts to pack some clothes while Lisa makes arrangements for her animals as they may be not at home that evening and the next day.

Half an hour later the both of them are in the old Buick waiting for the traffic lights at the intersection which will take them to the highway to Capitol City.

"Alright little sister, here we come….wonder what kind of trouble you've got yourself this time in".

* * *

"Should be here somewhere" Jessica mumbles as she watches the street name signs on the lampposts.

"You're sure we're in the right part of town?"

"Yeah, pretty sure…but I haven't been here for ages; so many things changed".

"Hang on, hang on…turn left there".

"Nope, can't do: one-way traffic"

"Another one!?…Damn, back in the days you just could enter every street from both directions…uh, take the next one left and then go left again".

"We should have taken a look at the computer first instead of driving around in circles" Lisa grumbles as she slowly drives up to the next traffic light.

"Ah wait….look there; Saint Albans Street…turn right".

"Turn right!?….I'm in the lane for turning left!".

"Yes?….I don't see the problem?"

"I do and the guys in that patrol car over there as well!"

"Ah yes…the cops, we should try to stay a bit clear from those" Jessica admits.

Lisa, obeying the traffic regulations, turns left the moment the light becomes green and parks her car at a free parking spot.

After a few minutes of walking they reach number ninety four.

"Right….and where is the doorbell?"

"Just knock on the door; if there is someone at home, he or she will hear and open up".

A few moments later the door is opened by a young man with half long brown hair.

"Hi, is Magg….Margaret at home?….I'm her sister" Lisa asks with a friendly smile on her face.

"Margaret?….I'm afraid no one called like that lives here miss" the young man replies politely.

"Are you sure?…And someone called Maggie?…..Blonde hair, not too tall, art student?"

"No, sorry….but I just moved in here recently, let me ask one of my housemates".

A few moments later an Asian girl appears in the doorway.

"You are looking for Margaret?…..Margaret Simpson?" she asks.

"Yeah, she's my sister and I understood she is living no longer in this place?".

"Then you must be Lisa…she told me about you….well no, not anymore; she moved out almost three months ago or something like that; was at the end of the semester".

"Moved out, why would she move out?…I mean, I remember her being quite happy with this place".

"She was, we never had any trouble or brawls and to be honest with you; it's actually bit of a strange story" the girl continues.

"I know she had a job as a waitress in some kind of fancy club downtown and one night she went to her work as usual….and didn't came back".

"Three days later, she was here again with these two huge guys and announced she moved out to another place".

"How did these guys look like?" Jessica asks.

"How did they look like?….Uh…let me see….one big fat one with black short hair and the other was just a clump of muscles….bald one; the both of them wore suits; not really the kind of things you'd expect someone to wear when moving stuff".

"Did the bald one have a New Jersey accent?"

"Yeah…..now you mention it, that could be quite the case…..now I think of it; his name was Al or something like that….do you know them?"

"Hmmmm, perhaps" Jessica replies cautiously".

"But…but did she leave any address, did she tell you where her new place was?" Lisa once more asks.

"No, she didn't …actually, she hardly said a word when she was here with these two guys….they went upstairs, got her stuff and then they were gone…really weird as Margaret and I had quite a lot of good times together".

"And you heard nothing from her since then?…Or perhaps saw her at the university?"

"No, nothing and regarding universities; we are not attending the same one so…"

"Right, I think we know enough now….thank you so much for your help" Jessica cuts the conversation short as she already knows enough.

"If you see her, can you tell her I was here to see her?" Lisa once more asks.

"Sure, no problem…..I will tell her you were here for her together with miss?"

"McDyke; Limpy McDyke" Jessica replies without blushing or blinking an eye.

"Uh…well, Limpy, Lisa; if you catch her first; tell her Amy sends her regards".

"We'll do and thanks again for your help".

Both women walk back to the car and as they get into it, Lisa looses control over herself and starts to gasp for air.

"Not now!…Stay with me!….Your sister needs you with a clear mind and so do I!" Jessica shouts as she quickly reaches into the back of the car to grab a plastic bag.

"Here, breathe in this one…deep breaths…slowly…slowly…nice and easy".

It takes almost a quarter of an hour before Lisa manages to calm down a bit and is more or less able to speak normally.

"Jess what have they done with Maggie?" She sobs.

Jessica sighs deeply before she replies to the question and gazes for a short while at the dashboard.

"One of the ways to get more control over his 'star performers' is to make them more dependant of him".

"He puts them in one of the fancy apartments he owns in the old industrial district; I was in one on Lexington Avenue".

"The really popular girls are his main source of profit and by making them depending on him; he prevents them from running off to a place where they can earn more or start a business for themselves".

"He combines this with the everlasting threat that 'you better be good for Jebbie'…there are some serious rumors in The Sin that there have been girls who 'vanished' after letting him down".

"The guys who moved her out were Earl and Ernie, two of Jeb's gorillas…well, Earl is not a bad guy but Ernie is a different story".

"So…so if I get this right; they have put Maggie in some kind of fancy place because she has become …..a whore?" Lisa stammers.

"It seems almost like Maggie has taken my place: she started to work more, she didn't come home during her summer holiday and they moved her out…it all makes sense and to be honest with you; I already was afraid this might be the case".

"But…but Maggie never would become a whore!…No!…Not her!…Not my little sister!" Lisa breaks out in tears again.

"We have to go to the police, the FBI, the…the God knows what to get her out of that place!"

"They will all turn a blind eye…..Jeb has powerful friends at important positions, he knows things from those people which could harm them very seriously when it would get known what they all have been doing in The Sin".

"He blackmails them in that way…but also several of them are blackmailing him, the guy I kicked in the face was one of them; Jeb needed him to ensure the license of The Sin would be renewed….well, we both know how that ended".

"So going to the police won't work…the FBI?….Probably not as well and if, and that's a big if, they would go to the Sin…heh, he is also protected by the fact your sister probably has signed a contract of employment which makes the whole thing legal".

"Maggie would never sign such a contract….that's impossible!"

"That's actually the thing which bothers me; you see, it always was something which was on a voluntary base".

"I tell you, she would never do such a thing!" Lisa shouts in utter disbelief.

"Remember what that girl just told us, the way she behaved when they moved her stuff…..they must have forced her!".

"I don't know….could be possible…..things weren't anymore what they used to be the last time I was there….when Jeb is driven into a corner he is capable of everything".

"Jess, we must find a way to speak to Maggie and get her out of there".

"Heh…and what do you want to do?…Walk into The Sin, have a chat with her and take her with you?"

"If needed: yes!" Lisa states firmly.

"Forget it, you won't get in as it is a private club and if you would get in: they simply will deny she works there and don't think you will get her address as well…those are carefully safeguarded".

"And what if we follow her when she goes home?"

"What?…Going back to The Sin?…Are you out of your fucking mind!?….The moment they see me they probably will put a bullet in my brains!"

"You have any better ideas then?"

"And how do you want to do that? …Just wait next to the stage door in the alley till she comes out?".

"Well….we could park the car opposite that stage door" Lisa thinks out loud.

"Aint no parking places there….cars aren't even allowed in it; I always parked mine on the parking space near the liquor store which is well out of sight of any entrance of The Sin".

"Now wait a minute….the parking place….Gigi parks her motorbike there as well" Jessica suddenly remembers.

"Gigi?….Who's Gigi?"

"Gigi is more or less in charge of the waitresses….she is one of the few, together with Marv, who could tell us something".

"And what makes you think we can trust her?"

"Well, actually I don't know, but I do know she isn't too fond of Jeb and she tends to take care of the young ones in the Sin…she took care of Maggie as well".

"So what do you suggest?"

"I think the best chance we have is to ask Gigi what is going on: park the car near her motorbike and wait till she comes back from work".

"But what if some one recognizes you when we are waiting there…..I mean, it's near The Sin".

"I know….but I also know I owe your sister my life…..so I guess we just have to pray no one will see me".

* * *

At the small parking lot near to the liquor store, the glow of the neon lights of The Sin reflect on the backside of Lisa's car which is parked next to Gigi's old Moto Guzzi.

It's already past three AM in the morning and a fog has come up, which gives the whole scene a somewhat surreal atmosphere.

"You're alright?" Lisa asks as Jessica is lighting yet another cigarette.

"No…not really; the last time I was here I was left to die in one of the alleys behind us" Jessica replies with a tremble in her voice.

"If I would give in to the feeling I've got now I would start to run all the way back to Springfield and never return here".

The only thing Lisa can do is just nodding she understands, as she knows in what state Jessica was when she arrived in the emergency room.

Another fifteen minutes pass and the fog is getting thicker and thicker.

"She's taking her time tonight" Jessica grumbles nervously.

"Hush, I can hear some one approaching…look there…that seems to be a woman walking in our direction".

Both women stare through the back window of the car as they try to see through the fog if it's Gigi who is heading towards them.

"Fuck!…Dive!" Jessica suddenly hisses as she recognizes the silhouette of the woman.

Quickly the both of them slide as far as they can under the dashboard and hear how the woman passes the back of their car as she walks up to the SUV which is parked a few parking spots away from them.

The electronic sound of a switched off car alarm sounds over the parking lot.

"Get into your fucking car…why don't you get in?" Jessica whispers terrified from under the dashboard.

They can hear the how the woman is walking around her car, grumbles something and finally gets in it.

The engine is started and a few moments later she drives off.

"Is she gone?" Lisa whispers from her rather uncomfortable position.

Carefully Jessica gets up and quickly peeks out of the side window.

"All clear" she sighs relieved and gets back into her seat.

"Who was that?"  
"Lola…damn, she must have bought herself a new 'horse trailer'…thought she drove an old black Pontiac."

"Uh…and who is Lola then?" Lisa once more asks as she is getting back into a more comfortable position behind the steering wheel.

"A six foot tall 'cow' who dances and provides 'additional services' at The Sin….bad character and thinks she owns the place….last time I saw her I cracked a soap dispenser on her skull".

"Why was that?"

"She said a few things about me and father she shouldn't have said…the cunt!"

"Shh…I can see in my mirror someone is coming out of the alley again".

Once more both women hide themselves under the dashboard to prevent they will be seen by the wrong persons".

Again footsteps approach the car and stop right next to it.

Carefully Jessica peeks between the front seats trough the back window and sees a woman wearing a motor suit.

"It's her" she whispers and gets back in her seat and carefully lowers the side window while Gigi is standing with her back towards the door.

Shocked by the sudden sound of an opening window behind her, she quickly turns herself around.

"Gigi…it's me…Jazz!"

For a moment Gigi watches Jessica and then turns herself back again and kneels next to her motorcycle like if she needs to do something with the engine.

"Gigi, please I..."

"Not here!…..Parking garage Fulton street…third floor….wait ten minutes and don't get followed!" she hisses softly between her teeth.

A few moments later Gigi puts her helmet on, swings her leg over her old Moto Guzzi and leaves.

"Wow…not really a warm welcome" Lisa remarks after her first encounter with the black and purple haired waitress.

"She's careful….very careful and that's something I don't like…Gigi is a pretty tough girl and not that easy to scare off".

"And…and what does that mean you think?"

"I don't know….could be anything" Jessica shrugs.

"I'm actually already kinda glad she wants to talk with me, can't say my reputation among the waitresses was that great back in the days" she continues.

"You were such a diva back then?"

"A diva?….Heh, I think they saw me more as an arrogant vile selfish bitch".

"Still five more minutes to go" Lisa remarks as she takes a look at her watch.

"God, I can't take it much longer anymore; this place is driving me crazy….please, let's get the hell out of here before someone sees us".

"But she told us to wait for ten minutes" Lisa objects.

"Lisa, I'm freaking out…..too much happened here, so please!" Jessica urges.

"Fulton street is at the other side of the city center, will take us quite some time to get there…just take it easy and we'll take a slight detour so we will be there at the right time".

Lisa starts her car and slowly drives off the parking lot.

After a twenty minute drive they arrive at the parking garage where they will meet Gigi.

Carefully Lisa maneuvers her car through the narrow corridors and curves of the concrete building until she reaches the third floor.

"I don't see her…" Lisa mumbles as she takes a left turn, following the yellow arrows on the floor which indicate the direction of drive.

"It's a big place….we haven't seen the whole thing yet".

"Perhaps she sent us here to get rid of us?"

"Heh, who knows, like I said; she hasn't got too many reasons to talk to me".

"Oh!…Look, there in the corner…there she is!…But….what are you dong now?"

"Uh…I'm following the arrows on the floor".

"Fuck those, there is no one around at the moment!"

"Uh…..yeah, guess you're right" Lisa apologizes.

A few moments later Lisa parks the car next to Gigi and both women get out.

"What the fuck are you doing here in Capitol City!?" Gigi greets them with a pretty much disgruntled voice.

"You really must have a death wish to show up that close to The Sin and who is she!?"

"Uh…Hi Gigi…that's Lisa….we're here for her sister".

"Congrats!…And what do I have to do with that?….What do you want from me or are you trying to pull off some kind of trick?" Gigi continues cynically.

"No…please Gigi…listen to what I have to say first before you jump to any conclusions" Jessica stammers nervously.

"Jumping to conclusions?….When Jeb finds out about this he sure will jump to conclusions; now what do you want!?"

"Gigi, when you are so afraid of this Jeb, why did you wanted to meet us here anyway?" Lisa interrupts the 'conversation' between the former colleagues.

For a moment Gigi looks at Lisa and then turns her face back to Jessica.

"Where did you dig that one up?"

"Hey, watch it….she dug me up; almost literally"

"Yeah, whatever" Gigi once more responds bluntly.

Lisa notices Jessica's increasing aggravation and decides to take the initiative.

"Gigi, it's about Maggie…uh, I mean Spike; we just want to ask you a few things".

"Spike?…You're after Spike?….Forget it lady, she's Jeb's little toy now and waaay too dangerous to touch".

"If I get myself involved in that one I'm done for" she continues as she throws her leg over her motorcycle and puts on her helmet again.

"No…please wait….you don't get it…she's my little sister!" Lisa now shouts desperately.

"You're the onlyone who can help us to get her back" she continues as tears start to roll down her face.

"I'm sorry lady, can't help you; I love my life a bit too much".

A loud roar sounds through the empty parking garage as Gigi accelerates in the direction of the corridor which will lead her to the exit; but before she enters it she hits the brakes and watches over her shoulder.

She sees how Lisa has fallen on her knees and is crying violently while Jessica tries to comfort her.

Quickly she turns her face back into the direction of the corridor and leaves the place.

"Fucking bitch…fucking bitch…why won't she help me!" Lisa's broken voice resounds through the empty building.

Jessica tries to comfort her by holding her in her arms but doesn't know what to say as well as Gigi was basically the onlyone who could have provided them with the information they desperately need to have.

"Lisa…we can't stay here….we have to go and find some place to spend the night".

But Lisa just keeps crying and shouting her sister's name.

"We'll think of something different…we'll just need to come up with another plan to get her out" Jessica gives it another try as she is struggling to hold her own tears.

After several minutes she finally manages to make Lisa calm down a bit and get her into the car.

In the car she lights a cigarette and puts it between Lisa's lips.

"Here…I think you can use it" she remarks and takes place behind the steering wheel.

Slowly Jessica starts to drive through the corridors to get to the exit of the place.

When they reach it, she puts some coins in the ticket machine and the barrier opens.

Just as she is about to take a right turn, suddenly her way is blocked by Gigi who puts her motorbike in front of the car.

She gets off it and walks to the driver's side..

"What do you want Gigi…haven't you done enough harm already?" Jessica remarks angrily as she lowers the side window.

"Not as much as you sweetie" she once more cynically replies.

"Yeah…I guess you're right about that one…now get out of the way, I need to find us a place to sleep".

Gigi sighs deeply and looks at Lisa's tear stained face.

"I must be out of my fucking mind to do this" she mumbles to herself.

"W…what do you mean?" Lisa stammers from the passenger seat.

"One twenty nine, fourteenth Avenue, …..wait half an hour before you go there and then ring the bell three times: long, short, long…it's the second doorbell knob from the top".

"And what will we find at this address?"

"That's where I live…..and make sure you won't be followed!"

* * *

In a modernized apartment block, not far away from Capitol City's Union Station, Lisa and Jessica are sitting on a slightly worn down leather couch.

Gigi has plumped down on her big dark red sitting bag which seems to come straight from the nineteen seventies like many pieces of her furniture.

"Uh….you got a nice place here….I like what you have done with the interior" Jessica remarks slightly awkwardly.

"Seventies style….got the most of it from flea markets" Gigi replies shortly as she lights a cigarette.

"Oh, I see we can smoke here" Jessica continues.

"Yeah, no problem…there is an ashtray".

"So you are after Spike?" Gigi asks after a few minutes of silence, still with a tone of distrust in her voice.

Lisa and Jessica nod almost simultaneously.

"You know; I have some troubles with this whole story: you being after your sister makes sense to me but you Jazz, I have a bit of difficulties to see how you fit in this picture".

"I can't remember you exactly as the most socially involved person on this planet who cares about a specific blonde waitress".

Jessica sighs deeply as she knows perfectly what Gigi means.

For a while she stares silently to the floor and then again looks at Gigi.

"Remember that night I kicked Billy's eye out and Jeb and Ernie 'took care' of me?

"Yeah, I do….was a bit of a mess that night, I was sent to the main hall to wait for the paramedics and then helped them to take care of the guy…I suppose Jeb wasn't that nice to you when he told you your 'career' had ended".

"A little less sarcasm would be nice" Jessica remarks aggravated and gets up from the couch.

"Jess…what…what are you going to do?" Lisa asks as she notices Gigi crossed a certain boundary with her remark about Jeb being 'not that nice'.

"Well Gigi…take a look at what it means when Jeb 'isn't that nice'" she hisses and takes off her sweater.

"You wanna see more Gigi!?…..Here, look at my ass, see the scars…take a look woman!" Jessica shouts as her eyes get large and black with rage.

"You know what 'not that nice' meant!?…..It meant they first cracked my face and then tied me over a chair and beat me half to death with a belt!…..And you know what happened when they were finished with me!?…Huh, do you!?…..They ditched me between the dumpsters in the alley; naked so I would perish from the cold!"

"I owe my fucking life to Spike who took care of me and helped me to get to my car!….And you know what Gigi!?…..Here, take a look at this one!" Jessica continues and lowers her jeans.

"After I barely survived Jeb being 'not that nice' and had to literally run from Capitol City as Ernie would deal with me when I still would be in that fucking apartment in Lexington Street!…..And because of that piece of shit 'not being that nice' to me at the worst moment in my life, taking away my complete existence ….I drove my Corvette in utter desperation against the operating cabin of a fucking bridge to get rid of everything!…Take a look Gigi!…Take a fucking good look at my leg!….Can you see where the bone came out!?….Can you!?" Jessica now almost voice breakingly shouts.

"Why do you think I walk with this goddamn crutch!?…Because my pelvis and nerves were so fucked up that I will limp for the rest of my life!"

"And if it hasn't been for Lisa, who took care of me, nursed me and helped me to get back on my feet….I wouldn't be here anymore at the first place!"  
"So Gigi, that is why I am after Spike with her!…Because the both of them saved my life as well because she there is the love of my life!"

Flabbergasted by Jessica's rage explosion, Gigi swallows a few times and nervously inhales the smoke of her cigarette.

"They…they tied you over a chair and whipped you?…And..and then you tried to …to commit suicide?"

"No, I accidentally fell off my skateboard!" Jessica cynically hisses.

Again Gigi remains silent for a while as Jessica puts her clothes back on.

"Gigi…the woman who was 'Jazz' is no more….you now are seeing Jessica, the real woman behind the person you thought to know…..her motives are honest and genuine, please believe me" Lisa tries to get the whole conversation back to a less emotional level.

"Wow…I mean….I knew you didn't leave The Sin in a good way; but this…."

"But why did Jeb and Ernie do this to you?…..I have seen you dealing before with guys who couldn't behave when you were dancing; it wasn't the first time you put your foot or fist in a guy's face".

"That guy….he was a big shot at city hall; Jeb needed him for the renewal of the license for The Sin, or something like that….and he wanted me and just me….too many things happened and I wanted to get out of that world….I just couldn't do it anymore" Jessica explains with a weary voice.

"The death of your father….I remember….the last time when I saw you, you weren't exactly the Jazz we knew".

"Yeah…it had everything to do with it….it's a long and sad story which I won't bother you with; at least: not now as we have other worries….we're here for Spike".

"Spike…heh, yeah….now you're moving into rather dangerous territory….and now I start to get things a bit better of what all happened during the last few months at The Sin".

"What's going on in there Gigi….what have they done to her?" Jessica now asks with an urging tone.

"Well, to put it simple: she is replacing you on the catwalk".

"Just on the catwalk, not upstairs?"

"No, as far as I know she only dances".

"Ok, but dancing is something which girls do only because they want to; not because they are forced".

Gigi shakes her head and sighs after Jessica's remark about the voluntary nature of being a dancer.

"Thing have changed Jazz, changed a lot since you left…..things aren't what they used to be anymore".

"How do you mean?"

"Look, I'm just a waitress and I try to stay out of all the other shit: I do my work, earn my money and that's it…..but I do see and hear things".

"The day after you 'left' the place, Jeb told me Spike would no longer be a waitress and started to perform on the catwalk; basically nothing special as such things have happened before".

"However, the strange thing in this case was that Spike was shielded off from the rest of the staff; only Spider had contact with her as she had to teach her the ropes; Jeb and Ernie made sure of that".

"Spider more or less told me Spike was forced to dance and that it had something to do with you; she didn't know exactly how or what, but Spike insinuated something like that to her during training".

"Things became even more strange when Spike moved into The Sin about two months ago; she is now living in one of the rooms at the third floor and it seems she only gets out to practice or to work".

"You mean….she is held at The Sin?….As…as some kind of slave?"

"I don't know Jazz, but nowadays everything is possible; like I said: a lot of things changed there".

"Jeb fell back in his old 'habit'…..'speed', but this time he uses it in combination with booze and God knows what other kind of shit….makes him behave extremely erratic, one moment he is nice, the other moment he goes nuts about nothing….not to mention he has become completely paranoid; you really have to watch your steps with him nowadays".

"The Sin is no longer a private club as well; every yokel who pays the hundred dollar entrance fee is let in and trust me: those are people who sometimes have a lot of trouble to behave when it comes about not touching girls".

"On stage things went down hill as well, Jeb now announces the acts dressed up like a circus director with Spike at his side dressed up in some kind of cat suit and chained to him….you don't want to know what Lola pulls off on stage nowadays" Gigi continues sarcastically but the continuation of her story is interrupted by Lisa who started to gasp for air.

"S…slave….Maggie …..slave" she manages to say while her eyes shoot violently in every direction.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Fuck!….Hyperventilation, there she goes again!…..Happens when things are getting too much for her!"

"And she's a doctor?…Kinda inconvenient".

"Will you keep your stupid remarks to yourself and get a plastic bag for her!?" Jessica hisses aggravated.

A few moments later Gigi is watching Lisa breathing into the small plastic bag she grabbed from the closet in the hall.

As her breathing slowly gets back into a more normal pattern, the tears start to come about the faith of her sister.

Overwhelmed with sorrow, rage and helplessness; Lisa cries violently while lieing in Jessica's arms who tries to comfort her with a soft voice.

The longer Gigi watches the whole scene, the more surprised and intrigued she becomes about the way Jessica is caring about the blonde crying woman.

Jazz, the bitchy stripper and whore who was the top attraction of The Sin in a role of loving and caring person who tries to comfort a fellow human being; an almost impossible combination in Gigi's eyes.

But yet, it happens right in front of her eyes and somewhere it makes her feel uncomfortable and perhaps even slightly envious as her own life hasn't been overflowing with warmth as well.

Finally Lisa manages to calm down and gazes with an unreal expression into the living room while still laying in Jessica's arms with her head against her chest.

The small clock in Gigi's living room indicates it is already past five `o clock in the morning and the dark sky starts to lighten up in the east.

"I think we better go and find us a hotel where we can get some sleep; she's exhausted and I can't say I'm feeling that great as well" Jessica remarks.

Again Gigi watches both women for a few moments without saying a word.

"I've got a spare room with double bed in it….if you like; you can stay here" she suddenly offers.

"No, we can't do this; like you said: when Jeb finds out you will be in deep trouble".

"Heh, the fact you are sitting here in my living room means I am already into it up to my ears; besides: the chance someone will recognize you when you're staying in a hotel is way bigger as when you stay here".

For a moment Jessica hesitates as Gigi's sudden invitation to stay at her place is something she didn't expect from the black and purple haired waitress.

"Why are you doing this?" she asks with a slight tone of distrust in her voice.

"Got my reasons" Gigi replies shortly.

For a moment Jessica watches her; hesitating if she should accept her offer.

"Can I be honest with you?"

"Sure".

"What if your reasons are to score with Jeb, which means I will probably be waken up by Ernie with his usual big grin on his fat face".

Gigi gets a big grin on her face and shakes her head.

"Jazzie, Jazzie: you really don't give me a lot of credit, do you?"

"Let's say I've become careful since they carved a complete 'map' in my back and I can't say we were best friends in The Sin.

"True, can't deny you weren't the nicest person back then…..but what makes you think I do this for you?"

"Explain?"

"Well, perhaps not everyone who works at The Sin does things for other people to only become better from it….perhaps there are people who actually care for other people?"

"Ok…enough; I get what you mean….I know I was a vile bitch and yes, I treated people like shit".

"Good, glad to hear this…..seems that Jazz has a heart after all".

"Don't go there Gigi; you know shit bout my heart!".

"And do you know shit about mine then?" Gigi replies calmly.

"No…no, I don't; you got me there" Jessica is forced to admit.

"Then things are settled; we'll continue our little chat tomorrow…..without Jeb or Ernie".

* * *

"Nicotine, caffeine and no Jeb or Ernie" Gigi grins as she is sitting opposite a still sleepy Jessica at the dinner table in front of the side window of her apartment.

"The doctor is still asleep?"

"Yeah, she was exhausted after all what happened yesterday" Jessica replies as she yawns.

Slowly she takes a sip of the black coffee which Gigi made and lights her usual first cigarette of the day.

"Say Jazz, you and the doctor…you are just friends or is there more going on between the both of you?"

"Her name is Lisa and yes, there is more going on between us".

"Who'd ever thought of that…Jazz, the hottest hole in town being a dyke" Gigi smirks.

"Bisexual and completely fed up with men; you should give it a try with a woman one day…is way better…and would you do me a favor?….Stop calling me Jazz; Jazz doesn't exist anymore….she's a bad memory of the past!"

"Bit of a morning mood?"

"No, just being tired and hating that name" Jessica replies slightly annoyed by Gigi's teasing.

"Well, then tell me how I have to call you….tell me what your real name is".

"It's Jessica…Jessica Lovejoy; I'm from Springfield.

"Springfield?…I'm from Springfield as well; any chance you are related to the vicar there?….Reverend Lovejoy?"

"Reverend Lovejoy was my father" Jessica replies businesslike.

"You're kidding right?…..You're the daughter of the vicar?"

"No, I'm the granddaughter of the pope himself and secretly I'm a voodoo priestess….satisfied?"

"Take it easy girl, it's not meant in a nasty way" Gigi once more smirks.

"I'm Gina, Gina Vendetti…so that's where the nick 'Gigi' comes from….and Lisa, who is she?"

"Her full name is Lisa Simpson and Spike's real name is Margaret or Maggie Simpson".

"Simpson eh?…..I knew a Bart Simpson back in the days".

"Bit of a square head, short spiky blonde hair and always skateboarding?"

"Well, skateboarding I don't know, the place where I know him from skateboarding was not that uh….'popular'…..I remember his mother had this huge blue beehive hairdo; seemed to me a nice woman".

"Then you have met most of the family already; Bart is Lisa's and Maggie's older brother".

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, although I have to admit there is hardly a bigger difference thinkable when it comes to Lisa and Bart; but fact is they are siblings".

"Damn, who'd ever thought my and Bart's roads would cross again" Gina wonders out loud with a smile on her face.

"But regarding Spike, what do the both of you want to do?"

"Get her out of The Sin and take her back home to Springfield".

"Get her out of The Sin…..you really must be tired of your life when you want to pull that one off and even if you would get her out; the next day you would find Jeb and probably Ernie on your doorstep".

"Besides; you don't know what is going on, you don't even know for sure if she is staying there involuntary".

"Aw come on Gigi…I mean, Gina; a girl completely shielded off from the rest of the world, living in The Sin and only comes out to work or train….makes pretty much sense to me".

"We will take her back to Springfield and there we can go to the FBI, as overhere I don't know if I can trust them" Jessica continues.

"And you think the FBI will go after Jeb because he held a girl against her will into his club; will be your word against his and he has some very powerful friends which he won't hesitate to use against you".

"Yes, he has some powerful friends…..but I have one as well".

"Like who?"

"Like I know a lot about all these very important friends of his; things they definitely don't want to get out in the press; not to mention the fact I know from quite a few they are not completely clean when it comes about accepting favors for favors…if you know what I mean…..and when you are in a high ranked often public function; well, an inquiry about corruption is something which you don't want to have".

"That's fucking suicide!"

"Perhaps, but if I can save Maggie with it; I am willing to take that risk and go into some kind of witness protection program with Lisa".

Lisa in the mean time, has woken up as well and is standing in the doorway of the living room.

Silently and half numbed she walks to the dinner table where she sits down and just starts staring out of the window.

"Uh…you want some coffee Lisa?" Gina asks her slightly hesitating as she can clearly see the blonde woman is still half in shock about what happened to her sister.

"Lisa, are you alright?" Jessica asks, but Lisa just slowly shakes her head and once more the first tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"Hey, it's alright…we will think of something" Jessica tries to comfort her again as he puts her arm around her.

"Uh…I'm gonna get you a cup of coffee" is the only thing Gina is able to say as she doesn't know very well what to do.

"Why did she got into this situation…..now even our life and existence will be compromised" Lisa softly sobs.

"You heard what Gina and I have been talking about?"

Lisa just nods and continues to sob while Jessica softly caresses her hair.

"We will think of something Lis….our first concern is to get Maggie out…then we will see what happens" Jessica tries to make her calm down a bit but while she speaks the words; she knows the consequences of going against Jeb can and probably will be severe.

"When we get her out, we immediately will go back to Springfield and inform the police and FBI…they can protect us" she continues with a soft voice.

"Well, that's actually not such a bad plan" Gina remarks as she puts a cup of hot coffee on the table.

"Locally Jeb has got quite some influence but not in Springfield; it would surprise me if he has…besides, I doubt if his big shot 'friends' still will be his friend when they need to save their own skin".

"Yeah, or that can be reason enough for them to kill us all" Lisa remarks as she slowly gets back to a more normal emotional level.

"You have to look at it from the other side as well; Jeb will have to choose between letting a girl go, or being in way deeper shit"

"Loosing a girl is bad but not a disaster…plenty of other girls which can fill her place and trust me, as he already has lowered the standards for The Sin, getting new girls won't be such a problem….he already 'imported' some girls from Mexico " Gina continues.

"I don't know….it's such a huge risk which will involve half my family" Lisa sighs slightly desperately.

"Do have a better idea then?"

"We just could try to have a talk with him as reasonable and adult people?"

"Reasonable and adult?…..Jeb Fielding?….Listen sweetie, we are talking about a guy who looses any perception of reason when it comes about money and his club; not to mention the fact you will have to deal with a junk and a boozehound".

"Gina is right Lisa, Jeb is everything except reasonable and adult when it comes about such things; he is capable of everything when he is driven into a corner" Jessica acknowledges.

"Who is this Jeb Fielding anyway?"

"Jeb?…Heh…most of the time 'bad news' but he pays well when you're good to him" Gina sneers.

"Marv once told me a few things about him, Jeb was an officer in the rangers during the first Gulf war…he got shot up at a very awkward place…let's say he can no longer take a piss while standing".

"When he came back from the war, he suffered from the 'Gulf War Syndrome' and got at the wrong side of the law….was discharged dishonorably from the army which only made him even more bitter…..seems he wandered around for several years doing all kinds of jobs before he finally started his nightclub…..that's what I know from him".

"So we are actually dealing with a traumatized, embittered, drug and booze addicted former army officer?"

"Yeah, that kinda covers the whole thing….so you probably now understand why reasonability is not something we have to expect from him" Jessica once more acknowledges.

"I'm afraid you girls have to do this the hard way as there is simply no alternative".

"God, we have to deal with a madman….he won't stop for anything" Lisa mumbles to herself as she slowly starts to get with what kind of a situation she has to deal.

"Perhaps things are not that hopeless, Gina had a point when she said he could overcome the loss of a dancer, but not a confrontation with an uncorrupted part of the police and FBI".

"Yeah, but is he aware of this himself?"

"When we get Maggie out; it's just a matter of posting a small letter to him in which we will mention what we will tell the feds if he won't leave us".

"Or sends a hitman after us".

"Well, we can mention the information will be sent to the FBI in case anything happens to us".

"Hmmm…that might work but it's still a tremendous risk we have to take".

"Yes, but do you have any better ideas?" Gina once more remarks.

Lisa remains silent for a few minutes as she desperately tries to come up with different solutions which would keep them out of any possible dangers.

"OK….lets assume we are going to do it like we just said….but how will we get Maggie out in the first place?…I mean, she even doesn't know we are trying to let her escape".

"Uh…perhaps Gina can give her a message?" Jessica suggests.

"What, me?….Forget it, if they catch me I will end up with a pair of 'concrete shoes' at the bottom of the river!"

"Aww come on!….You just would have to whisper a few words in her ear at a moment when no one sees it!" Lisa objects.

"That's exactly the point sweetie, remember I told you your sister is shielded off from the rest of the world; only Jeb and Ernie have access to her".

"Couldn't you try to slip a note under her door?" Jessica tries to persuade her.

"That's even bigger bullshit as you know damn well a waitress has got nothing to do on the third floor; when I would be seen there they immediately would suspect something!"

"And that woman who teaches her to dance; perhaps we can approach her?" Lisa gives it another try.

"No, out of the question…..when it comes to Spider no one knows to who or what she is loyal; besides: Spider lives in a dreamworld, she could fuck up the whole thing" Jessica objects.

"Spider isn't such a bad girl".

"No way, too risky!" Jessica insists.

"But there must be someone except the three we just mentioned who can exchange a few words with her?"

"Well, that must be the audience….at least, I exchanged some words with them…. you know: 'wanna see some more sweetie' or 'you are really hungry aren't you'….those kind of things to get more money out of their wallets".

"So what do you wanna do….ask one of your former clients to help us out?" Gina remarks sarcastically.

"Well as you don't want to take a bit of risk in this matter, I don't see any other options!" Jessica hisses.

"There is a bit of a difference between a 'bit of risk' and committing suicide girl!" Gina bites back.

"I can go" it suddenly sounds from the other side of the table.

"You!?….Come on Lisa, that's no place for you to go…and way to dangerous as well!"

"Gina has no possibilities, you can't go back there and asking one of your old 'contacts' isn't an option as well….they don't know who I am and never have seen me".

"Not bad, not bad at all" Gina reflects out loud.

"Look, it won't work because A: the moment you see her dancing you will start to hyperventilate and B: you look way too much like her" Jessica once more objects.

"No, I won't start to hyperventilate; not at such moments" Lisa states with a serious and determent voice.

"And regarding my looks; those can be changed….different hairdo and color; different clothing….it can all be done" she continues.

"Could work….you could go as some kind of big shot from the Treasury Department or something like that…one of these bureaucratic but ever so perverted types….we have them from time to time so such a person wouldn't raise any suspicion" Gina supports Lisa.

"I don't like it!" Jessica objects again.

"Jess, it's the only thing we can do….unless you have any better ideas".

"But what if you get caught?…Ever thought about that?"

"Then you go to the FBI in Springfield and tell them everything you know".

"Yeah sure…and you will be on the bottom of the river sleeping with the fishes".

"Goddammit Jessica!…I'm going to that place to get my sister out!…Period!".

"Wow…the doctor means business".

"Fuck off Gina, you know all too damn well what can happen to her when she will be caught!"

"And why should they catch her?….They aren't expecting anything and they don't know who she is".

"I will be fine Jess, trust me….I won't do any stupid things".

"Won't be easy…when you really want to get in contact with her, you will have to insert a hundred bucks in her…are you willing to do that?"

"I don't see a problem of putting a banknote between her lips".

"I'm afraid it won't be these lips" Jessica explains as she is pointing at her mouth.

"You mean…stuffing it in her…her?"

"Yeah, stuffing it in there….you have to put the money in her pussy".

Lisa swallows and shivers by the thought of touching her own sister's private parts, but her determination to get her out of The Sin is stronger then her repulsion.

"Right….OK….I can do it….I'm a doctor…a surgeon…I touch people everywhere on a daily base…so she just will be another patient….not Maggie…just a patient…just another internal medical examination" she more or less tries to prepare herself to the things she will have to do.

"Ladies, all good and well; but have you given the whole financial aspect of this whole enterprise some consideration…an evening of fun at The Sin isn't exactly a cheap thing" Gina brings the whole thing back to the more practical aspects of it.

"She's right, especially when you want to play around with the girls on the catwalk; five hundred bucks is easily spent" Jessica adds.

"What?…That much?…That's an outrage!"

"Look, you won't be going to the average strip joint; this is The Purple Sin…..classy place with classy prices…to get in will only cost you a hundred bucks already".

"Money won't be a problem, got plenty to spare".

"No Jess, that's money from your inheritance….I cannot ask you to spend it on this".

"And why not?…..It's money from a priest which will be used to save a fellow human being…and remember that I owe Maggie quite a few things".

"I...I don't know what to say" Lisa stammers.

"You know how to thank me" Jessica replies with a soft smile on her face and kisses Lisa on her cheek.

"Hey, no dyke hanky-panky while I am around!" Gina remarks as she sees Jessica kissing Lisa.

"And why not Gina?….You should give it a try, you really don't know what you are missing" Jessica replies teasingly with a sultry voice.

"Yeah….sure, but not this time…don't you girls have got anything better to do? …Like going to town to buy a new outfit and go to a hairdresser?"

"At what time should I go to The Sin?"

"Be there around ten thirty so you will be on time for 'The parade of the damned'….your sister will be the main attraction".

Nervously Lisa swallows as it will be just a matter of hours before she has to perform flawlessly in a play in which the stakes are extremely high.

"Come on, let's go to town and take care of business…we also need to talk about your 'character'" Jessica remarks as she gets up from her chair.

Lisa follows her to the hall where they put on their shoes and coats to start the first part of their infiltration of The Purple Sin.

* * *

A dark gray women-suit, a black blouse and a pair of black shoes with a small heel under it.

Lisa sits behind the wheel of the rented silver gray Cadillac CTS and takes a deep breath before she gets out of it.

Nervously she checks if her now straight red hair still is in model while trying to make herself calm down a bit by focusing on the character she is about to play.

Julia Sinclair, a businesswomen who has a business in medical equipment, not easy to impress and a bit of a cold hearted arrogant attitude.

She heard about The Sin through a contact in the business and now wanted to see things for herself and perhaps have some fun with one of the ladies in there.

Gina and Jessica told her what she could expect; Marv guarding the entrance, the cloakroom attendant and then the main hall where Jeb would be the host.

Her heart pounds in her throat and her legs feel like they are made out of rubber when she finally gets out and slowly starts to walk in the direction of the green and purple neon lights.

"Damn you Maggie!" She hears her inner voice cursing her sister as she is getting closer and closer the to the entrance.

"Sorry gents, you can't get in being dressed up like that" Lisa can hear the heavy voice of a man who kindly but very clear refuses to let in a few younger men wearing jeans and T-shirts.

"Now listen 'muscles', you got any idea who my dad is?"

"Yeah, I do and I also know what your old man would think of it when he would see you here" the heavy voice replies.

"You'll regret this" the young man tries to impress the dark voice who once more clearly replies they can't get in.

Lisa approaches the whole scene and she feels how her breathing speeds up as she sees Marv's impressive physique.

"Gentlemen would you please be so kind to leave; this lady requires my attention now".

"Hey, you work here girl?…Would love to get between your legs!" one of the men addresses Lisa.

Lisa takes a small step backwards but manages to control her fear.

"Allow me" Marv kindly apologizes, grabs the arm of the young man and quickly twists it behind his back.

"Alright pipsqueek, time for you to leave now while you still can walk and with your right arm still functional as I am getting kinda tired of you and your behavior".

Facing the imminent dislocation of one of his shoulders, as well other potential physical damage inflicted by the bouncer of the club, the young man decides it probably would be better to behave and leave the alley with his friends.

"Always the same story with these kids" Marv sighs as he sees the little group rapidly walking out of the vicinity.

"My apologies for all this miss, now how can I help you?" he asks Lisa with a friendly voice.

"Well sir, seems you are safe guarding who is allowed into this establishment; I was wondering if I will be allowed in?" Lisa replies a slightly arrogant.

"When you are willing to pay the hundred dollar entrance fee and show me something of an identity card; you would be more then welcome miss" the bouncer replies friendly.

"My…my ID?…Why do you need my ID?" Lisa stammers as she isn't prepared to deal with this new obstacle to get in.

"Company policy miss, we had some troubles yesterday with some visitors who were under aged and management has decided we have to check it now".

Lisa knows she has very little options, as otherwise she won't get in and after a short hesitation she reaches into her small Gucci purse to get her drivers license out.

"Riiiight…..miss Sinclair; everything seems to be alright" the huge clump of muscles replies to Lisa's surprise as he looks at her driver's license which clearly shows 'Lisa Marie Simpson'.

Marv drops the drivers license and Lisa immediately hurdles down to pick it up.

"How clumsy of me, my apologies miss Sinclair…allow me to pick it up".

Marv hurdles down as well and when he is at eye height with Lisa he quickly puts his hand over the small laminated card.

"Gigi told me, get your sister out but be careful…entrance is on me" he quickly whispers.

"Ah, there it is…again my apologies ma'am" he continues his little act with his normal voice as he hands back the drivers license.

"You're too kind sir" Lisa plays along and enters The Purple Sin.

She passes the small corridor and enters the by soft white and purple spots illuminated lobby with it's walls covered with wall tapestry and the Italian walnut paneling which form bay windows with paintings of all kinds of burlesque scenes in it.

As she slowly moves through the lobby, her eye is caught by a painting of a nude dancing woman with long black hair.

"Jess!" She gasps for air as she now really is confronted with Jessica's previous life.

For a while she looks at the painting and sees the almost diabolic lustful twinkle in the eyes of the women who she gave her heart to and knew such a different side of her.

"And what is bringing an elegant woman like you to my humble establishment?" suddenly a male voice sounds behind her, while the smell of Bourbon replaces the somewhat dull fragrance of the lobby.

Calmly Lisa turns herself around and sees a not so tall and somewhat slender built man with slightly graying long hair which he wears in a pony tail.

"What does people bring to your place mister…?" she replies with a slightly teasing but still businesslike voice".

"It's Jeb miss, just Jeb" the man replies as he grabs her hand and kisses it like a real gentleman.

Lisa feels her stomach turning around as she realizes that the man who almost killed Jessica is now touching her.

"Julie…Julie Sinclair" she replies with a slightly arrogant smile on her face.

"Well Julie, what brings a woman like you to my place?" he once more asks.

"Fun Jeb…just fun, like every girl wants to have from time to time….and your club was recommended by a business relation".

"I hope he only told good things about this place".

"Indeed he did…very good things…especially about the girls who are employed by you; that black beauty on the painting over there….I wouldn't mind spending some time with her; if you know what I mean".

"My compliments for your good taste Julie; but unfortunately Jazz left us some time ago…something which I still regret, but you just can't force one to stay".

"Fucking piece of lowlife!" Lisa internally explodes, but at the outside she remains calm and just replies to Jeb's explanation with a slight nod.

"You won't regret your visit Julie, I have plenty of girls who are able to satisfy your wishes and desires….allow me to escort you to the main hall where you can enjoy what we have to offer".

"You're too kind Jeb" Lisa replies friendly but distant and accepts the arm which is offered to her.

As they enter the main hall of The Sin, Jeb gesticulates to Gina to come to them.

"Gigi, this is Julie; can you escort her to a nice small table near the catwalk so she can enjoy what we have to offer to the max".

"My my, you have really beautiful brown 'eyes' Gigi…..perhaps I can have a better look at them when you have finished your work this night" Lisa proposes with a hungry voice as she watches Gina in her topless uniform".

"I'm afraid Gigi is not for that kind of services sweetie, although she doesn't mind a naughty pinch occasionally" Jeb grins.

"Aww…too bad, I think we really could have had a bit of fun together".

"Just wait till you see what beauty we present to you on the catwalk….and Gigi; Julie's drinks are on me today".

"No problem Jeb, would you please follow me to your table miss?" Gina replies friendly and acts like she normally does.

"I'm sorry Gina" Lisa whispers as she sits down at a small table at the side of the catwalk, but Gina ignores her.

"If you need anything miss, just let me know and I will take care of it".

"If you want to make use of our 'additional services' involving one of the girls; Jeb will be at your disposal to make arrangements" Gina continues professionally with a friendly voice and smile on her face.

Lisa orders a non-alcoholic cocktail which is put on her table a few moments later by Gina, who leaves to take care of the other clients.

Slowly Lisa starts to calm down a bit, which enables her to take a better look at the whole scene.

The main hall is filled with mostly older men wearing expensive suits; businessmen, managers and other kinds of 'top brass' people who are served by topless waitresses.

Noisy and decadent scenes, live music, dancing young women on the catwalk who take most of their clothes off, but not everything and the smell of cigarettes and cigars.

From time to time men leave the hall with one of the young women who could have been seen dancing moments earlier while others come back.

Jeb 'patrols' the main hall and acts like the main host by chatting with the clients and asking if they need anything.

She lights a cigarette and continues to watch what happens at the other tables, she sees how one of the waitresses is more or less harassed as she is pulled on the lap of a half drunk man in a blue chalk line suit.

The young woman clearly doesn't want the guy to touch her, but Jeb indicates to her to allow it as it is just 'for fun'.

Lisa turns her face again to the catwalk as the whole scene which takes place just makes her sick and enrages her.

One of the dancers on the catwalk rolls herself into her direction and stops in front of her table.

"Wanna see a bit more sweetie?" the girl invites Lisa to put some money in her black transparent brazier.

To play the game along Lisa accepts and puts banknote of twenty dollars in it.

The woman pulls down the piece of lingerie and shows her breasts while she lustfully wiggles herself slowly away from the presumed businesswoman.

"Way to go!" an intoxicated voice sounds from the table behind her and the stripper moves up to a new potential donator.

Again Lisa's eyes move through the main hall and she sees in the corner, just behind the bar, the waitress who was just pulled on the lap of the chalk line suit wearing guy a few moments ago.

Gina tries to make her calm down a bit, but again it is Jeb who clearly shows that both women have to get back on the floor as clients are waiting and need to be served.

The longer she observes Jeb and what is going on in the place, the more she starts to fear for what her sister has to endure from him.

From her purse she grabs the package of cigarettes Jessica gave her to deal with her nerves, but she can't find the a lighter.

"Allow me Julie" she suddenly can hear Jeb's voice in front of her as he offers her a light.

"Thank you, a real gentleman indeed" Lisa replies while she manages to produce, with a lot of trouble, a smile on her face.

"Are you enjoying what this humble place is offering you?"

"Oh yes, I certainly do….you really have quite a place sir…but well…." Lisa replies kinda playfully.

"But well what?...Is there something which is not living up to your expectations my dear?"

"How can I put this mildly" Lisa continues her game while biting her lower lip.

"No please, tell me….we aim to satisfy".

"Well…I expected a bit more fireworks on stage, sure you have some really nice girls but it's….it's a bit lame, just showing some boobs and that's it…nothing special….I uh…I hoped for a bit more naughty stuff".

"Aaahh, I see we're dealing here with a 'connaiseuze'….just have a bit of patience; the 'Parade of the damned' is about to start and I can assure you that we won't let you down" Jeb replies with a big grin on his face.

"I can't wait" Lisa once more continues in character.

"Then I suppose it's time we show you what The Sin really has to offer".

* * *

The band plays an instrumental soft and slow jazzy song to set the mood; the lights in the main hall are dimmed, except for the small floor spots in the catwalk which illuminate the whole stage with a soft almost sensual glow.

Lisa is getting more nervous and deep inside she just wants to get out of the place; but she can't.

She knows now she is going to find out what her sister is doing; or is forced to do.

Carefully the whole tension in The Sin is built up and the audience is getting more and more quietly; waiting for what will be displayed on the catwalk.

Nervously Lisa lights one of the cigarettes Jessica gave her to calm her nerves, but it has very little effect as her heart just keeps pounding in her throat.

Despite not being religious, she almost starts praying the act of her younger sister won't be that bad; that she won't go all the way.

Suddenly the pace op the music goes up and ends with the almost classic roll, beaten on a snare drum.

A spotlight is switched on and the curtains at the back side of the catwalk are opened.

"Mesdames et messieurs, ladies and gentlemen, bienvenue, welcome in this humble little place where we are about to offer you the most exquisite 'fruits' Capitol City has to offer!"

Jeb is standing at the beginning of the catwalk wearing a red blazer and a black high hat which he elegantly takes off as he addresses the audience.

Holding the microphone in his left hand, while in his right hand he holds a chain which is connected to the black leather collar which is around the neck of a young woman who wears a tight black leather catsuit and a matching black cap over her head which covers the upper half of her face to make the appearance of a black panther complete.

Small imitation diamonds located all over the suit reflect the white light of the spotlight which is aimed at her and Jeb.

Sitting in a squatted position with her hands in front of her, she occasionally swings her gloved hand in the direction of the audience while hissing like a wild cat.

Jeb's announcement of all the 'beauty' which will be offered that night continues while Lisa watches carefully the young woman at his side as she tries to recognize her.

She doesn't seem to notice her as she is completely focused on her act and continues to hiss, growl and press the side of her head against Jeb's leg.

"And then now, my highly esteemed ladies and gentlemen, straight from the deepest darkest jungle, a predator of lust…may I have your applause for this 'black panther' who will take you to unprecedented heights and will show you her deepest secrets" Jeb finishes his announcement and takes off the collar which is around the neck of his 'pet'.

The sound of a distorted electric guitar sounds through the main hall, playing the first tones of 'bad to the bone', bright spots are switched on and illuminate the whole catwalk in a bright green and white light, the 'panther' jumps up from her squatted position, makes a cartwheel and lands in a kneeled position halfway the catwalk, just a few inches away from Lisa.

On the pace of the music, she then quickly rolls to the pole in the center of the broadened part and starts to spiral around it while holding herself on one arm.

The crowd explodes, starts to shout and whistle, while several 'overheated' men move to a position close to the catwalk to offer money and have a better view on the 'things' which will be revealed to them.

Strutting over the catwalk on the rhythm of the music, the 'catwoman' accepts the first ten dollar bill and slowly starts to take off the leather top part of her suit.

Lisa watches things taking place at the broadened part of the stage and sees how the dancer moves several times to the floor to cash in.

Still wondering about the identity of the woman on stage; she decides to offer a bill of twenty dollars to see what will happen.

It doesn't take long before the banknote is spotted and the 'panther' crawls up to the direction of the 'donator' with her top hanging loose over her shoulders.

Once more rolling on the floor in an aggressive but seductive way, she comes to a standstill in front of Lisa and is about to snatch the twenty dollar bill with her teeth like she usually does.

But instead of grabbing it with a fast move of her head, she stops and for a moment her facial expression changes from lustful into one of disbelief.

"Maggie" Lisa gaps as she recognizes the face of her sister now she it up close to her.

Quickly her sister goes flat on her chest while putting her behind in the air, like she is stalking a prey and slowly moves in for the 'kill'.

With a short movement she puts her face in front of Lisa's and quickly whispers her name before she grabs the twenty dollar bill with her teeth and puts it in her black brazier.

Inside, Lisa's heart is ripped to pieces by the sight of her little sister performing as a stripper and it takes her a tremendous amount of trouble to stay into character.

Feelings of rage and sorrow almost overwhelm her and once more she feels how her breathing speeds up; but she knows that she just has to play along and can't blow her cover.

Maggie continues her performance and again Lisa offers money, hoping she will be able to exchange a few words more without raising any suspicions.

On stage, Maggie struggles to focus on her act and the rhythm of the music.

Several times she dances out of pace and almost trips over her own feet, but manages to cover it up by working her way to the ground and back to the pole.

She knows she can't screw up her performance as Jeb immediately will make her pay the price; or even worse, linking it to the new client.

Dancing and stripping on routine, she continues to wonder about what her sister is doing in The Sin while looking completely different.

She suppresses her desire just to jump off the catwalk and run away with her sister; but she knows she can't and just focuses on the music which has changed from rather rough into something more laid back to support the last part of her act.

Now moving more sensually, just wearing lingerie, she takes of her panther cap and her long blonde spikes fall over her shoulders and neck.

She carefully keeps an eye on the audience which starts to offer now banknotes with a more serious 'number' on it.

"Offer one of fifty" she thinks to herself as she once more passes Lisa who just seems to gaze at her, like she is under the influence of some kind of tranquilizer.

Hip throwing Maggie continues on the catwalk while playing with the straps of her black brazier; pulling them down over her shoulder and then pulling them up again to ensure the overheated audience will come up with the desired banknote of fifty, which will make her take it off completely.

Behind her small table, Lisa more or less manages to get herself under control again after she looked her sister straight in the eyes.

Behind her, she can hear voices mumbling something about offering fifty dollars to make her show what is inside of the braziers.

The thought of offering her sister fifty bucks to show her breasts to her makes her feel sick, but she has very little choice as it will be one of the few opportunities to exchange a few words.

Carefully Lisa watches Maggie till she once more looks in her direction and then holds casually the banknote up.

Maggie spots the hand of her sister, as well another hand of a pale guy who offers her the same amount of money.

Playfully she moves into the direction of the guy and starts to dance in front of him.

Her hands move sensually up her upper legs and thighs before they slowly go into the direction of her brazier.

She pulls down one side of it and her breast pops out as she hangs above the sweaty face of the donator.

A hungry smile, playing a bit with her nipple, she lays down on her side and allows the man to touch her and puts the banknote into her suspender belt.

She rolls over to her back, slowly pulls up her brazier again and lustfully coils on her back over the catwalk to end in front of Lisa.

For a moment she lies in front of her, reaches out her arms and grabs the lapels of her sister's blazer.

Gently she pulls Lisa towards her with an almost diabolic smile on her face and from a distance it seems she is sharing some hot words with the businesswoman.

"Help me Lisa…get me out of here" Maggie whispers through her teeth with a desperate voice.

"Maggie…how…how?" Lisa asks but Maggie cuts her off by once more quickly whispering "help me…..please; play along" while she still has a lustful grin on her face.

Slowly Maggie takes off her brazier and drapes it over her sister's head.

"We're trying to get you out" Lisa whispers as she struggles to keep up the appearance of an overheated businesswoman.

"I'm sorry Lisa" Maggie replies as she puts her hands behind the head of her sister and presses her face between her breasts.

The audience in the main hall goes wild as they watch the whole scene which insinuates some hot lesbian loving in progress.

Lisa tries to pull her head back but Maggie holds her firmly between her breasts.

"Play along, for God sake play along" she urges Lisa not to resist.

Lisa's neck muscles relax and she undergoes the whole thing without any further resistance.

Finally Maggie let her go and Lisa more or less falls back on her chair; the black piece of lingerie still hanging over her shoulder.

Inside she dies, wants to vomit, wants to scream and cry her lungs out in utter repulsion, sorrow and rage because of what her little sister was forced to do to her by her boss.

On stage Maggie continues her act which is heading towards its peak, fighting her emotions and feelings of disgust, she manages barely to perform and more and more she is forced to embrace the pole to keep up the appearance of a quality act.

The first bill of a hundred dollars appears at the front side of the catwalk as the music starts to get more driven.

The soft purple and white spots which illuminate the whole stage to create a more sensual atmosphere are dimmed and replaced by a reddish light.

Maggie dances; just wearing her stockings, suspender belt and thong while the acrobatic figures she performs at both poles on the catwalk emphasize more on spreading her legs.

Her heart pounds in her throat, praying her sister won't offer a hundred dollars as it means she has to insert it into her womanhood.

Nervously she sees how several hands now offer the 'desired' banknote and she works her way up to the end of the catwalk; as far as possible away from her sister.

She has to accept them all, as all the collected money goes straight to Jeb and he made very clear he wouldn't accept her to refuse any offered bill.

Despite the fact Maggie performed on stage for already quite a while; the part of her act coming up never had been easy for her, nor it ever would be.

With an even more artificial lustful smile on her face and half shut eyes, she kneels down in front of the overheated face of a man in his early forties.

Throwing herself on her back she takes off her thong and hooks her heels behind the side of the catwalk.

She closes her eyes and focuses on the image of a tranquil landscape with a setting sun as she tries to ban out every feeling while the banknote is inserted into her womanhood.

Again the eyes of her sister, who is not far away from her, flash through her mind and she quickly withdraws her lower body from the reach of the hungry fingers which just touched the most intimate part of her body.

Hatred, despair and helplessness almost take control of her, but she manages to continue and just wearing her suspender belt and her stockings, she moves into the direction of the next 'donator'.

The whole 'procedure' is repeated and to simulate arousal while the banknote is inserted, she throws her upper body back as she sits on her knees which enables her to see the opposite side of the catwalk where Lisa is.

Their eyes cross and Maggie sees how her sister holds up a hundred dollar bill as another way to get in contact with her.

Despite Lisa's businesslike and somewhat arrogant and hungry facial expression, Maggie sees in her eyes she is bleeding inside.

Again a quick withdrawal and she rolls herself over to her side towards Lisa.

Both sisters swallow as they know what they have to do.

"Do it!" Maggie whispers as she is sitting in front of Lisa with her legs spread, ready to receive the 'generous offer'.

But Lisa hesitates, despite she tries to focus on the fact she is about to perform a medical procedure on another patient; she just can't do it.

Her lover lip starts to tremble and her eyes start to get wet as she is confronted with this raw and almost gruesome reality regarding her little sister.

Maggie sees how her sister is about to break up and once more grabs her head and pushes it towards the lower part of her abdomen to simulate allowing the 'donator' to have a really good look.

Moving her pelvis up and down while guiding Lisa's hand just to the edge of the catwalk, it seems like the money is inserted but instead she manages to hide her sister's face.

The crowd again goes wild as they witness this piece of girl on girl action and encourage Lisa to use her tongue.

Suddenly the roar in the main hall is interrupted by the scream of a woman and the sound of broken glass and tumbling furniture.

The man wearing the chalk striped suit who earlier harassed one of the waitresses is laying on the floor and is covering his bloody nose with both his hands.

In front of him stands Gina who is putting the crotch of her uniform back into position and shouts that he has to keep his filthy mits off her, or else he won't have got anything left between his legs to use them on.

From a small door next to the curtain of the catwalk, a big fat black haired guy runs to the scene, followed by Jeb.

The whole consternation in the main hall allows Lisa to get a grip on herself and quickly slips the hundred dollar bill into Maggie's stocking with the other banknotes.

"We'll get you out, I swear we'll get you out" she quickly whispers and Maggie nods shortly as a sign she understood.

In the meanwhile, Jeb has kneeled down next to the man whose nose a few moment earlier had a short and powerful encounter with Gina's fist.

"Take her to the back!…I'll deal with her later!" he commands his henchman and starts to apologize to the customer while one of the other waitresses rushes towards the scene with a first aid kit.

Gina tries to free herself from of Ernie's grip, but his hand is as tight as a bench vice around her right upper arm and no matter how she struggles; he won't let her go.

Maggie in the meanwhile, has got back on her feet and left Lisa not to raise any suspicion.

As the wounded man is taken to one of the back rooms to be looked after: Jeb climbs on the catwalk and starts to apologize to the audience and announces everyone will have a free drink on the house to make things up.

Aware of the fact the incident has basically ruined Maggie's performance; he tells her to leave the stage and as soon things have calmed down in the main hall; he announces the next attraction of the 'Parade of the damned".

The band once more starts to play and a slender built woman dressed up as a pierrot appears on stage where she starts her performance, which is an almost bizarre mix of ballet and some kind of perverted darkness.

Lisa, once more in control over herself, lights a cigarette, orders a drink and casually watches the woman on stage.

She offers some money and despite she just wants to leave the place, she stays as she has to keep up the appearance of having a good time.

"My apologies about what just happened Julie" the voice of Jeb sounds behind her as the act has finished.

"Yes, a member of your staff apparently had some trouble to behave" she remarks with a cold voice.

"Good staff is difficult to get nowadays" Jeb acknowledges and sits down on the chair at the other side of the table.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" he asks like a good host fits.

"Indeed, very much….especially that little blonde 'thing' in the cat suit made quite an impression on me".

"Spike, yeah she is quite something…I could see you liked her and regarding the attention she gave you; she probably liked you as well" Jeb grins.

Lisa replies with a faint, but still somewhat distant smile on her face and takes a sip of her cocktail.

"She will be performing tomorrow as well?"

"Yeah, sure she will….perhaps together with one of the other girls".

"Hmmm, not really that fond of on stage naughtiness with two girls….I prefer to see the them alone and leave the naughtiness for myself with them".

"Well, we might be able to provide you with something like that…..perhaps the pierrot can provide you with what you want".

"No…I'm not in the mood and I have my preferences when it comes about these things….perhaps another time".

"This house will be happy to suit your needs" Jeb once more grins and apologizes himself as he has to take care of some business.

From behind her small table, Lisa continues to watch the acts but they barely make an impression on her as her mind is with her sister.

Casually she offers some money to the performing women on stage and orders a few drinks more.

After an hour she no longer can bare the whole thing anymore and to prevent herself from going to pieces, she gets up from her chair and heads to the exit of the main hall to go back to Gina's apartment.

* * *

"Here, drink this…I think you can use it" Jessica remarks with a soft and comforting voice as she puts down a glass of cold Buzz cola with a little bit of rum in it.

Completely devastated by the things she saw and went through in The Purple Sin; Lisa has been crying, swearing and shouting since she arrived at Gina's apartment.

Finally calmed down, she just stares into the distance with empty eyes and slowly manages to get a bit more of a grip on herself.

"I don't know what to do Jess…I really don't know how we can get her out" she remarks with a desperate tone in her voice.

"We'll think of something, one way or another we will get her out" Jessica once more comforts her.

"But how?….She is a prisoner in there…she…she" but Lisa cannot continue as tears start to roll down her cheeks.

"Hush, hush….it's alright, you went through a lot this evening….went through way too much" Jessica comforts her and presses Lisa's head against her shoulder.

"I just want my sister back….I just want her back!" Lisa cries out loud again.

It takes Jessica a lot of trouble not to burst out into tears as well, as she knows Maggie wouldn't be in this situation when she wouldn't have kicked out the eye of Billy.

"P…Perhaps I should go to Jeb and…and offer him my services again….work 'upstairs'….so….so he will let Maggie go".

"What!?…Are you nuts!?….No…Never!" Lisa shouts through her tears with a broken voice.

"That maniac has to be brought to justice!…He has to be stopped and pay for what he has done to you and Maggie!"

"It…it's my fault she is now in this situation" Jessica softly stammers.

"Jess, no!….You can't be blamed!….You are a victim of that guy as well!

"Yeah…well…but…"

"No!" Lisa shouts and slaps Jessica with her hand in the face while her eyes start to shoot fire.

"Ow!…You hit hard….but thanks, I needed that one" Jessica murmurs as she covers the place on her cheek with her hand where Lisa just hit her.

A silence falls in the living room of the apartment and Lisa picks a cigarette from Jessica's package and lights it.

"What would happen if Jeb disappears" she suddenly wonders out loud.

"Jeb disappears?….How do you mean?"

Lisa doesn't reply but Jessica can see in her eyes she is playing with some very dark ideas.

"You mean…'whack' him?"

"If I will get Maggie back that way….."

""You're out of your fucking mind!….We would get the cops and the mob on our neck when we would do such a thing!…And who will do it?….I hate the guy to the bone but that doesn't mean I can put a bullet in his brains!"

"Who's talking about bullets?….I know plenty of other ways" Lisa states shortly as her eyes are getting darker and darker.

"Forget it!…You know this is bullshit!" Jessica once more objects.

"Was it bullshit what he did to you and what he is now doing to Maggie!?"

"No…no it's not….but killing someone…that's not an option!"

The whole conversation between both women is interrupted by the sound of two voices and the opening of the front door.

"Easy girl…easy, lean on me" the dark voice of a man can be heard in the hall.

Lisa and Jessica get up and see how Gina is stumbling into the apartment while being supported by Marv.

"Gina?…Marv?…What happened!?" Jessica shouts as she sees Gina's bloody face.

"Mister Fielding gave her a 'reprimand' because a drunk hog harassed her and he didn't like it when she defended herself" Marv explains shortly with a cynical tone in his voice.

"I cracked that fucker's nose" Gina grins while she presses her eyes shut because of the pain.

"Take her to her bedroom and put her on her bed; I'll take a look at her" Lisa more or less orders, as the trauma surgeon takes over in her.

Marv gently keeps supporting Gina as she moves into her bedroom and sits down on her bed.

"Alright, first get that coat off and then tell me where it hurts the most".

"My ribs!…That fucking piece of shit kicked me in my ribs!" Gina moans in agony as she tries to take off her coat".

"Let me help you to take it off" Marv offers and carefully he takes off the coat.

Gina is still wearing her waitress uniform and Lisa immediately spots a large bruised area on her side and back.

"What happened, what did they do to you?"

"That chalk stripe….he grabbed me in my groin and I cracked his nose…you must have seen it…Spike was still on the catwalk" Gina explains as she tries to breathe without too much pain.

"Jeb and Ernie…they took me into the office….when Ernie worked me to the ground Jeb kicked me several times in my ribs….aww fuck it hurts!"

"And that wound above you eye, did they hit you with something on the head as well?"

"No…I hit a chair when they worked me down".

"Coughing up blood and having troubles to breath?"

"No blood…but it hurts like hell when I breathe in deeply".

"Hmmm…we better take you to the hospital so they can take some X-rays of your chest….you might have broken ribs and I don't know if there is any damage inside of your head".

"No….no hospital….not here in Capitol City".

"Gina, you might have internal bleedings…you're playing with your life now".

"I love an occasional gamble…..no hospital!…Forget it!"

"What's the problem with the hospital over here?….It's a University hospital!"

"Uh Lisa…quite a few of your colleagues are customers of The Sin…..and one of them recognizing a beaten up waitress will immediately get back to Jeb" Jessica explains.

"And what about the other hospitals?"

"Same story….not a good idea; too many people who know her" Marv adds.

"Jeez…what kind of place is this?" Lisa wonders out loud and starts to think about her possibilities to treat Gina.

"Jess, can you get the medical kit from the car for me….I have to do it with what is inside of it".

"Have to do what?" Gina asks.

"Stitch that laceration above your eye and try to find out as good as I can there is nothing damaged inside of you".

"Hang on, hang on…you really know what you're doing?" Gina asks with a suspicious tone in her voice.

"Listen, I'm a trauma surgeon so I kinda know what to do, right?….Now let me check your neck and vertebrates to see if those are damaged and can someone get me a pair of scissors as this damn uniform needs to come off!".

"Hey, there is nothing wrong with me below my waist!"

"Who's the doctor here?….You or me?"

"You….but no hanky panky down there or you need a doctor yourself!"

"Be glad you're not having a baby as then you would have to spread your legs for me to have a good look!…Now shut up and lay still!"

More then half an hour passes; Jessica and Marv are sitting at the dinner table while Lisa takes care of Gina.

With a soft voice Jessica tells Marv what happened to her after the night she was kicked out of The Sin and what brought her back to Capitol City.

Occasionally she's interrupted by a loud yell or an even louder swearword which comes from Gina's bedroom.

"Girlie, girlie….what a story, you really went through some hard times" Marv sighs after Jessica has told him everything.

"Surprised to hear this all from me?" Jessica asks with a weary voice.

Marv doesn't reply immediately and lights a big cigar as he watches Jessica's face.

"To be honest with you: yes and no".

"Yes and no?…How do you mean?"

"Yes, because you seemed to be almost untouchable when you were at The Sin and no; because I know enough about people to know such an attitude usually covers op a lot of other things….difficult and painful things".

"Yeah…I guess we all have our ways to hide our pain for the rest of the world and ourselves".

"We sure do girlie".

"Oww!…Goddammit, how many more!?" it sounds painfully, but in a slightly different way, from Gina's bedroom.

"Look, you didn't want to go to a hospital so I have to stitch you up without anesthesia….just one more to go".

"No!…It's OK now….I'm sown up enough…it will do!…I'm fine!"

"No you aren't!…Now put your head back on your pillow and hold still!"

"Jesus fucking Christ!" It sounds as Lisa once more sticks the curved stitching needle into Gina's skin.

"Leave that guy out, he can't help you anyway now…..just one more loop…..and done!".

"Can't say Gina is hiding it though" Jessica grins to Marv as they hear the rather loud 'conversation' coming from the bedroom.

"I wouldn't worry too much about her…she's a tough cookie" Marv smiles back.

A few moments later, Lisa comes out of the bedroom and takes the latex gloves off her hands.

"How is she doing?" Marv asks worried.

"Probably a few bruised ribs and a nice cut above her left eye; as far as I could tell no internal problems except a very bad temper….she has been lucky".

"She's resting now?"

"She should, but don't count on it".

"Told you she was a tough cookie" Marv once more smiles as they all can hear Gina grumble in her bedroom as she is putting some clothes on.

"Allow me to introduce myself properly Lisa: I'm Marvin Hendriks; or just Marv for friends".

"I really should apologize myself for not thanking you when you came in mister Hendrix, what you did to get me getting into The Purple Sin is something I will never forget".

"Aww c'mon girl, just call me Marv and don't worry about it, it was the least thing I could do for you and Spike".

"Didn't Earl cause any problems?" Jessica asks.

"Earl?….Earl quit several months ago and went back to Jersey; he no longer could live with what The Sin had become after he helped to move Spike's stuff".

"Earl left The Sin?"

"He sure did Jazz…and if I didn't have my two kids in college, I would have been gone already as well….what once was a fine and classy place has now turned into some kind of hell hole where girls are beaten and customers can misbehave… Jeb still pays good and I just need the money; but trust me, the moment I can get a job which pays more or less the same I'm out of there …my limits are compromised pretty much lately".

"Such a pity…was such a fine place" Marv shakes his head.

"I'll burn that 'fine place' with all the fuckers in it to the ground!" it sounds from the doorway as Gina enters the living room, now wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans.

"Dammit Gina, I told you to take a rest!" Lisa objects as she sees her patient moving to the black and orange closet at the left side of the wall.

"I'll rest when I'm dead…..but first I have to even a few scores" she continues determently as she opens the closet and grabs something out of it.

"A little souvenir from my life before The Sin" she angrily hisses between her teeth and walks to the others who are sitting at the dinner table, while holding a little black suitcase in her hand.

She puts the suitcase on the table and opens it.

"Wow…a TEC9….girl, that aint the way and you know it" Marv urges Gina to use her common sense.

"You bet it is, I got two thirty round magazines and I only need two bullets….one for Jeb and one for Ernie" Gina hisses with black eyes.

"And for every motherfucker who gets in my way I've got fifty eight rounds left!"

"Girl, goddammit, calm down!….Do you want to end on death row huh!?…Not to mention the fact you will piss several guys from the Capitol City 'outfit' off as well?".

"Don't care….I want to see their fucking brains on the wall!"

"Gina, Marv is right…you will loose everything" Jessica adds.

"Loose everything?….I already lost everything now they kicked me out!".

"Please…for God sake, it's not worth it….I know, I have been there!"

"You were lucky!….You found someone, I have no one!" Gina continues bitterly.

"Girl…gimme that piece of 'artillery', sit down and have a cigarette…there are other ways to deal with Jeb….ways which will only bring good to us all" Marv suggests.

"How do you mean?"

"First sit down and listen".

"Gina hesitates for a moment but eventually puts the gun back in its case and slowly sits down on one of the chairs.

She sighs a few times deeply and presses her eyes shut to deal with the pain before she finally is able to relax a bit more.

"Look, 'wasting' these two guys is tempting; I know…..but it will mean you'll pay a heavy price and that's just something those two aren't worth it".

"You don't get it Marv…they crossed a line and they have to pay, no other options left!"

"Easy girl, easy….first listen to what I have to say:… like I said, when you waste them you will be as good as dead yourself, not to mention you will put several other people in trouble as well".

"Like who then?"

"Like me for instance, I need that job to make my kids get a good education".

"So you are basically trying to cover your own ass now Marv….disappoints me a bit" Gina replies cynically.

"Girl, shut up; I'm trying to help you as well as Lisa without fucking things up for all of us!".

"What are you thinking of Marv?" Lisa asks.

"Jebediah Fielding seems to be a very big shot in town, but as a matter of facts: he isn't…sure, he has connections but his place is basically owned by the 'outfit'".

"The 'outfit'?"

"Yeah, the Capitol City mob….The Purple Sin exists because they allow it to exist, as well it provides them with some pretty decent money and a convenient 'tool' to use in case some incriminating material is needed when they need to fix something with the authorities".

"As long Jeb does what he needs to do and keeps things nice and quiet; there are no problems….but when he doesn't, there will be some people who won't be that happy with him and I am not only referring to the 'outfit'".

"Jazz, you know all too well that Jeb has to keep people at city hall happy, which wasn't such a big problem until you kicked that guy's eye out".

"Your act had quite some serious consequences, as not only there was the threat on an inquiry regarding corruption at city hall; but also it meant your biggest fan was replaced by another guy…..and he has a considerable higher price as his predecessor".

"No need to tell the 'outfit' was not really amused by these developments as they like to keep things nice and above all quiet".

"The consequence for Jeb is that he has to pay his usual fee to the mob, as well has to pay a second fee to that guy in city hall, while his turnover considerably went down since he lost his star 'attraction', as well quite a few people got scared because of the threat of that inquiry at city hall I just mentioned".

"Ah, and don't forget he likes money a lot himself as well to finance his way of living; especially now he picked up his old 'hobby'".

'So you might say Jeb is pretty desperate when it comes about money nowadays, so when you want to hurt him; the best way to do so is to hurt him in his wallet".

"But…but what about Maggie then?….She has to get out of that place!"

"Spike…I mean Maggie is nowadays the top attraction of The Sin…she is young, blonde, has a pretty nice body and above all: a certain class which is something which we can't say of Spider and especially not Lola or one of these illegal Mexican girls he has employed…class generates money….like Jazz".

"Uh…Marv, would you do me a favor and don't call me 'Jazz' anymore….I kinda hate that name to the bone nowadays".

"I'm sorry girlie….won't do it again". Marv apologies with a smile on his face.

"So if I get things right Marv, when we get Maggie out we automatically hurt Jeb because we will take away one of his most important sources of income" Lisa concludes.

"That's exactly what I was heading for".

"And when that happens; the 'outfit' won't be happy, nor city hall which means he will go down…possibly with a pair of concrete shoes down the river, which means I will stay clear of any trouble" Gina adds.

"But what about you Marv?….You will loose your job when Jeb goes down".

"I don't expect that will happen, The Sin still has a lot of potential when it comes about generating cash and remember, it's used for other purposes as well…..the 'outfit' doesn't want to loose such a place and probably will put someone of their own in it".

"Okay, nice; Jeb gets what he deserves, Gina will have her revenge without ending up in trouble and Maggie will be out….only one little problem: how will we get her out" Jessica remarks smartly, emphasizing on the word 'how'.

"Book her…" Marv suggests as he takes a big puff from his cigar.

"Book her?…She can't be booked!…She is only dancing"

"Don't make yourself any illusions when it comes about that my dear Lisa; sooner or later Jeb will 'promote' her".

"Please Marv, don't say such things; what I saw this evening is already something I can barely take" Lisa replies in disgust.

"I'm afraid Marv is right, sooner or later it will happen….and I think it will be more likely sooner then later" Gina supports the cigar smoking bouncer.

"Yeah, but she cannot be booked at the moment; she now only dances" Jessica objects on her turn.

"Heh…if you pay enough money you can even book Ernie…well, he won't be that expensive…..actually now I think about it: Ernie should pay the client in such cases" Marv grins.

"Alright, but even if she manages to book her sister; they will still be in The Sin, so that won't work as well….we can't get her out, unless we go for the method 'miss Rambo' just suggested".

"Hey, that method has been proven to be effective against even the toughest cocksuckers" Gina protests teasingly.

"Please, this is not the moment….Jessica is right, we won't have any chance to get her out when she is still in The Sin".

A silence fills the living room as they all know the only chance of getting Maggie successful out only can succeed when they manage her to get her outside The Sin in the first place.

"And what if you book her, go upstairs and try to sneak out?….If anyone tries to stop the both of you, you put my gun on his head" Gina suggests after a while.

"No, that won't work….what will happen if I actually have to pull the trigger?….Not to mention the fact I probably won't be able to do so" Lisa turns down the whole idea.

"Come on, there must be some way to get her outside…what other options do we have?"

"What if we manage to book her outside of The Sin?" Jessica suggests after another silence.

"How do you mean?"

"An escort job…you know, 'work on location'….in some kind of hotel".

"Hmmmm…that might work…but it's gonna cost you" Marv remarks.

"Money isn't the problem….the tricky part will be to convince Jeb to send her to a hotel, as well we don't know for sure if he actually is prepared to let her leave the place…and if he does, she won't be alone" Lisa once more remarks.

"She's got a point there; Ernie or perhaps even Jeb himself will escort her to make sure she won't make a run for it" Gina adds.

"Well, you got a pretty strong 'argument' there to let her go" Marv replies as he points his cigar to the little black suitcase with the assault pistol in it.

"You mean 'waste' the guy who escorts her to a hotel?….Tempting….very tempting, but then we end up with the same problem as we discussed earlier".

"Who says you have to pull the trigger?….When you put a loaded gun on some one's head, people usually tend to become very cooperative".

"I don't like this; I don't like this at all….guns, threats and so may other factors which are uncertain" Lisa sighs.

"It's a very, very long shot…..but what other options do we have?…Entering The Sin with blazing guns is more or less the alternative".

"Jessica is right Lisa, this is the only plan which has at least a reasonable chance of success…and it's worth a lot to me to see Jeb bleeding" Gina tries to convince the blonde doctor.

"OK, lets say we do this…what are the things we need to do to make this work?"

"A good night of sleep first I'd say, you need to have a clear mind when you when you want to plan something like this…besides, I really should be going home before my old lady starts to worry" Marv more or less ends the upcoming planning session and gets up from his chair.

Gina wants to get up as well to thank Marv for what he did for her, but her painful ribs makes her sit back on it.

"It's alright girlie, you better take it easy now…and don't worry about your motorbike…I'll ask my son if he will bring it back to you tomorrow".

Gina just nods and tries to smile but the pain in her ribs prevents her from doing so.

"Marv, I…I really don't know how to thank you for all you are doing for us" Lisa kinda stammers as she and Jessica accompany him to the front door.

"Just get your little sister out girlie…that will do for me" he smiles back at her.

"We owe you Marv…we owe you big time" Jessica adds while giving him a hug.

"Before I forget, if I find out something more…on which number I can reach you?"

Quickly Lisa heads back to the kitchen and grabs a pen and a small piece of paper out of her purse on which she writes down the number of her cell phone.

"OK, that will do…I won't call you, but send you a text message if needed….don't contact me as I can be in the company of people who we don't want to find out about all of this".

"Thank you Marv...thank you so much" Lisa once more thanks the bouncer who just smiles at her and leaves for home.

* * *

Handcuffs, a ball gag, rope and a new cell phone; the 'hardware' needed to make their plan to get Maggie out of The Purple Sin work.

They booked a room at the Capitol City Plaza Hotel for several days and now the only thing which needs to be done is to persuade Jeb to send Maggie on an escort job.

The plan is that Maggie will go to Lisa in the room; probably escorted by Ernie or Jeb himself.

When she is there, the escort will leave and wait for her in the lobby or perhaps the hotel bar, which gives both sisters the opportunity to sneak out, take the elevator to the parking garage under the hotel and get in the car where Gina and Jessica already would be waiting in for them with their stuff packed into the trunk.

After that, they would leave to Springfield with Gina as there could be a serious danger of reprisals after Jeb found out Maggie was gone.

Before heading out of Capitol City, they would post a letter to Jeb in which they threat to inform the police and the FBI about what is going on in The Sin when he tries to hurt one of them; the incriminating information would be posted by an unknown person in such case.

Marv would keep an eye out in The Sin for any unespected developments and send a text message to Lisa's old cell phone; in case Jeb would need to contact her, she would give him the number of the new cell phone to prevent any possible number recognition.

If everything would go as planned; there wouldn't be too many problems to get out all together but Gina insisted to be armed; just in case.

Again, Lisa is sitting at a table located against the side of the catwalk in The Sin.

Maggie just has finished her act and once more Lisa offered several times money so they quickly could exchange some words.

"Gonna book you as an escort in the Plaza Hotel, tell to Jeb that you wouldn't mind spending some time with me, we'll get you out, we have taken care of everything" she was able to tell her sister, who acknowledged she understood.

Despite it was the second time Lisa saw her younger sister perform as a stripper, it didn't make things easer for her and she struggles to keep her act up while she watches the performance of Lola and Spider who go all the way.

Occasionally she offers money to keep up the appearance and tries to look as relaxed as possible, while sitting slightly leaned backwards in the red leather armchair.

Repeatedly she looks around her, hoping to see Jeb so she can make him the business proposal and get things over with, as the longer she is forced to watch things going on stage; the more nervous and repulsed she feels.

Again she offers a banknote of twenty dollars which is accepted by Lola with a slight annoyance because of he amount of money.

"You have to offer something better to get Lola going" it suddenly sounds behind her.

"Jeb, how nice to see you again" Lisa replies more or less distantly.

"It's good to see you here again Julie, I assume you like what my humble establishment has to offer".

"Interested in Lola huh?…..I warn you, she's a rough one" Jeb continues with a sleek grin on his face.

"Her?….No, not my type, I prefer blondes" Lisa replies slightly arrogant to emphasize on the fact Lola is not really up to her standards and lights a cigarette.

The smoke rolls into her mouth before she inhales it and blows it out with a bit of a cheeky smile on her face, while pressing her eyes half shut.

"I already thought so, you are a woman with style; you are more going for the more refined 'top segment' of what we have to offer".

"Glad it shows" Lisa continues.

"Well, I think I have something which will be able to satisfy your demands" Jeb once more replies with a grin on his face.

"And what are you able to offer which can satisfy my needs, my dear Jeb?"

"She doesn't dance, young, blonde and is happy to provide you with what you need….against a small but ever so reasonable fee of course".

"Hmmm, temping…but actually I had someone else in mind" Lisa plays along and feels how her heart starts to pound in her throat.

"And which of the 'flowers' in this place you had in mind my dear?"

"That little blonde thing which danced before these two…..I want her".

"My, my…seems we have a lady with a very exclusive taste here".

"And is that such a sin Jeb?"

"No Julie, it isn't…but I'm afraid there is a bit of a problem regarding that girl; she only dances and doesn't provide the 'service' all the other girls are willing to provide you with".

"Doesn't want to, or isn't allowed to?" Lisa continues, still with an arrogant but more sultry voice.

"That's a matter of company policy my dear, nothing special".

"Well, mister Fielding…perhaps it's time you change the policy regarding her a bit, or perhaps make some kind of exception on the rule?"

"And why should I do that miss Sinclair….as a business woman you know a company has a certain policy for a reason" Jeb plays the game along, still with a smile on his face.

"He doesn't take the bite!" Lisa starts to panic but remains calm.

"Well Jeb, you know as a business man yourself, that for certain 'special' services…a special price can be charged" she continues and tries to get a more hungry smile on her face to support her whole act.

"You are not taking 'no' for an answer that easily, do you?"

"Like you said Jeb, I'm a businesswoman….and I usually get what I want" Lisa continues and grabs her wallet from her purse.

"You see, things are very simple for me when it comes about matters like these: I get what I want or….I don't get anything at all".

Slowly she starts to count out five banknotes of a hundred dollars each on the table.

"And as that little blonde thing is something special….I am willing to pay a very special price to spend a night with her" and while she speaks these words; she counts out another five banknotes of a hundred dollars each.

"Here on the table is a thousand dollars….which will be yours in exchange for a night with her in my hotel room….just her".

Jeb watches the money for a moment without saying anything and grabs a glass of Bourbon off the serving tray of one of the passing by waitresses.

He empties the glass with one big gulp and then pouts his lips as he considers the offer made to him by Lisa.

"Why not here?…Why do you want her in your hotel room?"

"That's my company policy Jeb, can't have it when I go to or leave one of your rooms upstairs and got spotted by a potential business relation….not good for me and not good for him".

"I don't see the difference between you spotting someone here in the main hall or you being spotted by someone else" Jeb continues.

Again the adrenalin level in Lisa's blood increases as Jeb doesn't seem to be willing to send Maggie on an escort job.

"Each company policy is there because of specific reasons, remember my dear Jeb?"

"Touché Julie…..touché; a businesswoman indeed" he once more gets a grin on his face as he can appreciate the fact his own argument is used against him in this game of negotiations.

"Lets say I want to keep things like this out of the spotlights" Lisa continues and starts to spread out the ten banknotes on the table.

"Does it make that much difference she works 'on location' for you?"

"Okay, I get your point….fair enough, but I need to think about it".

"Think fast Jeb, I want her….and I preferably tonight" Lisa smiles hungry and starts to put the money back into her wallet.

"Tonight?…Hmmm, bit of a short notice….but I'll see what I can do for you".

"Special service for a special price Jeb" Lisa smiles and gets up from her chair.

"OK, give me an hour or so and I will let you know…how can I reach you, you got a business card with your number on it for me?"

Lisa almost freezes when Jeb asks for something she doesn't have, but she manages to control herself and reaches into her purse like if she wants to grab out one.

"Oww…seems I left them at the hotel" she tries to sound as annoyed as possible, while her legs starts to feel like rubber.

'Or write it down on a piece of paper" Jeb remarks casually.

A pen and small note book is something which is part of the 'standard equipment' in her purse; quickly she grabs it out and writes down the number of the cell phone she bought that afternoon.

"Alright, that will do….I'll give you a call in about an hour or so".

"Looking forward to hear from you Jeb and I count on it you will tell me some good news".

"We aim to please my dear" Jeb replies again with a smile on his face and like a true gentleman he kisses her hand as they say goodbye to each other.

Jeb watches Lisa leaving the main hall and then heads back to his office where he sits down behind his desk and starts to think about whether he should accept the offer of the red haired lady.

From one of the drawers in his desk he grabs a bottle of Bourbon and takes a few large gulps from it.

The thousand dollars offered for Spike are tempting to accept as he knows he needs every dollar he can get; but at the other hand he feels terribly reluctant to send his current star dancer to a job outside The Sin.

"Not walking the floor boss?" Ernie asks in his usual sluggish way as he spots Jeb behind his desk.

"No, not at the moment…got a bit of a problem which needs my attention first".

"What's goin' on boss…perhaps I can be of some assistance?"

"There's this horny redhead who wants to 'get off' with Spike tonight, she offers a thousand bucks for her".

"Don't see the problem, is a pretty decent price and sooner or later she will have to start working on her back anyway".

"That's not it Ernie…I agree it's time Spike starts to generate a bit of additional income; but that dyke wants to do her in her hotel room and that's exactly what I don't like about it".

"I see…still is good money though".

"That's the whole point…I need the fucking money….that son of a bitch from city hall was here earlier this evening and told me he wants more!"

"What?…again?"

"Yeah, again!" Jeb replies aggravated to the question of his henchman.

"Why don't you 'whack' him Jeb….get things over with it that way".

"Ernie, sometimes you still manage to surprise me about your complete lack of brains!…Of course I can't 'whack' him, how do you think the outfit will take such a thing!?…'Wasting' a high profile guy…Out of the question!"

"Was just a suggestion boss".

"Spare me your 'suggestions'…I need the fucking money but, I don't want Spike to get outside".

"Well, I could go with her and wait in front of the door…nothing can happen that way, that broad can do Spike and when she is finished she gets straight back with me".

"Besides, you got the addresses of her family and she knows you will get after them when she runs off…just a matter of driving to Springfield and 'take care' of her family".

"Goddammit Ernie, what did I just told you about 'wasting' people!?"

"Uh…that the outfit doesn`t like it?"

"Exactly, so why the fuck do you even mention it!?…You know damn well I was bluffing back then!"

"Just want to help boss".

"That woman, Julie Sinclair….I know her from somewhere or something; I don't know how or what but she's familiar".

"Perhaps she was here before?"

"No…no, that's not it; I would have remembered her" Jeb more or less mumbles to himself as he once more puts the bottle of Bourbon on his mouth.

"Boss, you shouldn't drink that much…fucks up your brains".

"Who are you?…My mother?….And since when do you know what brains are?"

Ernie doesn't reply and just watches Jeb.

"Shouldn't have said that…I'm sorry….actually that idea of yours to wait in front of the door wasn't that bad" Jeb apologizes to his 'gorilla'.

"She wants to have her for the whole night so it will be a long wait in the hotel for you".

"I don't mind; will be fine and if she tries to get out I will make sure she won't".

"No beating up Ernie, we have to keep this a low profile operation…and who knows? If she wants to pay a thousand bucks for her on location, who says someone else doesn't want to do as well?"

"You could be sitting on a little gold mine boss" Ernie grins back.

"Perhaps we are Ernie, perhaps we are…go and get Spike, it's time I 'promote' her".

* * *

Lisa just has arrived in her hotel room at the Capitol City Plaza hotel and the long wait for the telephone call from Jeb starts.

She puts her purse on the bed and takes her shoes off, a deep sigh follows as she wonders whether she will see her sister later that night while gazing through the window at the lights of the city.

In the distance she sees the many colorful neon lights which illuminate the places where people go to enjoy themselves: dance, drink or have other kinds of fun; sometimes at the expense of other people.

She walks back to the bed and grabs from her purse both cell phones; the new one on which Jeb will call her is put on the small night table on the left side of the bed while she starts to dial Jessica's number on her old one.

"Jess, it's on….I booked her for tonight, within an hour Jeb will call me if he agrees on the whole thing so you and Gina need to come to the hotel as fast as you can".

"What?…Already?" Jessica reacts surprised as she didn't expect things to go that fast.

"The whole thing just went in that direction and I thought it was the best moment to seize the opportunity" Lisa more or less apologizes for the fact things unexpectedly had pick up speed.

"What's going on?" She can hear Gina's voice in the Background".

"She booked Maggie for this night already….within an hour she will get the call from Jeb whether he agrees on the whole deal" Jessica replies.

"Good!….Can't wait to get even with this fucker!" Gina can be heard once more in the background.

"No text messages from Marv?"

"No, nothing heard or read from him so far, so I guess everything is fine".

"OK…then now we have to wait for the call".

"Gina and I will put our stuff in the car and head your way….you think you can manage?" Jessica asks with a worried voice.

"Very little choice…trying not to freak out about what may happen…but also almost praying he will agree".

"Hey, the hardest part you already have done….when she arrives at your room, you just have to go to the elevator and press the button which will take you to the parking garage where we will be waiting…you'll get in the car and off we are".

"You make it sound a lot easier then it is" Lisa objects as she nervously lights another cigarette.

"Ow!…Goddammit!" Gina's voice can be heard in the background.

"Why are you trying to lift that suitcase; I told you I would carry it for you?"

"Can lift it myself!"

"And now your face is getting the same color as that lock of hair on your forehead!"

"I can lift it myself!….Owww!…Fuck!….Uh…no…you better lift it".

"Look, when you keep continuing like that, that compression bandage and these painkillers definitely won't do the trick!".

"Jess, please hurry up; if Jeb would be calling me right now you would be too late!" Lisa urges as she can hear how a discussion between both women about who will carry what is starting to develop.

"You have no idea how hardheaded she is!"

"Who's hardheaded!?"

"You are!"

"You bet I am!"

"Will you please shut up and get that fat ass of yours in the car!?….Jeb can call her any minute; we need to go to the hotel!"

"Keep on going about my ass and you will find out how it will be to limp on two legs!"

"Will the both of you finally set some fucking priorities!?" Lisa now shouts angrily in her cell phone.

"Uh…yeah…sorry; we will…uh…on our way right now" Jessica apologizes and disconnects.

More then half an hour passes and still no phone call from Jeb.

Lisa paces up and down the hotel room, smoking one cigarette after another.

"Dammit Jeb, give me the damn call!" she hisses softly and the moment she speaks the words, one of her cell phones rings.

But it's Jessica on her old cell phone who informs her she and Gina have arrived at the parking garage under the hotel and are waiting next to the elevator.

Another fifteen minutes pass and slowly the feeling of uncertainty starts to get replaced by a feeling of despair.

"He won't call….he won't send her to here" she mumbles to herself and plumps down on the bed.

Silently she stares to the ground as she more and more starts to realize the whole plan probably isn't going to work.

She starts to wonder about what she could do else to get Maggie out, wonders about whether she should tell her parents and her brother, or if she should go to the press and tell the whole story so publicity would force Jeb to let her go; or just go to the police and FBI in Springfield and try to get her out through them.

But she also knows Jeb probably has covered his ass by making her sister signing a contract, which means she probably can't do that much through legal ways when it comes about that.

A small tear rolls down Lisa's cheek as images of Maggie as a child and teenager start to appear in front of her inner eye.

How she liked to play 'soldier' with other kids from the neighborhood, how she started to play the guitar as a teenager and became some kind of a rocker.

She always had a talent for getting in all kinds of trouble but unlike her brother, she always managed to get away with it without too much damage or consequences.

But now things were different; did she push her luck too hard and 'played' with the wrong people?

Again Lisa's thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a cell phone, but this time it's the new one.

Trying to sound as normal as possible, she answers the call.

"Julie my dear, now this is your lucky night!" Jeb's voice sounds at the other side of the line.

"I suppose this means she's on her way to me?" Lisa replies with again a slightly arrogant tone in her voice as she once more gets back into character.

"She's already waiting with Ernie in the lobby…but there is a slight problem we need to fix first before you can enjoy her".

"And what problem may this be Jeb?"

"Well, you know; this is a very special thing I am doing now for you…almost a personal favor and a thousand dollars for her…well, it's a bit of a problem".

"How do you mean Jeb, a thousand dollars in cash is a pretty special price already".

"Yeah, I know, I know…but you have to know that you will be the first one who can 'taste' her…no one else had this pleasure before and you also have to know I have extra expenses as I have to send an escort with her, who I have to pay for the extra time while you and Spike have a little fun together".

"Alright…I get it, what's your price?"

"Fifteen hundred and then she will be yours all night long" Jeb replies and Lisa can almost see his face with a big grin on it.

"Fifteen hundred?….Twelve fifty!" she counteroffers.

"A businesswoman indeed" it sounds amused at the other side of the line.

"A thousand bucks is already well paid Jeb, and you know it" Lisa continues to negotiate.

"Can't do my dear, this is a price which isn't negotiable….fifteen hundred; take it or leave it!"

For a few moments Lisa remains silent as she wants to create the appearance of thinking about the offer.

"She's in 'special' things too for that amount of money?"

"She will be in for everything for you Julie" Jeb grins at the other side of the line.

"She'll better be!" Lisa grumbles.

"Very wise decision which you won't regret Julie; seven fifty in advance and the other half after the both of you have finished".

"I'll pay the money to her?"

"No, you can give it to Ernie; he will escort her to your room and will wait in front of your door….the other seven hundred fifty you'll pay him when you'll let Spike out".

"Wait in front of my door?….Why's that?"

"Just a precaution measure Julie, I have to be sure nothing bad will happen to my girl; keep in mind your hotel room hasn't got the safety devices we have in The Sin…..and you know sometimes really bad things happen to girls who work in this business on location".

"Ok…I understand, no problem" Lisa replies shortly and businesslike, but inside panic starts to strike as a 'gorilla' in front of the door will mean they won't be able to sneak out.

"They will be at your door in a few minutes; you won't regret it Julie, I can promise you that".

"I hope so….I'm in room three seventeen; third floor"

"Ok, enjoy!" Jeb replies and the telephone conversation is ended.

Lisa feels how the blood is draining away from her face and how her breathing speeds up after she presses the red button on the cell phone.

"Fuck….fuck!" she gasps for air and rushes to the window to see if it could provide the both of them with a possible escape route.

"Too high…too damn high" she continues and in panic walks back to the bed where she grabs her old cell phone".

"Jess, we're screwed…..that gorilla will be on guard in front to my door!" she gasps the moment she hears Jessica's voice.

"What?…Are your sure of that?""

"Jeb told it himself…I don't know what to do Jess…I don't know what to do!" she continues panicking.

"When will they arrive?"

"Any moment now"

"What's going on?" Gina can once more be heard in the background".

"Ernie will be on permanent guard in front of her room!"

"Fuck…that complicates things".

For a moment there is a silence at the other side of the line until she suddenly hears Gina's voice.

"OK…keep calm and don't show Ernie under any condition in what state you are; we'll think of something to take him out".

"What are you going to do?"

"Leave that to us, you just need to play along when Ernie and your sister arrive".

Gina hasn't finished speaking or there is a knock on the door of the room.

"Miss Sinclair?" The voice of Ernie can be heard.

"They're here!" Lisa continues, now almost completely freaking out.

"Keep calm and play along!…We'll take care of the rest!….And don't disconnect!"

Again a knock on the door can be heard.

"One moment; I'm coming!" Lisa replies and quickly takes off her blazer and opens the first three buttons of her blouse.

Before she walks to the door she grabs the handcuffs which she has put on the bed together with the ball gag and the rope so it looks she has prepared things for a bondage session.

She takes a deep breath, swallows and then opens the door.

"My my my, look what we have got here" she welcomes both visitors with half closed eyes, a very hungry smile and ditto tone in her voice.

"There she is miss, now if we settle the first part of the transaction she will be yours for this night".

Maggie doesn't reply and follows Ernie silently into the hotel room as Lisa grabs her wallet from her purse and starts to count out the seven hundred and fifty dollars on the small table in the corner.

"I assume this will do" she remarks arrogantly while she gestures with her left hand at the money.

"This will do, you can pay the other half when you are finished" Ernie replies shortly as he grabs the money.

"I will; don't worry" Lisa responds cold and businesslike as she lets the 'gorilla' out.

She closes the door and heads back into the room where her sister is sitting on the bed.

"Lisa" she gasps for air as tears start to run down her face while hugging her sister.

"Maggie….what have you got yourself in this time?" Lisa replies with a soft voice as she puts her arms around her sister as well.

"I didn't want to dance….they forced me…they treat to kill me…as well as mom, dad, you and Bart!"

"Stupid cow…little stupid cow, have you any idea how worried I was?" Lisa starts to sob softly as well.

"Great, now they start sobbing" Gina's voice sounds cynically through the cell phone on the night table.

"What was that?" Maggie asks frightened as she hears the voice.

"That's my back up, Gina and Jessica…or Gigi and Jazz as you know them….they are helping me getting us out of here.

"Jazz?…Jazz is with you?"

"Yeah…long story; I'll tell you later…we first have to get out of here".

"Ah, they seem to get their 'marbles' back" it once more sounds from the telephone.

"Gina, she's in" Lisa replies to the black and purple haired woman at the other side of the line".

"Yeah, we could hear it….now, Ernie is in front of the door, is he?"

"Yeah, I think so…but I can't see it".

"Hmmmm…..where in the corridor is your room located?"

"How do you mean?"

"Is it at the start or somewhere in the middle and is the elevator visible?"

"It's approximately a hundred fifty feet from the elevator and I don't think it can be seen".

"OK, that's what I needed to know….now sit tight, we are gonna take Ernie out".

"Be careful; the both of you".

"Don't worry…will be fine" Gina assures Lisa with a confident voice and disconnects.

"'Don't worry, will be fine?'….So tell me 'miss Eisenhower' how do you want to take Ernie out?" Jessica asks slightly annoyed by Gina's more or less overconfident tone in her voice during the phone conversation.

"Simple…we'll just take the elevator and I'll enter the corridor while aiming my little friend at Ernie" Gina grins as she points at her TEC9.

"Ah yes….'brilliant'…why didn't I think of that myself".

"Hey, what's wrong with it?"

"A lot!…What if Ernie is not waiting in front of the door but sitting in the hall where the elevator is?"

"Then I'll get out of the elevator with my gun ready".

"Right….so we will be in the elevator with an assault pistol ready to use…no problem, until someone else enters it when we are on our way to the third floor...what are you gonna say then?….That it's to get rid of the mosquito's?"

"Hmmm…you've got a point there" Gina reluctantly admits.

"Look, we don't know where Ernie exactly is, as well we should think of a way to approach him without being spotted at once" Jessica continues.

"OK, fine…and how are we going to do that?"  
"Perhaps we can disguise ourselves?….Things are now quiet at the hotel so perhaps we can find some uniforms or something like that?….At least the first thing we can do is to find out whether he is waiting really in front of the door".

"Not so sure if I like this whole idea of a 'fancy dress party'; who says that he won't recognize us immediately?"

"Look, we have to improvise a bit on this thing and work with what we can find …the first thing I think we should do, is try to figure out whether Ernie is really in front of that door" Jessica continues.

"Ok, can agree on that….and then?"

"Then we'll see what possibilities there are to sneak up to him….and when that doesn't work; you can always go 'gung ho' with that 'shotgun' of yours…but only as a last resort!'

"You really think I want to 'waste' him do you?"

"Not sure what to think of you with a gun in your hand in combination with a 'target' who is responsible for your bruised ribs".

"You really need to give me a bit more credit Jessica, do I look that stupid?" Gina grins.

"I'm not going to shoot that guy unless he points a 'piece' at me".

"You think Ernie is armed?"

"Don't know; could be….we will find out the moment we appear in that corridor…now put out your cigarette, it's time we start to do something".

As both women get out the car, Jeb is sitting in his office at The Purple Sin.

In front of him, on his desk lies a small bag of white powder, a tablespoon and a syringe from which the just used needle reflects the bright light of the small halogen spots on the ceiling.

Removing the band from his arm; the speed starts to do its work.

Tensed muscles on his chest and a feeling of chemical tranquility as worries and feelings of insecurity get more and more numbed as soon as the effect of the drug starts to interact with the alcohol he consumes in vast quantities.

Despite the comfortable numbness, the speed allows him to focus better on matters and deal with problems in a way more easy way.

The strong emotional moodswings and a feeling of paranoia is a price he just has to pay as the alternative in Jeb's opinion is so much worse.

Routinely he puts the used needle in a small tin box he keeps in the top drawer of his desk, together with a black case where he keeps his personal stock of the drug, fresh needles and syringes.

Again a few large gulps of Bourbon, straight from the bottle, go down his throat and as he puts put the bottle of liquor back in his drawer next to the small case; his eye is caught by the cell phone of Spike which he regularly checks to see if there are new text or voice messages left on it.

He switches the phone on and sees on the display there is one new message.

Kinda bored he starts to press the buttons to select it, but as his coordination is not working that well anymore; he accidentally selects one of the previous ones.

"Maggie, it's Lisa…please call me back as soon as possible….I'm serious, it's important!" the voice of a woman sounds through the small speaker.

"Now wait a minute" he mumbles to himself after he heard the message and frowns his eyebrows as the voice he just heard sounds familiar to him.

Again he selects the message and listens to the voice.

A moment of silence follows and then he realizes the voice he just heard is the voice of Julie Sinclair; the woman to who he has sent Spike.

A series of loud swear words follow and quickly Jeb reaches out to his own cell phone to contact Ernie.

But Ernie has switched off his phone as a ring tone reverberating through a long silent corridor in a hotel full of sleeping guests, is something which is not appreciated and would draw undesired attention.

"Goddammit, you fat fuck!" Jeb swears and for a moment he hesitates about what to do.

Fact is something is terribly wrong there at the Capitol Plaza and the only thing he can do is to go there himself to check things out.

Quickly he unlocks one of the drawers at the other side of his desk and grabs a pistol from it; checks if it's loaded and then leaves to his car.

At the same time, Jessica and Gina have managed to sneak into the laundry works of the hotel.

"This is what we were looking for" Jessica remarks softly as she is standing in front of a large pile of clean aprons and uniforms.

"Ok, right…so now we can dress up like we work here; do they have baklavas too?" Gina once more reacts cynically.

"Can you at least try to be a bit more constructive when it comes about all this, instead of nagging what is wrong about everything I come up with?" Jessica sighs wearily.

"It's not nagging sweetie, it's being realistic…you saw yourself he's waiting in front of the door which is halfway the corridor….he will recognize us the moment we'll enter it".

"Perhaps…" Jessica replies shortly as she plays with a blue hairnet between her fingers.

"May I remind you that yesterday around this time I was still serving drinks in The Sin; so wouldn't it be kinda strange he would see me today working in this place after what they have done to me?"

"I could be the one working here; I was kicked out over half a year ago….could make sense….also I nowadays look different…my hair is shorter and I limp; add an apron and a hairnet to it and I will be only recognizable from a short distance…and that corridor is illuminated not very brightly".

"Alright, so you have got a chance to get close to him; but are you ready to put a loaded gun on his head as well and squeeze the trigger if needed?"

"No…I'm not and so are you….when you kill him we would be murderers".

Gina shrugs and doesn't reply as she knows Jessica is right.

"Look Gina, I got reasons enough to want that guy dead as well….you saw my back, but I can't kill a human being…and I don't want to end up on death row".

"Like Marv said; a loaded gun pointed at your head is a very good reason to cooperate" Jessica once more acknowledges the fact that they can't squeeze the trigger".

"I know….I know, but what if he is armed and tries to shoot you or both of us?….I know how to use this thing and you don't….so one way or another, I have to get there as well".

"We will be murderers Gina!" Jessica sighs as she shakes her head.

"Look, putting a bullet in someone doesn't mean you also will kill him….if the shit really hits the fan, I'll go for his knees and hands…..or his groin; trust me when I tell you that when your knee cap is blown to pieces, you won't be able to do that much anymore…saw it myself back in Afghanistan".

"Afghanistan?…What were you doing overthere?"

"I was in the army for four years…bombsquad; I did two tours in Afghanistan; this gun is a little 'souvenir' I got from there".

"But…how did you end up in The Sin?"

"Long story and I think we now have different things to worry about first…when this all is over; I will tell you".

Again for a moment both women are silent as the try to think of a way to get Gina near Ernie.

"Hey…wait a minute…see that laundry trolley there in the corner?" Gina suddenly remarks as she points to a large blue box on wheels.

"Uh yeah…I do".

"Good, then I think I know how I can get to Ernie as well".

In the mean time in the room a few floors above Gina and Jessica, both sisters are still sitting next to each other on the bed.

After the all the tears, Maggie explained how she ended up in her current situation: how she was attracted by the good earnings of the job as a waitress, how she helped Jessica and what Jeb did to her after that.

She leans against her older sister who has put her arms around her.

"He has got the address of mom and dad…..and of you and Bart as well" she whispers softly with a slightly broken voice".

"When I run off….he threads to kill us all….but…but I can't do it anymore Lisa…I can't take it no longer how they look at me and touch me and…and…."

"Hush…hush, it's alright" Lisa interrupts her little sister who started to sob softly again.

"When we are back in Springfield and he tries to do something; we will inform the police and the FBI.

"You don't get it Lisa….he has contacts everywhere".

"Marv told us a few things about the position of Jeb here in Capitol City….things are a bit different then they seem at first glance".

"You…you talked to Marv?

"He brought Gina back home when Jeb kicked her out…Jessica and me are staying at her place at the moment" Lisa continues to explain.

Maggie doesn't respond and just gazes a bit in the distance.

"I fucked up Lisa…I fucked up big time with this one" she eventually whispers.

"Heh, you have got a bit of a talent to get into all kinds of situations".

"I'm afraid …I'm so afraid I have to go back…so afraid of what they will do to me…I saw what they did to Jazz…and if this goes all wrong; they will do it to us".

"Hey…don't worry; everything will be fine" Lisa tries once more to comfort her sister, but deep inside she knows all too well herself the outcome of their little scheme is everything except certain.

" I just want to go home…I just want to go back to mom and dad and…."

"Sush! Lisa interrupts her as she suddenly hears Ernie laughing in the corridor.

"He knows!…He knows about this all!" Maggie starts to panic.

"No….something different is going on" Lisa whispers as she quietly sneaks to the door to listen what is going on".

"No shit!….Instead of working between the bed sheets you are now working with them!" The gorilla laughs out loud as he recognizes Jessica who wears a long blue apron, household gloves and a hairnet while pushing a blue large box on wheels filled with bed sheets in front of her.

"Well, can't say you don't know about how those have gotten dirty" he continues sarcastically.

"Having fun Ernie?" Jessica reacts not amused.

"Having fun?….Having the time of my life!"

"Yeah, sure" she continues annoyed as she stops right in front of him.

"Me too!" Gina's voice suddenly sounds from under the pile of bed sheets from which a hand holding an assault pistol appears and is aimed at the gorilla's private parts.

"Peek-a-boo Ernie!" she grins almost diabolically as she emerges from under the sheets.

"What the fuck?"

"Now sweetie, if you don't do exactly what we tell you; that no longer will be part of your physical possibilities" Jessica 'explains' sarcastically.

"Lisa!…Open the door, we got some business to attend to!" Gina shouts.

Lisa, who heard the whole thing from behind the door quickly opens up and Ernie walks in with his hands in the air while Gina keeps her gun aimed at him from the box which is pushed inside by Jessica.

"On your knees Ernie…and keep those hands where I can see them!"

"What…what are you doing now?" Lisa stammers but isn't able to ask any other questions as Maggie storms from the bed and kicks Ernie straight in the stomach.

"Motherfucker!" she hisses between her teeth as her eyes get large and black.

Ernie shrivels up in pain and falls forward on his hands to the ground, followed by another kick straight in his face.

"Gimme the gun, gimme the fucking gun!" Maggie now screams almost hysterically.

"No Maggie!…Calm down!…This is not the way!" Lisa yells as she grabs her sister who tries to take another swing at the gorilla on the ground.

"I wanna see his fucking brains on the wall!" she hisses, but her sister manages to push her back on the bed before she can do more harm.

"Dammit!…Pull yourself together!" Lisa shouts as she slaps her sister in the face with a flat hand.

"He brought me to Jeb, he is the one who put me in this situation!"

"She's got a point" Gina remarks calmly as she watches how Ernie is getting back on his hands an knees while spitting out blood and pieces of broken teeth.

"How does it feel Ernie; to be on the other side?" Jessica asks with a bitter tone in her voice.

"Remember how I screamed?….Remember how I begged?….Now beg!….Beg for your fucking life!"

"Fuck you Jazz!" is the short reply from the gorilla.

"Uh uh Ernie, the only one who is fucked: is you".

"Alright, 'playtime' is over now; we need to find something to tie him up" Gina states businesslike after she managed to get out of the box on wheels.

"I..uh…I bought these this afternoon to make it look like if I want to uh…well…you know" Lisa more or less apologizes herself as she grabs the BDSM materials from the bed she bought earlier that day.

"Perfect!….Hands behind your back Ernie…and don't do anything stupid as you know you and I have a few things to settle as well….so don't give me an excuse!"

The man on the ground realizes Gina means business and slowly puts his hands behind his back where Jessica puts on the cuffs.

"Atta boy, apparently you are not as stupid as you look…..Jess, tie him up with that rope".

Jessica gets down on her knees next to him and starts to tie the rope around his ankles.

"Legs up sweetie, we're gonna have some 'fun'" she grins as she puts the rope around his neck in such a way he is forced to keep his legs up as otherwise he will choke himself.

"One last loop through the handcuffs….and we're done…..must be really great for you to be tied up like that; for me it is!"

"The moment I'll get you in my hands you will pay a heavy price…you really think you will get away with this!?" Ernie moans as he is forced to keep himself in an extremely uncomfortable position.

"And what makes you think we will let you get away with 'this'?" Gina interrupts and puts her gun on his forehead.

"You start to blurt out all kinds of delusional shit Ernie…so I guess it's time we'll make you shut up".

The eyes of the gorilla turn large out of fear as he expects the trigger of the TEC9 will be pulled any time; but instead of that, Maggie approaches with the ball gag.

"Your talking bullshit!" she shortly states and crams the gag with force in his mouth, again breaking several teeth and then ties the thing very tight around the back of his head.

"Now Ernie, remember you and I have got some unsettled business…but I'm gonna let you off easy this time" Gina once more calmly explains and as Ernie tries to look at her, she hits him with full force on the head with her gun; knocking him out.

"Is…is he dead?" Jessica stammers as she sees how the gorilla starts to bleed from his head.

Lisa quickly kneels down next to him and feels the artery in his neck.

"No…no he isn't…but you surely knocked him out well".

"Good, better for him….now drag him into the bathroom and put him on his side so he won' t choke himself…or wait, better be on the safe side and remove that rope from his neck" Gina commands the girls like an experienced field commander.

A few moments later Ernie lies on his side in the bathroom and the rope is now connected to the leather strap of the ball gag.

"Can't have him being too comfortable" Jessica sneers as she gets up.

"Alright girls, now let's get the fuck out of here and go back to Springfield" Gina 'orders' and after they all quickly gathered their belongings; they head straight to the car in the parking garage.

"So far so good" Jessica remarks as she takes place behind the steering wheel of the old Buick and starts it.

"We're not there yet, first get out of this city and then we can relax; Lisa, Maggie…keep your eyes open to see if no one follows us".

Slowly Jessica start to drive towards the exit and after a series of turns she reaches the red and white barrier which automatically opens.

"Here we go" she mumbles to herself, but as she takes a left turn into the street to head for the highway she is forced to hit the brakes hard as a black Mercedes convertible, which comes from the right with considerable speed, almost crashes into the side of the blue Buick.

Gina moans and swears in agony by the sudden stop which causes her seatbelt to block.

"Where the fuck did you get your drivers license?" But none of the others in the car respond to her as they recognize the driver of the black German car and for a short moment they all freeze up.

Gina turns her head to the right side as well and sees that no one else then Jeb Fielding is getting out of his car and reaches into his blazer.

"Go!..Go!" Maggie shouts terrified from the back seat and Jessica presses the gas pedal completely down to the floor.

The smell of burning rubber and the sound of squealing tires fills the air as the Buick speeds away.

"He saw us….he is following us!" Lisa shouts as she sees how the headlights of the Mercedes in the distance start to move and pick up speed.

"We'll never loose him, this old rust bucket is no match for that 'Merc'!" Jessica hisses.

"There he comes!…He's trying to pass us!" it once more sounds from the rear seat.

"Start swaying, block him off!" Gina shouts and Jessica takes position in the middle of the street.

"Left!…Right!" Maggie yells as she watches through the back window the movements of the persuading car.

But the Mercedes is just too fast and agile and it doesn't take long before Jeb manages to get next to them.

"No fucking way!" Jessica hisses and turns the steering wheel to the right and rams the black car sideways, which forces Jeb to hit the brakes to avoid a collision with a lamppost.

But the owner of The Purple Sin has no intentions to let them get off that easy and it doesn't take long before he is back on their tail.

Suddenly a small flash can be seen next to the windshield of the Mercedes, followed the sharp sound of a piece of metal hitting other metal.

"He…he shoots at us!" Lisa screams in panic.

"Get down and let him pass at my side" Gina yells as she is opening the side window of the door.

"Come on motherfucker….now it's you and me! She hisses and takes her gun in her left hand.

Jeb once more moves into position to pass the Buick, but as the nose of his car gets next to Gina, five bullets impact at the bonnet and side.

Again he is forced to hit the brakes and moves back to a position behind the car.

With high speed the pursuit continues through Capitol City, but Jeb no longer tries to get next to them.

"Why doesn't he try anything anymore?" Jessica wonders as they finally make it to the highway.

"He probably waits till we are out of town so there won't be any witnesses when he takes care of us" Gina remarks nervously.

"Get back into town, we need to go to the police!" Lisa shouts terrified.

"And then?….One of his friends will deliver us to The Purple Sin before we even know it!"

"You got any better ideas except to be shot by that maniac?"

"You bet I have!…To shoot him myself!"

"Here he comes again!"

"Can't this junkyard on wheels go any faster!?"

"What do you think; if I push the pedal any harder my foot will go straight through the bottom!"

Again shots are fired from the Mercedes and the back window of the car breaks into a thousand pieces when a bullet goes straight through it and exits through the windshield at the front of the car.

Again the women get down to avoid being hit.

"We're gonna die, we're gonna die!" Jessica now starts to freak out as another bullet enters the car and impacts next to her in the dashboard.

"I can't turn around that far!" Gina shouts as she tries to return fire.

"Gimme the gun, gimme the fucking gun!….I can!"

Gina quickly hands over the assault pistol to Maggie who immediately starts to shoot back.

"Aim at the engine or the tires" her sister shouts as she still wants to avoid to get them in any further trouble.

Sparks fly from the bonnet of the Mercedes and several bullets go straight through the windshield as Maggie goes completely berserk.

"Die you motherfucker, die!" she shouts voice breakingly as she empties the magazine of the TEC9 .

But her rage causes her aim to be off so the effect on the persuader is rather limited.

"Easy on the bullets, this is my last magazine!" Gina tries to make her calm down a bit as she hands it over, so Maggie can reload.

She quickly puts it into the gun and then fires another series of rounds, from which several once more hit the front of the Mercedes and white smoke starts to appear from underneath the bonnet.

"I got the radiator…it's just a matter of time before he blows up his engine!", but as she wants to fire again the gun blocks.

"It's jammed!" she shouts and desperately tries to remove the shell which is blocking the firing mechanism.

As there no longer a rain of bullets is coming out of the backside of the car, Jeb seizes the opportunity to get closer and starts emptying his own gun on it.

Again the sound of metal going straight through the body work of the Buick, another one straight through the windshield which misses Gina by less then an inch…then a scream, blood splatters on the side window and Jessica can feel how Maggie hits the back of her seat when she collapses.

"Maggie!" Lisa shouts horrified as she sees her sister going down.

"I…I'm hit…he….he got me" The young blonde woman gasps for air while here eyes get larger and larger out of fear and panic.

A blood stain starts to grow on her shirt and Lisa quickly tries to see where her sister got hit.

"I don't wanna die Lis…I don't wanna die!…Mommy…mommy help me!" Maggie starts to cry.

"Shoulder…it's your shoulder….there is an exit wound….went straight through it…" Lisa manages to assess her sister's injury as good as she can in the darkness.

"It hurts Lisa…it hurts so bad….I don't want to die!" Maggie keeps crying and panicking.

"I need to stop the bleeding with something" Lisa mumbles to herself and starts to take off her white silk blouse, puts her teeth in it and rips it into strings to have at least something of a bandage.

"Fuck…there he comes again!" Gina shouts and seconds later the Mercedes rams them from behind.

Maggie screams in agony, as well Gina closes her eyes in pain as once more her seatbelt holds her back in her chair.

Jessica manages barely to keep the car under control after the impact when going at speeds over a hundred miles an hour.

"He tries to make us crash!" Lisa shouts as another blow can be felt from the back.

Gina screams in agony now and Maggie once more cries for her mother to help her while Lisa desperately tries to put the self made bandage on the wounds.

Jessica hears and sees it all happening and her fear is taken over by a sense of bitter rage.

"Alright Jebbie, you wanna play?…Then we're gonna play!" she hisses to herself and focuses on the headlights of the Mercedes which again come closer at a high pace.

"Come on Jebbie, bring it on!" She shouts as she sees how Jeb pushes his car to hit them as hard as possible.

The headlights are getting bigger and bigger; the impact will be there any moment.

Grinding his teeth, Jeb gets ready to deliver the final blow; the alcohol and the drugs made him loose any perception of time, distance and conscience.

The still working taillights of the Buick get nearer and suddenly they light up brightly.

Jessica hits the brakes with full force and throws the steer to the left.

The sudden decrease of speed in combination with the intoxication causes Jeb to respond too late and he hits with the left side of his car the right backside of the Buick.

The Buick spins several times around its axes, but manages to stay on the ground before it crashes into the crash-barrier at the left side of the road.

Sparks, the sound of twisting and crumbling metal followed by a loud bang mark the end of the high speed car chase.

An almost deafening silence comes down over the highway where the old blue Buick stands front side backwards on the left lane against the crash-barrier.

Trembling from the adrenaline, Jessica still holds her hands on the steering wheel as she slowly once more becomes aware of reality.

"You crazy bitch!" Gina moans cynically.

"We…we…we are still alive?" it sounds hesitatingly from the backseat.

"I…I am" Maggie's terrified voice can be heard from under her sister who tried to protect her with her body.

"Are…are we all still in once piece?" Jessica stammers.

"I think I broke my arm" Lisa replies, still dulled out by the impact as she tries to wipe of the blood from her forehead which comes from a cut on top of her head.

"And Maggie?"

"My shoulder….and I hit my head pretty hard" Maggie moans, still with a trembling voice.

"Gina?"

"Completely fucked up but still breathing and able to move everything" the black and purple haired woman replies in her usual way.

"I…I got to get some help" Jessica mumbles and manages to open the door at her side with the use of some force.

"Jessica no!….Jeb may be around!" Lisa shouts, but Jessica is already out of the car and sees no trace of Jeb and his black Mercedes; except the light of a small fire between the trees beneath the right side of the road.

"I…I don't see anything except there is something burning down there…".

"Perhaps there are people who can help us and call an ambulance" Lisa replies as she struggles herself to get out of the car wreck".

"No, we need to get Gina and Maggie out first" Jessica object as she limps around the remains of the Buick.

"Won't work, too dangerous….I don't know exactly what their injuries are; needs to be done with the proper equipment by paramedics and the fire brigade…and you?… Do you have any injuries?"

"No…nothing serious, just some cuts and bruises".

"Then go and see if there are people down there, while I take care business here".

"OK" Jessica hesitatingly replies and starts to limp into the direction of the light.

As she reaches the other side of the road and can watch down the slope, she sees the fire is coming from Jeb's Mercedes which crashed into a tree.

She slowly slides on her butt of the slope and carefully approaches the wreck.

"L…looking..f…for me J….Jazz?" It suddenly sounds from above the remains of the car.

Jessica quickly steps back and hides behind a tree as she hears Jeb's voice.

"Y….you won….Jazz" again it sounds from the strange direction and carefully she tries to see where he is.

"Up…h…here" it once more sounds and as she watches a bit better, her breathing stops for moment by the sheer horror of what she sees.

Jeb hangs a few feet from the ground in a tree, impaled on two large branches which stick out of his chest and abdomen.

Blood is dripping on the ground from the large wounds and she can see pieces of bowels hanging out of him.

"I…I turned ..y...you into a ..s…star w...while you were…n...nothing…..a…and…t…this is….how…you thank me?" the impaled man stammers bitterly.

For a short moment Jessica thinks about the words just spoken to her and once more watches the bloody face of Jeb.

"You made a star of me because it only served you well….and when that no longer was possible; you kicked me out and left me to die in that alley" Jessica replies, her voice full of hatred.

"And the one who cared for me, who helped me…you enslaved her so you could keep making a nice profit…just like with me… and now you try to make me feel guilty?"

"You….you o…owe everything t…to me!"

"No Jeb…there are just two things I really owe to you: the scars on my back and the fact I limp" Jessica continues bitterly.

"For you I always was nothing more then something you could exploit; like all the other girls who are nothing more then lumps of meat with a hole in it, which you could dispose the moment they no longer were profitable or wanted something else….and now Jebbie, you pay the price for all that…the only right price".

"F…f…fuck…fucking b…bitch!" Jeb rasps as more and more blood comes out of his mouth.

Jessica turns herself around and starts to limp back to the highway.

"Burn in hell Jeb" are the last words she wants to spill on her former employer and as she reaches the top of the slope; a dull explosion can be heard behind her and a small fireball illuminates the sky.

"What….what was that?" Lisa asks when she sees Jessica limping back to the car.

"Jeb paying off his debts" she replies with an emotionless face.

And as Jessica speaks these words; in the distance a set of blue and red flashing lights of an approaching patrol car of the state police appear.

* * *

A week has passed since the dramatic events on the highway.

After the state police arrived at the scene; ambulances and the fire brigade were called in to get the injured women out of the remains of Lisa's Buick and to deal with the burning wreck of the Mercedes and Jeb's charred remains.

All four women were taken by ambulance back to Capitol City where their wounds were nursed.

The Capitol City police asked questions about what happened on the highway because of Maggie's gunshot wound and the bullet holes they found in both wrecks.

The interviews were remarkably shallow and short regarding what all had happened and it seemed the involvement of Jeb in this whole matter had a lot to do with it; like there were people who didn't want to dig too deep.

The four women decided they just would tell what happened to Maggie; how Jeb went berserk and tried to stop them with force which lead up to the tragic accident.

No information about The Purple Sin, the people who visited it and all the other things which happened there was talked about and the lieutenant of the Capitol City police more or less gave all four of them the impression the limited information they provided would be sufficient.

No need to wake up any sleeping dogs and the one who was responsible for what was done to Maggie was now in the morgue; case closed.

The doctors wanted to admit all four of them at the hospital for at least a day and a night for observation; especially Maggie and Gina, but they refused and it was Lisa who managed to arrange things in such a way they could go back to Springfield.

It took her some effort, but except for a few broken bones, a clean gunshot wound which hadn't damage any vital parts and a lot of cuts and bruises, the four women weren't really seriously injured.

Later that day, Homer picked them up at the hospital and took them back home to Springfield where Maggie went back home to her parents and Gina would stay for some time with Lisa and Jessica till she had found a new place to live.

Sitting sideways on the couch with her right leg stretched out in front of her, Gina watches television while Lisa and Jessica take care of the dishes.

Pretty immobilized because of her broken ankle, her bruised ribs as well as some other bruised body parts; she zaps along the many TV cannels Springfield has to offer.

Soaps, documentaries, quizzes; the usual things appear in front of her and kinda bored she presses the 'channel forward' button on the remote control of the television once more.

"The consequences of the economic recession for the stock exchange seem to continue and again, the Dow Jones shows a loss of over more then two percent today" the newsreader explains while a colorful graphic appears in the background.

"Great….the usual economic shit" Gina grumbles and reaches out to her package of cigarettes on the coffee table.

"What are you watching?" Jessica asks as she enters the living room and sits down next to Gina's leg.

"The news…nothing interesting" she sighs.

"Now back to some more regional news; in Capitol City one of the most notorious clubs in town has burnt out completely after a gas explosion earlier this afternoon".

"On location is our reporter Alex Whitney" the newsreader continues.

"The Purple Sin, one of the most notorious night clubs here in Capitol City was this afternoon destroyed by what seems to be a gas explosion which was followed by a fire".

"According to a spokesman of the metropolitan police there is one casualty; forty four year old employee Ernest Morano".

"Nine other people in the surrounding buildings were injured; mostly by broken glass and debry, all of them were able to leave the hospital after their wounds were treated".

Flabbergasted Gina and Jessica watch the images of the still smoking remains of The Purple Sin on the television screen.

"What's going on?….Seems like you just saw a ghost?" Lisa asks as she enters the living room.

"The….The Sin….it's gone…blown up by a gas explosion and burnt down to the ground with Ernie in it!"

"You're joking!" Lisa responds as she walks towards the couch to see for herself and just manages to see the last images of the report, which show the still smoking remains of the night club.

For a moment the three woman remain silent, as they start to realize what these developments will mean for them personally.

"A gas explosion?….Yeah, sure!…The 'outfit' is behind all this!" Gina states after a while.

"I don't know; perhaps…but does it really matter who or what is behind this?" Jessica replies slightly absent minded, as she realizes again another part of her life's history has vanished.

"What matters is that these two got what they deserved" Gina states once more.

Jessica doesn't respond to Gina's last remark and gets up from the couch and limps back to the kitchen.

She stops in front of the window with its view over the fields and sighs a few times.

Lisa enters the kitchen as well and as she stands next to the former 'empress of The Sin'; she puts her arm around her and lies her head on her shoulder.

"Perhaps the only thing which matters is that we are all safe now; that we never have to be afraid anymore of any reprisals from Jeb….from Ernie….or from who or whatever" she softly concludes.

"Yeah…yeah, I guess you're right but…..so much of my past, of who I am…it's gone now…and it all went in such a horrible way" Jessica replies softly with a slightly sad tone in her voice.

"The past is what determined who you are; in every way possible, the past is something we learn from; but the past is also something which is behind us and despite it determines the present, we shouldn't allow it to control the future….our future".

Jessica looks Lisa for a short moment in her eyes and then kisses her softly on her lips.

"To the future; to our future".


	12. Chapter 12

The joy of love

A rather early summer's day comes to an end and the skyline of Springfield baths in the warm, but still fresh light which is so typical for the first weeks of June.

A slight haze in the distance, the fresh green foliage on the trees and the first summer flowers are already flourishing as they softly wave is the soft late afternoon breeze.

On the rural roads just outside Springfield, a small red Toyota drives at a rather decent speed in the direction of the old chestnut trees which are along the driveway to the small cottage.

The small cottage has underwent several changes during the last two and a half years which passed since the dramatic events that night on the highway from Capitol City to Springfield.

Fresh paint, solar panels at one side of the roof and a small air conditioning unit at the side of the cottage, to cool down the bedroom during the warm nights of the summer.

Despite the modernization; the atmosphere is still the same as it was over two years ago.

The messy garden with all the wild flowers in it, the small stretch of grassland next to the barn with the animals and the gravelly bumpy driveway with the Chestnut trees; it's all still there.

For almost two years now, Jessica has been driving this road in her small car several times a week.

When things had calmed down in her and Lisa's life, she decided to get an education which would enable her to help people who were in need of it; just like her father did as a priest.

After some thinking about her possibilities, she decided to start with a three year course which would get her a degree in social work.

Motivated and benefiting from her rather decent intellect, she managed to finish the whole education in a little over two years.

Through some of Lisa's contacts in the Springfield health care organizations, she managed to get a trainee post at the community center at Park Drive Avenue.

As a trainee it became pretty quickly clear she had a talent for the trade and in combination with her life experience, she gradually specialized more and more into working with teenagers and young adults, who were heading into a direction which would lead them to the dark sides of existence.

Her talent was recognized and despite of her no-nonsense, direct and sometimes even somewhat 'controversial' approach of the clients; as she was nearing the end of her education, the Community Center offered her a part time job as a social worker.

The little red Toyota takes a left turn,drives towards the cottage and stops in front of the barn next to a dark green Chrysler Voyager.

Jessica gets out of her little red car, grabs her purse and elbow crutch from the passengers seat and slowly limps to the back door of the cottage.

"I'm home!" she shouts as she enters the kitchen.

"I'm under the shower!" Lisa's voice sounds from upstairs.

"Showering…need to do that as well before we go" Jessica mumbles to herself as she gets a bottle of cola from the fridge and sits down at the kitchen table where she takes a look at the post of that day.

A cigarette is lighted and she starts to open the two envelopes with her name on it.

Much time to take a good look at the content of the envelopes isn't allowed, as Snowball jumps on the table and presses the side of her body against Jessica's arm.

"You're hungry aren't you?" Jessica smiles at the white cat and realizes she won't be allowed to take a good look at her mail before she has provided her with some fresh food.

"With chicken, I think you'll like it" she tells the little white lady as she opens a small tin of cat food and starts to put its content into two small glass bowls.

As she puts them on the floor; the sound of the cat flap can be heard as Bottom enters the kitchen as well, attracted by the familiar sounds of a tin which is opened in combination with of a fork putting the food glass bowls.

"Bottom please, can you eat above your bowl instead of next to it?" she sighs as she sees how the black tomcat starts to make one big mess on the kitchen floor as he gobbles his food down.

The only thing she can do is shake her head, as she knows it has very little use to protest against the 'table manners' of both felines.

Upstairs, Lisa has finished showering and heads towards the bedroom to dry herself.

After putting on her underwear, she starts to dry her hair with a blower and as she is putting her hair back into it's usual model, she sees in the mirror of the dressing table how Jessica limps into the room.

"Hey, how was your day?" she is greeted with a quick kiss on her lips.

"Tiring; spent half the day in the operating room after a few construction workers were brought in after an accident at a building site" she replies with a somewhat tired voice.

"They pulled through it?"

"Yeah, they did…quite some internal bleedings though; had to remove two spleens, close a hole in a diaphragm, deal with damaged bowels and clean out the whole abdomen of one of these guys; not to mention the all broken bones they had….still, they were lucky; could have ended much worse".

"Any idea what happened at that building site?"

"A load of heavy pipes came off a truck and hit a crane which fell on them" the blonde doctor continues as she finishes with her hair.

"And how was your day?"

"Heh, had the 'illustrious' Eileen Muntz once more today in my office with her father" Jessica grins slightly cynically, as the Muntz family are one of the regular and more notorious clients in the community center.

"Owww, what happened this time?"

"Troubles with the police; she has been caught shoplifting and when they searched her; they found cocaine in her pockets" Jessica shrugs as if it's nothing unusual.

"How old is Eileen now?" Lisa asks as she puts on a blouse".

"Fifteen….and drives Nelson completely crazy…poor guy, I had a little private conversation with him and he really doesn't know what to do anymore".

"Nelson changed a lot since his wife left him" Lisa acknowledges.

"Yeah, he is looking old and worn down because of all the worries about his daughter" Jessica sighs as she undresses and gets ready to take a shower herself.

"Dinner in half an hour?"

"Yeah, will be fine; I'll take a quick shower and then I'll help you with it"

"Not needed, I changed the menu for this evening…it's way too hot for an oven dish so I bought some salad and fresh French bread rolls on the way back home".

"Fine with me" Jessica smiles and heads towards the shower.

* * *

Two hours later, both women are sitting in Lisa's Chrysler and are on their way to the small art gallery in the city center of Springfield.

"Maggie's first exposition; who'd ever thought that…I still see her crawl around in her light blue baby dress" Lisa smiles as she thinks of her sister as a baby.

"That little baby now has a bachelor degree in fine art and definitely knows how to paint and sculpt".

"Yeah, Maggie always was the most artistic one of the three of us…..always drawing or doing things with clay; when she wasn't playing soldier or climbing in all sorts of things".

"God, she drove mom completely nuts each time when she came home with ravaged pants and shirts; not to mention all the bruises, cuts and broken bones when she fell out of a tree or something else" Lisa continues with a smirk on her face.

"I love that pic of her when she is seventeen with her guitar around her neck" Jessica smiles back.

Lisa starts to laugh out loud as she remembers how her sister managed to actually make Ned Flanders cry with her music.

"Poor Ned, he completely lost it when Maggie and a few friends decided to start a rock band and used the garage to practice".

"What happened?"

"Well, she managed first of all to get Todd as a singer in her band...and back in those days Todd was a really wild one….and when they decided to start to play some very serious heavy metal in the middle of the night because all of them were completely wasted, blurting out the most obscene texts, it was just too much for him…dad had the time of his life though".

"And..and how did Marge react?"

"Not 'quite amused' to put it mildly and actually it lead to some serious discussion between her and dad because he could see the humor in it…..mom had a bit more troubles with that" Lisa continues with a grin on her face.

A silence falls in the car when both women stopped chuckling about the things Lisa's sister has pulled off as a child and teenager.

"She has come a long way" Jessica eventually remarks.

"Indeed she has….what happened in Capitol City did leave its traces in her".

"Martin did a good job with her"

"Yeah, he did….and she used her art to deal with it; still amazing how she managed to pull through it all and still was able to finish her study….okay, not the master degree she could have got when she would have continued at the university of Capitol City; a bachelor degree is quite an achievement as well".

"It was really a wise decision of her to go back home and go to the university in Springfield; besides, she can always try to get her master's in a few years...part time study, like I did".

"Yeah…could be possible, although I doubt she will actually do this; she wants to move on in life and develop as an artist in her own way".

"'Deep Purple', if people only knew what is behind it" Jessica sighs as she watches the title of the exposition, which is printed in decorative purple letters on the invitation.

"She still has nightmares about it and gets tremendously nervous in certain situations; especially when she hears groups of exuberant men or sees something on TV about sex clubs".

"I know…I know, she told me when I was modeling for her….we talked a lot about what happened back then during these sessions….especially when Gina was there too".

"All three of you are victims of Jeb Fielding" Lisa concludes with a tired and sad tone in her voice.

"Jeb is dead, the Purple Sin is history and we are still around while building up our lives…Maggie as an artist, Gina with Bart and me with you".

"Gina" Lisa smiles as she thinks of her sister in law.

"One of the best things which happened to Bart in his life" she continues.

"Not only Bart; the same thing goes for Sue and Peter as well…and now there is little Iris"

"For Gina there is no difference; she considers Sue and Peter as her own children".

"Lot of things happened….can't say his divorce from Nikki was an easy thing" Jessica sighs.

"That was a very long year" Lisa replies as she remembers the dramas which took place all too well.

"Indeed it was…but luckily the judge saw as well Nikki wasn't capable of taking care of her kids".

"Did you ever notice that Peter calls Gina 'mommy' nowadays while Sue just calls her by her first name?"

"Yeah, I did….Peter really clings on to her…well, Sue too but she is older and she understands Nikki is still her real mother".

"Never thought a woman like Gina would be that great with children to be honest with you".

"Neither did I but well, you know Gina…tough at the outside but a lot going on at the inside".

"Don't want to think of what would have happened with Bart and the kids when she wouldn't have straighten him out when he was on the booze".

"Yeah….those were some really hard times for him; he almost lost everything back then" Jessica defends her 'brother in law'.

"How old is Iris now?" Lisa changes the subject.

"Uh….almost eighth months I think."

"She looks a lot like her mother, doesn't she?"

"Yeah, same black hair, same nose and same temper" Jessica laughs out loud.

"Tell me about it, I was on duty when she was brought in to give birth…..at one point I almost started to fear for my own life".

"Still, was something rather special….I mean, things went so fast that you were the one who had to deliver her".

"Yeah….was something really special" Lisa smiles.

"Oh, hang on…I think that's the place where we need to be" Jessica suddenly remarks as she spots an advertisement on the side wall of a small building at the corner of a narrow side street.

"Yep, that's eighty second street….must be the one…now we only need to find a place to park the car".

* * *

"Marge, they are all naked!" Homer whispers slightly awkwardly to his wife as he is standing in front of one of the paintings his youngest daughter made.

Marge shakes her head, takes another deep sigh and once more tries to explain that the nudity in the paintings is artistic and has nothing to do with dirty magazines or other expressions related to sex or pornography.

"The nudity symbolizes the purity and vulnerability of all these characters; it has a certain rawness as well".

Homer takes another look at the painting and walks on to the next one.

"Hmmmm….still don't see why she can't be dressed; I mean, when I come out of the shower I also am vulnerable, but that doesn't mean I need to show it to everyone".

"Because when you come out of the shower you are not an artistic object Homer".

"Now you hurt me Marge….Heeey, didn't know Jessica had a tattoo there?"

Marge wisely doesn't reply and grabs a glass of red wine from the table where the drinks and snacks are.

"Too much for dad?" Maggie asks her mother.

"You know your father" Marge smiles back.

The door of the gallery opens and Marge and Maggie see Lisa and Jessica enter.

"Lisa, Jessica; so good to see you here" the young artist greets and hugs them both.

"A lot of people coming tonight?" Jessica asks as she waves at Homer and Marge.

"I hope so" Maggie replies slightly nervously while crossing her fingers.

"This afternoon someone of the newspaper was here and interviewed me; took some pictures as well".

"That's great! When will it be published?"

"Probably next Saturday in the cultural supplement".

Again the door opens and this time it's Bart with his children who enter the small gallery.

"Auntie Jess!" it immediately sounds and before Jessica knows it; Sue and Peter are hugging her.

"Can we come and stay with you?…We almost have summer holiday!…Can I play with your trains?…How are Patty and Selma?" the voices of both children sound through the place.

"Wowowow kids, take it easy; you almost knock her off her feet" The voice of Bart sounds as he enters and gently pulls the buggy with his youngest daughter over the doorstep.

"Aww, you brought Iris with you as well" Lisa smiles as she sees her little niece.

"Hey everybody, yeah….couldn't get a babysitter so we decided to take her with us, we can't stay too long anyway as I need to take care of some business when the club opens".

"Becoming more and more a businessman eh?" Homer remarks teasingly as he and Marge have come to the front of the gallery to greet them all.

"Owww, let me take a look at my little granddaughter" Marge smiles and kneels down in front of the buggy where little Iris is sitting in.

"Where's Gina by the way?" Homer asks as he lifts up his grandson.

"Outside, when we walked from the parking lot she got a call on her cell phone….probably smoking a cigarette as well".

"Gina without cigarettes…impossible" Maggie smirks.

"Takes one to know one, sis" Bart teases back and at the same moment Gina enters the gallery as well.

"Tasted good?" Maggie greets her sister in law.

"What?..Oh..uh, yeah…they always taste good" Gina replies as she puts her cell phone back in her pocket.

"Who was that?"

"Marv, he asked whether he should let Freddy Quimby in, in case he showed up and he wanted to know at what time we will be back so he can come to take a look at the exposition as well".

"It was really a nice gesture to hire Marv as a floor walker in the club" Jessica smiles.

"Marv was the perfect guy for that job and well….he's a bit of a special friend" Gina smiles.

"How are things going in Le Papillion?"

"Pretty well, can't complain; full house every weekend, we got the problems solved with the ballet and we are getting more and more known regionally".

"Hmmrrr….I still am not so sure about the fact you now live above it; a nightclub is not a good place for children to grow up".

"Aww come on Marge, it's not like we are running a brothel, besides: Peter and Sue know they can't come downstairs when we are open unless something really goes wrong" Gina objects.

"Not allowed to go downstairs eh?" Jessica smiles as she looks downwards to Sue whose face starts to become kinda reddish.

"When I grow up I want to be a dancer too" Sue awkwardly smiles as she is more or less caught on a regular base in the club while she should be upstairs.

"Better not tell grandma what you see there".

"No, better not….would make grandma pretty upset, but still young lady; you know you shouldn't go downstairs; you're way too young for that!" Gina's voice sounds next to her.

"Don't see the problem, is not that special what can be seen there" Sue grumbles and decides to move in the direction of her aunt Maggie.

"Child of her father and quite a hand full" Jessica smiles.

"I like it when they are a hand full and well; its actually not such a big deal as she just watches what is going on backstage and when she is caught: Marv or one of the girls quickly brings her to me or Bart".

Slowly more and more people start to enter the gallery and after a while it gets pretty crowded.

"Seems people are pretty much interested in your work" Lisa remarks at her sister as she takes a look down the small hall.

"Yeah…never thought this would be the case…with a bit of luck I manage to sell a few things so I will have some additional income".

"You want to live from your art?"

"Heh, would be nice but I am enough of a realist to know such a thing isn't possible".

"But what are you going to do now you got your degree?"

"I applied for a part time job at Springfield High…just 24 hours a week and I want to try if I can give art classes myself at the community center…perhaps in the future open a small gallery myself with a small studio above it or something like that".

"The most important thing is I first get a steady job so I can move out and live on my own; can't stay with mom and dad forever".

The conversation between both sisters is interrupted by yet another visitor who compliments Maggie with her work and Lisa decides to leave her sister alone so she can give the guests the attention they deserve.

Jessica in the mean time limps slowly along the paintings on the wall.

Impressionistic works which tell Maggie's personal story about what she went through in Capitol City.

On the right side of the wall, the story starts with scenes of the Capitol City night life; people going out, enjoying themselves, the clubs, the disco's; all captured in paint in which the bright colors of the neon signs create an almost surreal but more or less romantic atmosphere.

A painting of the façade of The Purple Sin with Marv and Earl portrayed as somewhat threatening silhouettes in front of the entrance marks the end of the neon romanticism.

The color and atmosphere in the paintings gets warmer and darker as the images become more burlesque and show the greedy faces of the men who seem to stare the watcher straight in the eyes with their hungry faces.

A few still lives of glasses, booze and cocaine continue the atmosphere and slowly the paintings become more raw and confronting.

Clearly Jessica can recognize Spider and Lola on the catwalk on one of the paintings, while more and more hands get an important part in the art; greedy hands offering money or trying to touch the dancers.

The color purple; especially in the light, start to determine the atmosphere while faces get more dark and unrecognizable.

As she gets to the end of the gallery, she stops in front of a pentaptych which has as title: 'Fall of the empress'.

On the first part of it, Maggie has painted Jessica the way she was during her high days in The Sin; the way she saw and experienced her the first time they met.

A she-devil dancing on the catwalk, lust and decadence, worshiped by many as is shown by the many hands reaching out to her.

The second part shows this same woman sitting on her knees, hurdled down in pain, surrounded by an overwhelming black background in which every last drop of happiness seems to have disappeared and is replaced by a cold harsh void of sorrow and loneliness.

In the third part Jessica can see herself again on the catwalk, greedy hands reach out for her and try to touch her; she tries to hold them off and in contrast with the first part of the five paintings, her face is sad and full of aversion.

In the background, a dark silhouette with blood red eyes is visible and sees to the fact 'the empress' will perform.

The fourth part of the pentaptych show her as a broken figure which is tenderly lifted from the cold and dark surroundings by two large hands.

Reduced to almost nothing while thin red lines on the back show her wounds.

The hands care for her, but again in the background there is again this black silhouette with its red eyes and a vague black shadow of a claw reaches out to the hands which care for the broken woman.

In the last painting, the black claws have put their nails into the hands which cared for the broken woman in the previous part, the fingers of the hands are bent in horror, pain and fear.

Dark purple with hazes of red emphasize on the violent developments as in the lower right corner, a small almost abstract yellow figure, who is tied down to a chair, can be seen and is surrounded by two dark shadows with again their blood red eyes.

For a moment Jessica feels how her breathing speeds up as she knows all too well what these five paintings are about.

"I…I should have shown them to you first when I finished them" the apologizing voice of Maggie sounds next to Jessica.

Jessica doesn't know how to reply and her eyes move from Maggie to the paintings and back again to the young blonde woman.

"Come with me, there is a small kitchen in the back" Maggie suggests and grabs Jessica by her hand as she leads her to the back of the gallery.

In the kitchen, Maggie puts a small dish on the table and lights a cigarette.

"Officially not allowed but fuck it" she states as she blows out the smoke.

"That's how it was….that's how it all happened" Jessica mumbles absent minded.

"Only you and me know how it really was…what happened" Maggie acknowledges with a soft voice as she shuts her eyes.

"The past determines who we are but shouldn't be allowed to ruin our present and future…but still; the past is sometimes so hard to forget".

"I know…I know" Maggie again acknowledges with a soft voice.

Silently both women smoke their cigarettes.

"You need to get back to your guests Maggie; they all came for you and your wonderful paintings".

"You think they are wonderful?"

Jessica just nods with a smile on her face and hugs the young artist.

"Come on, lets go back before they all get worried".

* * *

The alarm clock on the night table indicates it's already well past midnight.

Lieng on her back, Jessica just watches the ceiling of the bedroom and listens to the softly cool air blowing fan of the air conditioning.

"Can't sleep?" Lisa's voice sounds next to her.

"No…not really" she replies shortly and hears how Lisa turns herself on her other side to face her.

"The past is haunting you because of the paintings of Maggie?"

Jessica sighs deeply and thinks for a moment how she can reply to the question.

"Maggie's paintings threw me back for a moment; back to that night in that alley…but they did more".

"What happened back then was very traumatic, it's not that strange such a confrontation has such an impact on you".

"No…no, it's not really that….it's…it's way more elaborate".

"How do you mean?"

"You know, when I saw myself in these paintings and for a moment was thrown back into time; it once more occurred to me how much has happened in these last few years".

"Four years ago I was more or less convinced I had it all…all what I needed: I earned vast amounts of money, had a classy apartment, an expensive fast car and my whole life was about having as much fun as possible….I felt like I was completely independent and needed no one".

"I finally was free of my past and could do what I want" she continues with a wondering voice.

"Then father died…died in a horrible way and suddenly all I had was nothing; no more then a soap bubble which was gone before I knew it…and it was too late, as father was dead and I had no one except the ones who only used me for their own benefit…used me without any mercy".

Here in Springfield people hated me for who I was….or better said: for how I behaved as a child and teenager and I am sure there have been quite a few who chuckled when they saw to what I was reduced back in those days".

"The first one who showed me things could be different was your mother, she gave me some warmth and affection in these dark and difficult times when father was dying….and later on, when I was left to die in that alley…it was Maggie who took care of me…gave me warmth that first moment in my life I was completely abandoned and on the verge of death.

Then that night there was you as well…when you saved my life".

"Well, heh….I am a doctor and it's part of my job" Lisa slightly objects.

"You gave me shelter, washed me and cared for me when I lost everything and didn't ask anything in return for it….another person, who gave me what I never had known…and even more, you dared to fall in love with me".

"Your father accepted me without any problem; he never asked questions or had second thoughts…and then there was Bart, who initially was distrusting and skeptic, but still allowed Sue to stay with me despite of what I had done to him in the past".

"Sue and Peter who accepted me instantaneously and called me 'auntie' the first time they saw me".

"Four years ago, despite all my money and the things I owned….I had nothing, I was nothing and now: despite I will never be able to walk normally again…..".

"You don't need to say all these things Jess, I know what you mean" Lisa smiles gently to her and caresses her cheek.

"No…it has to be said; for so many years I didn't dare to say or even to admit it…it became once more so clear to me when Maggie apologized to me this evening for not showing these paintings to me earlier….worrying about she might have hurt me; but also how I have become part of the whole family…how they care about me and accept me the way I am….the real me, while four years ago, I was only accepted because of how I hid myself... for myself".

"I lost so much, but yet I am blessed…." Jessica almost whispering ends her long reflection and turns herself on her side.

Both women look each other in the eyes and a soft and tender kiss follows.

They smile; as they both know they are allowed to enjoy this simple but elementary thing we all want and need, but is not granted and sometimes so hard to get.

They know they are allowed to enjoy… the joy of love.

The end


End file.
